Chapter 19
19
CADENCE
I slide into the vinyl booth across from Janey and Bree, the worn cushion sighing beneath me. The familiar scent of grease and coffee wraps around us like a comforting hug. Thank god these girls aren't pretentious. I was worried I'd get dragged into some upscale place with all white walls and white tablecloths and I'd have to spend the whole meal picking dog hair off of the furniture. This old diner is more my style. The cracked booths, smell of old coffee and the line out the door tells me we're in for some good food.
I can’t even remember how many places like this I’ve worked in over the years. Good blue collar customers, big portions, and respectable tips. Everything a girl needs to support her dog rescue.
Thankfully, the women are as hungry as I am, so we decide quickly and rattle off our orders to the waitress, then settle back to chat.
"So," Janey leans forward, her eyes sparkling with curiosity, "spill. How's life at Casa de Maverick?"
I fiddle with the napkin dispenser, my reflection warped in the chrome. "It's... fine." I'm hopeful that they'll accept that answer and move on to other topics, but I'm out of luck. And honestly, I need to talk this shit out…I think.
Bree arches a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Fine? That's it?"
I sigh, the dam inside me cracking. "No, it's not just fine. It's hard, okay? He's hard in like…all the right places." The words tumble out, a confession I've been holding back. "I'm trying to stay out of Maverick's way, but it's like the universe is conspiring against me."
Janey and Bree exchange a look, a silent conversation passing between them. "What do you mean?" Janey prompts gently.
I rub my temples, getting all warm just thinking about it. "Just this morning, I was in the kitchen, minding my own business, when Maverick walked in wearing nothing but his underwear." The heat rises in my cheeks at the memory of his toned body, the way his muscles and warm skin felt bumping into me.
Bree's eyes widen, a grin spreading across her face. "Oh my god, seriously?"
I nod, my fingers twisting the napkin into a tight coil. "And it's not just that. It's like every time I turn around, he's there, half-dressed and looking like a goddamn snack." I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "It's torture, trying to keep my hands to myself."
Janey reaches across the table, her hand warm on my arm. "Oh, honey. I can't even imagine how tough that must be."
I peek out from between my fingers to glare at her, but her smile only gets bigger. She’s good at that, saying sympathetic things with a ‘watch me play my little tiny violin for you’ energy.
"It's not just the physical stuff, though. It's the way he is with Nan, how kind and patient he is. And the way he looks at me sometimes, like I'm the best thing he's ever seen, and desperately wants a taste." I shake my head, an exhausted sigh crossing my lips. "I'm in trouble, guys. Like, huge."
Bree leans back, her arms crossed over her chest. "Sounds like you've got it bad, Cady. But what are you going to do about it?"
I shrug, the weight of uncertainty heavy on my shoulders. "I don't know. I can't risk losing this living situation, not when Nan is doing so well. But I also can't keep pretending like I don't have feelings for him."
Janey squeezes my arm, her voice soft with understanding. "Those are big worries. What's the worst case scenario?"
I've been preparing for that question for the last three weeks, rolling what if's around in my head every night. "I ravish him in the kitchen, then things get really awkward and he asks us to move out. And we end up back at the rescue." Actually, that's not the worst thing in the world. It would be fucking irresponsible to move Nan back there, but maybe Maverick would let her stay, and I could go back to the rescue. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?
I almost miss the look that passes between Bree and Janey. Almost. "What's that look about? What am I missing?"
Bree winces, and she and Janey have a very intense, but silent conversation. Bree shakes her head and flattens her hands on the table. "She should know," she says to Janey. Janey sighs and leans back in defeat. Bree turns to me with a look of intensity. "First, let me say that I don't think Maverick has any intention of letting you go."
"How do you know that?"
"Because there's an empty apartment next to me on the thirty fourth floor, and Maverick wouldn't let anyone mention it. He had us move furniture from it, and a bunch of other places to furnish the rooms you and your Nan are sleeping in. He wanted you with him, not a bunch of floors below."
My brain explodes a little bit. "Are you shitting me?"
Bree snickers. "Nope. For real. He wants you with him. He's not going to send you away. You have to know he's into you, right?"
"He looks at me like I'm an ice cream cone, and he's desperate for a lick, so yeah, I know. I just wasn't going to act on it."
Janey leans forward, her brow furrowed. "So why didn't you act on your feelings, Cady? I mean, it's clear there's something there."
I sigh, my fingers tracing the pattern on the tabletop. "Because I like sex, Janey. A lot. And before I knew who he was, before all of this, I would have gone home with him in a heartbeat and worn the man out." I pause, the words catching in my throat. "But now? Now that I'm getting to know him, really know him? My feelings are all mixed up."
Bree nods, understanding in her eyes. "It's not just physical anymore, is it?"
I shake my head, a rueful smile on my lips. "No, it's not. And I don't think I can do casual anymore, not with him. Not when I'm living in his space, seeing him every day, watching him with Nan." I run a hand through my hair, frustration welling up inside me. "It's too much, too complicated."
Janey reaches across the table, her hand warm on mine. "Oh, honey. I get it, I really do. But have you considered that maybe Maverick's feelings aren't casual either?"
I blink, surprise washing over me. "What do you mean?"
Bree leans in, her voice low and conspiratorial. "We've seen the way he looks at you, Cady. The way he talks about you. It's not just lust, not anymore."
Janey nods, her smile soft and knowing. "He cares about you, deeply. And not just because you're living with him or because of your Nan. He sees you, the real you, and he likes what he sees."
I sit back, my mind reeling. Could they be right? Could Maverick's feelings for me be more than just physical attraction? The thought sends a thrill through me, but it's quickly followed by a wave of uncertainty.
"Even if that's true," I say slowly, "what am I supposed to do about it? I can't just jump into bed with him, not now. Not when there's so much at stake."
Bree shrugs, her smile mischievous. "Who says you have to jump into bed right away? Take it slow, get to know each other better. See where it goes."
Janey nods, her expression serious. "And talk to him, Cady. Be honest about your feelings and your fears. He deserves to know where you stand."
I nod, the weight of their words settling over me. They're right, of course. I can't keep running from this, from him. I need to face it head-on, no matter how scary it might be.
"Okay," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'll talk to him. I'll try to figure this out."
Bree and Janey exchange a look, their smiles wide and triumphant. "Good," Janey says, her tone brooking no argument. "And if you need us, we're here. Always. And we both have guest rooms!"
“Actually,” Bree says, “my place is empty most of the time. I’m spending most of my nights with Nick at his place.”
Janey props her chin on her fist, giving Bree a sweet smile. “Things are going well then. Do you think you guys want to make it official one of these days?”
Brees' eyes widen comically. “Like get married?”
“Or just move in together. You’re basically doing that already.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah. Well, he’s mentioned it a few times. But I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know?” I ask, leaning back as the waitress deposits the biggest turkey club I’ve ever seen in front of me. “Thank you!” I tell her, then focus back on Bree. “Do you not want to live with him? You just said you’re already doing it.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to live with him,” she absently pops a fry in her mouth and chews. “I love him. Big, real, scary love. But I don’t want to jump into anything.”
Janey makes a low sound, and rubs Bree’s back. “Nick is good, Bree. Truly good, right to the core. He’s nothing like Tyler.”
“Who’s Tyler?”
Bree sighs. “You haven’t heard this story, huh?” She blows out a breath and rubs her thumb over the tines of her fork. “He was my boyfriend. Things with him went very bad. He…he hurt me.”
“He would have killed you, Bree.”
She nods, it’s tiny, barely noticeable, and it breaks my heart that she ever had to deal with something like that. “Cara got there in time. She…we had to fight, and he ended up dead.”
“Holy fuck.”
“Yeah, pretty much. I missed some very big reg flags with him. I let so much go. I brushed it off and made excuses for him.”
“And now you’re afraid Nick is the same way?” I ask. I can’t see him ever being a bad guy, but we don’t always know the core of people.
“No!,” she says, eyes wide. “Never. It’s not about him. It’s me. I just don’t always trust myself. So for me, it feels better to have my own space. Sometimes, I just need to be alone to deal with some of my shit.”
“Is alone really the best option though?” Janey asks.
“Yeah, it is. I’m still seeing my counselor. I’m doing that work. But sometimes, I just need to sit with myself, you know?”
“I do know,” I tell her. “I think I get what you’re talking about. It’s not that you’re hiding away, it’s like you need to just listen to yourself without all the noise? Is that what you mean?”
Her smile is slow, and sweet. “That’s exactly what I mean. Nick’s always there to listen. He’s great at that. But yeah, sometimes, I need to crawl into my little nest and work stuff out myself.”
“None of that sounds bad,” Janey says. “Nothing has to change until you’re ready for it to. You’re in charge.”
“I’m in charge,” she repeats slowly. “I like that.” She leans back, giving Janey a look. “You going to take your own advice?”
“It’s not the same thing,” Janey says, blushing. What is going on here? We chat when they come to the rescue to volunteer, but it’s mostly superficial. Fun, but superficial. I didn’t know Bree had been attacked. I had no idea that Cara saved her. And now, it looks like Janey’s got some things going on too. I keep my mouth shut, hoping they’ll forget I’m here and let me in on the secret.
Bree gives her a look. “It is the same thing. You’re in charge, right. So why not speak up and let him know what you want?”
“Because it’s too soon. It’s crazy.”
“You’re married. How is it too soon.”
“We got married fast. It hasn’t even been a year yet.”
“Babies can come anytime. You know that. There’s lots of women that have babies before they get married, or on their own, or adopt like Evie. You’re not wrong for wanting one.”
There’s no way I can keep my mouth shut. “Wait, are you saying you want a baby, and Jonas isn’t on board?” I can’t even imagine that. He’s amazing with Mia and baby Noah. He would be an incredible dad.
“I…well I haven’t actually talked to him about it.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s too soon!” she says, throwing her hands up. “We need to be married longer. We need to get to know each other better.”
“I guess…” I say slowly. “But you guys seem pretty in sync most of the time. What more do you need to know?”
“We haven’t really talked about babies.”
“So bring it up,” Bree says, nudging Janey’s side. “That’s all you have to do. Turn to him at supper one night, and say ‘I’d like to talk about having a family, and what that might look like.’ He’s not going to be upset.”
Janey bites her lip, and stares down at her rapidly cooling food. Dishes clatter, voices murmur, but it’s all static as Bree and I narrow in on Janey’s next words. “But what if our babies are like me?”
Bree closes her eyes, a look of devastation on her face.
“I don’t get it,” I admit, feeling and probably looking baffled. As far as I can tell, Janey is pure sunshine. “What if your babies are sweet and intuitive, and kind and gentle and comforting?” Janey’s head comes up, and her expression is so hopeful it’s devastating. “I think the world needs more kids exactly like that.”
She wipes at her cheek, and sucks in a shaky breath. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”