Chapter 5
Five
M argot shifted, doing her best to stay awake. They were on the last leg of their flight, and she was ready to be done. But she didn’t want to sleep yet. If she took a nap now, it would just take her longer to wind down once they got to the hotel, and it was already late. She just wanted to go to bed and not wake up until morning. Not lie there, tossing and turning because she wasn’t sleepy enough thanks to her nap. The oversize first-class seat was making it hard for her to stay awake, though. She had ample room to stretch out and not bump into anyone. For once, she wanted the cramped space of economy seating.
Next to her, Max yawned. At least she wasn’t the only one who was tired. He’d stifled several yawns since they took off from Denver.
The plane’s engine noise changed, and she felt it tilt down slightly. Thank God. They were beginning their descent.
A yawn stole over her face. She smothered it behind her hand, then blinked away the moisture that gathered in her eyes. “Oh, this is ridiculous.” She shifted again, turning toward Max. “Distract me, so I stay awake.”
The smile that ghosted over his handsome face ticked her heart rate up, banishing a bit of her sleepiness. Max was dangerous to her equilibrium when she was wide awake and could shore up all her walls. But tired? She didn’t have the energy to patch the cracks that formed whenever those crinkle lines appeared next to his eyes when he smiled.
“Read any good books lately?”
Margot laughed. “That was so not what I expected you to say.”
He chuckled. “What did you think I’d say?”
“I don’t know. Not that.”
“It’s still a valid question.”
“It is. The answer is I can’t remember the last time I read a book for fun.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Seriously?”
“Yes. After work, I’m busy with the girls. Once they’re in bed, I do whatever chores I didn’t get done while they were awake, then either do a little reading for work—or do some actual work—then take a shower and go to sleep.”
“What about the weekends? I mean, I know you and Annabeth have been doing some work then, but you don’t work all day, every day.”
“No, you’re right. But I spend as much time with Emily and Lily on the weekends as I can. We go to the beach or to one of the animal sanctuaries. Sometimes we go shopping and get some fresh, local ingredients and make simple things they can help with. I don’t really have free time right now. I also don’t remember the last time I watched something on TV that wasn’t a cartoon.”
“You watched the World Series with me and the others last month.” He’d extended an open invitation to everyone for every game of the series. She’d come over a couple of times.
“Sort of. I spent a lot of time in your pool.” The twins had wanted to swim, and Margot really didn’t have much interest in baseball.
“True. I guess I didn’t realize how busy life with toddlers is. I mean, I know it’s crazy, but not, no free time crazy.”
“It is what it is, Max.” Even when Tad was still in the picture, she’d had little time to herself. Any extra time she had away from the girls was taken up by her work schedule. She actually preferred her busy life now. As crazy as it was, it was less stressful because she was out of the hospital’s fast-paced environment.
His hand covered hers. Margot’s damn heart sped up again and more cracks appeared in her walls.
“You need to take care of yourself, Margot. How about we set up a day each week where I take the kids and you do whatever you want? No cleaning.” He shook a finger at her. “Sleeping, reading, watching TV, anything that involves you doing something you want. Not something you need to do.”
That sounded wonderful, but she and her daughters weren’t his problem. They were no one’s problem. She waved a hand, dismissing his suggestion. “I’ll be fine. Eventually, they won’t need me so much, and I’ll be able to do more.”
He snagged her hand as it fluttered back to her lap. “Before or after you become a shell of yourself?”
She yanked her hand away and scowled. “My life and my problems are just that. Mine. Stop worrying about me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Try.”
“No.”
She let out a little huff. Why did he have to be so stubborn? “This is not the sort of distraction I was talking about when I asked you to keep me awake. Why don’t you want to?”
“Because I care about you. You’re my friend, and I don’t want to see you work yourself to the bone when you have help available. I understand more now, since you told me about your parents, why you want to go it alone, but you are not them. Neither am I, nor are any of the rest of us.”
Her scowl softened but didn’t disappear. “I know that.”
“Logically, yes. But in there?” He tapped her chest, just above her heart. “I don’t think you do.”
She did not want to psychoanalyze herself right now. Not ever, if she was honest. But especially not when she was so tired. “How about we talk about something else?”
He sighed and sank back into his seat. “You didn’t like my topic of conversation, so you pick.”
“Okay, how about you tell me about the things that test you?”
He groaned. “What is this? Confession time?”
“Hey, you wanted to pick apart my deepest fears. It’s only fair I get to do the same.”
The side glance he sent her spoke volumes about his lack of desire to talk about himself. She wasn’t sorry. Turnabout was fair play. If he didn’t want to talk about himself, that was fine. But he couldn’t expect her to if he didn’t.
“Tight spaces.”
Margot’s brows dipped. “What?”
“Something that tests me. Tight spaces.”
Dammit. He wanted to talk. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“But I do if I ever want you to talk to me and to let me into that impermeable bubble you surround yourself with.”
“What are you talking about? I let you in.” Of all the adults in her life, besides Annabeth, she was closest to him.
“You let me into the outer bubble. But there’s an inner one that only the girls and Annabeth are in. And even then, I’m not sure that Annabeth doesn’t have one foot on the outside.”
She really hated how perceptive he was. Or maybe she just couldn’t hide her feelings as well as she thought she could. Annabeth always called her on her BS too. He wasn’t wrong, though. She did keep most people at a distance. It was safer that way. “We’re not talking about me. How about we don’t talk about you, either? I’m awake enough now.”
Max raked a hand through his dark blond hair. “Margot…” Exasperation colored his tone.
Feeling like a bit of a bitch, she flapped a hand and leaned her head back, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.” To her horror, she felt tears pressing against her eyelids. She turned toward the window. “I’m exhausted and stressed out. Diving into my feelings is not something I can handle right now.”
Max’s warm hand enveloped hers. A tear slid free from her eye. She let it go, not wanting to draw attention to it, but he saw it anyway.
“Hey, it’s okay. Come here.” He tugged her closer, tipping her into his chest.
For a fraction of a second, she resisted. But then the spicy scent of his soap and something that was all Max hit her. Her resistance crumbled, and she melted into him as best she could with the armrest digging into her side. What she did to deserve this man, she didn’t know. He’d been such a wonderful friend this past year. A rock in the storm. She appreciated his presence, but she hadn’t been as kind about accepting it as she could have been. Instead, she did some beating on the rock. But he hadn’t chipped or wavered. At least, not outwardly. She was starting to see now that maybe there were some internal cracks appearing, but she didn’t know how to let her walls down and let him in.
One thing was certain, though. She needed to figure it out soon before she hit too hard, and he broke and walked away.
Maybe it was inevitable. Everyone had walked away from her. Except Annabeth. She was the sister Margot never had.
Could Max be the brother?
The thought no sooner entered her mind than she dismissed it. She was too attracted to Max to think of him as a brother.
At the core of things, that was what held her back from letting him into her so-called inner bubble. The last man she’d been attracted to—the one who was supposed to love and support her for the rest of her life—had thrown her life into the spin cycle without warning. She wasn’t sure she could handle that again.
But being in Max’s arms sure felt nice. The comfort level he provided was off the charts. Not to mention the low hum of attraction that thrummed through her veins. She liked that too, even if she didn’t feel ready to act on it.
“I never cared much for dark rooms and elevators when I was a kid.” Max’s soft voice broke through her thoughts. His warm breath ruffled the hair at her temple. “They freaked me out a little. My mom, she always made sure I had a nightlight. As an adult now, I don’t close the curtains all the way, and I take the stairs a lot.”
Margot sniffed, curling her fingers into his shirt. She knew what he was doing. He was distracting her by continuing like nothing was wrong. It was an out she’d happily take. She simply didn’t have the bandwidth for her emotions at the moment. “How is that something that tests you?”
He raised a hand, stroking her hair. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“Oh, sorry.” The slightest smile curled her lip.
His chuckle rumbled under her ear. “Those things are fairly minor. A lot of people don’t like the dark or elevators, but they handle them fine. I do, too, usually. But there’s a reason I have a house with a wall of windows. Why I prefer speedboats to Ford’s fishing vessels.”
The hand wrapped around her shoulders gripped her sleeve for a moment before it relaxed. “About a year before I retired from the Air Force, I was involved in a training accident.”
“What?” Margot sat up to look at him. “I didn’t know that.”
“It’s not something I talk about much. The guys know, but it’s just not something that comes up in casual conversation, you know?”
She could understand that. “So, what happened?”
“You know I was a pararescueman.”
She nodded.
“We were up with a group of PJ candidates, and one of them didn’t want to jump. Even though he’d jumped before, this time was different because we were near water. Navigating away from obstacles is something they need to know how to do, and this guy—well, the thing that tested him was water.”
“Was it deep water?”
Max shrugged. “Deep enough. It was a small lake, and we were close enough to shore, gliding to safety wasn’t terribly difficult. And for the record, it isn’t like we just throw everyone out of the plane and there’s no one on the ground in case something goes wrong when we do these jumps. On this exercise, we had a boat in the water and a team on the shoreline. But this guy didn’t see any of that. He just looked out and saw water and panicked. Anyway, on our training flights, everyone jumps. If you’re in that plane, unless you’re unconscious and/or dying, you jump. If you don’t, you lose your jump status.”
The flight attendant walked by with a trash bag, interrupting them for a moment. Margot gathered the trash from her earlier snack and passed it over. Once the man moved on, Max continued.
“Part of my job was to make sure everyone jumped. I got him moving toward the exit, got him to stop clinging to the door, but he still just stood there. There were two more behind him, plus me, so I slid in behind him to scream at him to move his ass one way or another, and he turned before I could utter a word. I don’t know if he thought I was going to shove him out or what, but his eyes went huge behind his goggles and he shot a hand out and grabbed onto my harness. It caught me by surprise, and I stumbled forward. We were close enough to the door that my momentum carried us out of the plane.” He stopped for a second, his jaw muscles working.
Margot put her hand on his forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to continue.”
“It’s okay. I want you to know about it.” He covered her hand, then laced their fingers. “When we cleared the plane, he still had a death grip on me. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but sky divers fall a certain way to maintain control. With him latched on to me like a monkey, neither of us could do that, so we just tumbled through the air. Several times a second, I’d catch a glimpse of the lake, and I knew from experience that I had a certain amount of time to get him off and deploy my canopy before our auto-deploy devices would go off.”
“Auto-deploy device? What’s that?” Margot frowned. She’d never heard of such a thing. A backup chute, sure, but not an auto-deploy chute.
“A lot of skydivers have three parachutes now. A main, a reserve, and an auto-deploy. The latter goes off without any input from the diver if it detects an unsafe rate of descent at a certain distance above the ground.”
“Oh. I suppose that’s a good thing.”
“Usually, but if we’d stayed locked together, it could have caused issues for us both. That canopy is on our chest.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Oh… yeah.”
“Exactly. This guy had locked his hands around my harness like some sort of pneumatic device and the hydraulics were broken. My options were to knock him out, or somehow get him off before the devices blew.”
“You couldn’t just pull your main chute? That’s on your back, right?”
“Yes, but our canopies operated with a pilot chute, not a ripcord. It’s basically a small parachute you pull from a pouch and release into the airstream. It inflates and the drag then releases the main canopy. I couldn’t get to mine or his.”
“Geez.” She stared at him with wide eyes. “So, how did you get free?”
“I grabbed his goggles and yanked them off his face. It startled him enough that he let go. We were at the point of no return by then. I had seconds before my auto-deploy device would go off, so I arched my back to stop my tumble. The moment I had a modicum of stability, I deployed my main canopy.”
“You landed in the water, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. And hard enough to stun me momentarily. I didn’t react with enough speed to avoid getting tangled in the canopy and its lines.”
“Oh, God, Max. That’s terrifying.”
“It wasn’t pleasant. But that’s why I like tight spaces less now than ever. That parachute wrapped around me, and I couldn’t battle my way out of it. If the patrol boat hadn’t been watching the action and wasn’t right there when I landed, I’d have been at the bottom of the lake.”
“Did the other guy make it?”
Max rolled his lips in and looked away briefly. “No. The guys on the ground said after we broke apart, he continued to cartwheel. When his safety canopy auto-deployed, the bundle hit him in the face. Ironically, he landed on the shore, but he hit the ground, unconscious, at about forty miles an hour.”
Margot shook her head. “That’s terrible. Why is it the dark and tight spaces bother you, though, and not the water?”
“Probably just the claustrophobic nature of things. I’ve always been a good swimmer, and I was a certified scuba diver, so I knew not to panic, and I could hold my breath for a couple of minutes. It was enough for the team to raise me above the surface so I could breathe while they cut me loose. I was trapped in the canopy fabric a lot longer than I was underwater.”
“I cannot imagine what that was like. I’m sorry you went through that. Were you okay, physically, afterward?”
“I broke a few ribs and my left leg just below my knee. And I had a concussion. Nothing that didn’t heal.”
“Still, the psychological impact—you’re still dealing with that.”
“To a degree, sure. I don’t turn into a crazy man in an elevator or in a dark room, though. It just makes me uncomfortable. More so than I ever was as a child.”
She tipped her head. “That’s why you don’t like my house, isn’t it? It’s too cramped.”
He grimaced. “It’s not my favorite place, no. You’ve done a great job making it yours, and it looks nice, but yeah. I prefer my house.”
Margot chuckled. “I prefer your house, too, but not because it’s more open. It’s just nicer. If I ever decide to quit medicine, I’m going to beg you to let me open a catering business from your kitchen.”
The sadness left his eyes as he smiled at her. “You can come cook there anytime you want. I only ask you leave a plate for me in the fridge. Especially if you make that seafood linguine you made that one night when Edie’s family was down.” He rolled his eyes back and moaned. “You could serve it on a plate made of bark and I would lick it clean.”
She patted his shoulder, laughing, as she turned and sat back in her seat. “My Neanderthal man.”
“Hey, sometimes caveman tactics are the only way to go,” he said, chuckling along with her.
Their light conversation continued as the plane descended into the Minot airport. Margot had found a second wind that was enough to get her through disembarking and finding their luggage at the baggage claim.
“Let’s get our car and get the heck out of here.” Max raised the handle on his suitcase and glanced overhead at the signs pointing the way to the car rental counters.
“Yes, please. Although, I’m not sure I want to go outside. Did you hear the captain’s announcement on the local weather when we landed? We need to dig out our coats before we leave the terminal.” She’d nearly swallowed her tongue when she heard the current temperature.
Three degrees.
Three .
It was barely past Thanksgiving. It should not be allowed to be that cold yet. But there was a silver lining. It wasn’t snowing. That was already on the ground in giant piles. She’d seen it when they’d taxied in.
“You can do that while I get the car.”
“Deal.” Dragging her case behind her, she followed him to the rental counter. “Give me your suitcase.”
He spun it around and leaned the handle toward her. She took it and walked toward the wall, where she was out of the way, and laid the cases down, unzipping hers first. When she packed, she’d put the balled-up parka right in front, knowing she’d need it before she left the airport. She was just happy she had one. In Texas, she didn’t need it. But after moving to Ohio last year before she went to Costa Rica, she’d been forced to buy one. Now, she was immensely happy she’d opted for a packable one.
After zipping her case closed again, she opened Max’s. Or she tried. He had a lock on it.
Blowing her hair back, she looked up. “Hey, what’s the code for your lock?”
He glanced over. “What?”
She held up the locked zipper. “Code?”
“Oh. It’s the girls’ birthday. Month and day.”
Margot blinked at him, disbelief short-circuiting her brain. Why would he do that?
He seemed to read the question on her face, because he answered before she could ask. “When I flew to the States to help Sam, you guys were at the house while I packed. Emily wanted to help, and she was fascinated by the lock, so I reset it to show her how it worked and just used her birthday.”
Tipping her head, she nodded. “That makes sense.” She spun the dial and opened the lock. Flipping the case open, she couldn’t stop the little laugh that escaped. Like his house, his suitcase was neat as a pin. Packing cubes filled the space, and she could see through the mesh that every item was folded and rolled. She picked up the pack that contained his coat, removing it before putting the bag back and closing the case.
Coats in hand, she wandered over to him. “Here.”
“Thanks.” He took the coat and shrugged it over his shoulders while the clerk finished the paperwork.
Margot put hers on and huddled into it, anticipating the cold that would blast her in the face when she stepped outside. She wanted to go home.
“Okay, this is the damage and insurance waiver. I just need you to initial it.” The young man pushed a contract across the counter at Max.
He picked up a pen and scrawled his initials in the boxes. “Can you add her to the rental?” He pointed the pen at Margot.
“Of course.” The man looked at her. “I just need your driver’s license, ma’am.”
Margot swung her bag off her shoulder and dug inside for her wallet. She found her Costa Rican license and her passport since she had an international license and handed them over.
It took the man a minute or so to enter her information, then he moved the insurance waiver across the counter to her. “Initial next to him.”
Once that was taken care of, he handed her documents back, then set another contract on the counter and asked them to sign it. With the paperwork done, he handed Max a set of keys.
“Your car is in the rental lot. Just follow the signs.” The man smiled. “Have a good trip.”
Margot offered him a tight smile and pushed away from the desk.
Max gathered up the paperwork. “Thanks.” Taking his suitcase from her, he turned, and they headed for the door.
The closer they got to the exit, the chillier the air became. Margot slid her zipper higher. She’d forgotten her gloves. They were still buried in her bag. Her hands would be numb by the time they reached the car.
Reaching the exit, the doors swished open and icy-cold air smacked her in the face. Her shoulders fell. This would not be fun.
Max took her free hand. “Don’t think, Margot. Just walk.”
Ducking her head, she let him pull her into the arctic air.
Instantly, the tip of her nose turned cold. Her tropical blood was too thin to keep it warm. She was glad she’d left her hair down to cover her ears, or she was sure they’d suffer the same fate.
The walk to the car wasn’t terrible, but it still stretched into an eternity. Her teeth chattered like castanets by the time Max found the SUV he rented.
It beeped as he unlocked the doors.
“Get in and start it. I’ll stow our bags.” He handed her the keys.
Margot scurried around to the driver’s side and got in. Stepping on the brake, she pushed the start button. The engine started without a hiccup. She fiddled with the dials on the dash and soon had the heat on high. The back hatch closed as she got out. Just because she signed the contract didn’t mean she wanted to drive.
Rounding the rear of the car, she practically dove into the passenger seat. She shut her door with a slam and lifted her hands to her mouth to blow on them. “I’m gonna need a heavier coat. This one’s for Ohio cold, not North Dakota cold.”
“You need gloves too.”
“They’re in my bag. I forgot to get them out.”
“I’m betting they’re not warm enough, either. But hang in there. You’ll be standing in a hot shower in just a few minutes. Minot’s not that large.”
She buckled her seatbelt as he pulled out of the parking space, then pulled her hands inside her coat sleeves. “Did you look it up before we came?”
“No. I’ve been here before.”
“You have? When?”
“Maybe seven or eight years ago. There’s an Air Force base here. It was for an exercise we ran with their bomber wing. It was cold, then, too.”
“I know we just talked about it on the plane, but I still always forget you were military. And elite military at that. You scream rich island boy now. No offense.”
“None taken. I’m retired and enjoying the slower life.” He turned out of the lot and onto the main road.
“I’d be so bored if I retired at your age. I don’t know what it’s like to not be busy.”
“I’m not exactly idle.” He glanced side to side at the end of the road, then turned onto the highway.
“That’s true.” He had his business, and there were all the protection jobs he took on with his friends.
“It is different, though; you’re right. I have time to be lazy, but the biggest change is that the work isn’t as strenuous or stressful. Don’t get me wrong. I’m an adrenaline junkie, but I just reached a point where I couldn’t do it anymore. That accident had a lot to do with it. I could still jump, but some of the thrill was gone. I’d been in over twenty years by then, so retiring made sense.”
“Is that why you went to Costa Rica too? Everyone else ended up down there to deal with emotional trauma, it seems.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Sort of. I went back to North Carolina, where I’m from, first. Then my mom died. There wasn’t anything to hold me to anyplace anymore. Ford’s an old friend from a joint op, and we’d kept in touch. He sent flowers when my mom passed away and an email extending an invitation to come visit him whenever I wanted. I took him up on it and I just found… peace. The next thing I knew, I was applying for residency status down there and selling everything.”
“It’s a giant leap of faith, isn’t it? Moving to another country.”
“Hell yes. But it was the right decision.” He glanced at her. “Has it been for you?”
Margot shrugged one shoulder and looked out her window at the darkened city. “So far, yes.” Her daughters were happy and thriving, she had a career that looked nothing like she planned, but she loved it anyway, and she had Annabeth and all their other friends. But there was still a piece of her that was bruised. She didn’t think she’d fully mourned the life she’d given up. One day, she would. But she needed time and answers. Hopefully, she’d get the latter tomorrow.
Max turned into a well-lit parking lot of an extended-stay hotel. He found a space as close to the door as possible, and they hurried through the frigid winter air to the front door.
She sighed as they stepped inside. The lobby was toasty warm. She unzipped her coat.
A middle-aged woman came out from the office behind the front desk and offered them a cheery smile. “Hello. Checking in?”
“Yes.” Max stepped forward. “We have reservations. Max Carson?”
The woman typed his name into the computer. “Yep. Two king rooms?”
“Yes.” Max reached into his pocket for his wallet and handed her his ID. “Can they be adjoining or very close to each other?”
“Let me check.” The woman turned back to her computer. A few moments later, she nodded. “That won’t be a problem.”
Margot breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t know why, but the thought of being on another floor or the opposite end of the hall from Max bugged her. It was probably just the circumstances of the trip. The whole situation had her weirded out.
The check-in process was a quick one, and soon they had their keys and were on the elevator, heading up to their rooms.
Every step Margot took as they walked down the hall made the fatigue she’d banished grow heavier. It was like her body and brain knew that the sweet bliss of sleep was only feet away now.
“This is us.” Max paused outside a pair of doors.
Sure enough, the number on the wall matched the number written on the little folder the desk clerk had handed her. She withdrew a keycard and held it up to the reader. The door snicked and the light turned green. She twisted the handle and pushed it open. “I’ll see you in the morning.” They’d already planned to meet for breakfast about eight a.m. They had to meet the detective at nine.
“Margot.”
Max’s hand on her jacket stopped her from going inside. She looked up at him through bleary eyes.
“Will you be all right tonight?”
The simple question broke through her wall. She felt the press of tears against the backs of her eyes again. She wanted to lean into him and let him hold her all night, but she didn’t dare. Getting any closer to Max than she already was would just add to how overwhelmed she already felt. Right now, she needed to concentrate on Tad and straightening out the mess he’d left behind.
So, she nodded and pushed the door open wider. “I’m okay. Have a good night.” Without waiting for an answer, she escaped into her room, hearing him call a soft goodnight as the door closed.
Margot closed her eyes, squeezing out a couple of tears.
How did her life get so complicated?