Chapter 37 #2
He opened his mouth, hesitated, then seemed to steel himself before saying in a soft voice carefully devoid of emotion, “If you truly do not wish the risk, you can visit Donivi to remove it.”
“Romi, that is not…” Holly blew out a breath, shaking her head. “We’re not going to remove anything. We don’t even know if anything happened yet. I’m not mad about being pregnant, I’m mad that you kept this from me.”
He watched her carefully. “You are not mad about being pregnant. Only scared?”
“Of course, I’m scared! Pregnancy is terrifying even just between humans!”
“It is?”
“Duh! There are so many things that can go wrong and pregnancy itself is uncomfortable and a huge commitment on my body. The swelling and the aches and pains and the labor- The labor!”
He looked confused and concerned, but she just kept going.
“And then we have to factor the whole hybrid thing on top of it. Peony proved it can be started, sure, but she hasn’t successfully finished yet.
Anything could still go wrong. And what if she does it perfectly, but then suddenly I mess it up?
I don’t want to be the first failure! How am I supposed to look one of my friends in the eyes ever again if she has this cute, perfect little hybrid baby and I’m failure mom over in the corner? !”
“Holly!” Romival grabbed her arms, silencing her increasingly hysterical tirade.
She gasped, struggling to breathe, only just now realizing that hot tears were falling down her cheeks as she shook like a leaf in a storm.
It was a panic attack. She hadn’t had one in so long, she had forgotten what they were like.
But it had its claws in her brain now, freaking her out with every potential bad outcome.
The baby dying before she had it. Immediately after she had it.
Her dying while giving birth to it. It being born but being unable to live properly due to it being a hybrid and so only suffering.
Romival taking one look at it and declaring he could never love such a thing.
Looking at her because she failed to give birth properly and calling her a worthless female-
“Holly, your breathing counts,” Romival snapped, his voice sharp enough to cut through the haze of panic that had settled over her mind. “In for four… That’s right, breathe in. Now hold it… six… seven… now out for eight. Nice and slow. And again.”
He held eye contact, talking her through breathing until the trembling and crying had ceased and the anxiety had faded to a manageable level. It was by no means gone, but she could take in a full breath without feeling like she was suffocating.
“Are you back with me?” Romival asked, slowly petting her hair.
She nodded, swallowing convulsively.
“Good. Now, let’s start from the beginning.”
He waited until she nodded again before speaking.
“Whatever risks and pains come with pregnancy and labor on your planet are negligible, because you are on my planet. Our medical technology will protect you and the pup. So long as it implants, there is very little that can’t be done to protect you both.”
Right. Of course. Unknown alien hybrid baby, but superior alien medical technology.
“Yes?” He pressed, making sure she understood.
“Yeah,” she breathed, a little more of her anxiety fading.
“And even if you were not successful, you would not be a ‘failure mom’. That is a disgusting thing to say. I would never think that. No one would ever think that. The best precautions in all the universe are sometimes not enough, and that is not a failure.”
Yeah. That had been wrong. To say and think. Her fears had overridden all her common sense. Romival would never turn from her or their pup. She felt guilty for even having the thought. And the failure thing? She shuddered with shame.
“I am sorry,” he said, taking her face in his hands.
Gently caressing her cheeks. “It truly did not occur to me to think that I must tell you. And that is a failing of mine. We come from different cultures and so have different expectations. We must communicate clearly in order to avoid things like this. I must ask the right questions. You must learn to speak up when you’re displeased with something, no matter how minor. And both of us must make concessions.”
Holly nodded, shaking as the last of her fears faded back down. Not quite to nothing, but diminished, like the embers of a residual fire that only gave off the faintest heat.
“Do you still want me to go?” He asked softly.
She shook her head.
He let out a slow breath of relief, his shoulders relaxing, before he stepped forward and enveloped her in his arms.
Hesitantly, she returned the hug. Leaning against him.
“What if I do get pregnant?” She whispered, scared now. “If you don’t even have to use your knot…”
“I do not mind the human pulling out style. It’s odd to me, but not unpleasant, I’ll admit.”
“You know, even that’s not foolproof, right?”
He frowned, making her think he did not, in fact, know.
“There’s sperm in precum, Romi,” she pointed out, leaning back to look him in the eye.
“Yes, but the amount is so minuscule that… it…” His voice trailed off when he saw the look on her face. “You can’t be serious? Even that small amount?”
She nodded seriously. “It’s a small risk, it’s still a risk.”
He looked dumbfounded. Which actually settled something inside her.
She never really thought he was being malicious or controlling in keeping the information from her.
She believed him when he said that he genuinely thought nothing of being told her own medical history and then just not bringing it up because she did not.
But seeing him so startled at the idea of how easy it could potentially be for her to get pregnant put it into perspective for her.
Domini didn’t have birth control. Their birth rates being so low combined with their females only being fertile once a year meant that they were never not trying to successfully have children. It was a genuinely rare thing to his people.
So, of course, to him, the small chance was practically impossible.
And naturally, the moment she asked for his knot, he would be eager for what that meant.
He likely didn’t even bother to think of her cycle timing at all because domini were always trying, even when they weren’t actively, consciously thinking about it.
For her, it was a small risk. A slight danger.
For him, it was a small chance. An impossible lottery.
It was a difference in thinking that, while seemingly innocuous, changed the entire scenario. And that realization doused the last of her anxiety and anger as she sighed, melting against him.