Chapter 41
Chapter Forty one
Monty
Two days later…
It’s been two fucking days since we found out that Evie left, and I’ve been crawling out of my skin wanting to know where she is.
She finally messaged us, telling us that she’s okay but that she needed space. Reading those words sent me spiraling.
What does she need space from? For how long? Will she still want to be ours when she’s ready to talk?
Most importantly I want to know what happened. Everything was great, we had just asked her to be ours and she said yes. We were talking about how we were going to tell the boys next, or maybe our parents. We didn’t get a chance to work out those details.
The sense of rejection is all consuming not being able to talk this out fully.
Josie has been my sounding board, she knows that I internalize things a little heavier than others.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria I was told it was called.
With her not answering us anymore, it’s done nothing but left me to spiral.
My hand works in a zig zag motion as I wipe down the counter, again. My mind might be in a disarray but the house is spotless. I can’t sit still and wait for her to reach out, and I hate that this is out of my control. I try my best to focus on the things that I can control.
I have reorganized the bedroom, the bathroom closet and medicine cabinet. I just finished deep cleaning all the surfaces in the kitchen and I head toward the front door with the intention of going… I don’t know where but I need to do something.
“I’m going for a drive to try and clear my head.” I tell Josie, grabbing my winter jacket off the hook and throwing it on. After my boots are tied on and I reach to grab my keys from the decorative bowl by the front door where we keep them
Realizing they aren’t there I snap at no one in particular, “where the fuck are my keys?” my skin is crawling.
My jacket feels like it’s suffocating me and the seam in my sock feels like it’s cutting off the circulation of my toes.
So when I went to grab my keys only to find they’re not there, it was the straw on top of the metaphorical very overstimulated camel’s back.
A scream expels from my body, and I turn on my heels and storm out the door. I can’t be around anyone right now, and I probably woke up the boys with that yell. I need a minute to myself, a singular moment to try and get some air into my lungs.
The cool night air is a shock to my system and allows me to focus on the air that’s now in my lungs.
Slowly I let out the breath and then take in another.
My eyes fall close as I focus on the movement of my chest, rising and falling with every inhale and exhale.
There’s minimal noise outside, just the soft noises of the wind blowing snow across the land.
I feel my body begin to relax at a glacial pace, and realize there’s a muffled tune coming from my pocket. It takes me a moment to realize it’s my phone that’s making the noise.
When I pull it out, I see I have a missed call from Harper. Before I can go and call her back to see what she called for, my screen lights up again and now Xavier is calling me. My brows furrow, but I quickly swipe the screen to answer the call.
“Hey big guy, how are you doing?” I try my best to sound like I’m alright, but even I can catch my tone falls flat.
“Probably a bit better than yourself.” He says, but continues before I can comment anything, “I’m going to cut to the chase.
I know you and Josie are spinning like tops over there wondering what’s going on with Evie and where she is.
I let her hole up in our guest room for the last two days hoping that she would come out and then reach out to you guys, but the more time that passes the more I worry that’s not going to happen. ”
I almost drop my phone at the information, “I’m coming over right now.”
“Just wait a minute, that's not why I’m telling you.” Xavier rushes out.
“I don’t give a fuck Xavier. Josie and I have been worried sick about her.
We don’t know what the hell happened and you’re telling me she’s been at your place this whole fucking time!
” I yell, then realize I’m getting worked up again.
Pinching the bridge of my nose with my pointer finger and thumb I take a deep breath.
“‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just need to see her.”
“I know man, and listen, I don’t know what’s going on with her.
She’ll only let Harper in her room and when she comes out she doesn’t tell me what they’ve talked about.
It’s been hanging heavy over Harps, we managed to get her to come out to try and watch a movie with us.
She made it a full thirty minutes into the movie before she raced back to her room saying she was tired.
She was trying to hide it, but I saw her crying the whole time she was out here. ”
My chest constricts at what Xavier is telling me, “Xavier, I need to come there.”
“I know buddy, I think you need to, but not tonight.” He says, “Give her the night, let Harps try and talk with her a bit more in the morning and come over for lunch with Josie. Do you think you can get someone to watch the boys?”
I’m shaking my head even though Xavier can’t see me. “Yeah, I can call my parents in the morning and they can probably come out and hang with the boys.” Already making the mental note to call my mom when we get up tomorrow. Not that I anticipate getting much sleep.
I hear mumbling on the other side of the phone before there’s a shuffle and the gruff voice of my best friend disappears, and instead a different voice speaks.
“Hey Monty.” The soft notes of Harper’s voice flows through the phone.
“Hey Harps” I breathe out, the chill has started to settle into my body, but I can’t bring myself to go into the house yet.
“Xavier said you guys are going to come out after lunch?” She asks.
“Yeah, that’s the plan. Even though I would rather come tonight.” I tell her honestly.
“I get that, and I know you guys have been worried.” Harper tells me, and I hear the apology in the tone of her voice without her even saying the words.
“I wanted to tell you sooner, but I had to respect her wishes of needing the space. I’ve been checking on her and making sure she doesn’t go into a dark place.
I need you to listen to me when I tell you this though Monty. ”
My back straightens at the seriousness in her voice. “I’m listening.” I tell her, urging her to continue.
“Evie puts on a big front, she’s fierce and loyal, but she’s had some experiences in her life that have made her hide behind this front so that she can shield herself from getting hurt again.
I can’t give you the details because that’s her story to share when she’s ready.
I’m telling you this because she’s in a very vulnerable state and needs love and support.
Don’t get me wrong, I can give her that love and support, but it’s not what she wants deep down inside.
” There’s a brief pause before she continues.
“She needs you guys, and I can tell you need her too. Which is why I told Xavier tonight we needed to tell you guys she’s been staying with us.
I can’t let her be her own worst enemy anymore.
” A sniffle sounds from the other end of the line, and I realize how much Harper cares for her friend and it makes me so happy she has someone like her in her life, but it also makes me happy my best friend gets to have such a kind and caring person as his partner.
“You don’t understand how much I appreciate that Harps. You’re good people, and Evie is really lucky to have you in her corner.” I tell her honestly, making my way back to the house. “Thank you for calling me. Either me or Josie will message you in the morning when we make plans for the boys.”
“Thanks Monty, try and get some rest tonight, she’s safe here.”
We say our goodbyes and I head into the house and talk with Josie.
I apologize for my outburst and storming out of the house like I did.
Then I tell her about the phone call with Xavier and Harper.
When I disclosed where Evie has been staying she was ready to leave the house right that second to go over there.
I see a reflection of how I reacted when I got the news, and I realize now we wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything tonight.
“Jojo, I know.” I tell her, “I wanted to race over there right away when I found out too. But we’re no good to anyone if we left right now. It’s too late, we don’t have anyone to stay with the boys. Most importantly, she’s somewhere safe, with people we trust to take care of her.”
Her eyes begin to fill with tears, but she nods her head in agreement. “I know, you’re right. Let’s try and get some sleep and we’ll call your parents in the morning.”
With a plan in place, we get ready for bed and try to get some sleep.
The night’s filled with tossing and turning until finally we give up around six a.m. and decide to get up for the day.
We sit at the island and drink our coffees in silence as we wait for the boys to wake up.
I shoot my mom a text telling her to call me when she wakes up.
We don’t have to wait too long before the boys are up and my mom calls me. My parents agree to come spend the day with the boys and say they’d be leaving within the hour. Which means that we have three hours before we can leave for Xaviers.
I send Josie to go have a shower, while I get the boys their breakfast.
“Where’s Evie, Daddy?” Shiloh’s question catches me off guard, and just goes to show how aware kids are of the people in their lives.
“She’s been spending some time with Auntie Harps and Uncle Xavy, buddy. She should be home soon though.” I try to keep my voice calm and give the most basic answer.
“Oh, okay. I just miss her and wanted to see if she wanted to make a blanket fort in the loft again.” He says with a sigh as he takes another bite of his scrambled eggs.
My chest squeezes in my chest at the love he has for her. “I’m sure she would love that, you’ll have to be sure to ask her when she comes home.” I tell him and pray her coming home isn’t a lie.
When my parents arrive a few hours later, we load up the SUV and head out.
I look over at Josie and hold out my hand for hers. She slides her hand onto my palm and threads her fingers with mine.
“Let’s go get our girl.”