Chapter Six #4
I fucked him with my tongue, kissing him with wild lashes. He gripped my ass, forcing my pelvis hard against the steely ridge of his cock. I pressed into him because my pussy was a needy bitch and ached to feel him at the juncture between my thighs.
The room grew hotter as we danced. Romeo had his hands all over Levi as they danced next to us.
“Ready for a drink?” Ryatt asked.
I tapped Levi on the shoulder and pointed to the corner of the room. We shifted through the crowd making our way back to our table. Hana and Pippa laughed as they sang along to Lady Gaga, clearly feeling good.
Dozer and Blade stood. “We’re going out for a smoke,” Blade said.
Romeo kissed Levi. “Order another drink while I go with them.”
“He wants you drunk tonight when you use his dick to sing karaoke,” Hana said, then she and Pippa laughed harder. Clearly, I wasn’t in on the inside joke.
“You coming?” Romeo asked Ryatt.
“Yeah,” Ryatt said.
“I need to pee.” Levi sidled around the table.
“I’ll come with you,” I said. “You have to tell me. Do you sing into Romeo’s dick?” I asked once we were out of the main part of the club and in the corridor leading to the bathrooms.
“One time. Hana found the video in my phone.” She rolled her eyes. “Sadly, I wasn’t drunk. I’d been singing to the baby. Apparently, I can’t sing.” She laughed. “I might not be able to carry a note, but I made Romeo ask for an encore.”
God, I loved this girl.
There was a line in the bathroom. Once a stall opened up, we went in together. Levi bounced from foot to foot as she peeled her jeans down and hovered over the toilet.
I leaned against the door as the room spun. “I’m so fucked.”
“Ryatt?”
I focused on Levi and nodded. “I like him.”
“What about Cruz?” She flushed, and we switched positions.
“It’s complicated.” After I finished, we went to the sink to wash our hands.
“I have this amazing guy, who is into the same things I am. But my heart hurts. I hate that Cruz isn’t here, and yet, I’m scared he’s going to show up.
I hate that he put us in this position, but if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have whatever this is with Ryatt.
Don’t ask me if I’m okay because I’m not.
I love Cruz. I’m just tired of crying over him. ”
Levi’s soft smile eased the guilt and regrets burning in my belly. “While you figure out how you feel about Cruz, there’s no reason you can’t see if you feel something more for Ryatt. Just don’t lie to either one of them.”
“I haven’t lied to Ryatt. But I haven’t talked to Cruz yet. I don’t owe him an explanation. I wasn’t the one making porn with Bullet’s kittens. He did.”
“Everyone at the MC knows he didn’t fuck Jinx. He’s still an idiot. I don’t blame you for being angry. I did the same thing with Romeo. When he got with Pippa, I had to let him go. I never stopped loving him. I never will. If it’s meant to be for you and Cruz, you’ll find a way to be together.”
Just as Romeo and Levi obviously worked it out.
“Cruz has to be the one to fix this,” Levi said. “He’s figuring out what it’s like to be without you.”
“I still wanted to be the one who told him about me and Ryatt. Now, he knows.”
Levi linked her arm with mine at the elbow. “Sounds like we need a round of AMF’s.”
At the same time, we both said, “Adios, motherfucker.” Yeah, I’d be saying adios to any chance of staying sober.
As soon as we stepped out of the restroom, I froze. The room shifted and it had nothing to do with my buzz. Cruz leaned against the wall. I wasn’t ready for this Cruz. Wild, rough, sexy as fuck with intent in his heated glare. Oh god. I needed to see the man who broke me when he betrayed me.
Not this. Not the man who made me tremble with his touch. I’d forgotten—or rather chose not to think about—the way he affected me. Tattooed hands that had held me by the throat hung at his side. Those lips had lied to me as easily as they’d kissed me. They’d marked me, and he’d claimed I was his.
All I’d wanted was for him to be mine.
The red tinted lights of the club reflected off the tangle of hair hanging to his shoulders in soft waves. Black jeans clung to his lean hips. Black leather belt, black cut, tight black T-shirt. Black on black on black, and he looked so good.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
I couldn’t do this. Even now, he had power over me. His voice slipped under my skin sparking the embers of my feelings burning just beneath the surface.
“Yes. Tomorrow.” I tried to walk past him, but he stepped away from the wall, blocking my path.
My heart slammed around in my chest, breaking against my ribs. He took a step closer, and I retreated until my back rested against the brick wall. Heat bloomed in my core, and I tried to swallow past the lump rising into my throat.
“Don’t be a dick, Cruz.” Levi grabbed my hand to pull me with her.
He roped an arm around my waist. His rough fingertips on my skin sent electrical pulses through me. “I just want to talk to her,” he said to Levi. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”
“You are trouble.” Levi snorted. “Hellers aren’t supposed to look for trouble.”
A devilish smile curled his lips. “I didn’t have to look. I knew she was here.” He cocked a brow and leaned closer to me, and his breath teased my lips. “And I knew you were getting into trouble.”
“Don’t do this,” I whispered as he caged me in with his arms.
“Just talk to me. Give me five minutes. He doesn’t have to know.”
I narrowed my gaze at him. “Yes, he does. I’m not going to lie to him.”
“Micki, I’m not asking you to lie.” He turned his devastatingly wicked smile to Levi. “Give me five minutes alone with her.”
Levi shifted her gaze to me. The girl was fierce. She wasn’t going to leave me alone with Cruz unless I asked her to. I could give him five minutes, or I could fight with him. Fighting with him would get me into more trouble.
I was seriously sick. My body pulsed with his nearness, almost as if I could feel him like a drug slipping through my veins. I’d scratched and clawed my way into him, and he’d done the same to me. We’d poisoned each other with our toxic version of love. And I was still an addict.
Tears burned in the back of my eyes. Ryatt was kind and funny. He deserved better than me. When it came to Cruz, I’d betrayed logic because my heart was stupid.
“Five minutes,” I whispered.
“I’ll order our drinks.” Levi left us in the corridor, but we weren’t alone. The girl a few feet over had her cell phone pressed to one ear as she tried to hear her phone call over the heavy beats of the club. People filled the corridor, going in and out of the restrooms.
But Cruz was all I could see.
“I warned him not to touch you,” he said.
“You don’t get to dictate who I touch or who touches me. You taught me that lesson.” Heat swirled in my belly as I stared into his eyes. A lie poised on my lips. I’d lie because I was afraid of the truth. “We’re done, Cruz.”
“Nah. I don’t think we are.” His palm slid along my ribs. “Have you fucked him?”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Not your business.”
“Tonight, at the MC, your new boyfriend said the same thing to me.” His lips brushed along my jaw. “I must have more in common with Dozer than our aversion to F-words like family and fidelity.”
Fidelity? My heart stuttered, and a flare of fear streaked along my spine. “Cruz?” The whispered word was a plea for him to take it back. To tell me he didn’t cheat. “Did you lie?” Because a small piece of me was hoping he told the truth, that maybe we’d find a way to fix this.
The rest of me wanted to let go and have something safe and real with Ryatt.
“I’ve lied about a lot of things, Micki. I haven’t lied about fucking around on you. I haven’t. I won’t.” His breath ghosted across the sensitive, sweat-dampened flesh where my jaw met my neck. “What do I need to do?”
“Give me some time.”
“Because you want him?”
“I want time to figure out how I feel. It doesn’t hurt to be with him.”
“And it does to be with me?”
“Not all the time.”
He released a long, slow exhale. “Have you fucked him?”
“No,” I whispered. “But—”
“But you want to. One taste of your pussy, he’ll become obsessed.” He nipped my skin. Tiny volts of fiery need tightened my nipples. “I know because I’m obsessed.”
I gripped the edge of his cut, curling my hands into fists, fighting to keep space between us when all I wanted was to grind my pussy against the hard swell of his cock nudging my pelvis. “I can’t do this.”
“Fighting for us is foreplay. You know how I feel about you. Don’t give up on me. Don’t tell me you don’t want this anymore.”
I lifted my gaze to his. “Did I want a you and me?” I asked.
“Yes. I love you, but I don’t love that I can’t trust you.
I hate that I think about you all the time when Ryatt is doing everything right.
” I didn’t want to do this here. I hated that I loved him as much as I loathed what he’d done.
I hated that I couldn’t forget Hayley, and Jinx, and the lies and broken promises.
I hated that I couldn’t forget the way he made me feel. My emotions were so fucking deep and dark that even here, with his scent surrounding me, and his voice seeping into me, I was drowning in contradictions.
I still loved Cruz, but Ryatt mattered. I felt like I was betraying both of them.
“I don’t love our history,” I said. “I know I’ve hurt you, too. I guilted you into being what I needed. At least, I tried to. You never showed up. We don’t want the same things, Cruz.”
“We don’t have to want the same things as long as we want to be together. Micki, we’re good together.”
“Sex isn’t enough.” I hated hurting him. “My god, I’m here at a club with your friends. Hellers. I’ve made them my friends. But you can’t be in the same room with my dad.”
He growled and rolled his shoulders. “I like your sister.”