9. Dissolve Me – Brad
Ilean against the cracked tile counter in my cramped kitchen, the faint smell of burnt coffee permeating the space. My eyes drift over the disorderly mess: a precarious tower of splattered mixing bowls, a dusting of cocoa powder, the dregs of our late movie night ice cream melted to sticky puddles across the table. Hints of Charlie everywhere, breathing new life into my sterile bachelor existence.
My gaze lands on Charlie’s glitter glue sticking to the brown leather couch, stubborn sparkly remnants glinting back no matter how much I scrub. The mottled carpet still embedded with crumbs from impromptu floor picnics no vacuum can quite pull up. Mismatched throw pillows and blankets in bright colors she lovingly assembled into a cozy nest. Signs of vitality slicing through the dim, muted tones of my typically lone refuge.
It feels good.
I can”t help grinning as I take in the comfortable mess Charlie”s made here - my boring bachelor pad is now bursting with color and energy only an eight-year-old tornado of a girl could bring. This cramped place hasn”t felt much like home lately. It’s just been somewhere to pass out after late shows and even later nights at the studio. But with Charlie”s bubbly laughter filling up the empty space, it already feels warmer.
The grin deepens remembering Charlie ranting about messed up details as we watched movies last night. She takes analyzing that cartoon world so seriously, pointing out things that shatter believability for her eight-year-old brain. We made a game of finding plot holes and cheap animation cheats. Her frown would get deeper with each dramatic eyeroll until laughter finally exploded out at particularly stupid parts.
Watching her crack up like that clinches my throat sometimes. Because underneath the smarty pants act, those carefree little kid giggles poke out. Reminding me of the childhood she got cheated out of with me gone more than around. Each gig or schedule change erasing our plans probably dimmed that light in her a little over the years. Sure, Jude is there, but I’m her real fucking dad. I should have been there more.
If I don”t screw this visit up, could moments like last night bring that spark back for real? Could six weeks heal old wounds and rebuild trust if I stick to my promises for once? I don’t flake on purpose. Not anymore. But it still doesn’t feel like enough. It’ll never be enough to make up for lost time. Being here consistently matters more than even the fun stuff we get into. I know this.
I know this.
The stability in my crash pad these last few years probably looks monumental through a kid’s eyes. Eyes that somehow still gaze at me with more patience than I deserve most days.
My smile falters though, thinking about how short-lived this visit is. Ren being gone these weeks meant Charlie and me wouldn’t get our usual time together. Yet Charlie asked to stay with me instead of taking that overseas trip. That means something. I know getting thrown into Dad duty full-time these couple months won”t be easy. But I’m actually loving it.
Could I get used to having her lighting up my days like this all the time? Or even just more often? That question already ties my gut in knots. I need to keep doing better.
It’s probably best I focus on the whirlwind already lined up for tomorrow when we meet that wildcard bass player from the internet. The one goofy video Charlie picked out that weirdly grabbed us. Was it just crazy luck with the whole internet call-out? Or maybe some deeper connection exists out there guiding strangers together somehow.
I like to believe in fate. That things happen for a reason. But does everything? Or only important things? Maybe just the small things?
Who the fuck knows.
My tornado of thoughts shifts unexpectedly to Tess. There”s some magnetic pull happening there I wasn”t expecting either. One that gets harder to ignore the more we talk. The image of her sweet smile, those blonde strands falling across her graceful neck as we chatted over dinner...keeps replaying in my brain like a song stuck on repeat.
I chuckle to myself remembering Tess huddled with Charlie in the studio space, both gluing rhinestones on some fluffy critter creation. Their giggling girl talk, and easy camaraderie stirred that fierce protectiveness in me as always. I can”t help it after people have let my girl down before.
But something in the genuine warmth shining through in Tess”s smile put me at ease. The way she gave Charlie her full attention instead of that distant distraction adults often slide into around kids. How thoughtful questions brought Charlie out of her initially shy shell little by little.
And those sly winks and whispers they exchanged like co-conspirators, pushed me over the edge. Tess didn”t just humor Charlie”s arts and crafts hobby. She somehow knew exactly which details would make it epic in a kid”s eyes.
Seeing Charlie”s beam widen as she bonds with someone new usually worries me. But watching Tess win her over inch-by-inch filled me with other emotions I can”t quite name yet. Ones that quicken my pulse and clench my chest unexpectedly.
Maybe Tess understands the secrets of brightening a child’s world better than most. She hasn’t said anything specific about it, but I get the sense that her current position is hard won. She’s a fighter. I recognize that weight in her even if the details of it stayed locked up tight.
My thoughts flash to the deflected questions whenever our conversations turn personal. Her slowed reactions those times emotions almost cracked the surface before she re-tightened her control. I recognize that hyper-vigilance of not letting anyone too close.
I saw it in mirrors for years when I could bring myself to even fucking look. Felt the weight of the baggage dragging behind each step, screaming, don”t look back. Every new town, every new band, just run. Keep chaos always circling to outpace the demons nipping at my heels.
Maybe Tess had a rough upbringing too. Hard things that force you to grow up quick and affect you for a long time after. Like how I started putting up walls early so I wouldn’t keep getting hurt anymore by people who were supposed to protect me. Those survival instincts kicking in teaching you not to feel too much or need anyone.
Could two people broken in similar jagged ways find an unexpected safe harbor in each other down the line? Past and future colliding, then realigning into something steadier together?
The thought doesn’t scare me as much as it probably should. But not much scares me anymore.
Whatever she’s survived, it clearly fine-tuned an empathy that reaches free spirits like Charlie. I ought to resent an outsider cracking those shields around my daughter. Yet with Tess, I can”t summon the same wariness I normally would. And that might be what shakes me more than anything.
What is it about Tess that makes me willing to completely drop my guard for her? And why don’t I feel like fighting it?
My leg bounces restlessly as I debate grabbing another beer or trying to force sleep. Charlie”s light snores drift from her room down the hall, but my brain spins too fast to shut off. Before I overthink the impulse, I grab my phone to call Tess.
I stare at her name glowing in my contacts, finger hovering indecisively. Come on, man. It’s just a work call. I hit dial before my nerve fails.
She answers on the third ring. “Brad?”
“Hey, sorry. I know it’s late. This wildcard bass player thing has just been bugging me.”
Smooth, Chambers. Real fucking subtle.
Tess laughs softly. “You and me both. It’s unconventional but that video...he has something special, right? I can’t get his sound out of my head.”
I exhale, relieved she’s as preoccupied, and by the musicality not just the uncertainty. Or the guy’s alleged ‘cuteness.’
“Exactly. Like his style is familiar but totally unique too?” I pace aimlessly, enthusiasm spilling out. “I don’t know why I’m so obsessed about figuring this guy out all of a sudden.”
A prickly silence follows my clumsy transparency. I squeeze my eyes shut cursing internally. Way to play it cool, dumbass. I scramble to recover some ground. “Uh, anyway, sorry to bug you after hours. I just value your take on this whole crazy thing.”
Her soft breath fills the brief quiet until she speaks gently. “You’re not bugging me at all. I’m glad you called.” My stomach flips oddly. She continues, “This is uncharted territory for me too, remember? We’ll figure things out together.”
The sincerity in her words bands tight around my chest. I clear my throat roughly, fighting all the foreign feelings. “Right. Cool. So, what do we know about him? Any ideas of what to expect?”
I hear shuffling on Tess”s end. ”Ian’s been handling the contact, but let”s see, what little social media he has says his name”s Dakota. No last name though.”
”Hmm...Dakota.” I roll the name around my head trying to conjure some solid mental image of tomorrow’s guest. I know what the dude looks like, and how he plays, but absolutely nothing else. ”Well that tells us exactly nothing.”
Tess laughs, and the sound warms my chest. ”Very mysterious. His technique seems mostly self-taught and adventurous. Lots of unexpected chord changes and rhythms.”
”So, you really think he could work with our sound?” I switch the phone to my other ear, curiosity spiking.
”Absolutely. That raw creative energy could be exactly what you guys need.” Tess pauses, tone thoughtful. ”The passion reminds me of seeing you all perform actually.”
I freeze, my heart racing strangely at her praise. I clear my throat, fishing for composure. “What, you saying I look passionate up there too?”
“I’d never feed that rockstar ego too much, but...” Tess’s teasing voice trails off suggestively. Heat rushes into my neck and I snort out an awkward laugh to cover my flustered reaction. An odd tension creeps into the silence until Tess redirects. “Anyway, guess we’ll find out more soon.”
“Yeah, guess so.” I hesitate, grasping for excuses to prolong this call. Longing to know more about what lurks beneath her polished exterior too. But I’m feeling awkward as fuck and can’t think of a smooth line. “So... read any good books lately?”
Tess giggles at my random question. ”Oh gosh, I wish I had time to read books. Between prepping for this new role and trying to have some semblance of a social life, free time is pretty scarce. My Netflix queue is embarrassing.”
I smile, settling back into the couch and propping my feet up. ”No judgment here. Unless we”re talking reality shows. Please tell me you have better taste than that.”
”Hey! Don”t come at me for The Great British Bake Off,” Tess protests playfully. ”That show is a national treasure.”
”If you say so.” I chuckle. ”But nah, I feel you on the no free time thing. Usually by the time I get Charlie to bed I just veg out to dumb videos too. Adulting is so glamorous, right?”
Tess hums in amused agreement. ”Oh yeah, peak rockstar living over here. Yesterday”s mascara is still clinging to dear life and remnants of mac and cheese dinners past are now stuck on my nice work blouses.”
Her self-deprecating humor makes me grin. ”Oh, come on, I bet you still look hot as hell covered in cheese dust.” The flirtatious words slips out unintentionally. ”Uh, I mean...you know, put together and stuff.”
”Wow, don”t overdo the compliments there, Casanova,” Tess teases. I hear rustling like she”s getting comfortable. ”But seriously, I”m loving this glimpse behind the consummate rocker exterior. The great Brad Chambers does normal people things, who knew?”
I lean forward, letting her gentle ribbing thaw me further. ”I mean, washing dishes and paying bills aren”t quite as glamorous as trashing hotel rooms. But hot showers and homemade food make up for it.”
Her answering laugh chimes melodically over the line. ”No complaints about the hot showers I bet. Do rockstars still have groupies sneaking in hoping to share?”
My skin prickles at her flirty probing. Two can play this game. ”Maybe back in the day. But word must”ve gotten out that I’m a total dud now. My wild days dried up once the wrinkles set in.”
”I sincerely doubt that,” Tess says, a smile lurking beneath the words. “You’re certainly aging well from what I’ve seen...” The suggestive comment hangs invitingly.
I wet my lips, mouth suddenly dry. “Yeah well, settling down changes things. Most nights it’s just me and Netflix these days too. Much to Charlie’s annoyance when she’s stuck with me. Though with her, we stick to Disney.”
I hear sheets shift, and I try hard not to imagine Tess curled up in bed. And fail. “Mm, no arguments here that snuggly movie nights sound better than partying too hard. Though I wouldn’t say no to letting loose every so often.”
I swallow thickly as tempting visuals flood my mind. I can actually feel the blood heating up in my veins.
Focus, Chambers...
I steer us to safer waters before my thoughts derail completely. “Yeah...so, uh, you got any hidden talents besides saving rockstar reputations?”
Tess hums thoughtfully across the line. The flirtatious tension cooks deliciously in each light probe and redirection.
I’d hoped for a connection like this but wasn’t sure it would manifest. I didn’t know if she’d be receptive.
Yet here we are. Just two people connecting via some random cell tower under the cloak of night.
This is fucking awesome.