27. Lana
27
LANA
M ason’s heart beats violently against my arm as he holds me against him, my own heart having plummeted to my feet no less than three times in the last thirty minutes. With shaking hands, I accept his phone and press it to my ear.
“Bodhi,” I say, not bothering to ask who it is because I know , and now I’m praying he doesn’t tell me to get the fuck away from Mason.
Hell of an impression I’m making.
“What the hell happened?”
“I—” I swallow hard and blink back the tears because despite how bad everything he said had hurt, Mason was right. He was right about everything. “I fucked up,” I admit as Mason’s arms tighten around me. “My ex showed up at my job and he knows about Mason and is threatening to file for full custody and it all just spiraled. I…I panicked, and Mason was right. God, he was right about everything.”
Bodhi’s silence is unnerving. “Then you’re what he needs right now,” he says simply, and I hiccup as I try and smother a sob. “As long as that’s what you want.”
“Yes.”
“He’s not broken, Lana, but he can be. Treat him like a partner. He’s young but he’s not a kid. There’s nothing he can’t do; you just need to give him the chance. A real one.”
His words are firm.
Knowing.
Like he’s been practicing them for this exact moment his whole life, and a burst of warmth flows through me because I’ve been waiting for this exact moment too.
The one where I’d felt like I was being ripped in two watching him leave. How I’d run from the house with no shoes on after him, the door still open behind me, because I had to get to him.
A ferocity to make things right burned me from the inside out as I collapsed at his feet, his expression both despondent and tortured when I met his unfocused gaze.
I’d died a little inside seeing him like that, my feelings solidifying the longer I stared at him.
I was already falling for him.
I’d just been in denial.
“I will,” I say, turning my head and using my free hand to cup the side of Mason’s face, pulling him up to look at me, “as long as he forgives me.”
Mason’s lips twitch the slightest bit as Bodhi lets out something that could almost be described as a chuckle.
“I’ll leave that up to him. But Lana?”
“Yeah,” I reply, my gaze not leaving Mason’s.
“You only get one from me.”
“I won’t need another.”
“Tell him to call me if he needs me, but I think you’ll know what to do.”
“I’ll take care of him,” I say, my thumb brushing over the slight stubble on his chiseled jaw. “I promise.”
The line goes dead, but it’s just as well because there’s nothing else to say.
“Not really how I saw today going,” Mason says quietly, his voice full of gravel, but it’s not because he’s trying to be sexy. He’s exhausted.
“Me either. Mase, I’m so, so sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have thrown it back on you,” he counters with a slight shake of his head. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
“We have a lot to talk about.” And despite everything, I feel ready to finally put it all out there. We’ve been together for such a short time, but it’s already so much more than any other relationship I’ve ever been in—my marriage included. “Will you come inside with me?”
“Are you sure?”
“Mason, I’ve never been surer of anything in my life than you.”
He chuckles at that, pressing his forehead to mine as he sighs. “I never wanted to be that guy, Lana, the one who loses it like that. I never?—”
“Sometimes conversations have to get loud to be heard,” I say honestly, because I hadn’t been hearing him. And maybe I hadn’t fully been hearing his words, but it didn’t matter because I could feel what he was saying. The hurt and the anguish and the soul-deep yearning to have something just for him.
“But…”
“You didn’t scare me if that’s what you’re worried about. The only thing that scared the bejesus out of me was the thought of losing you.”
“Fuck,” he murmurs, his head falling back against the truck with a soft thud.
“Can you stand?”
“Probably.”
“Can you stand if I help you?”
He picks his head up and stares at me, seeming to catalog every freckle and line on my face. “You want to do this?”
“Yes,” I say again. “Do you?”
He licks his lips and nods. “Yes. But I can’t lie and say this didn’t scare the hell out of me, Lana.”
“I know.” My words are gentle and so is my hand as my palm slides down to rest over his heart. “But I know that this beats for me,”—I swallow hard—“the way mine does for you. It’s wild and crazy but I can’t and I don’t want to push you away again. I needed this, Mase. It was harsh and awful, but I needed this wake-up call.”
“Baby.” The single term of endearment is full of anguish, my heart breaking all over again.
Moving to kneel between his legs, I cup his face and stare into those bourbon-colored eyes that I’ve lost myself in countless times since we met. “I will do everything I can to make it up to you. To make you believe that I am all in, that we can do this—do anything —as long as it’s together.”
Turning his head, he presses a lingering kiss to my palm, the act both tender and sexy. I ignore the latter because now is not the time.
Not even a little.
“I have to learn how to be a partner again,” I admit, surprising him as he lifts his gaze to mine. “It’s not easy, Mason. It’s not easy for me. Doing this with you is easy. When it’s just us, there’s nothing else I could ever need. But the truth is, I don’t know how to do this with a partner. I’ve never had one. Not really. And I’m scared, Mason. I’m scared he’ll try to take my kids.”
“I won’t let that happen.”
“Come inside.” I press a gentle kiss to his lips, one that lacks heat but not importance. “Please.”
Standing slowly, I offer him my hand, a gesture that is far more than me hoping I can pull him off the ground.
He stares at it for only a second, his palm sliding against mine before he tightens his grip, his body shaky as he gets to his feet. Pulling me against him, he crashes his mouth over mine. It’s hard— bruising— and it’s everything I need.
Everything we both need.
Because tonight I almost lost the only man who makes me feel alive. It’s a mistake I won’t make twice.