Chapter 35
Hattie
There were times that Tuvo being so dense was unfortunate. But there were also times when it was something of a blessing. He didn’t even seem to notice when she suddenly stiffened. Or the tension in her voice when she asked-
“Why do you say that?”
Maybe he had a good reason to not want to get her pregnant. Maybe it was something as basic as it being bad timing. Or him wanting to spend more time with her first. It didn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing.
It didn’t have to be related to the fact that he hadn’t once mentioned her being his mate. It didn’t have to be that he thought she’d be a bad mother and so didn’t want her to get pregnant. It didn’t have to be that he didn’t want kids.
This was probably fine. He would have a good explanation. She waited, unable to breathe, knowing she was going to hear something reassuring.
Then, he broke her heart-
“Because I can’t even imagine you having my pups.” He laughed, letting out a long breath like it was relief just to admit that.
Hattie’s mouth was dry. Her heart was pounding. Belly churning.
“You can’t?” She asked, unable to hide the breathless way she whispered it.
“No, not at all. It’s good it can’t happen.” He rubbed her back so tenderly while he ripped out her heart and stomped it into the ground.
She tried to open her mouth, to say something. Maybe something flippant to ease any tension. Maybe something playful to show him that it didn’t hurt.
But nothing came out but a soft breath that caught on the thick lump forming in her throat.
No. She couldn’t cry here. He would know something was wrong. She should pull up her pants that were still caught on her thighs. Pull up her panties and stop his cum from leaking out of her. She could fake a smile and run and…
And…
And be easy. Not try to confront him. Because that’s what she did. She took it when the men in her life hurt her because she couldn’t argue. If she argued, if she fought, they’d leave her. Because she wasn’t good enough.
It was another bomb Keith had left in her psyche. One she hadn’t noticed. One she hadn’t been able to deal with on her own because she would never have found it without someone else unburying it.
And for a few minutes, she just sat with that bomb. Nursed it. Let it sit heavy in her belly. Let it terrify her with the choice now set out in front of her.
She could bury that bomb. Pull up her panties, her pants, smile at Tuvo and leave. Accept things the way they were. Not rock the boat at the expense of her own happiness. But at least that bomb, those consequences, wouldn’t fall on her head.
Or she could say something. She could confront him. Confront her hurt. Trigger that bomb. It was scary. And it might hurt.
But it was the only way she could move this relationship forward. If what they had was worth fighting for, she had to break that bomb.
It took a couple tries, a few preparatory breaths, before she finally gathered the courage to start.
“Er, Tuvo?”
“Tired of Tuvy-Bear already?” He asked, grinning with his eyes shut.
She swallowed. Everything in her rebelling at the idea of speaking up. She almost felt sick.
But she steeled her nerves and let out a low breath before trying again.
“Tuvo, can you explain yourself?”
His eyes snapped open, and horror crossed his face. She was crying already. Even just that small confrontation was too much. Already she wanted to yank the words back, but she bit her tongue and trembled and kept her eyes on him.
“Hattie,” he sat up quickly, reaching for her. “I did hurt you. Where? What’s wrong?”
He hadn’t even given her a chance to answer. He was already searching her over for wounds. Pulling up her shirt, checking her hips for bruising. He yanked her jeans down, past her calves, and pushed her legs open so he could check her pussy.
The air hitting her was cold. The stretching of her thighs made her wince. More of his cum came rushing out when he spread her legs. He spread her lips, checking for blood and damage and making her shiver.
She didn’t understand. How could he say such hurtful things but at the same time be so sweet? He obviously cared for her. So, then why…?
“Tuvo.” She took his jaw in hand and forced him to look at her face. “Do you not want babies?”
“Not from you, no.”
She winced. That hurt, no matter how tender his touch. But she couldn’t believe, for even a moment, that Tuvo – who cared for her so deeply – would hurt her deliberately. Not even her feelings.
But she did know that he often said dumb things without meaning to. That he spoke without really thinking about the meaning of his words.
So, she took in another breath and steadied herself on his broad shoulders.
“Why don’t you want me to have your babies?”
He frowned. “Hattie, look at you! You’re tiny!”
“Wha…?”
That was definitely not what she had expected him to say. But he looked so serious. As if whatever he was thinking should have been obvious to her.
“What does my size have to do with it?” She asked, surprised and now more determined than before to get to the bottom of this.
He pushed himself up on his hands, looming over her. Huge and sexy. He opened his mouth, then hesitated and shook his head.
“Hattie, I… I was there when Peony gave birth.”
“Huh?” Also not what she expected him to say.
Before the alien delegation could come to Earth, they had to get permission to make it a protectorate from the Coalition, seeing as Earth did not qualify for membership.
Hattie had been invited to go, but she had chosen not to.
Peony and the others spoke on behalf of Earth.
She had told them that she was happy to remain on Turv, but the truth was that, at the time, she had been avoiding Tuvo who had needed to go for security purposes.
While they were there, Peony had given birth to the first hybrid baby.
And the entire thing had been recorded – though not with her permission.
A series of circumstances had led to her needing to give birth the natural way, with no help aside from Scarlet being there to guide her.
The others had been present as well, but they weren’t trained nurses and healers.
Tuvo was among them. He had seen the entire thing. But Hattie had no idea what that had to do with this.
Unless the sight of childbirth had been enough to turn him off the whole concept. That wasn’t unheard of right? Didn’t make her feel any better though.
“I watched Peony struggle through her labor,” Tuvo said, his eyes far away.
Lost in the memory. “I saw her agony. I saw Scarlet have to cut into her in order to let the pup free. It took marks, Hattie. Over an entire day! She screamed. She bled. It was horrific. You think I would ever risk putting you through torture like that?”
She frowned, confused. “I thought Peony’s birth went fine. Scarlet said it was basically textbook – aside from the whole hybrid thing.”
“Exactly!” His eyes were wide, horrified. “That’s normal. I’m bigger than Atem, and you’re smaller than Peony. My pup would rip its way out of you!”
“Oh.”
Everything suddenly clicked into place at once. And made so much sense. All the hurt faded as she smiled in relief and joy.
He was worried about her. He had seen Peony giving birth and it hadn’t disgusted him, it had scared him. For her. He didn’t want her to have his babies because he didn’t want her to hurt. He didn’t want her to suffer in the same way.
Never mind that it wouldn’t happen that way again.
Peony was supposed to have given birth inside a birthing chamber.
A device that would have hastened the process and eased her pain.
It was only bad luck and circumstance that forced her to give birth the natural way.
Holly and Scarlet, both of whom were pregnant, weren’t worried because they both knew they would have advanced alien technology to help them through.
But poor Tuvo had been traumatized. He had seen Peony going through the trials of labor and it had terrified him.
Domini females didn’t give birth in the same way.
Their labor lasted only two hours and the birth itself wasn’t pure agony.
Of course, seeing how human females did it would terrify him.
It was sweet, in a weirdly overprotective way.
“Tuvo,” she gently stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. “Tell me something. Do you think I’d be a good mother?”
He looked confused. “What? Of course, you would. Why-”
“Do you want pups?”
“Not at the cost of you!”
“But do you?”
He hesitated before his jaw tightened under her hands and nodded. “I… I do.”
“Really?” She beamed.
“But no! You’re so little. My pups would… My pups…” His voice trailed off, breaking with wanting so keen it made her chest hurt with empathetic longing.
“Is that your only concern?” She asked softly. “The pain?”
“Only? Like it’s such a meaningless thing?”
He wrapped himself around her. Holding her tight, resting his head down on her chest. Hattie smiled as she embraced him, running her fingers through his hair.
“You know that kind of childbirth is normal for my species, right? Millions of women go through it every single day.”
“That doesn’t make it okay.” His grip tightened around her. “Your males must be sadists to want to ever risk putting their females through that.”
“No, they just believe the same thing we do.”
“Which is?”
“That babies are worth it.” She pushed his head up, forcing his three eyes to meet hers.
“Yes, women of my species are more cautious about having babies, and yes, the trials of pregnancy and childbirth are a big part of that. But when we do make that choice, we do it knowing what awaits us. What we’ll likely have to go through. And we’ve made our peace with it.”
“I don’t see how you could,” he growled. “That kind of labor would be a death sentence for a domini female without advanced medical care.”
She frowned, thinking. “Well, you know how you saved me from the jet? How you just jumped out of the sky and used the tree to break our fall?”
He frowned, clearly confused about the seemingly random change in topic. “Yes. Why?”
“I can’t do that.”
“Well, obviously.”
She laughed. “I don’t just mean me personally. My species can’t do that. Any human that tried that would have died on impact.”
“What is your meaning, kyrya?”
“You can do it because your species is designed to live through something like that. Even though it hurts. Even though it made your clawbeds swell. It injured you, but you were designed to live through it. Right?”
His face softened. “Your argument is that your body is designed to labor that way, even if a domini female’s is not.”
She smiled. “Exactly. I appreciate your fear though. It means a lot to me that you’d be concerned about the trials of pregnancy.”
Tuvo looked thoughtful for a moment. She stayed quiet, petting his hair, letting him work through whatever was going on in his head.
He rested his head back down on her breast. “All the same, it remains true that I am large to your small. Scarlet was constantly checking Viktor’s size to make sure he could fit through Peony’s body.
They were concerned about it since my species is huge compared to yours.
I will not put a pup in your belly and risk both of your lives by it being too big for you to carry safely. ”
Hattie bit her tongue. For a second, just a second, she met that bomb again. The argument of keeping her mouth shut to keep him happy versus speaking for the sake of truth and openness.
But having faced and overcome it once, it was easier to do it again.
“Tuvo?”
“Yes, vi kyrya?”
“I have to tell you something.”
“What is that?”
“I never turned off my ovulation.”