Chapter 32 #2
Xavier leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and he stares into the fire.
His hard lines soften before he speaks. “Yes, we’ve talked about it.
Just recently believe it or not. With her all settled into the house now and the clinic almost completed.
We talked about starting to try in the fall. ”
“No shit.” I breathe out, “that’s fucking awesome man. You’re going to make a great dad.”
“Thanks,” He says, “it’s just crazy you know? If you would’ve told me last year I would be happily in a relationship, and planning to start a family? I would’ve thought you were fucking with me.”
“It’s crazy what loving someone can do to you.” I comment, thinking about my own relationship. Feeling out this relationship with Evie in our triad is risky, for more than one reason. Though, with every logical risk that comes with pursuing this, it isn't enough for us to stop things.
“Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you without little ears around.
” I start, unsure exactly how to bring it up.
Xavier’s not unfamiliar with how mine and Josie’s relationship dynamic.
It’s just the specific person in which we want to include in our closed triad relationship.
Evie being Harper’s best friend adds another layer of risks when it comes to the success or failure of this throuple.
If things don’t work out, what will that look like when our found family gathers? I know we told Evie we would never expect her to leave the boys' lives, especially after easily fitting into our dynamic so flawlessly. It’s just that we can’t predict how things would truly go if it was unsuccessful.
“You mean how you and Josie have been trying, and failing I might add, to secretly see Evie.” Xavier says, my eyes snap to him and I see that his eyes are already on me. His lips twitch, “Yeah you aren’t as subtle as you think you guys are. At least to me and Harper.”
“Well shit.” I say, “I mean it goes without saying that we’re doing this on the down low, only for the boys sake. We don’t want to confuse them while we’re figuring things out.”
“That makes sense.” He hums, “I do have to say one thing, and that’s it.”
My heartbeat picks up, not entirely liking where he’s going with it. I nod my head though, encouraging him to continue regardless of how my nerves are on edge with the anticipation of what he might have to say.
“Just be careful with Evie. I can’t go into details, because it’s not my story to tell and I actually don’t know the full story.
Harper does though, and she just wants you guys to know that Evie hasn’t had the best experiences with relationships.
” He tilts his beer back, finishing it off and then holds it between his hands.
Staring at the label as he continues, “It takes a lot for her to feel comfortable to open up, and she doesn’t trust easily anymore.
Harper sees the trust Evie has in you guys, and she’s just looking out for her best friend. ”
“I get that,” I croak, my throat feeling dry all of a sudden. She doesn’t trust easily? What the hell happened to her that caused her to close off and not trust anyone anymore? “Don’t worry though, Josie and I think this is … it? I don’t know if that’s the right word.”
Taking a moment to get my thoughts together, so I can appropriately tell my friend Harper has nothing to worry about. We don’t have any intentions of ending things. If anyone’s going to put a stop to this, it would be Evie. She holds the power here, not us.
“Josie and I shut down the thought of having another triad relationship after Loh was born, you know? All those other relationships weren’t it- actually calling them flings is probably a better word to describe it.
We weren’t closed off but we wanted that next person we bring in to be a permanent member.
Not just a fling, but an equal partner in the relationship, and in our growing family.
If they didn’t fit in the porch scene when we’re old and retired.
Then we didn’t give it the time of day.”
“The porch scene?” Xavier asks.
“Yeah, you know… when you picture your future. When you’re old and gray, sitting on the porch in your retirement.
Who do you see yourself with?” Pausing to finish my own beer before carrying on, “Obviously, I see Josie there by my side, giving me shit from now until our last breath. I see you there too, besties for life, and of course Harper now too because she’s it for you.
We’d be retired, the kids would be grown up and having their own lives.
They’d visit, but it’d be nothing like our get togethers we have weekly where we’d shoot the shit and feed your ducks on the back porch.
You and I would play checkers– and I’d kick your ass by the way, but we’d be settled.
Now if we ever met someone and they fit into that scene, that future we have pictured countless times over the years. Then we would take that chance.”
We sit in silence as the fire has begun to die down and we’re getting ready to head to bed ourselves.
My eyes begin to unfocus as I let my mind run.
I picture that porch scene now, with the four of us sitting on the porch.
Then the back door opens and out comes Evie with a thermos of coffee and the appropriate amount of cups for everyone.
She’d sit on the arm of my chair and wrap her arm around my shoulder.
Her other hand would reach out and take Josie’s in hers, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles and she teases me about my poor checker skills.
“You’re picturing it right now aren’t you?” Xavier asks, capturing my attention.
I feel as a small smile melts onto my face, nodding my head, I say the words out loud.
“Yeah I am, and she’s there with us.”