Chapter Two #2
“While that is true, using him as your excuse isn’t well done.
You saw how absent of a parent he was, or a husband, and you won’t make the same mistakes.
” She shrugged. “Mama isn’t a decent role model either, yet I have taken pains to be a different sort of mother to my children than she was to us. ”
Another truth. Even now, their mother resided in Bath where she could relax and take in the waters for her health.
However, there was nothing wrong with her that Felix could ascertain other than being stubborn and generally impossible.
She hated London and everything within it, so it was rare indeed that she came to visit.
“You are a lovely mother.”
A hint of a blush went through her cheeks. “Thank you. I don’t want my children to hate me once they are adults.”
It wasn’t that he despised his mother, he just would rather not be in the same room with her.
She’d done nothing when his father had beaten him, had done nothing to protect him or Felicity when their father had come home pissing drunk, had done nothing when that same “father” had attempted to sexually molest Felicity one night when he was so inebriated he couldn’t remember who anyone was or where he lived.
Since that time, Felix had been overly protective of his sister, and it had been a damned relief when his father had died in a carriage accident before Felix had gone off for the army. It meant he wouldn’t need to worry over her safety while he was off fighting for England.
“Your children adore you, and you know it.” Helena was the oldest, followed by Athena, then the two boys from her second marriage, Alexander and Elias.
Why she’d named her children after famous Greeks, he would never know, but it suited them, since they were all blond-haired.
“In fact, I’ll wager Johnathan can’t wait until he can come home to you. ”
Another blush went through her cheeks. “You are too sweet sometimes, Felix, which is why a part of you is being wasted by remaining single. I think you long for the love of a good woman.”
“And we’re back to me being lectured into proposing to Caroline.”
His sister grinned. “I just want you to be happy.”
“What makes you think I’m not that already?”
She snorted. “Because you are sitting in your chair, before your fire, in your stocking-covered feet as if you were a man of seventy.” When he glowered, she giggled. “Don’t you have a dream of being a father?”
It wasn’t something he’d given thought to, for after surviving his own childhood, he didn’t wish to inadvertently repeat that abuse.
“That isn’t something I need in my life to feel fulfilled.
” Would he be a decent father? There was no way to tell, but he’d rather not find out.
It was only a miracle Caroline hadn’t fallen pregnant after the times they’d come together back in May.
Being obligated to offer for her—or any woman—merely because of scandal or ruined reputations didn’t sit well in his belly.
Did she wish for children? Possibly, for didn’t all women want to become mothers?
Would his views prove an obstacle to an engagement?
“I believe you would prove a lovely father,” she said in a low voice. “It’s heartbreaking to think you’ll cut yourself out of that merely because you can’t see yourself doing it.”
“Again, sister dearest, my annual income isn’t large. Should I have an expansive family, I don’t wish to thrust them or myself into poverty merely for the ‘chance’ to reproduce.”
“Fair enough, but once you start landing more consulting cases, your mind might change.”
“Perhaps. We shall see.”
For long moments, she regarded him with speculation in her eyes. “Stop thinking about whether you’ll be a good husband or not and just make the decision. No doubt Miss Ives is wondering why the devil you haven’t done it yet.”
“Why must you make so much sense?” Bah humbug.
However, over the past couple of months, he’d more than considered asking for Caroline’s hand, to the point that he’d visited a jeweler’s shop where he’d bought a ring and matching necklace on the off chance he might find his courage to secure her future.
Would she like the emeralds he’d chosen? Only time would tell.
Hell, his friend Inspector Bright had even encouraged him to propose, so if Gabriel thought it a good idea, it probably was.
So, why couldn’t he do it?
“If you’re using the excuse of you not being a whole man, stop that rubbish thinking this instant,” Felicity said in a soft voice. “No woman worth her salt will care that you rely on a cane or that your leg has never healed quite right. We don’t marry for that sort of thing.”
“I know, but…”
“And put the last woman in your life from your mind. She doesn’t deserve another thought, and she certainly wasn’t worthy of your time if she was that shallow,” his sister added with annoyance reflecting in her eyes.
“I appreciate that.” Yet he continued to stare morosely into the fire.
Felicity huffed. “I’ll admit, I don’t know Miss Ives very well, but I’d like to think that if she’s seen you at your worst as well as your best and she’s still with you, then it’s very likely that she’s fallen for you.
” She leaned over and touched his arm until he glanced at her.
“No doubt she loves you, and she won’t reject your suit. ”
God, I hope so.
“Am I worthy of her do you think? After all, she’s a viscount’s daughter. She’s part of the beau monde, while I’m—”
“A gentleman of the first order,” Felicity interrupted promptly.
“You are a hero of the war, a former Bow Street agent, and a glorious detective with a sarcastic sense of humor when you allow it to show.” Her grin was infectious.
“Get out of your own head and live a little. You might just find that life will surprise you.” She winked.
“And I can’t wait to welcome a new sister to our family. ”
“Ha.” Another round of heat rose on the back of his neck. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Good.” She nodded. “Meanwhile, the children and I can decorate your townhouse for the holiday season. If Miss Ives drops by, she can help, which will give me time to know her better.” Excitement went through Felicity’s expression.
“The children will enjoy decorating and it will allow them to keep busy. Also, if it grows cold enough, perhaps we can all go out ice-skating on the Serpentine or browse one of the Christmas markets. We’ll be out in any event to hunt for the perfect Christmastide greenery. ”
“Good God, why can you just leave me alone to think?” The prospect of being dragged into doing holiday activities with her children sounded properly horrible.
And noisy.
Felicity laughed as she rose to her feet.
“Don’t be a miserable scourge, brother dear.
It’s the Christmastide season. Happiness and magic will abound.
” Then she leaned down and bussed his cheek as something crashed on the floor above.
“Oh, dear. No doubt the boys are scrapping again. I’ll go check, but do give thought to my words. ”
“I will, I promise.” Once she left the room, he blew out a breath.
What the hell was he going to do? Above all, he needed to sort his thoughts as well as his life, but absolutely he wanted Caroline in his life in some portion.
Would it be as a fiancée? He didn’t know but he intended to give the matter more thought.