Chapter 3
Mireya
Play - Sparks by Coldplay
Temporary, I hope
“For fuck's sake, you stubborn stain.”
I swear at myself as I scrub as hard as I can on a mark that looks like it won’t budge.
I can feel the sweat forming under my clothes as I continue wiping down the table with the soapy rag that is gripped tightly in my hand.
My mind races as I think of all the endless possibilities ahead of me. I think of my future, Milo’s future. Everything. Being offered a place at St. Ellesta means Edna, Milo, Hayzel, and I can finally have a shot at a happily-ever-after.
A white picket fence, a place where I don’t need to hide, one where I no longer feel pain, without them in it.
“Are you overthinking during work again?”
The voice makes me jump a little.
“Shit!” I turn around and see Heath standing there, hands in his pockets, long hair falling in his face like always. That sad song is playing softly in the background.
He looks like he walked straight out of a 90s record store: mid-forties, worn denim jacket, tired eyes that always stay kind.
He’s been good to me. Better than any boss I’ve had, especially after the last place, the one where the manager tried to trap me in the kitchen.
I still feel it in my stomach when I think about it.
I punched him in the face and ran. The next day, Hayzel called the cops for me because I wanted to go back there myself and kill him, but she said she wouldn’t survive the conjugal visits in prison.
I worked there for a year, then I found this place, a coffee shop covered in old CDs you can buy, a weird little haven I didn’t know I needed.
“Sorry,” I mutter, wiping the table again even though it’s already clean. “My brain’s not here today.”
He snorts. “I can tell. You’re glowing. What’s going on?”
I put the rag down and met his eyes. “I’m quitting, Heath.”
He blinks. “Do I treat you badly? You drink coffee for free all day long.”
I laugh before replying, “No. You’re the best boss I’ve ever had. I got accepted into St. Ellesta.”
His whole face lights up, genuinely, almost ridiculously happy for me. “Reya, that’s amazing! Okay, now I get it.”
“And… Hayzel too.”
He puts a hand over his chest like he’s dying. “Both of you? Seriously?”
I shrug, stacking a row of CDs back in place. “Sorry.”
“Hey, boss!” Hayzel calls from the door as she arrives. She wasn’t working today; she had already started buying things for her dorm.
“Don’t ‘hey boss’ me,” he says, pointing at her. “You’re quitting too.”
She comes over and hooks her arm around mine. “You’ll survive. I already know people who want the job.”
He shakes his head at both of us. “You better be the best students that university has ever seen.”
“Promise,” we say together.
“I’ll send the paperwork to Edna’s,” he adds. “And you can come back any time. Both of you, even if you only want a coffee. And Reya, for the CDs, you can keep the ones you already have.”
“I wasn't planning on returning them,” I say, ducking behind the counter to grab my bag and jacket as I hear him laugh.
“Thank you for everything, Heath,” I say. “I’ll bring Milo by and annoy you.”
He smiles, soft and tired. “Just take care of yourself.”
Hayzel and I push the door open and step into the sunlight.
“See you, boss!” Hayzel screams before turning to me. “I can’t believe we will start in two days,” she says. “Do you think our dorms will be next to each other?”
“I hope so.”
The journey back home takes longer than expected, and as we sit and wait at the traffic lights, my thoughts continue to plague me.
“Reya, c’mon, you know everything is going to be alright,” Hayzel tells me softly, pulling me away from my thoughts.
“How did you know what I was thinking?”
She lets out a scoff before nudging me. “Because you have that look on your face.”
“What look? I don't have a look.”
Hayzel chuckles before rolling her eyes at me, “Yeah, Reya, you do!” I glance at her as she plays with a strand of my hair.
“You know Milo will be fine, Nana will be taking good care of him, and besides, you'll still go back to visit on the weekends, but knowing you, you'll go to check on him during the week as well.”
“I’m going to leave my baby.”
“Oh, trust me, I know that.”
“I still need to tell him. I hope he won’t be too sad. I’ll miss our weekly My Neighbor Totoro rewatch.”
She doesn’t even need to say anything. The little head shake and the soft smile she gives me are enough to tell me I’m probably just overthinking again.
I’ve been working almost every day for four years now. Dropping him at Edna’s before sunrise, picking him up after work, avoiding any social life during the weekends.
He’s used to me being gone. I try to be present, I try so damn hard, but it’s exhausting.
Some days, I’m so tired I wish I could just lie down and not wake up.
But if I did, who would cook his dinner?
Who would stay up with him when he’s sick?
Who would keep him safe from this house?
No one. So, I stay. I keep moving even when it feels impossible, and this is the best opportunity for us to escape this nightmare.
“You’re a good sister, Reya, I hope you know that,” Hayzel says after a few seconds of silence.
After a few minutes, we’re finally home. The door opens, and a very excited Milo runs toward me. “Rey!!” The hug comes just after that soft voice.
“Hi, firefly, I missed you.”
“Missed you too, sissy.”
Hayzel picks him up and kisses him on the cheek, “Hey, you, didn’t you miss Aunty Hayzel?”
Milo shakes his head and lets out a little, “nope.”
Edna is waving at us, screaming for us to come in because it’s too cold.
“Reyrey, Nana helped me with my homework, and now I’m all done!” Milo smiles as he steps down from Hayzel’s arms to run inside.
Edna kisses Hayz’s cheek before doing the same with me.
“Oh, my little Reya, you look so tired, you need a good dinner and a good sleep tonight.”
“Oh… thanks, I guess.”
Her hand is in mine as she guides me to sit at the dinner table. Milo and Hayzel join us a few seconds later, and Edna is already moving back to the kitchen.
I'm convinced she's an angel. She was my teacher before she retired. She was the only one who kept asking where I'd gone when I stopped coming to school. Dad told the school I had the flu.
I woke up under fluorescent lights instead.
His friend had drugged me that night. After what he did, I couldn't even sit up on my own. The doctors called them injuries. Dad called it being sick.
No one knew.
No one.
Edna came to see me while my father was away and promised she’d always be there. Years later, she still is. And now, she’s here for Milo too.
I smile at both Milo and Hayzel as I watch them interact. Milo's small baby eyes light up and sparkle as he tells Hayzel about his day.
I leave them both to it as I get up from the chair to make my way into the kitchen.
Then, stopping beside Edna, I watch as she continues to stir the hot pot of chicken soup. She turns her head to give me a small but tired smile.
“I made your favorite today. I knew you needed it after a stressful day.”
“That’s why you’re the best,” I smile at her as she continues working on tonight’s food.
“I’m proud of you, Reya, you’re going to do incredible things.”
Am I?
“Sometimes I feel like I should just take Milo and leave for another place.”
She stops suddenly, then turns back to me. “You’d leave Hayzel and I?”
“You could come with us; we’d live in a big house and be happy forever.”
Edna’s laugh is soft when she replies, “I’m too old to go elsewhere. You’ll find someone one day, fall in love, and get married, and so will Hayzel and Milo. You have an entire life ahead of you, Reya.”
“Nana, you’re dreaming.”
“Why not? You’re beautiful and smart and considerate, and you deserve it.”
“You love me way too much to see what’s wrong with me.”
Her gaze softens into that worried mosaic she always wore when I was younger.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You know, Hayzel didn’t have many friends in school when she was a kid.
She was loud and expressive, and she loved doing whatever she wanted.
The other kids said she was weird because she’d smile even when she fell or got hurt.
They called her weird and loud for weeks.
But one day she came home smiling brighter than ever—even though she’d been in tears the day before.
I asked her what made her so happy, and she told me she’d found a friend, a real one, this time.
She gave me your name.” She smiles and gently taps a finger over my heart.
“I knew my student, and I knew how beautiful her heart was, and still is. You’re beautiful inside and out, my little Reya. ”
Tears gather in my eyes as I meet her gaze. “Don’t do that, you know I don’t do well with kindness.”
Why does it hurt so much to hear something kind?
I never understood why I always felt so ashamed whenever Edna or Hayzel would be gentle with me.
As if deep down, I don’t believe I’m worth this type of appreciation.
My brain just screams that it’s not true.
Kindness feels like pressure on a bruise.
It hurts because it’s been missing. Like I always grieved it, for not having heard those words sooner, and for the version of little Mireya that needed them years ago.
It feels overwhelming but warm at the same time.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Not here.
I’m the one who’s supposed to take care of others, not be the one taken care of.
She lets out a small and warm laugh. “Oh, Reya, you really don’t know how to take a compliment, do you?” She shakes her head with a smile. “That’s alright. Kind people never think they’re kind. The loud ones do.”
Believing her would be too difficult, it’s easier not to believe anything, safer, too.
She nudges the plate toward me. “Now go on, take this back to the table before dinner gets cold. And don’t walk too fast, your heart is still catching up.”
And so, I did.
When I come back, Hayzel and Milo are talking about school. She’s telling him that if anyone bothers him, he should tell us immediately, because his sister and aunt are overprotective and will punch the kid’s mom in the face to teach her how to raise a child properly.
Milo looks at me, laughing like it’s the funniest, safest thing he’s ever heard.
“She’s right,” I reply as I sit next to him, because I would. If anyone made him uncomfortable, I’d ruin a whole bloodline.
Edna returns a few moments later with the missing dishes, and we start eating dinner the way we always do when Dad isn’t home, waiting for us.
After a while, Hayzel nudges Milo’s shoulder. “Hey, Rey and I have something to tell you.”
Milo blinks up at us, confused as I reach for his little hand and start, “You know how I want us to leave one day? Have our own place? Just you and me.”
His face scrunches as he tries to follow. “Yeah, you said we’ll have a big garden.”
“Exactly, baby. But for that, I’m going to need a lot of money and a good job. And to get that, I’m going back to school. And Aunty Hayzel is coming with me. I’m going there in two days.”
“In my school?” He asks.
A small laugh escapes from me. “No, not yours, St. Ellesta.”
“That’s so cool!” His whole face lights up. “Are you happy, sissy?”
Happy.
If he needs me to be, then yeah, I can be that for him.
Across the table, Hayzel smiles at me, that keep-going smile she uses when she thinks I’m not giving myself enough credit, and then she mouths ‘don’t stop’.
“Yeah, I am. But I’m going to miss you. I won’t be here during the week. You’ll stay with Edna, and I’ll come see you every time I can, and I’ll be with you during the weekends.”
“It’s okay,” he says, shrugging. “Edna takes good care of me.”
Edna smiles softly. “Oh, Milo.”
I brush a curl of hair from his forehead, and for a second, I swear my chest folds in on itself.
“I know, baby, I know. But there’s something you must promise me. You can’t tell Dad about this. If he comes home on weekends, we pretend we stayed here all week. Okay?”
“Why? Is this a surprise for him too?” He asks, brows furrowing.
Guilt tugs at the back of my throat because I hate asking him to lie, but what I hate more is what telling the truth would do to us. “Yeah,” I say gently. “It’s a surprise. So, you have to keep it quiet, okay?”
He nods eagerly, his feet dangling off the chair as he holds out his little pinky.
“Pinky promise, Reya?”
I hook my finger with his and squeeze gently.
He trusts me completely. I have to be worth that trust. I must be.
“Pinky promise, baby.”
After that, we eat and talk for hours. Edna tells Milo what I used to do when I was little in her class, and apparently, it makes him laugh.
I used to crawl under the table when it got too loud around me and draw. She never stopped me from doing it either.
Hayzel also told us how she reacted when she found out she’d been accepted into the university.
It’s crazy to think that it all started from one stupid ambition and an even stupider dream.
The two of us in a school like that, at our age?
After all those years of working and savings that led nowhere.
A few moments later, Milo’s head is already starting to fall onto my shoulder, his eyelids blinking slower.
When I stand up, he almost slides off his chair on his own, curling against me out of pure habit.
I pick him up; his arms wrapping around my neck, and he falls asleep before we even reach the hallway.
We head toward the front door together; me with him sleeping in my arms, Hayzel and Edna just behind us, and once we reach the door, Hayzel nudges me lightly.
“Don’t forget to pack your bags, okay? You can’t back out now,” she murmurs with a smile, as if she’s trying not to get emotional.
“I won’t forget, don’t worry. Everything will be ready tomorrow,” I answer, even though my chest tightens a little at the thought of starting this new life.
Edna then pulls me into her arms, warm and reassuring, one of her hands supporting Milo’s back without waking him up. “You’re making the right choice, Reya,” she whispers. “And we’re here. For anything you need.”
Hayzel steps closer, wrapping her arms around both of us, and presses a soft kiss on Milo’s forehead. “Sleep tight, little man,” she murmurs. “We’ll see you tomorrow. And I’ll come check if your sister actually prepared everything.”
“Goodnight, you two,” I said. “Thank you… for dinner, and for everything.”
Then I step out into the night and start walking home. His weight against me is comforting. Knowing he trusts me, knowing he is sure that everything I do is for his sake soothes something inside me.
I walk home in silence, holding Milo a little too tightly.
Maybe I’m not ready for this new life, but for him, I didn’t have the right to be afraid.