Chapter 56
Mireya
Play - Carmen by Lana Del Rey
You live with regrets
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I walk up the stairwell. “Yes?” I ask, holding the phone to the shell of my ear.
“Hey, that's not how you reply to your best friend, Rey,” Hayzel says dramatically.
“Sorry I didn’t see the name, just replied, what's up?”
“Your cat’s still asleep. He’s sprawled across my bed. He didn't even support me before sleeping…kinda disappointed.”
I glance around the nearly empty dorm hallway, there’s only a few students lingering on the lower floors, laughing and talking. “When are you coming back?”
“Soon,” I reply with a soft smile.
“Okay fun, I miss bothering you.”
I grin, “you’re stupid.”
“You miss me too,” she says. “Don’t be too long.”
“I won’t,” I promise as I keep walking to my destination.
I put my phone back in my pocket and moved down the hall.
When I reach Damien’s office, I pause. Hand over the door handle, I take a steadying breath and knock two times, exactly like he taught me.
He opens the door and smiles a bit before pulling me in and closing it back.
Damien is now leaning against his desk, arms crossed, sleeves rolled up and tattoos are exposed.
“You look strangely excited,” he says.
“Oh, that shocks you?”
His jaw tightens. “Should I be worried?”
“Worried?” I repeat, tilting my head. “Proud maybe. I went to the station, accessed the files like I told you.”
“What do you mean?”
“A file is missing, apparently someone took it weeks ago but never returned it, I have the number but it’s all redacted…”
“Do you realize if you get caught doing this, your career ends before it even starts?”
“Don’t talk to me with that tone,” I fire back, crossing my arms. “I’m trained, and careful. I didn’t break anything, and I followed the procedure. I told you I’d help, and I’m helping as much as I can!”
He runs a hand through his hair, voice dropping to a low growl. “This isn’t about what you think you’re doing. It’s about the risk. You’re brilliant, yes, but you’re also reckless. And right now, that recklessness puts everything on the line.”
“I’m not reckless,” I shout, stepping closer. “I told you I’d help you and that’s what I did, this isn’t fair”
“Fair?” His hands drop to his sides, exhaling sharply. “This isn’t about being fair. This is about consequences. One misstep, and the station, the files, this case, everything, could blow up, and it would be on you!”
“I don’t care about that!” I snap, “I care about helping. That’s why I said yes in the first place. If I help, I help all the way. I’m not here halfway, and I don’t understand why you’re mad at me for doing my job.”
He freezes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you realize how dangerous this is? How easily someone could’ve noticed you?”
“Yes, I do,” I spit out. “And I did it anyway. Because I trust my training. Because I trust myself, and I trust that I’m doing exactly what you asked.”
“I never asked you to do this, I know finishing this year and succeeding is important to you,” he replies.
“I saw a young woman’s body on the shore, Mister Caldwell. She had all her life in front of her, and some fucking asshole stole it. It’s not about this old case and me helping you anymore, it’s about what I saw, and how I feel about this.”
He glares, silence hanging heavy between us, then he shakes his head. “You’re impossible,” he mutters.
“And you’re an ass!” I snap, spinning on my heel.
“Who do you think you’re talking to?!” He says, his voice turned cold again.
He steps closer and I instinctively move forward, “I’m talking to you. What are you gonna do about it?”
His hands wrap around my neck as he lowers his face toward mine, “Mireya Vitelli, I don’t know if I want to scream at you or kiss you when you talk to me like that.”
My mouth is hung open and I’m at a loss of words. We stay like that for a few seconds. Him breathing hard, his fingers loosening from around my neck and turning into soft caresses.
“What–”
His eyes turn hard, his jaw tightens, and all I can feel is my heart pulsing faster. “You have no idea how difficult you are,” he whispers. “I want to fuck you out of my system.”
I stay frozen, not having a thought in my mind apart from his words repeating.
A long exhale leaves his lips and his hand loosens, then drops.
“You should leave now before I do something I’ll regret later.”
My logical thinking returns and I take a step back.
“Screw you, Damien.”
I leave the office before he can respond, chest pounding with adrenaline and frustration. My phone buzzes again, another message from Hayzel.
Hayzel: I still miss you asshole.
I type back quickly as I walk downstairs.
Me: I’m here in a sec.
I replay the conversation as I reach her dorm and I want to go back and slap him for how frustrating he is.
I don’t know if I want to scream at you, or kiss you.
I should be mad, I am. But my brain had decided that one sentence it wanted to replay over and over again was the one I had no business remembering.
This, him, whatever my mind is trying to convince myself to be true is unfair and impossible.
It’s unfair. I can’t even leave angry without thinking that he looked at me like he was trying not to do something he wanted more than he should.