Chapter Forty-Four
Forty-Four
“CHARLOTTE EMMALINE COLTER, YOU LOOK at me.” Vivica had hauled her into a corner of the ballroom with her mom hat firmly in place. “You can hide your feelings from just about everyone but not from me.”
A weary kind of giddiness crept into her bones. She wanted to let herself believe that Grayson was trying to tell her something when he’d caught her gaze, when she’d arrived and he couldn’t look away. “I’m not trying to hide anything, Mom. I’m trying to keep it together.”
Vivi moved closer. “Nobody keeps it together when they fall in love, C.C. If I’ve taught you nothing else, I’ve clearly proven that, haven’t I?”
Surprised she could laugh when her nerves were on edge and she felt desperate to talk to Gray, she shook her head at her mom. “You have. Mom, why are you here?”
“I told you I needed my C.C. fix.”
She knew her mother well. There was always a little more to the story. Vivi held her gaze but caved fairly quickly. “I came to apologize.”
“What?” Charlie blamed her almost-stepsisters, the internet, her almost-stepfather, and herself.
But she hadn’t blamed Vivi. The viral video and needing space from Vivi almost felt like two separate things.
She’d been mad, frustrated at her mother’s whimsical way of just going after every little thing before thinking through what it all meant. But she hadn’t blamed her.
Vivi’s gaze softened and, again, she moved closer.
“Charlotte. I wanted love so bad, I let myself believe I had a shot at it with Eddie. There’s always going to be a piece of me missing without your daddy, but I don’t want to live my life alone anymore.
So, I threw myself into my relationship and the idea of the show because it gets lonely walking by yourself. ”
Charlie hated the thought of her mother being lonely. “I’m always here for you, Mom. I just needed a little break from it all and, honestly, some distance if you were going to do the reality show.” She offered her mom an apologetic smile. “I was mad, but it wasn’t your fault.”
Vivi reached out and stroked a hand over Charlie’s hair.
“That’s another of my mistakes, honey. You’re my daughter.
It’s not your job to be there for me in any way other than being my girl.
I’ve put too much on you. I’ve made you feel like your life was meant to be lived around mine and that was wrong. ”
Charlie shook her head. “Mom. I’ve been happy with my life. I love you and you’re my best friend.”
Vivi pulled her into a hug. “And you’re mine, darlin’.
” She pulled back. “Which is why I’m going to tell you as your mom, your friend, and a woman who has known true love, that you’re a fool if you think you can walk away from Grayson.
You could put an entire continent between you physically, but that won’t stop you from loving him.
Trust me on that, honey. Because your daddy isn’t even on this earth, and I love him with everything I am. ”
Tears filled her gaze, and Charlie threw her arms around her mom. “His life is here. My life is in California.”
“Your life is wherever you make it, Charlotte.”
Charlie pulled away, ready for complete transparency. “You’re in California.”
Putting one hand on her cheek, her mother lowered her forehead to Charlie’s. “How about you put you first and let me follow for once? All the degrees in the world won’t teach you to follow your heart, honey. I was supposed to do that. Now, I’m asking you to.”
She pressed a kiss to Charlie’s forehead and moved off into the crowd like she’d sensed Grayson coming.
He approached with his eyes locked on Charlie’s.
He looked so handsome in his tux. Watching him and his family take the wedding photos had filled her with a longing she’d never known.
One that terrified her but made her want to leap all the same.
“Charlie,” Grayson said as he stopped in front of her.
“Grayson.”
He held out a hand. “Will you dance with me?”
She slipped her palm into his. “I always keep my promises.”
He pulled her into his arms, backing them onto the dance floor. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”
For the first song, they simply swayed together, fell into the music and each other like one might ease into a pool. Cautiously but completely intent on submerging themselves.
The song ended. Charlie leaned back to look at him, struggling to find the right words. The music of the next song stole her breath. The way Grayson smiled at her, held her tighter, told her he knew exactly what song was going to play.
Her dad’s voice filled the space and Charlie’s heart felt too big for her chest.
There was a time I thought I wanted to stand here alone.
Just my guitar and these lyrics, the stage was my home.
Didn’t know when I met you that I’d say good-bye to old me.
From the second that I saw you, you were all I wanted to see.
Can’t promise only sunny days in the forecast up ahead
But I’ll give you the world, even if it’s only in my head.
Since the day I met you, I can’t stand to be alone
Doesn’t matter where we go, you’ll always be my home.
Tears streamed down Charlie’s cheeks as Grayson held her close and softly sang the lyrics. Her dad had written that song for her mom.
“Charlie,” Grayson whispered in her ear.
She tipped her head back, overwhelmed with emotion when he kissed the tears trailing down her cheeks.
He cupped her face, used his thumbs to gently wipe the rest of the tears away. She held his waist, her body trembling.
“I don’t have all the answers. There’s more I don’t know than I do,” he said as the song continued to play. “But I know that not wanting to feel this way didn’t stop it from happening.”
“What way?” She wondered if he could name all that they were feeling. It seemed too immense to have a label.
“I love you, Charlie. I’m terrified that I do, but I’m more scared of not telling you.
Of having this be over without you knowing how much you mean to me.
I want to promise you everything but, like you, I keep my promises, and I don’t want to hurt you.
I don’t know, really, where we go from here.
But I’ve seen people make things work in much harder circumstances than ours.
You came into my life when I thought I was finally settled and content.
And I was. Both of those things. But you reminded me that there’s more.
I’ve been so scared of being hurt or hurting someone else that I didn’t realize pretending not to feel how I do, or denying how I feel, is a different kind of hurt. ”
She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his wrists. “I’m scared to say it.” She’d never said it to anyone outside of her family. Of course, she’d never felt this for anyone other than him.
He kissed her then and it was like … going home. Only, like her dad sang, it wasn’t a physical place. It was Grayson. His arms, his kiss, his breath on her cheek. Her home was in the way he made her laugh and held her like he didn’t want to let her go.
When he pulled back, he kissed the tip of her nose. “You don’t have to say anything, Charlie.”
But there was so much she wanted to say, so much building inside of her that it felt like it might burst out.
“I hate that you went through the pain and embarrassment that video caused, Charlie.”
“Me, too. But I should have known you can’t really hide from the bad parts of life.
You can go somewhere else, pretend you don’t feel things that you do, but it doesn’t undo what happened.
I needed to accept that I could have behaved differently.
” She needed to be accountable for her own part in things, but she also needed to let herself move on.
“Though all of those things led me to you.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that no one had the right to do that to you and I’m so sorry about everything you’ve been through, but I’m so damn grateful it brought you here, Charlie.
More grateful than you’ll ever know. No matter what happens after this, you made my life infinitely better just by being exactly who you are. ”
She threw her arms around him, and he held her as her dad’s voice and his music faded. A quicker-tempo song started, but they continued to sway slowly, lost in their own world, in each other.
Charlie lowered her arms, put her hands on his chest. “Will you say it again?”
He smiled at her. “I love you, Charlie.”
“I love you, too.”
It was like she’d pulled the sun down from the sky and handed it to him with a big red bow. He scooped her up and twirled her around.
When he set her down, they grinned at each other and for a moment, she felt self-conscious, but then she realized that it didn’t matter what others saw.
As long as Grayson was looking at her the way he was, loving her the way he did, the rest of the world didn’t get a say in where they went from here.
“Want to get out of here?” he asked, his nose brushing against her ear.
She shook her head. “No. I want to dance with you and laugh with your family and my mom. I want to stop hiding in the shadows and start living my life.”
Grayson lifted his head, his smile so full of love, it made her feel like she was weightless.
“I’m not sure what’s next, but I know I want to live that life with you. Beside you,” he said.
Charlie didn’t know she could feel this much happiness when all of the answers weren’t right there in front of her or when the path wasn’t clear.
The road had been anything but smooth, and she knew, without a doubt, there were twists and turns up ahead.
She’d thought she’d find pieces of herself on this small island at the northern tip of Michigan.
She never imagined that, in the end, she’d find her heart. And her home.