Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
WREN
I couldn’t sleep in the bed.
Not without Barrett there.
Not knowing that Barrett and I will never sleep in that bed together again.
I crashed on the sofa, hoping to get just enough rest to have the energy to pack up what little I unpacked, but the house was too full of memories. I may have only moved in yesterday, but we’ve already spent so much time here together.
This is the couch where we watched Monster House, a nominally creepy children’s movie, and Barrett teased me for still being a scaredy cat, while cradling me close and promising he’d never let the monsters get me. There’s the kitchen where we’ve already made so many meals, chatting while we cooked, the conversation never slowing even though we’ve known each other for most of our lives.
But Barrett and I never seem to run out of things to say or laughter to share or dreams or goals or horniness.
We were really good at horniness.
We had sex in every room in this house except the garage and I was hoping to take care of that during the spring cleaning we had planned for next weekend. I had several graphic sex scenarios laid out, all involving him and that riding lawn mower.
But now that won’t happen.
We won’t ever make love again. I’ll never fall asleep in his arms or wake up to see his morning crazy hair or feel special because I’m the only one who gets to see Barrett sleepy and unkempt.
That fact—and all the house memories—haunted me all night, ensuring I didn’t sleep a wink. By the time I drag myself into the bathroom to shower around seven, I feel like death warmed over and look even worse.
“Ugh,” I say, wincing and holding a hand up to my reflection in the mirror.
As if the dark circles and red eyes aren’t enough, I’ve also sprouted a stress zit in the center of my forehead. I’m ugly in a way a shower probably won’t do much to fix, but at least I’ll be clean when whichever brother Barrett talks into taking over “get rid of my girlfriend” duty gets here at ten to help load the U-Haul.
I hope it’s not Wes. Wes is such a sweet, relentlessly happy guy. Seeing pity and sadness in his eyes will be so much worse than seeing it from Christian or Matty. Though I’d rather have Wes than Drew. Drew’s spent time with us as a couple, Drew knows exactly how deep my feelings run for Barrett and how much this hurts.
If it’s Drew, I’ll probably take one look in his eyes and start bawling.
Just thinking about it is enough to make my eyes water again.
In the shower, I lift my face, letting the warm spray wash the tears away. Then, I do my best to calm down and focus on what needs to get done first. I haven’t unpacked much of the jewelry area at all, so that will probably be easiest. And that way, I’ll have several boxes ready to go on the U-Haul while I throw my clothes back in a suitcase.
I’m so focused on my mental list; I apparently don’t hear the bathroom door open. One second, I’m mindlessly running soap under my armpits, the next the shower curtain pulls back behind me and I’m letting out an ear-piercing scream that would give the lady from Psycho a run for her money.
“Sorry!” a deep voice rumbles as I continue to scream.
I spin, shielding my breasts with my arms to see Barrett standing at the back of the tub and shield harder. “What are you doing? I don’t want you to see me naked right now.”
“Sorry,” he says again, his eyes instantly snapping shut. But he doesn’t move or shift the shower curtain back into place. “I thought maybe this would be a good surprise.”
“No, it’s not a good surprise,” I say, even as the wounded part of me raises her head, hoping he’s here to make things better between us. But can he? Can I let him? After how much he hurt me last night? “I mean, I’m glad you’re here, but not in the bathroom. What if I was doing something embarrassing in here?”
“Like what?” he asks, his eyes still closed. “I’m a doctor. Not much about the human body surprises or embarrasses me.”
“I’m not going to answer that question,” I say. “Because you’re never going to see those things or know that I do them. I’m going to maintain my aura of mystery.”
“Okay,” he says. “I like your aura of mystery. But…can we talk?”
“Right now?” I ask, washing the soap from under my arms.
“I’m afraid I’ll forget what I wanted to say if we wait,” he says. “I didn’t sleep at all last night and my head is a mess.”
“Mine, too,” I say. “I didn’t sleep, either.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that.” I turn my back fully to the warm spray, twining my fingers into one joined fist at the center of my chest as I ask, “Does that mean you want to make up?”
“No,” he says, sending my stomach lurching down toward my knees, only to lift it back up again as he adds, “I want to make you a promise. A promise that I won’t ever let someone outside this relationship get in my head again. They haven’t earned the right to be there.”
“No, they haven’t,” I say, still too bruised by the past twelve hours to get too hopeful too soon.
“I also want to promise you that I’ll let you help me make up for what I lack,” he adds in a softer voice. “And that I’ll do the same for you, though I can’t think of anything you lack. As far as I can tell, you’re perfect.”
“I’m not perfect,” I say, tears gathering in my eyes again. “I’m a chicken in so many areas of my life. It’s not just watching scary movies. It’s helping patients deal with rough news and telling my mom I don’t like ceramic frogs and would like something else for Christmas and voting for what I really want for lunch on Fridays instead of what I know all the other nurses prefer.” I swipe water from my face and add, “And telling the guy I have a crush on that I like him instead of waiting around for years after his divorce, hoping he’ll notice me.”
“I wish I’d noticed,” he says, his brow furrowing above his still closed eyes. “Will you help me notice things? And I’ll help you speak up? Or just…fight your battles for you? If you’ll let me? I’d love to do that. I’d love to do anything I can to make your life easier and meet at least some of your needs.”
“You meet so many of my needs,” I say, hating that I have to add, “but you also tore me apart last night, Barrett. I can’t go through something like that again. If we’re going to give this another try, we have to promise to stay and fight for each other. I can’t go to Thailand, and you can’t go to Drew’s house. And no more one-sided decisions.”
“No more one-sided decisions,” he says. “And no more running. From now on, we’re a team, and if we can’t sort things out together, I’ll go to my therapist for help. Or to Tatum and Drew. They helped me a lot this morning.”
My chest finally beginning to loosen, I send up a silent thank you to the universe for bringing Tatum into my life. “I’m so glad. They’re really good at loving each other.”
“We can be that good,” he says, the conviction in his voice making me ache in a good way this time. “I believe we can. Just because I have farther to go to get to where Drew is, doesn’t mean I can’t get there. I can be like Drew is with Tatum. I know I can.”
“I don’t want you to be like Drew,” I say, reaching out to touch his cheek with my damp fingers. His lids open and his gaze locks on mine. “I want you to be you.” My lips crook up on one side as I add, “Just the version of you who never leaves me alone and sad again.”
His eyes shining, he whispers, “I promise. Never again. I love you so much, Wren, and I’m going to keep working until I’m the best version of myself. Because that’s the version you deserve.”
“Me, too,” I say, smiling past the sting at the backs of my eyes. “Now, get out of here, and let me finish showering. Then we can get dressed and go get some breakfast, maybe?”
“I’d rather join you in the shower and make you breakfast after,” he says, his gaze heating on mine. “I’ve heard shower orgasms are a great way to say you’re sorry.”
I bite my lip. “Really? Shower orgasms are nice. But you’ll have to promise not to look too closely at my face. I’m ugly this morning.”
“You’re beautiful. Always,” he says, working open the buttons on his white dress shirt from last night, making my weary nerve endings start to sizzle.
“I’m not. I have a huge growth in the middle of my forehead.”
“It makes you look like a unicorn,” he says, smiling as he quickly sheds the rest of his clothes. “I love it.”
Laughing I say, “Well, thanks. I always thought I’d be a dragon if I were a mystical creature, since I love shiny things, but a unicorn isn’t half bad.”
“Nothing about you is half bad.” He steps into the shower naked, pulling me against him as he moves into the spray. He wraps me up in his arms, hugging me tight as he exhales near my ear, “I’m so glad to be here. I thought I’d never hold you like this again. It was soul-crushing.”
I shudder and tighten my grip on his shoulders. “It was. But it’s over now.”
“No, it’s just getting started,” he says, cupping my breast in one hand, running his thumb over my nipple as he bends his head to mine. We kiss and instantly the world is a better place than it was before.
And then he takes me against the shower wall, pinning me between the cool tile and his warm body, and makes me come so hard it washes some of the pain away. The Oreo pancakes he makes for us afterward—inspired by Sarah Beth, evidently—are soothing, too, and so wickedly delicious I have three and am too hopped up on sugar to nap the way we planned.
So, we go on a long walk instead, arriving home just as Starling is dropping off Keanu.
We hear him gargling forks in his carrier from halfway down the block and hurry to meet Starling in the driveway. “Sorry,” she says, handing the carrier over to Barrett. “He hates being in there so much, but he was a good boy last night. He and Kyle slept the whole night through, snuggled together in the dog bed, and he only peed in one pair of my shoes. And they were flip-flops, so they were super easy to clean.” She smiles, glancing between the two of us. “So, how was the wedding?”
“Beautiful and then terrible. We had a rough night,” Barrett says, surprising me with his openness. “But we’re moving past it with a commitment to bringing our best selves to the table. Especially my best self.”
Starling’s brows lift as her focus homes in on my face. “Is that right?”
I nod. “It is. I’ll fill you in later, but I know you’re busy today with all the ball preparations.”
“I’m going to take Keanu in,” Barrett says, bending to kiss my cheek. “Let you two talk without all the racket.”
Keanu lets out a strangled screech-whine in response and Barrett rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling as he heads toward the house. “Thank you, Starling,” he calls over his shoulder, “and see you tonight.”
My sister waits until the door closes behind Barrett to turn back to me and hiss, “So how bad did he fuck up? Is he on notice? Should I keep your bedroom open just in case?”
I shake my head. “No. We’re good,” I say, believing it. “And if we struggle again, we’ll get through it. We both want it too much to give up anytime soon.” I cast a glance toward the house, my lips curving. “Honestly, I love him even more today. He was in a bad, scary place last night. It would have been so much easier for him to push me away and give up, but he didn’t. I’m taking that as a sign that I’m as special to him as he is to me.”
“Hell yes, you are,” she says. “He adores you, sis. He’s just like Keanu. Sometimes his purr sounds like a rusty chainsaw, but it’s still coming from a good place, you know?”
I laugh. “Sort of, yeah. So how did the photo shoot go last night? Get some good shots?”
Starling’s grin returns. “Oh my God, it was incredible. And one of the volunteers who was helping us set up for the shoot is a sketch artist. Take a look at this.” She whips her phone out of her pocket, pulling up an image that makes me yelp and press a hand to my heart. Starling cackles. “Isn’t it great? Keanu looks even more terrifying in colored pencil than he does in real life.”
I glance back at her screen, taking in the artist’s rendering of Keanu in all his grinny, toothy, bare-tailed glory. “Wow. He’s really talented.”
“She,” Starling corrects. “Her name is Kaps, and she asked if she could use Keanu on the label for her new Pale Ale. She owns Ugly Dog Brewery, that place that just opened downtown.”
I smile. “Really? Keanu’s going to be on a beer label?”
“He is,” Starling confirms. “Isn’t that cool? Your hideous baby is going to be a star.”
I laugh. “I’m so proud. I can’t wait to tell Barrett that his ward is famous.”
“Don’t tell him yet,” she says. “Kaps is going to print up a test batch of labels today and sell Keanu Pale Ale at the ball tonight. You guys are still going, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, wouldn’t miss it. I just need a nap first. I didn’t sleep much last night.”
Starling claps her hands. “Oh good. The board is announcing their choice for the full-time fundraising position, and I really wanted you to be there. If they give the job to someone else, I may need to cry in the bathroom with you.”
I pull her in for a hug. “Of course, but they have to give it to you. You’re a perfect fit for the job and have done so much for them in just a few weeks. They’d be idiots to go with anyone else.”
She pulls back, wrinkling her nose down at me. “Even Christian? Who’s been leading their spring fundraising push as a loyal volunteer for years? Apparently, he applied for the job a few days ago, when he found out Theo withdrew his application.”
I frown. “How’s he going to manage that when he’s already working full-time at his repair shop?”
Starling shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s thinking of hiring people to take over at the shop. Maybe he wants a career change. Maybe he just really wants control of the Furry Friends social media account so he can take down that bulldog picture himself. Who knows. The man is a mystery to me.”
“But one you’d kind of like to figure out?” I ask.
She makes a gagging sound. “Ew, no. I mean, maybe before he came at my job, I thought there were some sexy things about him. But now he can crawl into a hole filled with flesh-eating termites for all I care.”
“I didn’t realize flesh-eating termites were a thing.”
“I’m not sure if they are, honestly,” she says. “I couldn’t tell if the article was real or a weird promo for a horror movie, but either way, I wish them upon Christian. He’s a thorn in my side that I’ll be grateful to have removed tonight. One way or another, our working relationship is coming to an end. If he gets the position, I’m quitting. And if I get it, he’s fired as a volunteer.” She rubs her hands together. “It’ll be my first order of business.”
I wish her luck and head inside to catch Keanu mid-stream just inside the door. But this time, he’s peeing on the small fern I placed by the shelf where we leave our shoes, instead of the shoes themselves. “Good job, buddy,” I say, earning a metallic bark from the dog as he finishes up and wags his tail my way. “Let’s go get you a treat.”
He follows me into the kitchen, where Barrett is cleaning up the breakfast mess we left behind when we went for our walk. He arches a brow, “What did he do to earn a treat?”
“He peed in the fern, not our shoes,” I say.
Barrett smiles. “Good boy, Keanu. Come get a baby carrot.” He fetches the treat from the fridge and tosses it to the dog, who snatches it in his teeth and carries it over to the rug by the fireplace where he likes to devour his treats in private.
When he’s done, he promptly collapses on his side and begins to snore.
I yawn and smile. “I think he has the right idea. Nap time.”
“I’ll set the alarm for four hours,” Barrett says, tossing the dish towel beside the sink. “That should give us plenty of time to get dressed for the ball.”
“Four hours is a very long nap,” I say, taking his hand and letting him lead the way down the hall.
He glances back at me, heat in his eyes. “We won’t be napping the entire time.”
I grin. “Oh. Good. Shower sex is great, but I prefer you in a bed. I’m just an old-fashioned girl, I guess.”
“You’re the best girl,” he says, drawing me inside and shutting the bedroom door behind us. And then he proves it.
Afterwards, I drift to sleep in his arms, feeling like I’m exactly where I belong.