Chapter 30
30
GAbrIEL
I watch the screen, holding on to Zara’s hand as I listen to the sound of my baby’s heartbeat. My chest feels like it’s about to explode from love. I lean down to kiss Zara’s head when I hear the doctor say, “Oh, this is—” And my eyes fly to hers as my heart that was so full before now feels like it’s going to come out of my throat. My eyes go to her, then to the wand in her hand that is moving right and left on Zara’s stomach, then back to the screen. Zara squeezes my hand and I squeeze it back, telling her whatever happens, everything will be okay. What I’m not expecting are the words that come out of the doctor’s mouth. “You’re having twins.”
I blink my eyes a couple of times, and I think I can actually feel my heart coming out of my chest. The ringing starts in my ears, and I have to shake my head. “Sorry, what?” I ask her to make sure I heard what she was saying.
“Two heartbeats,” she explains. “You might not hear it because they are beating at the same time.” My eyes feel like they are going to come out of their sockets. “But there are two separate placentas.”
“Is that”—I stand—“normal?” I don’t even know what questions to ask.
“Wait, are you sure?” Zara asks, almost sitting up. “Like, how sure are you?”
“Let me show you,” the doctor starts, “this little one here.” She clicks and points at the screen. “This is baby A.” Then she clicks and points. “This is baby B.”
“Oh my God,” Zara shrieks, “of course this would happen to me.”
“From my calculations, you are about eleven weeks, which means almost out of your first trimester,” the doctor says. “It’s still too early to tell what you are having, but there is a blood test you can do. The results are in within twenty-four hours. Do you want to do that?”
“Yes,” Zara says right away, “and, like, you’re one hundred percent sure it’s two babies and not that your screen is glitching.”
The doctor laughs at her as she clicks a button on the machine. “I’m one hundred percent sure that you are having twins.” She takes the wand off Zara’s stomach before grabbing a white towel and cleaning her off before the wand. “Now, you’ll have to come in every other week with multiple babies, but that’s just to make sure we monitor everything.”
“Is this considered high risk?” I ask the doctor as she wheels herself back to her desk.
“Not for right now,” she answers me as she punches in a couple of things on her computer.
“Is it safe for—” I start to get nervous to ask the question.
“For sex?” The doctor doesn’t even look at me. I know it’s a dumb question since having sex got us here. “All is normal. There is no bleeding, no cramping, so we treat this like any normal pregnancy.”
Zara looks at me, her mouth hanging open. “I’ll have the nurse come in to draw the blood,” she adds, going back to the machine and tearing off something. “Here are the first pictures of your babies.” She smiles at us. “Congratulations.”
Zara’s eyes are fixated on the pictures in her hand, and she looks over at me with tears in her eyes. “Twins?” she repeats, and I can’t help but freak out internally.
“Twins.” I swallow down the lump in my throat as I bend to kiss her. She sits up as the nurse comes in and draws her blood, telling us the results should be in by tomorrow morning.
“Would you like to get the results or is someone else getting them?” she asks us, and I look at her and then at Zara. The look of confusion on both our faces makes her continue. “If you are doing a gender reveal, we usually send it to the person.”
“Um…” Zara hesitates. “I didn’t even think of that.”
“We can email you and then you can forward it once you figure out what you are going to do,” she says, smiling at us. I stand against the wall as Zara gets up and gets back into her clothes.
My head is spinning a million miles a minute. It feels like I’m spinning on my feet, but I’m not. I’m standing straight on my feet. We walk out of the room and head back to the waiting room, where Zara makes another appointment.
We walk out with my hand in hers and the only thing that is going through my head is the fact that if she stays here, I won’t be raising them with her. Patricia and I co-parent Colson, but I usually don’t go two days without seeing him. I can’t even imagine not being able to see them all the time. Them. Two.
“Are you okay?” Zara asks me when we step back into the house, and she drops her keys on the table at the front door. “You are quiet.”
“I guess it’s just shock,” I mumble as I take my jacket off and head over to the couch. Plopping myself down, I put my head back and close my eyes.
“Are you mad?” she asks me softly as she sits down next to me, and my eyes fly open.
“Of course not,” I whisper, “it’s just, I can’t see not being here for them.” Her eyes are on mine. “I’m literally torn in two.”
“Gabriel.” She puts her hand on mine.
“No, I have my son who lives over there.” My hand points straight ahead. “Then I have my other two kids living here”—I point at the floor—“and I have you who also lives here.” I wait for her to say something. Wait for her to give me a sign she doesn’t want to be here, that she wants to come back home and live with us. I wait for it, look for it, but nothing is there. All she does is close her eyes.
I see the tears running down her face. “I’m so, so sorry.” She shakes her head. “I’m so, so sorry that this happened.”
I sit up, grabbing her by her hips and turning her so she’s sitting on me. “I’m not.” I push the hair away from her face. “Being sorry would mean that I wouldn’t have you, and I wouldn’t have them.” I kiss her lips. “I’ll never, ever be sorry for that.” She doesn’t say anything. “We’ll work through this.” I pull her to my chest, and she puts her head on my shoulder.
“We’ll work through this,” she repeats softly. We stay wrapped in each other for I don’t even know how long, the two of us not saying a word. I just rub my hand up and down her back. Trying to think of how to be here for her and my kids and at the same time being there for Colson. I think of maybe coming up here every other week and maybe she comes with me the other two. But she has her business here and I have my business there, where I have to be more hands-on.
I feel her weight go heavy on me, and I know she has fallen asleep in my arms. I put my head back on the couch, not wanting to wake her.
She stirs when her phone rings from the front door where she put her purse. She sits up and blinks her eyes. “Lie on the couch.” I move her head to the pillow. “I’ll go get it.”
I get up, walking over to the front door and grabbing her phone. She reaches up to take it, and the phone stops ringing. “It was my mother,” she tells me when I sit down and put her feet in my lap. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I mean, we can’t say it’s only one baby.” I laugh. “I’m pretty sure that you’ll be bigger than normal.” She glares at me. “Sweetheart, you are carrying two babies. It’s only normal you’ll be a bit bigger.”
“There are phrases that one must never use to a pregnant woman.” She glares at me. “One is bigger than normal.” I nod. “Or you got so big.”
She waits for me to acknowledge her, so I nod. “Got it, next?”
“Anything that goes with the word big, I think should be off the table.” I roll my lips, putting my hand on her hip and rubbing her.
“Duly noted, I shall be on my best behavior,” I assure her, “and if I’m not, I’m sure you will point it out.”
“Oh, I will, don’t you worry about that.” She smirks. “So what do you want to do?”
“About?” I ask, hoping she wants to talk about where she wants to live. Because I know what I want to do. I want to pack her shit up and move it with me tomorrow, but she has to be the one who wants to do that.
“How do you want to tell everyone that we are having twins?” she asks? and I just smile.
“I have no idea. I was just going to be like, hey, guess what?” I tell her, and she rolls her eyes. “How did you want to do it?”
“I don’t know; we can surprise everyone.” She sits up, pulling her feet out of my lap. “We should call Sofia.” She doesn’t even wait for me to answer before she gets on her phone, and I hear ringing.
“Hello,” Sofia answers right away. “What did the doctor say?”
“Hey,” Zara replies, “I’m with Gabriel, and we have a question for you.”
“Oh my God, I think the two of you are out of favors,” she huffs, and I laugh. “Ugh, what?”
“Do I tell her?” she whispers to me, and I shrug before I lie down beside her, my hand going to her stomach. “Okay, we went to the doctor today and found out we are having twins.”
She gasps right away, making me laugh. “Shut the fuck up. You guys did not play around.” She laughs. “Oh my God.”
“What can I say? I get the job done.” I look at Zara.
“You know, it’s the female who carries the eggs, right?” Zara glares at me. “It has nothing to do with your sperm.”
“Did my sperm or didn’t my sperm enter the eggs?” I retort. “So I made it happen.”
“Typical man, thinks he had a hand in this,” Sofia huffs.
“If it wasn’t for my sperm, she wouldn’t be pregnant. It’s biology,” I snap. “Hang up the phone,” I tell Zara, who laughs.
“Okay, children, let’s play nice,” Zara scolds. “We did a blood test today, and we are going to find out what the sexes are tomorrow and was thinking of telling everyone with a gender reveal.” I look over at her.
“We were thinking about this?” I laugh. “You were thinking about this.”
“I love this,” Sofia states. “How about we do it next weekend at Sunday lunch at the farm? I’ll send out invites today so everyone can get their travel thing going, and we also have to set it up so we can have it on Zoom for whoever can’t travel to us.”
“Great,” I say, knowing she’s going to be coming to the house. “That works, I like it.” I bury my face in her neck. “But wait, what do we tell everyone now?” I look up at her.
“You tell them that everything is good and you are whatever weeks pregnant,” Sofia replies, “and that is all you know.”
“I can do that,” I admit. “It’s not like the guys know what to ask anyway.”
“Okay, you two, prepare for the gender reveal of your life,” Sofia says. “Send me the results of the email and don’t peek.” She hangs up the phone, not giving us anything else.
“Ugh,” Zara grunts. “I literally hate surprises. What if I know and you don’t?”
I pick up my head. “No way, it’s neither of us or both of us.” I grin at her. “Twins,” I say again, “a twofer.”
Zara taps my nose with her finger. “And never say that again either; put it on the list.”
I wrap my arms around her, putting my hand on her belly, holding my babies. “Added.” I smile right before I cover her mouth with mine. “Might just have to keep my mouth busy this weekend not to get into trouble.”
She turns in my arms, hooking her leg over my hip. “I like that a lot, Cowboy.”