CHAPTER 17
“O kay. So, things are going well,” Ava commented as they walked.
“ Are they?” Logan asked. “She still wants to be friends, and I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Maybe you need to be friends for a while. That doesn’t have to be the end, Logan. It can be a beginning. While there’s no guarantee that she’ll ever want anything more, it gives you two a chance to get to know each other and leaves room for a possibility there.”
“I guess. She’s just like no one I’ve ever met before.”
“Really?” Ava asked.
“Last night, I ranted about everything for probably five full minutes, I think. I told her I really only have ketchup in my fridge, that I don’t get much of anything out of casual sex but I still do it, and a bunch of other stuff about my shitshow of a life, and she just said, ‘Okay,’ and that was it.”
“She said okay?”
“Yes. She told me when I was ready to share more, she would be interested, but that it was all okay, and my whole body just relaxed, Ava. I haven’t told her about the gambling yet, but I think she gets the picture that my life isn’t exactly going very well at the moment.”
“And she said she wanted to hear more?”
“Sort of, yes,” she replied. “It felt more like if I wanted to tell her more, she’d be there, and I don’t think she’d judge me.”
“That’s good.”
“With the whole sex thing, I was pretty upfront with her from the beginning. She saw me take a woman home my first night at the bar, so she knows, and she doesn’t judge me for it. She asks questions, but I get the idea that that’s more because she’s not as experienced as I am.”
“I know you told me she’s gay, but she’s not all the way out. Are you worried about that?”
“I only told you because I needed to talk to you about her. I promised her I wouldn’t out her, Ava. If you talk to her, you can’t mention anything about it. I can’t–”
“Hey, I wouldn’t.” Ava placed a hand on Logan’s forearm, and they stopped their walking progress. “I don’t even know her, but I wouldn’t do that to you. I certainly wouldn’t out her to anyone.”
Logan nodded. She’d told Ava about Rory because she needed to tell someone what was going on, and Rory being gay was a big part of this. If she were straight and Logan asked her out, Ava would’ve been giving her very different advice, too.
“Her not being fully out doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t care. She can come out whenever and however she wants. I just like her,” she said. “She’s younger than us, you know?”
“How much younger?”
“Twenty-three,” Logan said while squinting her eyes. “Didn’t I tell you that before?”
“Twenty-three? God, what was I doing at twenty-three? Looking for a job while I lived at home with my parents, probably. My mom used to ask me if I was going to be home for dinner, and she still made me dinosaur chicken nuggets for lunch some days.” Ava laughed. “I told her I was an adult at least a hundred times, but she told me that if I were an adult, I wouldn’t be living at home at my age.” Ava shook her head, and her laughter continued.
“Hey.”
Logan turned her head and saw Rory standing there next to someone who looked familiar.
“Oh, hi,” she replied when she realized Rory had said something to her. “What are you doing here?”
“My training, remember?” Rory explained and then said to Ava, “Hi. I’m Rory. This is my friend, Jill.” She motioned to the woman standing next to her.
“Hey,” Jill spoke.
“Hi,” Logan replied. “Logan. And this is my friend, Ava.”
“Ava?” Rory asked.
“That’s me,” Ava replied and held out her hand for Rory to shake.
Rory shook it, but she was looking at Logan. Logan knew why. Rory knew that they used to date.
“So, training?” Ava asked Rory.
“I’m going to be a tour guide,” Rory replied.
“I thought you were a nanny,” Ava said.
Rory lifted an eyebrow at Logan as if she was surprised that Logan would talk about her to her one and only friend.
“I am,” Rory confirmed. “Part-time.”
“So, you’re also a tour guide?” Logan asked Jill, looking her up and down.
The woman looked a little older than Rory, but not by much, and she was wearing a pair of jeans, tennis shoes, and a white T-shirt with ‘The Rolling Stones’ written across it. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she appeared casual and comfortable.
“I am,” Jill said. “I like it. It’s fun. Generally, it’s pretty easy, and the tips can be good.”
“Yeah? Cool,” Ava replied and looked over at Logan, likely expecting her to add something to this conversation. “And you and Rory are training today?” she added when Logan said nothing.
“My first day,” Rory said. “Jill was kind enough to show me the ropes.”
“Jill’s also a friend,” Logan added. “Right?”
“Yeah. We met, like, a month ago or so, I think,” Jill replied. “Rory knew a friend we have in common.”
“Jill actually helped with the bar,” Rory added. “A lot of friends did once Candace started freaking out and needed to open soon.”
“Are you a handy person?” Ava asked.
“Not really, no. I mostly painted. Kyle, Melinda’s fiancée, along with Sophie’s girlfriend, Bryce, and our friend Linden, did most of the physical stuff. I painted with Melinda, Bridgette, Monica, and Sophie, and we cleaned some glasses, too, and helped get the kitchen set up.”
“Who are all those people?” Logan asked.
“Melinda manages NOLA Guides where I, well, where we work now.” Jill pointed between herself and Rory. “Mel’s engaged to Kyle. Sophie is a friend through our other friend, Monica, who’s engaged to Bridge, who knows Mel from high school. Sophie is dating Bryce. Then, there’s Asher and Linden, who knew Mel through work. Those two are together. Co-workers and friends for, like, a decade or something first, and now they’re dating.” Jill looked over at Rory and asked, “Did I miss anyone?”
Rory laughed and said, “No, I think you got everybody.”
“She missed you,” Logan noted.
Rory turned to her, nodded, and said, “I knew Linden from a wedding. I was in the wedding party. She was the planner.”
“She?” Logan asked.
“We’re all shes,” Jill replied. “Including Kyle and Bryce. I guess Asher could be a unisex name as well, but she’s also a woman.”
“Yeah. Linden and I hung out a little at the wedding and kept in touch,” Rory shared. “She’s really nice. And Asher is perfect for her.” Rory’s eyes went a little wide as if she was trying to make sure Logan understood that Linden was with someone else.
“You have a lot of friends,” Ava said, but Logan wasn’t sure if she was saying it to Rory, Jill, or both of them.
“Rory’s great,” Jill said. “She kind of just fits right in.”
Logan moved her eyes to Jill then and read something in them.
“You okay?” Ava asked her.
“Huh?”
“Logan, are you okay?” Ava repeated.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said.
“I have to get back to work. Do you want to walk with me?” Ava asked her.
“Sure,” Logan replied.
“We have to get back to my training anyway,” Rory said.
“Maybe I’ll see you both at Candace’s later?” Jill asked. “Rory and I were thinking about grabbing a drink there tonight.”
“With a few friends,” Rory added quickly. “If they’re free.”
“Yeah, maybe. See you around,” Logan said and started walking without waiting for Ava, who quickly caught up.
“My God, you are jealous .”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. She said they were friends.”
“Did you see the look her friend gave me? It was like she was staking her claim or something.”
“I must have missed that because I was too busy watching the heated exchange between you and Rory.”
“It wasn’t heated. We’re fine.”
“I don’t mean heated like angry. I meant that you two looked like you wanted to tear each other’s clothes off right there in the Square. She heard my name, and she wasn’t super happy I was there. Did you tell her about us?”
“Yes. But I told her that we are exes and better off as friends.”
“You didn’t tell her about what happened recently, did you?”
“No, and I don’t plan on it, either,” Logan said. “That was between you and me.”
“Good. I don’t think you should. But can we please just address your insane jealousy right now?”
“It’s not insane,” she argued. “I just… She has all these friends, and when Jill mentioned them, she didn’t mention a girlfriend or fiancée for herself. Everyone else had one, but unless hers couldn’t help Candace, she probably doesn’t have one. And she gave me this look like she could tell something about me. I didn’t like it.”
“She could tell that you’re into Rory. The whole Square could if they looked closely enough.”
“It’s not that bad,” she replied.
“You really like her, don’t you?” Ava asked.
“I hardly know her,” she deflected.
“Logan, it’s me. You can’t lie to me. I’ve learned all your tricks by now. What’s really going on here?”
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I’ve never really felt like this before. I got jealous with you, yes, which is how we ended up dating, but it didn’t feel like this.”
“Is it because she said no? She just wants to be friends, and you want what you can’t have?”
“Maybe,” Logan said. “She can do what she wants. It’s fine. I just don’t know that I want to see it. I’m not sure I can right now.”
“Logan, if she ends up dating someone soon, odds are, that woman will end up in the bar where you work. Rory’s best friend owns the place, and she works there, too.”
“I know,” she said. “I just need to get over this crush. That’s really all it is. I mean, it’s not like I can be in a relationship right now. And Rory and I wouldn’t work, anyway. She’s like this paragon of virtue or something, and I am me.”
“Hey, don’t do that,” Ava said. “Logan, you’re working through some stuff, but we’re all broken in one way or another. Don’t let it get in the way of the feelings you’re having for the first time in a very long time.”
“Do you think you can walk back by yourself? I’d like to be alone for a bit.”
“What are you going to do?” Ava asked.
“Just walk around. Maybe I’ll go home and take a nap before work.”
“If you need a meeting, will you go to a meeting?”
Logan nodded and said, “I don’t want to gamble right now if that’s what you’re thinking. Well, that’s not true – I always want to gamble. But it’s not that. I just want to walk.”
“Okay,” Ava replied with a nod. “Will you call me if you need me?”
“Yeah,” Logan replied.
They said their goodbyes, and Ava continued walking back to her office while Logan turned back around and stared at the giant riverboat perched in its usual position on the dock. It was true, she always wanted to gamble, but in that moment, she wasn’t inclined to do it. She did know that she needed to get out of her head because being in her head only made her think of Rory and the fact that Logan wished she was a different person. She wished she’d never gotten that first high off of slot machines so long ago now. She wished she hadn’t betrayed her family or Ava and that she’d never lost her way. Maybe she would’ve been a better human, and she and Rory could’ve had a chance. As it was now, Logan didn’t deserve a chance with anyone.
She pulled out her phone and stepped off to the side to let people pass her as she began scrolling through her app. There were messages sitting there from women who wanted to meet up. There were messages from women she’d already met up with, and they wanted to do that again. She had a few text messages, too, which had been sitting there unanswered for days. There were more names in Logan’s phone than she had faces to put to them, really. She didn’t ask for names or numbers, but women often requested that they put their own number into Logan’s phone, and then, they’d text themselves so that they had hers. She’d had to block a few women who hadn’t stopped messaging her even when she had expressed no further interest, but most of the time, the numbers just sat there unused, and she was thinking about using one now.
Logan Luna : What are you doing now?
She hit send on the message before she could stop herself, not expecting a reply to come right away, but before she could even lock her phone, she had a response telling her that one of them was at home on their day off and if Logan was interested, she could get her girlfriend home as well in under thirty minutes. Logan thought about the timing. She would need to get back to her car, drive home, get strapped, drive to their place, and park. That would probably take a little more than a half hour. She’d fuck them both and watch them fuck each other. That would kill about an hour before she would go home to shower and change for work. It was a good plan that, hopefully, could keep her from thinking about gambling.
Then, she realized it wasn’t gambling that she needed a distraction from this time. It was Rory and those possibilities Ava was talking about earlier. She sighed at herself and locked her phone without responding to the text. She waited a full five minutes, standing in that spot, unmoving, before she pulled her phone back out and lied to her would-be partners, telling the woman she’d messaged that something had come up and she couldn’t anymore. The woman replied that she was disappointed, but they should make plans for later. Logan didn’t respond. Instead, she went to her contacts, found the newest number she’d added the other day, and messaged it instead.
Logan Luna : So, can I just admit that I was a little jealous back there, and it not be a big thing?
Rory was working, so Logan didn’t expect to get a message back, but as she walked in the direction of her car, her phone buzzed in her back pocket. Logan pulled it out and smiled as she read.
Rory Winter : Can I admit that I was, too, and it not be a big thing?