Chapter 3
Chapter
Three
LAMIA
"Ma'am, I just need you to sign here," the security contractor said as he held out the tablet for me to sign.
We stood in the front entryway to my house, and all I could feel was relief that this guy was leaving.
He had been tromping all over, inside and out, checking every door and window, installing sensors.
The entire system was connected to a small tablet that would mount on the wall next to my bed, removable so I could carry it around the house.
It gave me access to the outside cameras as well as alerts for every sensor, showing which doors and windows were open and locked.
The installation process had been extensive, but after talking it over with Porcha and meeting with the sales rep for the company she recommended, I had opted for their most expensive package.
It took a chunk out of my bank account, but the memory of the way he had pounded the sense out of my sensibility in that bar bathroom lived rent-free in my mind.
If this is what it took to inflame him, I was going all in.
Even if it meant having to deal with a stranger tromping around my house, I knew it was a normal thing to have people come and work on things in the house, but I always hated it. It made my skin crawl to have strange men strolling around through my personal space.
It made my delight at the surprises my alien had been leaving me all the more strange.
I never saw him doing it, never noticed him in the house, but every day there was a new bouquet of flowers on my kitchen table, varieties that were not available on Earth.
I found chocolate that matched the kind I kept in the pantry, but of different varieties.
One day, there was a diamond necklace on my pillow, delicate and of a similar style to the pieces I kept in my jewelry box.
Each of the gifts showed an attention to what I already liked while also giving me something different than what I already had.
They were unusual, sometimes from Earth, sometimes so exotic it was clear they came from the stars.
I was even more delighted by the fact that the hoof and nail cream I put next to the flowers with a bow and a sticky note on it with a cartoon drawing of a face with two horns, one broken, had vanished.
His gifts kept coming, left where I would find them, in every part of my house.
I stopped musing about my alien stalker leaving me gifts and focused on looking over what I was signing, which was just an acknowledgement of completion of work. After reading through it twice to make sure there wasn't anything that Porcha would be made about, I signed the tablet.
The security contractor took it back with a smile and a nod. As he was halfway out the door, he paused and turned back towards me.
"If you don't mind me saying, ma'am," he said. "Your husband is a good one. A little odd, but he is dedicated to your safety."
With that, he was gone.
My... husband?
I stared after him for a moment before shutting the door and locking it. What did he mean by that? Why did he think I had a husband?
I frowned as I realized the problem was likely just basic misogyny. I moved around my house, resetting my traps as I fumed. Of course, he thought I had a husband to pay for my top-of-the-line security system. I cross my arms, huffing to myself as I stomped back across the house.
I didn't need to get so upset about it.
I was used to the nonstop stream of microaggressions from men; it was a part of life.
Plus, it wasn't like I had earned all my money myself, I had inherited it from money intelligent parents who had the good fortune to be born during a time period where creating intergenerational wealth was a simple matter of holding down a job and buying a house in a well off neighborhood for a years worth of salary, then selling it right before a huge housing market crash, only to buy an even bigger house in a better neighborhood for pennies on the dollar and then sit in that home until they died, leaving me a house, a trust fund, and a feeling of loneliness that I wasn't sure I would ever recover from.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that annoyance only hurt me.
Whatever the contractor's intentions, my unhappiness in the moment wasn't caused by him; it was caused by my own mind fixating on his words.
The sun was kissing the horizon, so I went up the stairs to the bathroom connected to my bedroom and got a bath running.
I dumped in some mineral salts and a few drops of a new essential oil that had appeared in my collection like a gift from the universe.
I loved the scent of it, like a mixture of ylang ylang and a deep, delicious male musk.
I stripped, took a long minute to admire myself in the reflection of the huge metal sheet that I had recently installed along the full far wall of the bathroom, then climbed into the hot water with a sigh.
Then I called Porcha on speaker, setting the phone on the small table next to my bath, along with the tablet that controlled my security system, propping it up so I could see the rows of green lights that indicated every entrance to my house was shut and locked tight.
"Porcha speaking," she said, her voice crisp and clean through the line.
"I changed the ringtone for my number on your phone," I said. "I know you know it's me calling."
"Habit is the bedrock for success," Porcha replied. "Having proper manners in all things requires practice."
"Pleeeeeeeeeeaaase," I laughed. "Having parents that took advantage of their privilege, had healthy spending habits, and worked their butts off before corporate greed took over the country and sucked the life out of the middle class is the bedrock of success."
"I know you didn't call me to discuss socio-economic starting points," Porcha said. "The security system is installed?"
"Yes," I said, grabbing the bar of soap and working myself over. "But the guy said something annoying as he was leaving."
"What did he say?" Porcha asked.
"He said my husband is a good one," I groaned as I lifted my foot to rub soap between my toes. "Can you believe that? I hired his company, I paid the..."
I trailed off. Wait, they never got my payment details. I hadn't paid for anything yet.
"Lamia," Porcha said. "You paid the what?"
"I forgot to pay them!" I said. "I'm sure I'll get a bill in the mail."
"That company requires a materials deposit up front," Porcha said. "You would have had to pay them to get them to start the work."
"But I didn't," I said. "They must have made an exception for me."
"Hmmm," Porcha hmmd, a sound she made when she disagreed but didn't feel like continuing to argue.
"I'm sure I'll get a bill in the mail," I said.
"Hmmm," Porcha hmmd again. "Did the contractor say anything else about your mysterious husband?"
"He said he was dedicated to my safety," I said.
Then it clicked. Vlacul had been leaving me presents. Did he actually talk to the contractor? How weird was that, sneaking around but coming straight out to show himself to some random guy in my space.
Even though it was weird, it made me feel good too.
The idea that the guy who wanted to be my man was double checking that things were done properly around my property… I loved that.
"Lamia, you told me that the random man who assaulted you at the bar said he was already in the house," Porcha said.
"It wasn't a random guy, it was Vlacul," I said. "You know, the alien I agreed to mate with a bdsm contract that covers con-non-con in great detail. We have safe words. If anyone assaulted anyone, it was me coming on to him. I’m suppose to attack him like rawr I’m gonna get you, not jump his bones. "
"Lamia, you were drunk off your ass, he trapped you in a bathroom, he never said his name was Vlacul, and he looked like a human," Porcha said.
"He had one of those holographic disguises on," I said. "Vlacul has a broken horn. I saw it in the picture they showed me. That guy had a broken horn. I felt it."
"Lamia, you were really drunk," Porcha said.
I rolled my eyes. I loved Porcha so much. She was never afraid to be intense or cutting with her words and having someone around who was blunt was great, but at the same time, sometimes it felt like she was the one who wanted to be my boyfriend.
“You’re one to talk about taking advantage of me while I’m drunk,” I said.
“We were both drunk!” Porcha spluttered out. “And you kissed me back!”
"Thats because my yes and no still work when I’m drunk," I said. "I wasn’t blacked out and I drink enough that I know when I'm being a slut versus being taken advantage of, and I was definitely being a slut for my alien stalker boyfriend, with whom I agreed to play these kinds of games."
I knew drinking as much as I did wasn't good for my long-term health, but I had fun, and I wasn't in my twenties anymore.
I knew how to ride the fine line between fun and a mess, and I wasn't going to let anyone define my choices as anything other than my own.
If I had blacked out or was slurring so much I couldn't communicate, that was a much different thing from me egging my mate on because I wanted a quickie in a bar bathroom.
"Your life isn't a game," Porcha said.
"My life is exactly that, my life," I reply. "I choose who and how and what goes into my body."
"Lamia," Porcha sighed.
"Stop labeling my experiences for me, Porcha," I shot back. "You're just jealous that we’re too straight for each other and you know it."
There was a long silence on the phone, and my delight caused me to sit up in the bath and lean towards the phone.
"You ARE jealous!" I crowed.
"I'm not... jealous..." Porcha hedged, and I knew I had her.
"You so are," I said. "Oh my god, Porcha, get that stick out of your ass and go sign up for the mate matching service already. Get one that can hang out with mine!"
There was another long pause, and my grin grew and grew.
"Maybe I will," she muttered.