63. Arianna
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
ARIANNA
M y head whipped up when my twin’s body stirred, and an overwhelming, crushing feeling of relief surged through me.
“Hannah,” I called out and her eyes fluttered open.
She blinked once, twice, then whispered, “Arianna?”
Her voice was barely audible and a myriad of emotions started to suffocate me. I didn’t think, I just reacted, wrapping my arms around her frail frame. She had lost weight during her captivity, even in the last three days since I returned from the island.
“I’m so sorry, sis.” I squeezed her to me, her heartbeat against mine. “I should have been there for you. I’m so, so sorry.”
She stared at me, that usual spark in her eyes gone. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, shaking my head. “I do. I was selfish and?—”
She shook her head, pain filling her features. “You must be talking about me. You’re never selfish.”
“I let you down.” It was getting harder and harder to breathe as the lump in my throat grew. I dragged in a heavy breath. “I wasn’t there for you and I’ll never forgive myse?—”
“No,” she cut me off. “You are always there for me.”
“But—”
“No buts. Whenever I cry or feel sad, you jump through hoops to fix it all and make me laugh. That sums up sisterhood. And what have I done?”
“You’ve been there for me too,” I reminded her.
She shook her head. “Not lately. For Christ’s sake, you were willing to sacrifice your love for Matteo for me.”
I gasped and our gazes locked.
“You knew?” I breathed.
“I didn’t know for sure until—” Until that night the planetarium burned down. The unspoken words lingered in the air and she let out a tired breath. “You should have told me.”
I hung my head with guilt. “I know. I was a coward.”
“You’re not a coward, but you should have trusted me enough. You’re my other half. Don’t you know I love you more than anything?”
A shuddering breath swished through my lips.
“You’re right. If I had, none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t be lying here.”
“Don’t blame yourself.” I didn’t say anything, but how could I not? I didn’t even know she was using drugs. How could I have been so damn blind?
“Why did you—” I faltered, unsure how to frame my question. I didn’t want to sound accusatory. “How long have you been using?”
The familiar, identical eyes met my teary gaze as I tried to keep it together. “It started shortly after Gianna’s kidnapping. You and I coped with it differently. You sombered and tried to be the best version of yourself.” She hesitated for a heartbeat. “I didn’t.”
“Damn it, Hannah,” I croaked. “You should have talked to me. I should have seen the signs. I should have?—”
“Don’t.” Her hand came to my mouth, silencing me gently, and she shook her head.
She lowered her arm, letting it fall onto the bed. So many unspoken emotions swirling around us. “I went to Ireland, thinking you were there. I was so off. You were tortured here and I was fucking vacationing.”
Self-disgust curled in the pit of my stomach.
“Remember what Gianna told us when we blamed ourselves for her kidnapping?” she asked after several heartbeats of silence. I nodded, but she continued just the same. “She said they would have just waited for another chance. They were waiting to strike, following us at every turn.”
“Dad said someone was erasing our digital footprint. It was the reason they couldn’t follow us. Do you think it was the evil cousin?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He was too busy with me.”
“Then who?”
She shrugged.
“No idea.” Silence stretched for several heartbeats. “I do regret one thing,” she said, closing her eyes for several heartbeats. “I really wish I could give that evil cousin a taste of his own medicine.”
My lips curved into the first smile I’d managed the whole week. “When you get better, you can. Dad’s keeping him alive just for you.”
Surprise flashed in her eyes. “My sweet twin sister is ruthless. I like it.”
“He deserves it, and so do you.” I took a deep breath in, then slowly exhaled before I found the courage to ask the next question. “What have they done to you?”
Her eyes darted to the window, something in them unsettling.
“Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
And right there, I knew my sister had been in a bad place for a long time. She hid behind her wild ways and charming smiles, shoving whatever demons she was battling deep, somewhere they could never be found by anyone but her.
But with the right support, therapy, and a fuckton of love, she’d recover, because Hannah was one of the strongest women I knew.
“Where is everyone?”
“Right outside. I should have gotten them right away.” I went to get up but her hand stopped me. “What’s wrong, Hannah?”
“You and Matteo…” My eyes clashed with my identical ones. “Did you two work it out?”
“We did.” My heart jittered, a puddle of emotions making a mess of it.
“I’ve suspected for a while you had feelings for him.”
“How?”
“I know you, Arianna. I love you.”
I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep my questions in. Except I couldn’t. We had to clear this tension between us and move forward.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and whispered, “And the fire at the planetarium? That note saying you’ll never forgive me…”
“Simón forced me to write it.” Her eyes met mine, muted with pain and vacant for the longest time before they focused on me. “I’d kill for you. Burn the fucking world for you.” I stared at her tight expression as she continued, “But I’d never hurt you. I didn’t set the fire at the planetarium. Yes, I was upset and poured gasoline out, but I didn’t light the match. I could never hurt you like that. It was that fucking lunatic cousin of ours.”
I closed my eyes briefly in relief and soaked in that knowledge. Maybe deep down, I knew it wasn’t her. I certainly hoped it wasn’t.
“It’s in the past now,” I whispered. “All I care about is that you’re here and you get better.”
“I need you to know that I wouldn’t hurt you like that, sis,” she breathed out. “I can be a bitch, but I would never… ever hurt you.”
Fresh tears spilled down my face. “But I’ve hurt you.”
“You didn’t.”
“But Matteo?—”
“Matteo was never the one for me.” She shook her head, then gripped my hand. “I used him to make someone jealous.” I suspected I knew who, but I didn’t interrupt her. “In the process, I hurt you. I hurt Matteo. And I’ve caused harm to myself. It was all me.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” I murmured on a sob. I could handle a lot, but losing my sister wasn’t on the list. “Please, please, Hannah… Whatever you need, just talk to me and I’ll help.”
She pulled away and sucked in a deep breath before she spoke. “I just need time and help. For now, that help cannot be from you.”
Her words nearly split my heart in two.
“Why?”
“I love you and you’ll always be my other half, but this I need to do on my own,” she said, watching me with an expression that was tearing me into pieces. “Please, trust me.”
“I trust you.” My chest heaved, our harsh breaths echoing in the silence of the hospital room. “And I love you. Don’t ever forget that. We all love you.”
“I love you too. Always have and always will.” She released a shaky breath before she whispered, “I just need time to come to terms with… everything. Particularly with myself and the things I’ve done.”
With no words left to say, we hugged.