19. Say It – Brad
Reading a chapter to my girl from her favorite book, The Worst Witch, during a break in rehearsals is a nice switch for my brain. I’ve been in a heightened mode of creativity for hours straight, so to relax for a minute and decompress with someone else’s words for a change feels good. I love that Charlie still likes this book too after reading it so many times.
Things like this book are an odd comfort. Predictability gives a sense of safety when everything else around is overwhelming. Knowing how something is going to go in a story can calm a racing heart or whirring mind. It’s that security that we’re all searching for in some way, and why we rewatch certain shows or movies, or listen to the same song over and over.
Repetitiveness is reinforcing the emotion we’ve pulled from it. We need something from it. Crave it. Hunger for it. And I see why we do it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find comfort. I can only hope that people find comfort in our music in the same way. It’s kind of why we do it.
To relate.
To connect.
I catch Tess’s eye when I glance up for a second, and find her watching us, a faraway look in her gaze. It’s as if she’s somewhere else, or at least seeing or thinking about somewhere or something else. It gives her a dreamy look that is fascinating to me. My heart pounds briefly, hoping that it’s me she’s thinking about with that look on her face. I want her daydreaming about me, like I’ve been fighting against all morning with her only feet away from us while we practice.
I can’t explain the magnetic pull of her. Sure, she’s hot as fuck, and super smart and funny, but it’s something else. Something more. I’m dying to find out what that something more could be.
According to Ian, the girls can have another sleepover this Friday, so fingers crossed that date number two with Tess goes smoothly this time. I’m not going to put pressure or expectations on anything, but I’d be a fucking liar if I didn’t say I want to take things to the next level with her. Whether or not we get there is yet to be seen, but I’m willing to go wherever she leads us.
I finish reading the chapter and Charlie hops off my lap and runs to join Hayley and June in the craft corner. She’s been antsy to join them for a few minutes now, so I’m happy to put her out of her misery. Besides, my eyes are getting tired.
Tess comes to sit next to me, and it takes about all I have in me not to wrap an arm around her, or reach out and touch her hair, or her cheek. Run a thumb along her bottom lip as she breathes in. Fuck, kiss her right here and now in front of everyone.
Somehow, I restrain myself.
She gives me a sideways glance as if she knows exactly what ran through my mind, and we share a smile between us. A secret smile. One that conveys the emotions running through both of us. I hate secrets, but this one I don’t mind keeping. For now, at least.
“So, what have you been up to, slaving over your phone the last half hour or so?” I ask, curious what that faraway look was in her eyes not long ago. “Or were you just listening to me read out loud?”
She smirks, and I love it. “I was listening, yes, but I was also working…” The smirk turns into a wide smile as she holds her phone out for me to look at.
It’s a video of me reading to Charlie, and to be honest, it’s fucking amazing. The lighting, the setting, it perfectly shows my relationship with Charlie.
“Wow. That’s really cool…can you send me a copy of that? I’d love to have it for myself.” It’s one of those videos I could show Charlie later, when she’s going through her teenage angst and say, ‘See, we used to be cool.’
“Oh, I guess I could send it,” she says, a little awkwardly. “But I put it up on all your socials, so you have it there already. The response has been great?—”
My bones freeze.
“You did what??” I pray to God I didn’t just hear what I think I heard. Using Charlie in any way is out of the fucking question.
“I put it on your socials to show a different side of you…” Tess’s eyes are growing wide and surprised at my sharp response.
“Tess, no. Absolutely not.”
“But the response has been great. Everyone loves it.”
“Give me that,” I snap, grabbing her phone to read the comments that I’m sure aren’t going to be so positive. I know how fucking cruel the internet is.
And I’m fucking right.
angryboi69: Man, he’s fucking ‘em younger and younger now, huh? Scum.
freesprite: At least we know he can read now.
imthatguy: a few more years, I’d do her.
My hands are shaking, I’m so fucking irate.
“Take it down now,” I seethe through gritted teeth. “Fucking NOW, Tess.”
Her brow furrows in confusion as she takes the phone away from me and starts scrolling the comments.
“Oh my God,” she mumbles, her own hands starting to tremble as she reads. She starts hurriedly tapping the screen and flipping between apps, hopefully deleting the post from everywhere she uploaded it. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry.”
The damage is done, however, and I can’t even begin to mentally deal with the aftermath of this, whatever it’s going to look like. What the hell made Tess think posting a video of my daughter online was a good idea? Or to do it without asking first?
I get up to take Charlie home early. I need to get the fuck out of here and take my girl with me. My protective instincts are flying into place and taking over. Just as I’m about to head over to her, my phone starts ringing. Glancing down, I see that it’s Ren, Charlie’s mom.
Fuck.
Fuck.
We’re in for it now.