Chapter 21
Maverick
At the beginning of this alarm bells were going off in my brain.
I didn’t want to do anything that Loreena wasn’t ready for, but the way she kissed me fiercely, clung to me, cried out and gave herself over to me, trusting me completely with her body, her pleasure, her passion, and her heart, told me that she was ready for this in every single sense.
The look on her face when she turned to ask me if it was okay that we do this was nearly my undoing.
I don’t have to be inside of her to be close. I could be just holding her, our naked bodies wrapped together, skin to skin, breath to breath, and that would be more than enough. Is it wrong to say that I never want to take another breath without her? Yeah. Fuck.
I’m so far gone.
I curl my palms around her ass cheeks, splay my fingers over her hips, and guide her back to my mouth, where she belongs.
She hovers just out of reach while she wraps her hand around the base of my cock.
All I can do is hiss, but it’s more than just desire, more than just my aching cock dictating how this is going to go.
I couldn’t stop this if I tried. Not for everything and anything in the world.
I’m so fucking happy that she wanted to be naked together.
This is exactly right, exactly as it should be.
She’s pressed along the entire length of me, her hard nipples scraping down over my abs, her legs tucked around my shoulders.
She fits so well against me. In any position, clothed or unclothed, I knew she would.
Did I ever truly have any doubt that she belonged in my life?
Yes. Many. But they were all one sided and mostly about all the ways I could mess things up, as I seemed so good at doing.
I suppose that there was want and there was fantasy.
There was the dream I had where I’d meet her and she’d be the one walking through life with me, but then there was reality.
There was the fact that I had nothing to offer, literally and figuratively.
Did I have any right to feel anything for someone so beautiful, kind, smart, and incredible? If I was a better man…
I’m not.
But I want to be.
The kind of man who deserves to be loved and give love in return. That’s a big, heady fuck of a word. Even in my head, it explodes and clangs.
Loreena’s hot breath fogs over the head of my dick, and a little more blood flows there, thankfully siphoning away from my endless stream of thoughts. It’s not that I want to do without, but I’ve always had trouble letting go and just being.
She holds me firmly while she tastes my tip. She uses just the point of her tongue, teasing it around my head, lapping at me, teasing the sensitive slit.
A rumbling, ragged sound tears out of me, growling and echoing through the basement. Thankfully, no cats bound to the bed to protect their mother from whatever wild animal somehow found itself down here.
Her hips flexed and drove into my face while I was tasting her sweet pussy, and I can’t help but do the same.
I don’t surge up and choke her, but I do move a little, unable to stop.
My cock pulses against her lips as she takes more of me.
She’s determined to take her time, and that’s fine, but there’s nothing saying that I can’t give as good as I’m getting.
I think that she’ll enjoy this specific kind of torture.
I flex my hands, smacking her ass with a light slap.
Not to hurt, and more to play. She whimpers around my cockhead, the sound vibrating through me.
I guide her back to my mouth. She pushes her legs out, gliding back.
She hovers just over my mouth until I hook my hands around her thighs and bring her straight down to me.
I want to have her coming on my tongue again, her walls clenching all around me, or maybe on my fingers, rippling hard and soaking wet, but I force myself to go slowly.
She wraps another hand around my shaft before I can even taste her. She clenches tight, sending a shiver straight up my spine.
She takes me deeper, fitting the whole of my cockhead into her mouth. She slurps loudly, coating her tongue with me as she sucks and pulls back, then does it again, her wet, hot mouth meeting her curled fingers.
I can imagine how her jaw aches already.
I’m not a small man. I hope that there is saliva at the corners of her lips, messy and slick, and that it will be dripping down her fingers or down my shaft soon enough.
I wonder how much she can take before she chokes a little and has to stop.
I wish my fucked up brain would stop sending thoughts like that.
I lie stock-still as a punishment for it.
I’m not going to fuck her mouth. She can fuck my cock and if all she wants to do is suck the tip, I’d still be able to die a happy man, because what she’s doing now is literally one step away from heaven on earth.
She does take me a little bit deeper, stroking me with her hand up and down my shaft. Either I’ve leaked all over, or her saliva has made everything slick. Her hand glides easily. I’d grind my teeth against the pleasure just to keep myself grounded, but I have something better to focus on.
Far better.
The sweet taste of her delicious pussy.
I glide my tongue over her slit, savoring the rich spice of her.
It’s better when I can taste it straight from the source.
I fuck my tongue into her entrance. She instantly soaked, so wet that her juices leak out onto my chin.
I flex my fingers on her hips, digging them in a little, just to give her a bite of pain with all that pleasure.
She shivers and takes a little bit more of my cock.
My balls are already drawn up hard, but I swear they tighten even further.
My cock throbs along her tongue as she sets a rhythm, pulling back and pressing forward, taking more of me each time.
She removes her one hand and uses her mouth so far down my shaft that I groan against her sensitive flesh.
It’s so damn good, her working me like this, the taste of her coating my tongue, her hips writhing back into my face and then rocking forward again as she pulls off my cock and takes more and more.
I’m already fighting hard to keep from coming.
There’s no way I’m going to do that in her mouth, but even if I pulled out and coated her in my seed, I’d like to last longer than this.
First, I’d like to give her another climax before I find my own pleasure.
I double my efforts, working my tongue inside of her then working her clit.
I alternate between the two, pleased when her breathing changes, getting short and stuttering.
Her whimpers of pleasure coat my cock just like her hot mouth.
Her hips writhe, her body undulating like a wave on top of me, giving and taking pleasure.
Not just pleasure.
Taking my heart. Giving hers.
She comes apart out of nowhere, breathing hard, panting, sucking at my cock like her sole purpose is to tear it the fuck off with her lips only.
The wild motion she makes with her mouth, the tightness of her lips, all that heat and wetness surrounding me, make it easy for me to want to blow.
I want to come so badly, but there’s just no way I’m doing it without warning, shooting off into her mouth.
Does any woman actually enjoy that? Even if she did, just doing it without asking her is a total asshole thing to do.
I think of a thousand other things, anything but how good her mouth clutching over my dick again and again feels. I manage to keep myself in line until she takes a stuttering breath then another, and another.
“Fuck!” I grind out, sounding half like a caveman and half like I’m dying. “I need to flip you over and come all over your pretty breasts, Loreena.”
“I want your come, I want to taste you,” she argues, fisting my cock stubbornly, wrenching her tight hand up and down my slick length.
It does nothing for my self-control and I nearly grind my teeth into powder as my balls get so tight they might literally be blue.
“You’ll have it. All over you. If I flip you over, you can watch me jack myself off before I paint you in my seed.”
She chokes, then cranks her head around. “Wow, Maverick.”
“Is that a good wow, or a bad one?”
Her nostrils flare as she rolls her eyes, but she can’t hide her smile. She slips to her knees, then rolls off me. She tucks her hand in mine and tugs me on top of her. “Alright then. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
I’m not going to do it lying on top of her, though I’m sure it would take no more than a few strokes of my cock, rubbing against the juncture of her thigh or along her belly, and I’d explode.
I draw myself up and kneel in front of her. Those cerulean eyes land on me, big and blown out, full of bliss and excitement.
I love her face, so sweet and open, eager and waiting for me.
I grasp my cock and stroke it, circling my hand around in long, hard passes from base to tip and over again.
Loreena’s tongue peeks out the side of her mouth.
She runs it along her bottom lip. She doesn’t even mean to be provocative but seeing her do it combined with one more hard stroke sends me over the edge.
I keep jacking myself as I come, spurts of white landing on Loreena’s perfect breasts, covering her pert nipples.
I’m careful not to aim too high. I manage to keep my shit together just enough that I paint her neck and chest and even her stomach and shoulders but get nothing on her face.
I don’t close my eyes right until the end, when it’s impossible to keep them open any longer.
The pleasure is so damn good that I nearly black out. I’m the one who forgets my name for a moment. I need all that time to gather enough oxygen to feed into my burning lungs. They’re on fire, but the rest of me is floating.
I force my eyes open because I want to see the vision that Loreena is.
Her shoulders rise and fall slowly with her breaths.
Her skin is slick and shiny, marked by me.
It’s hard not to go directly to some primal place, seeing her like this, but I resist. She’s more than just mine.
Although, when she dips her finger into the glistening trail on her belly, slicks some of it off, and brings it to her lips, I’m slain.
“Mmm,” she hums, obviously intent on killing me. “Next time, I think that I’d like to taste more. I know I would.” She smooths her fingers over her breasts then rubs them in circles, massaging my come into her skin.
Holy fuck. Dead. I’m officially. Dead.
“I should carry you upstairs to the shower. I’d love to wash your hair and soap you up, dry you off after, and bring you back down to bed.”
“Hmm.” Her eyes flutter closed. “Aftercare. That’s nice, Maverick.”
I’m unsure if she’s mocking me until her lashes flutter and she stares up at me.
“I mean it. It’s nice that you want to be close, not just roll over and go back to sleep after cavemanning all over me.”
“Cavemanning, huh?”
“Don’t look it up. It’s not going to be in any dictionary.” She laughs and wriggles to the side, rolling her legs off the edge of the bed. The rest of her follows, sleek and sensual, a lithe goddess so beautiful that the breath punches out of my lungs.
I’ve known I was in trouble since her first letter.
It’s been years of dreams and hopes, but this is real.
I still have the residual panic that shoots through me, the what ifs crashing hard into me, the insidious whispers about not being good enough, but the second I get off the bed and scoop Loreena up to carry her to the shower, it all disappears.
I don’t have to be good enough for her. She has no parameters, no tests, nothing that I have to pass.
She doesn’t expect me to be the most brilliant man in the world, the strongest, or have a squeaky clean past. I have no real secrets from her, and I think that’s the key.
Openness. The one thing that most people can’t give has always belonged to her because it was once the only thing I had to offer.
I want to offer her everything now. Everything in me, everything I’ll have or have ever possessed.
I’d lay myself into her hands physically if I could.
I do it by soaping her skin gently, washing her under the hot spray in the shower, shampooing and conditioning her hair, then drying her off in a towel that’s surprisingly fluffy.
***
After we shower, I take her into my arms again, marveling at what a perfect fit she is, and walk downstairs.
The cats are sprawled out on the couch, so I get Loreena all to myself in the bed.
She tucks up against me, and I drape an arm around her, pulling her into me.
She clutches my hand in hers, guiding it straight to her heartbeat.
“Going slow is kind of nice, even if I could rather have not had to do it. It’s alright doing a few things like everyone else, isn’t it?” she mumbles sleepily.
I nuzzle my nose into the crook of her neck. “Anything with you is the best thing.”
She sighs and wriggles back further, even though there’s no room between our bodies already. Her hair dampens the pillow and my shoulder and chest.
I read somewhere you shouldn’t go to bed with wet hair. I’ll have to remember that for next time. Heat pours out of her body, the sheets growing damp with it because there’s nowhere for it to go.
Mine pounds roughly against her back. I know we can both feel it.
The heart I tried so hard not to have, has been in her hands all this time.
There was no way that I was ever going to stand in her apartment that day and let her go.
There’s no future without her. Not when she’s responsible for that heartbeat.
Not when she’s become it. My breath. My pulse.
It hurt to thaw, day by day, ice becoming flesh, and it hurts to think of pain in the future.
The fear of not having this one day is so raw that my heart knocks so frantically that it could break my ribs.
I never thought I’d have this level of intimacy or trust with another person.
Loreena doesn’t feel it knocking into her back. Her deep breaths are a sure sign that she’s already asleep, peaceful and dreaming in the safety of my arms.
I can’t worry about the future. About tomorrow or even a moment from now.
There’s no point in it. The only thing I can do is kiss her shoulder and give her a silent vow that I’ll hold her, cherish her, protect her, laugh with her, feel with her, come alive with her, for as long as she wants me to, but for as long as she wants it, I’ll throw everything I have behind it.