Chapter 13
Mireya
Play - Back To Black by Amy Winehouse
The End Of Everything
Coming back to the dorm after reflecting on nothing for hours, I open the large window above my desk, allowing the ocean breeze to blow through the room.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to get myself together before the day even starts. My dark circles probably look bad enough to scare anyone who’d approach me, but whenever I try to cover them, I just end up looking washed out, almost grayish.
I didn’t like them when I was younger. I started losing sleep around eight. Back then, I didn’t know why. I thought it was nightmares, panic attacks, or that it was something truly wrong with me.
Only later, I realized it wasn’t nightmares, it was my body trying to warn me about things I wasn’t old enough to understand. Things that were happening when I was supposed to be asleep. Things I didn’t even remember clearly, because half the time I wasn’t fully awake for them.
And my father didn’t make it any better.
He used to tell me to get more sleep because no boy would ever want a girl who always looked exhausted. He’d say it like it was my fault, like I was choosing to stay awake on purpose.
It’s almost funny now, in a messed-up way. He’s the reason I couldn’t sleep. The reason I was exhausted. The reason everything felt off.
He was supposed to protect me, but he just made it easier for other people not to. Now I’m just used to it, the dark circles, the tiredness, the blank feeling sitting in my chest.
I don’t try to hide it anymore.
Hayzel told me once that she liked my dark circles. She said they made me look strong, like someone who’d been through things and survived. I don’t know why, but that stuck with me. Since then, I stopped trying to cover them. It’s the closest thing to a compliment that’s ever felt real.
It’s so early right now, Hayzel is probably going to wake up soon, and I’m already dressed.
Coffee.
Yeah, I need coffee.
I grab my purse and dorm key as I make my way outside into the courtyard, towards the small campus cafeteria, where people line up to get their snacks and little nibbles of food before or after class. It’s already buzzing by the time I walk in, and it’s only 6:30 AM.
A few people are already taking their breakfast there, and some are returning from a morning run.
I feel like they’re already training, and it’s stressing me out because I just smoked my entire pack of cigarettes while they were sleeping.
I get in line at the drink station, there’s a metal counter with a coffee machine, a few espresso options, and a guy working behind it who looks like he’s been doing this job longer than I’ve been alive. He glances at me. “What can I get you?”
“A double espresso, no sugar, and a latte, please.”
He nods without saying anything else as I step aside and wait, hands shoved in my pockets. The room is loud enough already, chairs scraping, boots on tile, people talking about today’s firearms drills and courses.
Everyone looks like they belong here, like they’re built for this. Some probably trained their whole lives or have already worked in law enforcement or the military. And some are just fucking smart.
“A double espresso and a latte,” the guy calls.
I step forward, grab both cups, and head back to my room first to grab Blue, knowing he’ll spend the entire day there after we finish getting ready. I set the two coffees on the floor while I fumble with my key, and before I can even fully open the door, he slips out, stretching and purring.
“Hey there, you missed me?” I murmur.
He purrs loudly while I open Hayzel’s door, which, strangely, isn't even locked, because my best friend is apparently a stranger to the danger of the world?
Blue doesn’t even hesitate and walks straight in like the king of the castle.
I grab the coffee cups, follow him, and close the door behind me with my hip. Hayzel is sprawled across her bed, half-covered by the blanket, naked ass out, hair still damp from her shower, and a towel on her chest as if she’d tried to wipe her face before drifting back to sleep.
“Woman, you fell back asleep?” I say, sitting down beside her.
I slide the coffee next to her face on the bedside table, and she opens her eyes immediately. She yawns next to me like she’s been dragged out of a coma.
“Coffee,” she mutters, pointing blindly toward my hand. “Before I accidentally shoot someone in training.”
I snort under my breath, handing the warm cup to her. “Maybe don’t say that so loud in an FBI-affiliated building.”
She shrugs, “They know it’s true.” Then her eyes scrutinized me for a few seconds, “Did you sleep at all?” she asks.
“Not really.” I keep my eyes on Blue, who’s sniffing around the room. “Didn’t try.”
She nudges me with her elbow. “You look like it.”
“Oh, thank you,” I say laughing.
“You know I mean that in, like, a loving way, right?” she says. “Your dark circles give you that mysterious, don’t-mess-with-me vibe. It works for you.”
I blink at her. “I look dead.”
“Hot dead,” she corrects.
A tiny huff of air leaves my nose as I shake my head. “You’re going to die if you don’t get used to waking up early.”
“Better than whatever you’re doing,” she says. “You’re on, like, trauma autopilot.”
“Shut up. Know you have thirty minutes to get ready.”
Her eyes fly open as she jumps from the bed. “Thirty minutes? Why are you already dressed?”
I pick up my cat and set him on my lap, sipping my coffee. “I’ve been up for a few hours. Didn’t know what else to do, so I got ready.”
She quickly starts getting dressed and brushing her hair, then spins toward me. “You should’ve woken me up earlier!”
I laugh, knowing she still has an hour before we need to leave. “I thought your alarm would do it for me.”
She takes a quick sip of her latte and starts packing her bag. “What do we need? A laptop should be enough, right?”
“Yeah, that’ll work for this morning’s classes. Don’t forget the little pin they left in the closet.”
She nods; finishes packing, grabs the pin, and puts it to her sweater. After a few minutes of pure chaos, she collapses into the bed beside me, out of breath.
“Okay, I think I’m ready.” She sips her latte and looks at me just as I burst out laughing. “Why are you laughing?”
I grab my phone without saying a word and show her the time. “Well done. You’re early for once.”
“You're such a bitch.”
“I love the dirty talk.”
She laughs and starts talking about everything she wants to visit today as if it was a museum and not an academy.
After a few final sips of coffee and last-minute adjustments, Hayzel slings her bag over her shoulder and checks herself in the mirror one last time. “Okay,” she says, exhaling, “I’m really done now.”
I pick up Blue after finishing my coffee and place him gently back in my dorm. He meows softly, stretching like he knows he’s staying behind. “Don’t cause too much trouble,” I mutter, scratching behind his ears before closing the door.
Hayzel grabs my arm and drags me toward the hallway. The dorms are quiet compared to the cafeteria chaos from earlier, but the sound of heavy boots clomping and distant voices reminds me we’re not alone in this.
“So…” she says, glancing at me with a grin, “first day on campus. Excited?”
I shrug. “Excited is not exactly the word I’d use.”
“Yeah, okay. Nervous then?”
“Sounds about right.” I take a deep breath, trying to settle the weird mix of anticipation and dread in my chest.
We step out of the dorm building and into the crisp morning air. The campus stretches ahead, classrooms, training fields, and other students moving in every direction. Everyone looks like they know exactly what they’re doing.
We stick close together as we head toward our first class. As we enter the main lecture hall, I spot someone at the back, someone I recognize. We both recognize him actually. Ethan Bennett.
He’s scanning the room, and when his eyes land on us, there’s a flicker of hesitation before a small smile spreads across his face. He starts walking toward us, and I turn toward Hayzel to whisper, “Ethan is here too.”
“Look who it is,” he says, sliding into the seat next to Hayzel and me.
I raise an eyebrow. “Bennett. Studying here now?”
“I got myself back on track after high school. Are you two not happy to see your old best friend again?” His grin is effortless, like nothing had changed.
Hayzel beams before replying, “Nope. I just hope you’re doing well. Last time I saw you, you were swiping bottles during graduation.”
“Reya got her fair share, didn’t she? Guess I was just a good friend,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “And you two? I didn’t realize this school was on your radar.”
Please don’t talk about this.
He probably remembers the version of me I keep trying to outgrow. The one who could finish a bottle before sunset and still ask if dying hurt. I haven't had a drink in sixty-three days. But Ethan Bennett knew me when I couldn't make it through three.
“Let’s just say all those years of training since middle school might finally pay off,” I reply, letting a small smile slip.
Hayzel glances at him with a small smirk on her lips. “Better focus this year, doesn’t look easy.”
He chuckles and opens his laptop. “Yes, ma’am,” he says, winking at her.
Ethan always carried that little chaos with him. Back then, it didn’t bother me. He fought older students when he was younger than Milo, disappeared for hours at a time… maybe he just needed space as I did back then.
We became friends quickly, he, Hayzel, and I.
He lived just a few streets over, and somehow it just worked.
He looks at me, eyes lingering a beat too long, like he’s trying to remember the last time he saw me.
I look away, tracing the rim of my empty coffee cup instead, feeling the old memory curl up in my chest.
Hayzel nudges me with her elbow. “You’ve got to admit, it’s a little reassuring, seeing a familiar face on the first day.”
I glance at him, noting the ease in his smile, the relief in his eyes. He’s happy to be here with us, and for a moment, the chaos of the new academy doesn’t seem so overwhelming.
“Yeah,” I finally say, letting the corner of my mouth twitch. “It’s nice.”
He beams, glancing between us. “I’m glad to see you two again. I needed this. The first day alone would’ve been miserable without my two favorite girls.”
“Bullshit,” Hayzel and I replied at the same time.
The door swings open, snapping me out of the past, lights dim, the screen at the front flickers on, and the professor steps in.