Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A FRIDAY IN MAY
“Don’t you try to run away from me,” Kirstin calls as she trails me down the hallway towards the bathroom.
“I’m not,” I respond as I chuckle. “Can’t a girl take a bathroom break on her own?”
Kirstin tuts. “Not when said girl is trying to dodge my questions.”
I roll my eyes as I push the restroom door open and slip inside, heading into the stall. The sound of heels on the tile floor let me know Kirstin did, in fact, follow me in.
“Honey, you’re so smitten, I can see it clear as day,” she says, and I hear the sink turn on. “But I also feel you’re not one hundred percent in.”
I sigh as I pull up my skirt and flush the toilet. As I walk out of the stall, I mumble, “Why does everyone have me pegged so well?”
Kirstin doesn’t justify that with a response and instead leans on the counter to watch me as I wash my hands. Heading towards the door, I grab two paper towels and dry off my hands before slipping back into the hall with her hot on my heels.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” she tells me as I head toward her office, not missing the few glances we get from those who are still working.
“You’ve made that very clear,” I mutter as I finally reach her office and step inside.
She closes the door behind her just as I fall into one of the plush leather chairs she has around a mahogany coffee table. Kirstin walks over to her desk and grabs a folder before she joins me, sitting in the other chair.
“Talk to me, Mar.”
I fidget with my hands that rest in my lap, refusing to make eye contact. Is this really a conversation that I want to be having? Do I really want to tell her the truth of the absolute mess that is going on in my head?
The entire purpose of this move, of me taking a chance, was to help the company get back ahead of our competition. To prove that we can match anyone of any stature or social standing accurately and effectively. Something that the other matchmaking service in the city couldn’t do.
What happens if I can’t figure out where my head is at? What if I’m not truly ready for this? I am, without a doubt, terrified of having my heart broken again and having to pick up the pieces.
I find myself terrified every single night that Travis will make his way back to the apartment and do something stupid with Claire there.
Every single day, I worry that he’ll pop back into my life.
He has been radio silent for over a month now, since that night Cole came to my rescue, and my gut is telling me it is only a matter of time.
Is it fair for me to bring Levi into this mess? To bring him into my world where I’m struggling to pick up the pieces? Better yet, how is it fair to him for me to keep him in the dark on these things? He should be able to decide on his own what he can and cannot handle.
But I think, deep down, I know that the reason I haven’t said anything yet is because I don’t want him to leave. The attention is nice, even though I hate to admit that fact. His sweet and attentive side in the week I have known him is something that I have severely missed these last seven years.
I can’t remember the last time I felt beautiful or the last time that I smiled this much. It has been so long since I felt wanted by someone and I selfishly don’t want that to go away.
“It’s just all so messy,” I finally say, sinking into the chair slightly. “There’s Travis and Claire and my job and my social life and all the broken pieces in between. I just feel like he doesn’t deserve to get dragged into any of it.”
“Marlowe,” Kirstin whispers as she leans forward and rests a hand on my knee. “He is sticking around because he likes you, okay? Get those thoughts out of your head.”
“I haven’t told him anything about me,” I admit, and that causes Kirstin to raise a brow and sit back. “I mean, not really. He knows all the small and mundane things, but he doesn’t know I have a child that I’m raising on my own or an ex that’s an addict or that I lost my family recently.”
Kirstin gives me a sad smile, resting her elbows on her knees as she tells me, “Those things don’t make up who you are, Marlowe. Yes, they’re important aspects of your life, but they don’t define you. You’re so much more than all of that.”
“I just hate keeping him in the dark because I’m too afraid that he’s going to bail when he finds out.”
“Honey, it’s okay if you’re not ready to tell him everything so soon.
” I glance up and finally make eye contact and see the sincerity in her eyes.
“You need to move at your own pace. I will say it’s important to tell him about Claire sooner rather than later, but everything else can come with time.
For once, you need to do what’s best for you and not do what you think is best for everyone else. ”
I sit silently and mull over what she has just said. Have I always done what everyone wants or expects me to do? Do I always put the needs of others above my own? And I realize, rather quickly, that I do. I’m a people pleaser and a caretaker by nature, but I often forget to take care of myself.
Yet I still can’t separate doing what’s best for me, doing what I want to do, and making sure that I’m not taking away something from someone else. Where’s the line to walk here? At what point am I being too selfish at the risk of wasting someone else’s time?
Kirstin suddenly sits forward and hands me the folder that she had grabbed off her desk before sitting down. I stare at it for a moment with a raised brow, but she just waves it in the air until I grab it.
Flipping it open, I spot the all too familiar statistics and Levi and I’s photos. My brows furrow together as I scan the contents, flipping through the pages. But when I reach the end, I understand why she gave them to me.
“I ran the numbers again,” she tells me, drawing my attention from the pages up to her. “Levi gave me some more information. Marlowe, you’re now two points shy of a perfect match. If that doesn’t tell you that you won’t scare him away, I don’t know what will.”
I stand in the bathroom at work and stare at myself in the mirror as I finish doing my hair.
Settling on a loose bun, I pull the front pieces out to frame my face.
My gold hoops hang from my ears, matching the dainty gold necklace and rings I paired with the outfit.
I have changed into a thin pale orange long sleeved top with a tank underneath, only buttoning one button.
I decided to go more casual and threw on a pair of high-waisted jeans with holes in the knees, and I completed the look with a pair of strappy black heels.
“You look gorgeous,” Blue tells me as she sits on the countertop between the two sinks. “You’re going to have him drooling at your feet.”
“Thanks for bringing this for me,” I say, applying a thin coat of lip gloss. “Made my life so much easier.”
She smiles and nods. “Didn’t make sense for you to run home when Stanley’s is only a few blocks away. Besides, it gave me a chance to love up on Winston.”
“He is a good boy, isn’t he?”
She nods. “When do I get to dog sit again?”
I drop my lip gloss into my purse and glance at my phone to make sure I’m not falling behind on time. Giving myself one last glance in the mirror, I sling my purse on my shoulder and turn to Blue, gesturing towards the door.
“Claire has a sleepover in two weeks,” I tell her as we exit the bathroom. “I figured I’d work late that day if you want him.”
“Absolutely,” she says, practically skipping ahead of me as she leads us to the elevators. “You know he loves his auntie even more than Claire does.”
I laugh, pressing the down arrow. “I don’t know about that. My little girl is obsessed with you.”
Blue gushes, putting a hand to her chest and I just roll my eyes. The elevator dings and the doors open, and she gestures for me to step on first. We lean against the same railing after hitting the button for the lobby.
“Is he coming tonight?” Blue suddenly asks.
“Why do you think I had you bring me a change of clothes?” She laughs and shakes her head. “He already saw me this morning. I didn’t want to show up in my work clothes.”
Blue swivels her head to look at me, and when I meet her gaze, I don’t miss the calculating look in her eye. “I enjoy seeing this side of you again. I missed her.”
“What do you mean?”
We reach the lobby before she replies, stepping off together and heading for the large glass doors to slip out of the building.
“You just seem lighter, more carefree,” she finally says once we step outside. “I know I make you smile all the time, but it’s nice to see you smiling for a different reason. I hope this works out for you, Mar. I really do.”
Blue pulls me into her arms, engulfing me in a tight hug as I wrap my arms around her waist. “Thank you, Blue.”
“Now have fun tonight,” she tells me with a squeeze of my biceps. “Call me if you need a ride.”
Walking into Stanley’s, I’m met with the sounds of laughter and loud conversation. I smile at the hostess as I approach, stopping directly in front of the stand.
“Has anyone arrived yet?” I ask, adjusting the strap of my purse.
“A few people,” she informs me as she glances down at the tablet in front of her. “Kirstin is up there with Nico right now, too. Oh, and the DJ is here as well.”
“Amazing, thank you, Wendy.”
I turn to the stairway to my left and make my way upstairs to walk onto the rooftop.
The soft sound of music hits my ears as I push the door open, followed by the gentle murmur of quiet conversation.
Kirstin is over by the bar in a simple white tank with black jeans, her brown curly hair loose around her shoulders.
“How are we doing?” I ponder as I walk up behind her, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Everything ready to go?”
“Apparently someone isn’t a fan of my new specialty cocktail,” Nico tells me, but the tone of his voice makes it clear he’s not offended, rather teasing.