Chapter 14
14
Mateo
I t wasn’t the win Mateo wanted, but it was a win. As he stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom with his hands behind his head, he went over in painstaking detail everything that happened that day.
He’d confessed his feelings to Nikki—well, sort of. And she hadn’t run from him or told him he was being highly inappropriate. Before Paxton got hurt, he had the feeling that she might be open to something more.
Then Paxton had broken his collarbone, and Nikki had let him step in and help. He probably should feel guilty over the joy it gave him knowing she was willing to let him take the lead on that. She hadn’t pushed him away or asked him to leave them alone to deal with their family matter. And when the nurse mistakenly called him Paxton’s father, Nikki hadn’t even corrected her.
Of course, that could have been because she didn’t hear it. But Mateo had. And if the small grin Paxton gave him at that very moment was any indication, the kid had heard, too.
Mateo’s smile spread wider.
But the best thing that had come from today was that she’d let her guard down enough to call him Mateo again. It probably wouldn’t last. She’d call him Mr. Palmer when she wasn’t so emotionally drained. That was a given. But until she corrected herself, he wasn’t against pretending that he’d gotten one step closer to having something more with this woman.
His chest expanded with a long, slow breath before he blew it out. There was only one problem he could see right now.
Clearly, he was interested, but she was not.
And pushing her to admit feelings she may or may not have would be wrong on so many levels—especially seeing as he was her boss. Shoot! Why did he have to hire her?
He sighed again and rolled over to his side. His feelings had only grown today. He couldn’t sleep because he was obsessing over every little battle he’d won. He wanted Nikki more than he wanted anyone in his life—maybe even more than he’d wanted Caroline.
Okay, definitely more.
The man who had loved that wretch of a woman had been blinded by that “first love” haze. He’d been in love with the idea of being with a woman—of having her all for himself. It was a childish, immature sort of desire.
With Nikki, things were different. He could feel it in the marrow of his bones. She was special. She was more than he could have dreamed of having. Part of him had already claimed her as his own, and yet he was nowhere near having her love.
When he’d held her in his arms—to comfort her—he’d gotten a taste. He’d realized what life could be like if she were to give herself over to him and he could be the man she ran to when she needed something or wanted to share in her joy.
His arms felt empty now, and the cravings for more were already getting stronger.
Mateo frowned and forced his eyes to shut. If he didn’t get some sleep, he was going to be in a mood tomorrow. It didn’t matter if, overall, today was a win. Nikki still didn’t belong to him, and something told him he had a long road ahead of him before he got close to getting everything he could have ever wanted.
* * *
Daniel’s chuckle grated against Mateo’s nerves. It was low, and no one in the immediate area could hear him. No one but Mateo. “You look like?—”
“Don’t even say it.” He knew he looked like death warmed over. Several restless nights later and he was no closer to getting Nikki on board with something more. He’d said it in his head a thousand times by now—finding different ways to ask her out. And every time he thought he’d figured it out, he second-guessed himself.
He could already tell that Nikki wasn’t ready for something—that, or she simply wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship with him . He’d never admit to how much that idea terrified him. Nikki could be purposefully keeping him at arm’s length because of what he’d confessed to her that day Paxton got hurt.
“It’s her, isn’t it?”
Mateo’s head snapped around so fast that he grimaced when pain rattled down his spine. “What?”
Daniel jerked his chin toward the front of the cafeteria area where Nikki brought out a fresh batch of rolls. “She’s nice, I’ll give you that. And she’s one heck of a cook.” He turned his smirk on Mateo. “I could see the two of you together, if I’m honest.”
Mateo’s focus lingered on Nikki for a long while—so long that when she glanced in his direction, she caught him staring. Just as quickly as their eyes locked, they darted away. He couldn’t tell from here, but he got the sense she blushed. But that was probably wishful thinking.
Nikki was still keeping her distance. Their conversations had all been too short. The only thing she’d offered him lately was the occasional lingering look and the short, curt conversation.
Paxton, on the other hand, had no such qualms about talking to him. Everywhere Mateo turned, the kid was on his heels, asking about horses and dogs and how big his ranch was or what it was like to be a real cowboy.
Mateo dragged a hand down his face. “It’s not her.”
“Bull pucky.” Daniel snorted. “You forget that I’ve been around you before she showed up. There’s something going on between you two.”
Heat swirled in Mateo’s stomach—an uncomfortable irritation that stemmed from a combination of frustration over not getting through to her and not sleeping well enough. “If something were going on between the two of us,” he muttered through gritted teeth, “you’d see it on her end, too.”
His friend chuckled, and they stepped back to get out of the path of one of the wranglers on his way toward the food. Daniel had his arms folded, but his stance was relaxed. It wouldn’t take much effort at all to tackle him to the ground and demand he stop making comments about Nikki. It wasn’t the talking about Nikki that was the problem. It was the teasing, the jesting that the two of them actually had a chance—when Mateo couldn’t see past the wall she’d built around herself based on the sole fact he was her employer.
Daniel stared at him with one brow arched, the smirk fading somewhat. “What’s the problem? If you like her, do something about it. You have to make a decision at some point. Either she’s worth the chaos, or she’s not.”
She was definitely worth it.
Nikki was worth the biggest storm, the hardest of winds; she was worth more than Mateo would ever vocally admit to Daniel. But the risks continued to hold him back. In a way, he’d been shut down by Caroline, and he wasn’t sure his heart would be able to handle getting broken again.
That was the point of Daniel’s comment, though, wasn’t it? Was Nikki worth the possibility of getting his heart broken? There was only one answer that came to his mind.
And he knew exactly what it meant.
Nikki’s eyes found his, and she gave him a small smile. That smile was all it took for Mateo to make his decision. The next moment he could get her alone, he’d finish the conversation they’d started a few days ago. One way or another, she’d have to make her own decision.
Mateo nodded, offering his friend a tight smile. “You’re right. I can’t keep sitting on the sidelines.”
Daniel’s surprised gaze followed Mateo as he left the building. He didn’t call after him, thank goodness. Mateo wasn’t sure he could handle the conversation continuing at this point. The last thing he wanted was to lose his nerve.
* * *
Mateo strode toward Nikki’s door, passing those of his siblings down the hallway, and then he skidded to a stop. Clenching and flexing his fists, he stared hard at the door like doing so would allow him to see through it. Everyone had turned in about an hour ago, Nikki included. From what he could hear, Paxton wasn’t up and moving around. There was a light on that he could see beneath her door.
Nikki was still up.
He took a step toward the door again, then stopped himself and brought his fist to his teeth. Hadn’t he told Daniel he was going to do something about his attraction? He couldn’t be the coward that he’d been since she’d shown up. It was now or never.
Forcing himself to move another step onward, he lifted his fist and rapped his knuckles quietly on the door, then held his breath. If she didn’t answer in the next few seconds, he would slip away and pretend he hadn’t come at all.
As if his feet jumped on board with that idea before he was ready, they shuffled backward. But the knob turned, and he forgot to breathe altogether.
Nikki opened the door, and her eyes met his. “Mateo?” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”
He bounced his fist against his thigh and shrugged. “I live here.”
She smirked, glancing behind her shoulder. She slipped from her bedroom and came out into the hall while closing the door behind her. “What did you need?” Her voice was still low, and her brows were pulled together with concern. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he breathed. “Everything is fine.” He let his focus sweep over her, from the way her soft waves of warm chocolate hair framed her face to her toes that peeked out from beneath her bright red and pink pajama pants.
Nikki fidgeted expectantly.
He cleared his throat and nodded. “Right. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Okay…” she drawled.
Once again, he coughed to clear the lump that refused to stop blocking his airways. He brought his hand to his back and rubbed it as he dropped his gaze. “I wanted to finish that conversation we’d started when Paxton broke his collarbone.” He met her eyes just as they widened, but he couldn’t tell if it was from fear or something else entirely.
“Mateo—”
“Before you say anything, hear me out. I want to take you on a date—a real one. Just you and me.”
“Why?” she blurted.
“Why?” he repeated. “What do you mean, why?”
She shook her head, her cheeks flushing a deep pink color.
Mateo didn’t wait for her to answer his question before he answered hers. “Because I think you’re beautiful.”
Nikki scoffed, and he frowned at her reaction.
“I’m crazy about you,” he said, stepping closer to her.
She flinched, holding her hand up. “No, you’re not.”
He let out a surprised laugh. “Because you’re so in tune with my feelings? What do you mean?”
Nikki dragged her eyes from his and scooted back so she leaned against the bedroom door. “You just… it’s nothing.”
“No, you can’t say something like that and brush me off. There’s no way for you to know what’s in my heart unless I tell you. And right now, I’m telling you that I want you.” He reached for her hand and held onto it firmly despite the gasp that escaped her.
Part of him wanted to tell her that he’d had a crush on her all those years ago and this felt like a second chance, but he didn’t think she’d believe him. It felt like she’d push him away. Or maybe she’d resent him for not acting on that crush when they’d been friends. Either way, telling Nikki anything about his past feelings wasn’t going to happen.
He took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. “Don’t push me away, Nikki. I’ve already been having one heck of a time trying to ignore the attraction I’ve developed for you.”
“You have?”
Was he mistaken? Or did she sound almost hopeful? Mateo took a risk, reaching out with his free hand to trace a line down her jaw. “I have.”
She shut her eyes at his touch, and he stifled a grin. He was getting past her defenses.
“Let me prove it to you.”
Her eyes flew open, and she stared at him with those bright eyes.
“Let me take you out and show you how I feel,” Mateo pleaded. He waited, holding his breath as she considered his offer. Suddenly, she nodded.
“Okay,” she said. “One date.”
“That’s all I need,” he promised, bringing her hand to his lips before brushing a kiss across her knuckles.