Chapter Eight
Cruz
In the history of morning afters, this one I’d remember. Not only had Ryatt fucked my girl last night, but then he’d run interference with her old man. I’d counted on him walking once he figured out McKelle wasn’t going to kick me out of her life or out of her bed.
Instead, I found myself liking him. How could I expect to hate him, and her to resist him when I felt the appeal all the way into my balls?
When he whispered to her in the darkness, his voice was like satin—smooth and cool. There was nothing rough or menacing about him. But he wasn’t soft. His muscles were lean. He was built with narrow hips and long legs.
Ryatt Donovan was fucking fit.
McKelle liked him because he didn’t give off player vibes.
He might be a nice guy, but there was something about him.
Rizz. He had a laugh that vibrated low in my gut, an easy smile, except when he was looking at me, then he looked pissed, which for me, made him even hotter.
But even grimacing he had full, soft lips.
I wasn’t sure what concerned me more, that I’d gotten hard hearing him get my girl off or the physical reaction I had to him. As they kissed, I wondered how he’d taste and how his lips would feel against my skin.
I had deep feelings for McKelle. Was it love?
Fuck, if I knew. I only knew I’d never cared about anyone the way I cared about her.
That she wanted exclusivity wasn’t about the sex for me.
Exclusivity meant I was hers, and she was mine.
If she wanted fidelity, I was still all in.
I wanted to be a good boyfriend. I was trying.
I’d promised McKelle there wouldn’t be anyone else. But she hadn’t expected to bring another guy into our relationship. Not even I would’ve considered someone like Ryatt. Tell that to my dick and the filthy thoughts I was having about him and my girl.
After last night, she needed to be honest with herself, I needed to be honest with her, and if this sharing situation was going to continue, we needed to be honest with Ryatt, or someone was going to get hurt.
My heart hammered in my chest, matching the rumble of my bike between my legs. Once we left McKelle’s, Ryatt and I rode back into town. He veered off toward his NA meeting, and I flipped a U-turn.
Later today, we were meeting up at the MC. That wasn’t going to happen until I talked with McKelle. I turned onto the access road to her family’s property.
Linda was in the paddock with her horse. Cece hung on the fence. When she saw me, she waved, jumped down, and rushed over.
“Hi!” She legit looked happy to see me return. Not so much for McKelle’s dad as he stepped out of the garage, wiping his hands on a shop rag.
I dropped the sidestand and killed the engine.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked.
Ah fuck. Not the conversation I had in mind, but one that was long overdue, at least from his perspective. I could go my entire life not having a father/boyfriend conversation.
I followed him into the garage.
“Adult conversation, sis. Go help your mom.”
Cece kicked a small rock. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye,” she said to me.
“Never.” I crossed my heart.
Lane pointed at the stool in front of his workbench.
He sat on an overturned orange utility bucket.
“I’ll talk. You listen. This is a one-sided conversation.
I don’t need excuses or your promises, Cruz.
I don’t think you’re a bad guy, but your poor choices affect McKelle.
I admit, when you pulled up with McKelle on the back of your bike last night, I grabbed my gun. ”
An injection of fear hit my bloodstream. I understood why he had issues with me. I’d emotionally hurt McKelle, but that was behind us. At least, I was trying to give her reasons to forgive me. To show her she could trust me.
But to pull a fucking weapon on me?
Lane’s brows furrowed. “Christ, Cruz, not to shoot you. Although, there have been times I’d like to beat some sense into you. I grabbed my gun because I wasn’t sure what you’d do to Ryatt when you discovered him waiting for her in the loft.”
He rubbed a hand over his forehead and exhaled an exasperated sigh. “I’ve never told her she couldn’t love who she loves. But I’ve told her you’re not good for her. I think Ryatt would be.”
Silence stretched between us as he stared hard at me.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” My gaze narrowed.
I knew exactly what to say to him. McKelle was mine.
But Ryatt gave her something I couldn’t.
He wanted her family, but also racing, soft whispers, and laughter.
But no way was he taking her from me. Because she’d branded herself on my soul, just as I’d done to her. “He would be good to her.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I don’t want to be disrespectful. You might not think I’m good for her, but I’m who she wants.”
“This week she seems to want Ryatt.”
I shrugged. “I’m not mad. I won’t tell her who to date. He might be temporary. We both know I’m not.”
“Ah, shit.” He rolled his shoulders. “Is he good with her dating both of you?”
“If he isn’t, that’s a Ryatt problem. This right here, between us is my fault. My problem. I know I’ve made mistakes. I get why you’re concerned. I care about her. What do you need from me? Do you want me at the track? Do you want Sunday dinners?” I’d hate it, but I’d do it for her.
“I want you to step back. Maybe she just needs some time.”
I braced my sweat-dampened palms on my knees. “I don’t want to disrespect you, but that isn’t going to happen. I won’t leave her to please you.” I was done hurting her.
For a moment, we stared at each other. “I’m worried,” he said. “You’re pulling both of them into your club.”
I didn’t have an argument for that. I wasn’t going to tell him shit didn’t go down at the MC, because it did. But Hellers were family, the only family that didn’t cause my blood to run cold.
“I can promise you, when she’s with me, she’s safe.”
The door swung open, and McKelle came into the garage. “What’s going on?”
Lane stood. “I’m going to go help your mom with Dollop.”
“We need to talk,” I said once we were alone.
“Okay.” She pointed to the stairs.
In the loft, I sat next to her on the couch. My nerves were frayed. A cyclone of thoughts swirled in my mind. “Fuck.” I didn’t know where to start. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she didn’t need me the way I needed her. What if she wanted him more than she needed me?
Maybe she did want Ryatt, and she didn’t know how to shut me out.
“Come closer,” I said to her. I had to touch some part of her while we talked, to be connected.
She scooted closer. I took her small hand in mine and weaved our fingers together.
“This week has gutted me. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t the most important person in my life.
I don’t know what to say to make sense of what’s been going through my mind.
Even at our worst, you’re the best part of me. ”
She bowed her head. “I have a lot on my mind, too.”
“We both need to start being honest with each other.” I rubbed my thumb over the soft freckled skin on the back of her hand. “Truth for a truth. Call me out on my shit, McKelle. And don’t hide your feelings from me. We have to talk about Ryatt.”
“I don’t know what to do.” She lifted her face. Tears clung to her lashes. “I slept with him last night.”
A slow smile twitched my lips, and I arched a brow. “I know. I was here.”
“Did you hear?”
I tilted my head. “I did, but I know you. I know you weren’t trying to get back at me. I take the blame on this if you even call it blame. I’m not pissed that you fucked him. I hate that your heart isn’t just mine because I know you wouldn’t have slept with him if you didn’t care about him.”
“I’m not sure what I feel, but I miss him when I’m not with him.”
“If he’s what makes you happy, I’ll walk.” I hooked her chin and forced her to look in my eyes. “I fucked up. I did this to us. You have nothing to feel guilty about if he’s who you want.”
She crawled into my lap and wrapped herself around me. With her face buried in my neck, her tears seeped into my skin. Her body trembled.
My heart sank into my gut. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. I didn’t expect her to choose Ryatt. A desperate ache clawed its way out of my chest, sending a chilling terror through me that I’d lost her. “Is this you letting me go?”
She shook her head and held me tighter. “I can’t,” she said on a hiccupped sob. “I can’t. I don’t want you to let me go, either. I need you.”
“Micki, you have me. But he’s waiting for you to make a choice.”
Sitting back, she wiped her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You can’t wait for one of us to fuck up to choose. Someone is going to get hurt. You’re going to hurt.”
“Are you going to fuck up?” she asked me.
“Probably. Definitely. We love hard because easy doesn’t work for us. That’s what makes us so good together.”
“And then we have another fight.”
“It’s not about our fights. If you don’t trust me, then you should choose Ryatt.” I held my breath, waiting for her to tell me I’d lost her or to tell me she was as darkly obsessed as I was. I would share her before I lost her.
“I feel so guilty,” she whispered. “I can’t forget how it felt to think you fucked Jinx. And now I’ve slept with Ryatt. But then I wonder if you even cared that I was with someone else.”
“Of course, I fucking care, but it’s not the same. I would’ve fucked Jinx for the patch and a paycheck. What you have with Ryatt is different. I fucked up. There’s no one to blame but me that you met someone else.”
“I was angry the night you got your patch. At first, I didn’t believe you when you said you didn’t fuck Jinx. But then I used it as an excuse,” she confessed. “I used it to justify my feelings for Ryatt. I’ve been attracted to him for months.”
I gripped her hips. “You should’ve told me.”