23. Dakota
Dr. Mendes: Good luck today.
Me: Thank you.
Iput my phone down and take a deep breath before I pick it back up and search her name. My heart beats so fast I think it’s going to come out of my chest. Then my throat feels like something is stuck in it, so I cough a couple of times.
The sound of the ringing fills my office as my legs move up and down nervously. When the ringing stops, her voice comes on. “Hey, Koda,” she answers softly, “so nice to hear from you.”
“Hey, Zoe,” I say, smiling, “am I catching you at a bad time?”
“Never,” she replies. “What’s up?”
I take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. “I need your help.”
“Anything.” She doesn’t even stop to think. “What can I do to help?”
I close my eyes when I say the words. “I’m thinking of selling my house.”
“Oh my,” she says softly.
“Actually, I’ve decided I want to sell my house.” I laugh nervously. “And I want to buy a new one.”
“That’s a big step.” I don’t know why I was nervous to call her. Maybe it’s because I finally made the decision last week. It was a strange one really. I sat down on the couch in Dr. Mendes’s office, and I just blurted it out, “I think I want to sell my house.” I didn’t even know that it was on my mind until the words came out of my mouth.
“It is,” I agree with her, “but with the three of us. This is a lot more room than we need. I don’t use the basement really, so all that space is wasted. Plus, it’s a lot of work to maintain such a big house on my own.”
“What do you think you are looking for?” she asks, and I hear her shuffling papers around.
“I want to stay in the same neighborhood if I can, but chances are I won’t be able to,” I state sadly. “I want four bedrooms for sure. A kitchen with a great room right off it is really a must.”
“It’s almost what you have now, but way smaller.” She chuckles.
“I don’t need a seven-bedroom house.” I laugh. “The playroom is nice, but it’s not something they always use. As of right now anyway, when they get older and become teenagers, I’m sure their needs will change.”
“Okay, why don’t I work on this and see what I come up with, and then we can go from there. I don’t think it’ll be a problem to sell your house. It’s in the top neighborhood with a great school district.”
“That’s good news.”
“Let me see what I can pull up, and we can go from there.” Her voice is cheerful. “We are going to get you that house.”
“Thank you.” I breathe a sigh of relief. “Oh, and, Zoe, if it isn’t too much to ask if you could maybe not say anything to?—”
“My lips are sealed, as always.” She doesn’t even make me skip a beat. I mean it’s not like I’m not going to tell Christopher; it’s just I don’t want him to think it’s because of him.
“Amazing. I’ll look for your email.”
“You should get one by tonight,” she assures me before we disconnect.
I look down at the phone. “One down, one to go,” I say before I pull up Christopher’s name.
Me: Hey, can you call me when you get a chance?
I press send, not sure if he’s in practice or not. So I fire up my computer, taking a sip of my coffee when the phone rings and I see it’s him. But of course he doesn’t call me, nope, he’s a FaceTime guy.
“Hello there.” I smile as soon as I answer it, his face filling the screen, and I can see he’s in his gym.
“Hello to you,” he replies and his smile does all types of things to me. “What’s up, baby?”
It’s been two weeks since our first official date. I want to say we’ve been on another one, but he’s been on the road for a week and then add in the kids and, well, it hasn’t been easy. That isn’t to say we haven’t had any make-out sessions. Yesterday morning after I dropped the kids off at school, I swung by his house to say hello, and I literally jumped his bones in his entranceway. Then there were a couple of hot-and-heavy parking lot make-out sessions when he met me at the grocery store, and another when I was in the Target parking lot. I even forgot why I was there.
“Are you busy for dinner?” I smile as I ask.
“Not for you. Why?”
“No reason. The girls want you to come over and Rain has something that she wants to talk to you about.”
“I’m off today, so how about I swing by before you get them at school and we can go together?”
I tap my finger on the desk. “Stop thinking that.”
“What do you mean?” I ask and he laughs.
“It’s the look like you would do dirty things to me, and I’m thinking of doing the same dirty things to you. So now I’m riding my bike with a hard-on.”
I can’t help but giggle. “How did you know that was what I was thinking?”
“Your eyes get this glaze over them. It’s going to be amazing to see what happens when I sink my cock into you.”
“Oh my God,” I moan, “pick me up at three.”
“Are you going to make out with me before we get the kids?” he asks, and then I just stare at his smirk.
“Pick me up at two forty-five,” I correct and he bursts out laughing. “Goodbye.”
I hang up and start tackling my emails, and by the time I look back at the clock, it’s almost two forty. I rush up, going to brush my teeth before sliding my boots on and seeing that he’s just pulling into the driveway. I grab my jacket and rush out the door toward him. He’s wearing a tracksuit with his hat backward. “Hey, baby,” he greets when he sees me.
“Hi,” I say breathlessly when I get near him, wrapping an arm around him and looking up to kiss him. His lips brush mine before he opens the truck door for me. I wait for him to get into the truck before I lean over and take his hat off, just to run my fingers through his hair, before placing it back on his head.
“My girl likes to play with my hair?”
“She does,” I confirm, smiling at him. “Oh, wait. Am I your girl?”
“Smart-ass,” He laughs out.
“Does that mean you’re my boy?” I ask but then shake my head. “Sorry, my man.”
“I’m whatever you want to call me.” He pulls into his driveway and rips the seat belt off me.
“I’m going to miss this,” I say once I get in his lap. “The whole make-out sessions in the car when we finally do the deed.”
“Speaking of the deed,” he says, “I’m getting tested.”
“Um, okay,” I reply softly.
“Are you on birth control?” I nod. “Good. So when we do the deed, I’m not wearing a condom.”
“Um.”
“Unless you aren’t okay with that, then I will, but I don’t want anything between us,” he says, so I cover his fingers with mine.
“I haven’t had sex in over a year, and I was already tested. I have an IUD, so we are safe on that part.”
“Good. Now kiss me.” He smiles as my lips find his and we make out for over twenty minutes and get to the girls with seconds to spare.
“Uncle Chrissy!” Luna yells, running out toward him. He swings her up and turns her, making her laugh even more.
“Hey, princess,” he says, kissing her cheek, “how was school?”
“Okay,” she replies when he puts her down. “Tommy called me a girly girl.”
“And what did you do?” he asks her as we wait for Rain.
“I didn’t say anything to him, I went like this.” She outstretches her arms by her sides and bobs forward. “That scared him, so then I called him a girly girl.”
“Good,” Christopher says, and I just shake my head.
“Not good,” I quickly interject, “that wasn’t very nice.”
“Well, he wasn’t nice first, so it doesn’t matter,” Luna tells me.
“You can’t argue with that,” Christopher adds as Rain comes out and skips to us.
“Hi,” he says to her, kissing the top of her head, “how was school?”
“Good,” she says with a huge smile. “I have something for you.” She looks up at him and he looks at me. “It’s at home.”
“Okay,” he says, the four of us walking over to the truck.
“What are we having for dinner?” Luna asks as soon as she sits down in the truck.
“I was thinking some tomato soup and grilled cheese.” I look in the back at the girls, who give me their approval. “You good with that?”
“Yeah,” he responds to me as he makes his way back to the house.
The kids step in before us and take off their things. We have a routine, so Christopher just pulls out the stool and sits there with us.
“I’m going to go and get your thing,” Rain states, looking at him and going up to her bedroom.
“What’s going on?” He looks at me, and I just shrug, but my eyes start to get dry and burn.
“Why don’t you go in the family room and wait for her?” I motion with my chin, and he does as I say but looks over at me four times before he sits down.
Rain comes back downstairs with her hands behind her back as she goes to him. “I made you this,” she says. Her voice is low, and everything in me just stops moving. You could hear a pin drop in the whole house. She sounds so nervous and scared as she sits next to him and hands him what is in her hands.
“What’s this?” he asks, looking down at the card she made him last week at school.
“There is going to be a father-daughter dance at school,” she starts softly, “and some people are bringing their uncles or grandfathers.” Her voice trembles. “I want to bring you. It’s on Friday at the school,” she tells him what is written in the card.
He looks at her and then looks up at me, the tears already running down his face. “Of course,” he says, putting his arm around her, “it would be my honor to take you.” He kisses her head, and she gets up and runs to me.
“Mommy, Mommy, he said yes,” she almost screams, and I wrap my arms around her, my own tears falling on top of her head.
“I heard.” I look over and see Christopher still sitting on the couch, looking at the handmade invitation. He opens it and reads it again, before he closes it. “Get your homework started,” I tell her and then make my way over to Christopher, who is still in the same spot. “Hey.” I sit beside him and he looks at me, and I see his face is ravished. “Are you okay?”
He shakes his head. “No. This—” He holds up the paper. “There are no words for this.” His voice breaks at the end of it. The emotions ripping through him are raw and real and beautiful. Seeing the way he loves my children makes me fall even more for this man.
I put my hand on his knee. “She thinks the world of you,” I tell him softly. “She was scared to ask you.” He just balks at it and then leans forward to put his elbows on his knees.
I search his eyes, wondering if this is too much for him, but knowing better. This man is the best man I’ve ever met. Hands down the most thoughtful, most caring, most perfect. The most fucking everything and, apparently, he’s now mine. Or better yet, ours. “I would walk through fire for her.”
Right here in the room where I found my husband dead from an overdose, where I thought my life would never be the same, I realize I’ve done the impossible. I’ve healed myself, and I’ve also fallen in love.