39. Mason
39
MASON
T he next Friday, Lana and the kids went to spend the night at her parents’. She asked me to go but I declined. We’d been together every day since Jacob had shown up at the house, and she needed the one-on-one time.
It also made me realize I’d barely seen my brother.
MASON: Bonfire
ARCHER: I’ll grab the chairs from Jensen’s house
MONTANA: We should get a cardboard cutout of him to bring with us while he’s gone
JENSEN: Don’t make it weird
MONTANA: But we miss you
MASON: We do
MASON: Also thanks for getting Beck squared away—he’s so damn excited
MONTANA: And I’m excited he’s gonna take care of the goats
MASON: And the cows
JENSEN: You got new cows?
BODHI: Wait for it…
MASON: One is blind and the other is her seeing eye cow
MONTANA: I can’t with you guys
JENSEN: That’s freaking hilarious
MASON: They’re a package deal
ARCHER: You love Glenda and Clover
MONTANA: Mind your business
MONTANA: You don’t know what you’re talking about
MASON: I hear you whispering sweet nothings to them all the time
JENSEN: (laughing emoji)
MONTANA: No you don’t
MASON: I can’t miss it, live on your property
BODHI: Not for long
JENSEN: What’s that mean?
BODHI: We’ll talk about it at the bonfire
JENSEN: But I won’t be there
BODHI: …
MONTANA: (gif of guy doubled over laughing)
MONTANA: (three devil emoji)
JENSEN: First the dogs during the adoptathon and now stray farm animals—it’s like we don’t even know you
BODHI: I’m sorry the number you’re trying to reach is no longer in service
MONTANA: I laughed out loud—fucking epic.
MONTANA: See y’all in ten
Bodhi and I make the short trek through the woods, the path well-worn from the cabin we rent to the firepit on Montana’s land.
“I made Beck run a couple of weeks ago,” I say quietly. “Told him about how you did it to me—how I was back then.”
“You were a kid.”
“An angry one.”
Bodhi lifts a shoulder and lets it drop. “You had more than enough reasons to be.”
“I know you’re deflecting but I told him what you did—how you never gave up—got me on the right path and showed me how to cope with the emotions that were too big for me to contain.” I chuff out a laugh. “Man, all the things I tell him came from you.”
“Mason,” he sighs, and I can hear the brush-off, but this is important and it needs to be said.
Grabbing his arm, I pull him to a stop. “I am who I am today because you showed me it was possible. You taught me how to be a man—a good one—how to support the people I care about, and how to show up for the little things. Hell, I beat a guy without ever throwing a punch.” His lips twitch at that. “I wouldn’t be here without you.”
I let the words linger because that last part isn’t just metaphorical. I would have died without him. He saved my life.
And he paid for it.
It’s something I’ll never be able to repay him for, and so I choose to be the best damn person I can be to show him his sacrifice was worth it.
That I was worth it back then.
And I’m still worth it now.
“I’m proud of you.” His smile is soft in the moonlight, the one he gives Holland because it’s impossible not to.
“I just wanted you to know I never took any of it for granted.”
“I know, Mase.”
“But I don’t know how to balance it—being with them so much when I’ve never had days without you.”
Bodhi chuckles but it’s sad. “This is how it’s supposed to be. You told me when you met Lana you’d marry her, and I believed it then just like I do now. Y’all have something special and it’s okay to be happy. You’re supposed to be. Settle down and make a life with her and Holland and Beck. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
But what about you?
I can’t make myself say the words, and something about it sits like a rock in my gut. He doesn’t say anything else and neither do I as I let him lead me toward the fire and the small bit of levity that will carry us through.