37. True Colors – Tess
He doesn’t answer. I finally got the nerve up to call and face whatever is going on, and he doesn’t even answer. Of course he doesn’t. He’s probably trying to avoid me at all costs, just like earlier at rehearsals. What else did I expect? For him to just come out and admit that he’s been stringing me along this whole time?
People don’t work that way. Especially rockstars. He’s probably got ‘girlfriends’ in every damn town they’ve ever played for all I know. Sierra is just the tip of the iceberg. There are plenty more where she came from, I’m sure. Guys like Brad don’t stick to just one person. They can’t. It’s not in their nature.
Eliza’s call had bolstered me into action. Be professional. Do my fucking job. Get the details. Spin it in whatever way is best for the band. For the label. For Brad.
But what about me? Where do I fit into any of this? Other than the one doing the clean up? How can I clean up a mess that has utterly destroyed me, only minutes after it happened?
All my life I have had to be the strong one. The one who fixes things. From my family to my friends, to my love life. It’s what I do, and I do it well, which is why this profession is perfect for me. But this is going above and beyond.
Being the strong one all the time is exhausting. I’m tested repeatedly, just to see how well I can take the hit, and I’m tired. Tired of getting back up and dusting myself off, only to be decimated again. Tired of being the person who isn’t supposed to react. Take it on the chin and ask for more.
I don’t want any more.
I want to be the person being supported. Held together. Cared for. Thought about. Just once, I want to know what that feels like. Sure, I’d probably freak the fuck out about it because it would be so foreign, but I still want it. I yearn for it. My entire being craves it.
But like everything else coming to light today, I know deep down that I’ll never have that. It’s not in my cards to be able to let my guard down and let someone in. I was beginning to think that maybe Brad was someone I could do that with. Boy, was I wrong. I’ll just need to relearn how to live with that.
The phone vibrates in my hands, making me jump, and tearing me out of my inner downward spiral.
It’s Brad.
You can do this. You can do this.
“Hey, Brad.”
Professional. I’m a professional.
“Hey…Tess,” he stutters, probably caught off guard by my nonchalant tone.
Good. Be off balance. Asshole.
I jump in before he can start with his excuses. “I called a little while ago because Eliza wants me to solidify the story that Sierra gave to Blindsided. We can start using it for publicity on the upcoming tour and maybe even add dates in Texas where she’s from. You know, do the whole ‘hometown’ thing? Do you have any recent pictures of you two together I can use for posts? I’d like to start working on that first thing tomorrow if you?—”
“Sierra and I are not together,” he interrupts my long-winded diatribe.
I’m not sure I heard him correctly. “But the article?—”
“Is complete bullshit. She made it up.” I can sense his anger just from his tone of voice, but it’s still off.
“Okay…” This doesn’t make any sense, and now I’m getting angry again. Does he really think I’m that stupid? “But I heard you talking to her earlier outside of rehearsal. I heard what you said, Brad.”
“What, exactly, did you hear me say, Tess? What were my exact fucking words?”
Is he actually mad at me about this? Like I did something wrong here? Oh no. He’s got another thing coming if that’s the case.
“Are you trying to turn this around on me right now? Because that’s not how this works. I am talking to you as the PR person for Blackmore Records, assigned to your band to fix your image. Nothing more.”
“No…fuck. Of course I’m not blaming you.” He’s quiet for a long moment, and I can almost hear him pacing. “I’m trying to figure out what you heard that would make you think I’d go back with Sierra, that’s all. Because that was not how the conversation actually went.”
“Oh, really?” I can’t keep the shock out of my voice. “Because I heard, ‘I still care about you too, babe…’ clear as fucking day. And I’m not the only one. Actually, everyone outside at the time heard it. It was lovely. Fucking embarrassing as all get out, but absolutely beautiful. I’m happy for you. Truly, I am.”
“Tess, you didn’t hear the rest of it.”
“Oh, there was more? Gee, I’m so sorry I missed it.” My sarcasm is taking over, and I can’t help but let it loose. I’m hurting, and my first instinct is to hurt back. “I’m sure it was absolutely enlightening.”
“Tess…”
“No, please. Go on. I want to hear everything about the star-crossed lovers, who still care about each other so much after all this time. The pair who are, what did she call it? ‘Meant to be?’ That’s it. Tell me that story. You’re good at stories, too. Right, Brad? Isn’t that all you’ve been telling me? Stories? First Gina on our first date, and now this?”
“That’s not fair, and you know it.”
“Oh, I’m aware that nothing’s fair. Believe me, I’m well aware of that fact.”
He lets out a long breath. “I can’t do this…”
And the line goes dead.
He hung up on me.
Brad fucking Chambers just hung up on me.