Chapter Seventeen
Seventeen
CHARLIE’S HEARTBEAT ECHOED IN HER ears, throwing her further off balance.
Was it him or this place, tucked into a part of the world she’d never imagined visiting?
She’d been on dates. Really good ones, in fact.
She’d had kisses and boyfriends, held hands and laughed.
But none of what she’d experienced in the past compared to those things with Grayson.
He looked at her like he could really see her, even if she was still hiding pieces of herself.
And it is only pieces. I feel more myself with him than I have with anyone.
This is who I am regardless of who my parents are.
Away from her life in California, she was a woman who liked the outdoors more than she thought, appreciated the feel of the breeze tickling her skin when she was on a boat.
She liked driving a boat! Grayson was as easy to talk to as the rest of his family, and maybe that was it.
She didn’t feel like she had to work to be accepted.
By any of them. But most of all, by him.
He looked at her like it was a constant battle not to lean over and kiss her.
Being with him made her both excited and content, two feelings that shouldn’t coexist so easily.
Her last relationship, which ended about six months ago, had made her feel restless and edgy.
He was one of those guys who would argue any point just to play devil’s advocate.
She hated that expression, and by the time she’d told him it wasn’t working, which he’d, of course, argued about, she disliked him almost as much.
When the video hit the internet, he’d reached out and asked if they could go for coffee.
Vulnerable on a number of levels, she’d let herself believe that he could be a friend to her, that maybe they didn’t work romantically but he obviously cared.
Instead, he’d told her that they should get back together and he had several ideas for how they could stir up drama on her mother’s reality show.
Even after having dated her, he didn’t know her at all.
Grayson wasn’t just getting to know Charlie; he was helping her get to know herself as something other than a grad student, a psychiatrist, or Vivi and Bryce’s daughter. Maybe that’s because you’ve put yourself into those confines. Seen yourself as only those things.
“Can I get either of you some dessert?” their waiter asked.
Gray lifted his brows, but Charlie shook her head as she put a hand on her stomach. “I’m full. I’ll regret saying no later, but I can’t right now.”
Laughing, Gray passed over a credit card, asking Charlie, “How about we take a chocolate mousse to go?”
The waiter nodded with a smile and disappeared.
The service, the food, and the company were more than she would have thought to expect.
In fact, she hadn’t really let herself have any expectations for tonight at all.
Now, she wondered if tonight would be the new bar for any date that followed.
She wasn’t ready to head home anytime soon and she couldn’t imagine reestablishing a social life there, but one day, she’d have to, right?
“Best of both worlds,” she said across the table.
“It’s still early. I thought I could take you for a boat ride. We can eat dessert under the stars.”
She felt the smile burst on her lips. “You really do have a thing for the stars, don’t you?”
Little creases formed in the corners of his eyes and his mouth. “The stars, dessert, and maybe the company.”
Her heart fluttered like it’d grown wings. It might have sounded cheesy if it had come from someone else. But the way he looked at her, with genuine wonder, like he didn’t expect any of this either, made it less scary. She wasn’t alone.
“You’re quite the romantic.”
“I’m really not,” Grayson said, holding her gaze intensely. “You make it easy to want things I thought I’d shut myself off from.”
His admission made a little sigh escape her lips. “I haven’t had a lot of romance in my life, and until you, I didn’t realize how nice it could be.”
His gaze turned volcanically dark. She could feel the heat emanating off his stare and his grin. Nothing uncertain about it now. “You’re blushing.” His gravelly tone sent little shivers over her skin.
“Gee, I wonder why,” she said with a nervous laugh.
It would be way too easy to forget they were in a crowded restaurant.
To lean over, curl into him, and kiss him again.
“The way you’re looking at me could melt the candles.
” The waiter approached, returned Gray’s card, and dropped off a small to-go bag.
They stood to leave and as they did, his touch on the small of her back was both distracting and grounding.
It felt natural for his hand to curl around her own, for their fingers to entwine.
As they strolled on the sidewalk, unhurried—which in and of itself felt nice—stepping out of the way of passersby, Charlie wondered what life in such a small area would be like day in and day out.
Her mother’s life could still be somewhat fishbowl-ish at times, even before the whole viral video thing, but Charlie had worked extremely hard to make sure hers was the opposite.
While she’d gone to school with kids who knew who her parents were, most of the kids around her had more famous parents, so she was able to slip into a pleasant little bubble of obscurity.
Now and again, particularly when her mother was working a lot, a media outlet would snap pictures of them out on errands.
As she got older, some would run a story, find her somehow, call her up, and ask for comments or contributions.
Charlie always shied away from it. By eighteen, she was happy to leave it all behind and go away to school.
It felt wrong to see her dad as anything other than her dad.
Because despite how devoted he was to his music, he loved her and her mom and she remembered him curling up in her bed, singing and writing songs for her, playing games, and bringing her little souvenirs from the road.
They weren’t flashy or expensive trinkets, but instead, a rock shaped like a heart, a leaf that was perfectly intact despite falling on the ground, notes that he wrote to her on hotel stationery.
She had them all tucked away in a little box and while she sometimes got the urge to take them out, she never felt like sharing anything personal or special with the masses.
“You’ve gone quiet,” Grayson said as they crossed the street to walk near the water. He swung their joined hands between them.
Lights sparkled against the infinite darkness.
People walked along the pier, many of them chatting or laughing.
Some kissing in the moonlight. It was a beautiful place.
Peaceful. Was that what she’d been searching for all of this time?
A sense of calm in a world that wasn’t completely predictable?
Vivi did her best while Charlie was growing up but she couldn’t shake her impulsive desires to be …
more. To be seen and celebrated and appreciated by someone other than her daughter.
“I was thinking about my dad,” Charlie said, surprising herself. Even though she hadn’t asked Bernie much, just being here made her feel closer to him. Because while her mother would hate the lodge, her father would have loved it.
Gray stopped swinging their hands. “He was Bernie’s nephew, right?”
They continued walking back toward the marina. “He was. He died when I was young. I was actually thinking about how quiet and safe this place feels. How I like it and how he might have liked it, too.”
When they reached the ramp to head down to the marina, Grayson put an arm around her shoulders. “I can’t imagine losing my dad. At any age. I’m sorry that you lost yours so young. What about your mom? Are you close?”
Being careful not to lose her footing on the wood planks, she didn’t mean to let the snort-laugh escape.
Grayson laughed.
“Close isn’t a strong enough word. That’s also part of why I’m here. I needed to figure out who I am without her looming over me. She has a large presence.”
She felt Gray stiffen even though he laughed softly.
Dropping his hand from around her arm when they made it to the valet boat stand, he passed one of the valets his ticket before turning to face her.
There was something slightly remote in his gaze, there and gone before she could let it worry her.
He smiled, stepped into her, sending a streak of warmth along her front that made Charlie realize that the night had grown chilly.
Of course, she didn’t feel cold at all now, even in the light knit sweater she wore over a shimmery tank top.
In a gesture that was likely casual to him but charmed her all the way to her bones, Gray stroked her hair back from her face, let his hand linger.
“It’s nice to be close to your parents but, just like with all relationships, you need to have boundaries.
I learned a lot about myself when I went away.
I moved to Chicago after university and lived there for several years.
I didn’t plan on doing that, but I think getting some space from the people who know you best gives you room to be someone who hasn’t already been defined by others.
There are no expectations when people don’t truly know who you are. ”
It was an interesting theory. If you never went home again, did you get to be different versions of yourself whenever you wanted? “But you came back,” she said. She would have to go home, eventually.
He nodded. “I did. When everything came crashing down, all I wanted was to come home. No matter what I’d learned about myself or how much I’d grown, I never stopped thinking of Smile as the place I belonged.”
The valet pulled the boat up alongside them and Gray helped her get in.
Before he took the wheel, he helped her get comfortable, setting blankets and a seat warmer on the bench.
With the breeze, the scent of his cologne, and the warmth he’d shared with the touch of a button, Charlie felt spoiled and cared for.
She let the wind blow through her hair, wash over her cheeks as Gray guided the boat into the darkness like he knew exactly where they were headed.
In that moment, she didn’t care. She liked not knowing.
Charlie had spent a lot of her life being the person in charge even when she shouldn’t have been.
She’d set her goals young, worked hard, and been there for Vivi at the drop of a hat.
Right now, she didn’t have to give anyone anything she didn’t want to.
It was somewhat freeing when she pushed aside the guilt of walking away from her mother, of putting her life on hold and ignoring emails and phone calls.
Gray slowed the boat until he stopped completely. When it was rocking gently, he joined her on the bench seat, tucking his legs under the blankets and tapping his phone. Music surrounded them, the sound of an acoustic guitar settling her even more.
He put his arm around her and she could feel his gaze. “Is this okay?”
Charlie turned her head; his gaze was bright and intent, making her smile. “It’s perfect.”
When he leaned in, she met him halfway, needing the kiss in a way she’d never experienced. His hand slid into her hair gently … slowly. Charlie ached for more so she pulled him closer, still not cold but wanting his heat. Wanting him.
Grayson’s kisses made her head spin. Soft, slow, then quick, urgent.
A delicious sort of whiplash that made her feel like she was floating, coming untethered.
His tongue against hers, him swallowing her sighs while they held each other.
He trailed his lips along her neck, making anticipation and need pool inside of her.
He whispered her name, taking the kiss deeper until Charlie was so far gone, she lost track of anything other than the man pushing the world away and leaving only room for the two of them.
When he pulled back, he traced the bridge of her nose with the tip of his, then pressed a kiss between her brows.
Her eyelids fluttered open, but it would take some time for her pulse to settle.
“Look up, Charlie.”
She laughed at the request, but when she tipped her head back, she fell silent. Thousands of shimmering stars spread across the night sky like da Vinci had painted the darkness with flecks of swirling gold.
Grayson kissed her temple. “Make a wish.”
She kept her eyes open but didn’t ask the universe for anything. It’d already given her exactly what she needed in this moment.