16. Oliver
SIXTEEN
Oliver
My entire chest was on fire as I watched Frankie take off her ice skates. I had already laced up my boots and was ready to get the hell out of there. Shame had overshadowed every thought in my mind.
This date was a bad idea. I should have known that. She was under my skin, completely and effortlessly. She made me comfortable in an unfamiliar way, which had caused me to overshare—something I literally never did. Any sort of reflective, heavy conversations were my kryptonite. Somehow, Frankie had coaxed some of my deepest innermost thoughts and insecurities out of me, and now I was feeling uncomfortable as hell.
She hadn’t had a bad reaction, but I also didn’t stick around long enough to really get her reaction. I needed to take her home and try to forget some of the things I had told her that were currently whizzing around my mind. She probably thought I was some pathetic guy with mommy and daddy issues. I had wanted to impress her—show her a good time—but instead, I’d done this .
I wasn’t sure if I had scared her off or scared myself off, but either way, I was trying to keep my cool until she was safely dropped off at Giles and Mattie’s house.
As soon as she handed me her skates, I was already walking over to the rental hut and dropping them off with the teenaged worker.
“You ready?” I asked. “That was fun.”
I could tell I was talking too fast, but my facade of normalcy was hanging on by a thread. It was all I could do to keep from cracking.
“Oliver, hold on.”
Her voice sounded distant, and I slowed my pace to let her catch up. I chanced a look down at her to see her eyes wide with confusion.
“Why are you walking so fast?” Her anxious tone tugged at my chest, but I couldn’t bring myself to maintain eye contact.
“Sorry.” I ripped the beanie off my head to rake my hands through my hair. Heat burned through my body. It was like I was wearing my humiliation as an extra layer and it was suffocating me. “You ready to go?” I asked, a strange, fake smile glued to my face.
“Go?” Frankie repeated quietly. “We just got here.”
She looked beautiful tonight. Something I regretted not telling her earlier.
“We went ice-skating, we walked around. I should get you home before you find a way to get injured.” My attempt at teasing was weak, but I was fighting tooth and nail to keep it together.
Frankie’s look of disappointment faded into something else—something that looked a hell of a lot like defiance. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against one hip, jutting out her chin to stare up at me .
“I’m hungry,” she said.
“The food here probably sucks,” I insisted.
“I’m starving,” she repeated with added inflection. “Let’s get food.”
I opened and closed my mouth, unsure of what she was trying to do here. I had expected her to think I was acting a little strange but to go along with it. I had expected us to ride back down the gondola and pile into the car, where I could promptly use the radio as a distraction. I had expected to drop her off after a few more jokes. After that, I would keep my distance. I wouldn’t have dinner at Marie’s every night she worked, I wouldn’t send her flirty text messages or steal a kiss anytime I saw her in the lodge. We had treaded into dangerous territory and I needed to get out of this emotional quicksand before it swallowed me whole.
“I need to go home,” I choked out, dropping my fake niceties.
“Why?” she demanded.
I was already off, headed back to the gondola loading area. She was hot on my trail and was next to me just as the employee waved for us to board the gondola car that slowly swung around.
“What are you doing?” she asked as soon as the doors closed, sealing us inside for the ride down.
Panicking.
“Is this because of what we were talking about on the skating rink? About your parents?” she asked.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” I snapped, spinning around so fast she nearly collided with my chest. Neither of us had bothered to take a seat.
Her face crumpled when she met my eyes. “We can go eat somewhere else. I didn’t mean to push you.”
“No, we can’t. ”
“Why not?” Her eyes narrowed and I knew there was no way she was backing down from this conversation.
“Because.”
“Why?”
“Because you think I’m pathetic!” I cracked.
That caused her to reel back. “What?—”
“My dad didn’t love me and I have mommy issues. What kind of man am I? Who the fuck wants to hear about that?” I never, ever raised my voice and I could tell from Frankie’s shocked expression that she wasn’t expecting me to snap like that. “See!” I waved a hand in her direction. “It’s written all over your face. You can barely stand to look at me.”
I whipped around and stared out at the evening sky, the town barely visible below. I was desperate for more space than this fifty-square-foot gondola cabin allowed me.
“That’s not what I was thinking.” Frankie’s words were frantic. “I was thinking how I wanted to learn more about you. That I want to know the things that make you up. You’re more than some surface-level jock. You have so many layers. I-I just wanted to peel back one.”
I kept staring straight out the window, but her words rang in my ears.
“I’m sorry I pushed you.” She wrapped a cautious hand around my bicep.
Her touch made me want to melt into her, and I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I never lost it, and I hated that she was seeing me like this. But I was miles away from my old life, and I had been out of sorts lately. Something about Frankie felt more like home than anything else I’d come into contact with lately.
“And you aren’t pathetic, trust me. That’s the last thing I’m thinking,” she whispered, but I still couldn’t turn to face her after my monumentally embarrassing outburst. “If anything, I’m thinking about what an amazing man you’ve turned out to be despite not having the best role models. And I’m thinking about what a good heart you have and how you take everything in stride. Ever since I met you, I’ve been jealous of your confidence. You’re amazing, Oliver, and I want to see the whole picture, not just the highlight reel.”
Her words hit me like a semi-truck. Presenting a highlight reel to people was exactly what I fucking did.
Growing up, there hadn’t been space for me to be anything except happy-go-lucky. I was already a huge disappointment to my dad without even trying, and I had to win my mom over somehow. And always being in a good mood seemed to please her.
I realized it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest—like I could finally take a deep breath. Despite how desperate I’d been not to share anything with Frankie, her seeing beneath my front was the most relief I’d felt in a long time.
I finally turned, feeling brave enough to face her. To my absolute horror, she had a single tear rolling down her cheek. My gut reaction would typically be to back away from someone crying, but instead, without thinking, I reached out and brushed it away.
She shook her head. “Look at me, crying. If anything, I’m the pathetic one. This whole evening, I was trying to convince you that I’m not bad at everything. I lost my job—the only thing I was good at. Now I’m wandering through life, and I can’t catch my footing.”
“I don’t think you’re pathetic,” I whispered. How could she think that? She was intelligent and driven and interesting. “I’ve been trying to impress you since I met you,” I admitted.
I brushed away another tear from her cheek, this time letting my hand linger there .
“Opening up about your past isn’t a weakness. Feelings aren’t flaws,” she said slowly, as if scared I would bolt as soon as we got to the bottom and this gondola door swung open. “And you don’t have to tell me everything in one night, but I need you to know that I want to know more about you. And I’m never judging you, okay?”
I nodded.
“I need to hear you say it.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling like putty in her hands.
She took a shaky breath in and my eyes scanned her every feature. I was still a little anxious about what I’d shared tonight, but her words grounded me. This wasn’t the face of someone who was judging me. I had shared dark parts of myself. I had been vulnerable. And instead of cringing away, she had stepped up, wanting to see more.
“I like you,” I breathed, moving my hand to grip the back of her neck.
Frankie let out a small laugh. “Even after all that?”
“ Especially after all that.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Do you like me after all that?”
“Who said I liked you in the first place?” she asked, smiling.
That finally got a real smile to return to my face. “Shut up,” I said, lightly tugging her forward to cover her mouth with mine. I wasn’t sure if it was the emotional build up to it or what, but everything about the kiss was full of energy. My whole body felt like a live wire and each brush of her lips was causing a spark.
When I finally came up for air, I leaned down so that I could press my forehead against hers. “Was that romantic or messy?” I asked, which caused her to laugh again.
“Both?” She said it like a question.
My grin stretched as I pressed a kiss to her forehead. She was real in my hands, rooting me in this moment. I never wanted to let her go.
She was so different from me, yet I’d never felt more seen by anyone. She had all these aspirations and I would always be adrift. Nothing about us was meant to be, but I couldn’t help but feel like fate was telling me we were meant for now .