Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Stella escaped to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. In the mirror, her chin quivered with the effort of not crying. She couldn’t believe she’d let that awful man say those things about her. And as for saying those things about astrology, it was a direct insult to her mother. She hated herself for not standing her ground and defending her beliefs, but it would take more than a horrible man like Nigel for her to make a scene at a children’s party. She rinsed her face with cold water and looked at herself in the mirror. A bit red-eyed, but if she waited a while, the redness would fade. As she dried her face, there was a tap at the door.
‘Stella, are you in there?’
‘Yes. Sorry, won’t be long.’
‘Open up and let me in, will you?’
Stella, recognising Catherine’s gentle tones, opened the door and let her in. The older woman took one look at herand pressed her lips together.
‘I knew it,’ she said. ‘What did that awful man say to you?’
‘Nothing, really. I’m just being over-sensitive. ’
Catherine sat on the edge of the bath and patted it, so Stella sat down beside her.
‘You’re not being over-sensitive. I overheard him hissing away at you like a pantomime villain when I walked past. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but I could feel the venom coming off him. Then I saw you dash off and just wanted to check you’re all right. Benedict’s so tied up with the children, I don’t think he noticed what was going on.’
‘You’re too sweet, Catherine. Especially when, you know…’ Stella trailed off, unable to find the words to talk about this kind woman’s daughter.
‘It’s all right, Stella, I do know what you mean.’ She sighed. ‘It’s been so hard without Anna. For Benedict, for Daniel, for all of us. We miss her terribly, and we always will.’
Stella noticed a tiny tear shining in the older woman’s eye and patted her hand.
‘But the thing is, life goes on. My Anna loved life and she wouldn’t want Benedict and Daniel pining away forever. She’d want them to be happy, and that means finding love with someone.’
‘Ooh, I don’t know about love. I mean, we hardly know each other. We’ve only met a few times, and I’m moving to Canada soon, but they’re bound to find someone. The right person.’
‘Yes, I’m sure they will.’ Catherine looked at Stella as if weighing something up in her mind. ‘Come back down with me. Put a brave face on and don’t let that pompous swine think he’s got one over on you.’
They walked downstairs together, and Stella fixed a cheerful expression on her face before going back out into the garden. It slipped slightly when she saw Nigel and Benedict in a conspiratorial huddle. As she drew near, they both stopped talking and looked up.
‘Stella,’ said Benedict. ‘Wondered where you’d got to. I was asking Nigel what he’d said to frighten you away.’
‘Just sorting out my splint.’ Stella, cheered by the presence of Catherine, looked her enemy in the eye. ‘It’ll take more than Nigel to frighten me away.’
‘Glad to hear it. The magician’s just left, so Daniel’s going to open his other presents now.’
Daniel sat with his guests, who helped him to unwrap an assortment of scientific toys, which included the very same orrery that Stella had almost bought from the museum shop. When she saw it was from Nigel, she was doubly relieved that she’d changed her mind at the last minute.
While Benedict picked up the wrapping paper, Miranda fetched out the party bags. Daniel was the perfect little host, presenting each child with a parting gift and thanking them for coming. The guests gathered up their belongings and started to leave, and Daniel, assisted by Grandpa Bob’s hand on the saddle, wobbled his way to the end of the drive on his new bicycle to wave goodbye. When his friends and their parents had gone, Daniel’s grandparents continued helping him to practise riding his bike. Just as he was beginning to gain his balance, Miranda announced that she was also leaving.
‘Thank you for coming to my party, and for my telescope, Aunty Miranda.’
‘You’re most welcome, Daniel. I’ve had a lovely time, and you’ll see me next weekend while your dad’s away working. Goodbye, darling.’
She knelt to kiss him and then stood up. ‘Goodbye, Bob and Catherine. It was wonderful to see you again.’ She kissed each of them in turn and shook Stella’s hand, wishing her a safe journey home. With a final smile at Daniel, she climbed onto her own bike and pedalled away.
As everyone came back up the drive, Stella told Benedict that she was going to get ready for the station.
‘You know,’ he said, frowning at her wrist. ‘I doubt you can manage on the train with your luggage and only one active arm.’
‘There’s just my rucksack and a bunch of flowers, so it’ll be fine. ’
‘I don’t think it will be fine. Let me drive you home. Daniel’s going to be awake late so we could have something to eat first and then I could drop you off afterwards.’
‘Thanks, but it’ll make it too late a night for Daniel. I’ll be fine, honestly.’
‘Nonsense,’ Catherine chimed in. ‘Benedict, you go to London with Stella and leave Daniel here with us. We spend so little time with him, it would be lovely to have him to ourselves, and as we’re staying over in any case, there’s no need to hurry back.’
‘Kind of you both to offer, but it’s his birthday, and… you know, I should stay with him on this day of all days, and with you two.’
Catherine sat down on a deck chair, fixed Benedict with a look and shook her head.
‘Daniel,’ she called out, ‘how would you like to spend the evening with Grandma and Grandpa? We’ll take you out for tea somewhere. What do you say?’
‘Ooh, can I, Daddy? Please say yes.’
Benedict looked steadily back at Catherine and gave in gracefully. ‘All right then, son. It looks like I’ve been out-manoeuvred.’
‘Really,’ protested Stella, ‘I don’t want you all going to so much trouble on my account.’
‘Not another word,’ said Catherine, ‘or we’ll be terribly offended. Off you go, and we’ll sort ourselves out here, won’t we, my favourite grandson?’
‘Grandma, I’m your only grandson.’ Daniel hopped onto his grandmother’s lap to discuss where to go for tea.
Stella, still feeling guilty about the whole idea, went off to pack.
After lots of goodbyes, Daniel swung on the gate while his grandparents stood behind him, waving. Now that Benedict and Stella were out of the easy warmth of the garden and alone in the car, the atmosphere was strained. Judging by his profile, Benedict was tense. His jaw was clenched and his knuckles were white, even though they were only trickling along in light Sunday-afternoon traffic. Clearly, he was irked about something but it was hard to know what. Since it had been his idea to drive her home, it clearly wasn’t that, but his initial suggestion had included his son. It certainly hadn’t been his idea to leave Daniel behind and have dinner alone with her, so maybe that was the problem – it was his son’s birthday after all. On top of that, seeing Bob and Catherine must have stirred up feelings about his wife and today’s terrible anniversary. Unable to bear silence all the way to London, she cleared her throat and decided to break it.
‘Well, everyone enjoyed the party and Daniel had a great time.’
Benedict continued to stare straight ahead. ‘Yes, he did.’
‘And the magician went down a storm. Thanks for the bouquet, by the way. That was a thoughtful touch.’
‘Nothing to do with me. Something the magician does at every party, I imagine.’
Immediately, all the colour and perfume drained from the flowers. Stupidly, she’d thought Benedict had meant them for her, when they were nothing more than a routine party trick. The magician was probably booked months ago, long before Stella was on the scene, so the flowers were likely destined for Miranda or Catherine, had they been closer to hand.
They sat in silence all along the country roads, and Stella watched the green hedgerows whizzing past. She wondered if she could just roll from the car on the next slow bend and hitch a ride to London. Even with a sprained wrist, it was tempting to take the risk as the atmosphere in the small car was bordering on painful. But once they joined the M40, Benedict eased his grip on the wheel and his jaw relaxed by at least one millimetre.
‘What did you make of Nigel on making his acquaintance for the third time? ’
‘Nigel? He’s very… forthright isn’t he?’
‘That’s one way of describing him. Did he upset you?’
‘No,’ she lied. ‘Well, maybe a bit.’
‘Sorry about that. My fault for leaving you to his not-so-tender mercies, but I do wish you’d notified me that you’re an astrologer.’
‘Notified? Sorry, but I didn’t realise there was a form to fill out. Would you like to see my passport as well?’
‘No, of course not. But I thought you were a flat-sitter.’
‘I am. Flat-sitting is how I keep a roof over my head – many roofs over my head, I should say – but it doesn’t pay anything. Astrology is how I earn my crust, and besides that, it’s my passion in life.’
‘Well, I just wish you hadn’t kept it from me.’
‘I didn’t keep it from you.’ Her faced warmed at this fib. ‘It just never came up. Anyway, I thought you’d have guessed.’
‘Foolishly perhaps, considering we met at an astronomy lecture, I assumed you had an interest in astronomy.’
‘I do have an interest in astronomy, but only to help with my astrology.’
He fell silent again while he pulled into the fast lane to overtake a line of trucks moving slowly up a long incline and for a while they were jammed between articulated lorries and the central reservation. The small car was noisy and low to the ground, so it felt as though they were going a lot faster than the sixty-nine miles per hour they were actually doing. The lorry driver at the front of the queue flashed Benedict back in and he thanked the driver with a brief lift of his left hand.
‘Stella, you don’t really believe in all that stuff, do you?’
‘I do believe in all that stuff , as you put it. And if you and your astronomer friends would be more open-minded, you’d know that the ancients only developed astronomy to improve their understanding of astrology, so it was no more than a means to an end.’
Even though Benedict was no longer in the middle of overtaking, he fell quiet again, and the white knuckles were back.
‘Stella, I don’t want to upset you, but it’s difficult to comprehend how anyone sane can believe in this … I don’t know… hocus-pocus.’
‘Hocus-pocus? Now you sound just like Nigel. And here was me thinking you were a scientist. Aren’t you lot meant to keep an open mind?’
‘Yes, but not so open that wool can gather.’
‘Are you calling me a wool-gatherer?’
‘No, it’s just–’
‘Because I had enough of remarks like that at school, and just because I only have a handful of ropey GCSEs instead of a swanky doctorate doesn’t mean you get to insult my intelligence.’
She turned away from him and stared at the passing hedgerows again. Snide comments were something she was well accustomed to, but not generally from someone she liked. Benedict was treading on dangerous territory. While Stella didn’t want to have a row on the motorway, she wasn’t going to take these insults twice in one afternoon. She’d never forgive herself for not standing up for her mother’s teachings.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, eventually. ‘I didn’t mean to insult you.’
But. There was definitely a but coming. She could feel it in her water.
‘But it doesn’t matter whether I believe in astrology or not, it’s just very difficult for me in my position. You must understand that.’
‘Yes, your friend Nigel was only too keen to tell me all the intricate details of your precious grant applications and how I was the greatest threat to astronomy since they jailed Galileo. Well, I’d hate to get in the way of your work, so you can drop me off at the nearest garage or station or whatever, and I’ll take a cab from there.’
‘I absolutely will not drop you off at a station, let alone a garage. I’m taking you home, whether you like it or not. Stella, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just that people like Nigel are so traditionally minded. There’s such fierce competition for grants, and reputation counts as much as academic ability. I didn’t make the system, but I have to work within it.’
‘No need to explain yourself to me. Drop me off, and we’ll call it a day. You can write me off as a visiting eccentric you once had the misfortune of being taken in by. I’m sure your astronomy mates will forgive you once they know there’s a few thousand miles between us.’
Her voice was wobbling so she said no more. What an awful finish to the weekend. Why hadn’t Nasty Nigel just kept his big mouth shut? But it wasn’t really Nigel’s fault – he was just the messenger, however unpleasant – it was mainly Benedict’s fault for being such an insufferable snob. And while that part was also true, Stella knew she had to bear some responsibility. Benedict was right, though, and she should have mentioned her interest in astrology earlier. There was always going to be some ribbing, and she was used to that, but she hadn’t expected to be accused of something as ruinous as this, as if she’d deliberately set out to wreck a man’s career and destroy the reputation of his college.
Well, she wouldn’t make a mistake like this again. In the unlikely event she let another man within six feet of her, she’d introduce herself as Stella McElhone, jobbing astrologer and incidental flat-sitter. Maybe she should get some business cards made. Her breath had fogged up the side window and before she realised what she was doing, she’d drawn the glyph for Leo with her pinkie. She decided not to rub it out. Next time Benedict was in the car and the side window misted up, it would reappear. That would show him. Really, her trip to Canada could not come soon enough so she could move on with her life and forget all about this prejudiced, narrow-minded elitist.
They were at Notting Hill now, so providing they didn’t get lost, she’d be home in quarter of an hour and then it would all be over, bar the ice cream. There was still the best part of a tub in the freezer from the last time he’d upset her. From when she’d allowed herself to be upset by him, she corrected herself. Well, no more. As they passed Lord’s cricket ground, she put her hand on her seat-belt so she’d be ready to release it the second he pulled up. They arrived outside Stella’s apartment block without getting lost once, she noted miserably, and when Benedict switched off the engine, he took her good hand.
‘Please look at me, Stella. Perhaps the timing just wasn’t right for us. I do hope you can forgive me?’
‘There’s nothing to forgive. Please pass on my regards to Bob and Catherine, who seem like lovely people. I’m going to miss Daniel. You will tell him I said goodbye, won’t you?’
‘I will. He’ll miss you, and if I’m completely honest, I’ll miss you as well.’
‘I’m sure your multi-million-pound grant will soon take the sting out of it. Open the boot, please, so I can get my things.’
With that, she got out of the car and tugged at the boot, which didn’t open. No central locking, of course. Benedict also got out, opened the lock with a key and took out her rucksack and the flowers.
‘Let me carry them up to your flat for you. I can at least be that civil.’
‘No need. I can manage by myself, thank you.’
‘Why do you insist on being so stubborn? Do you want to hurt your wrist even more?’
Stubborn? Benedict Redman was a fine one to talk. She huffed and stalked towards the door, key at the ready. Ernie the porter looked up and smiled.
‘Evening, Stella,’ he said. ‘You been in the wars, mate?’
‘Evening, Ernie. It certainly feels that way.’
Ernie gave a curt nod to Benedict and watched them head for the lift, where they waited in silence – a silence that continued as the lift travelled up to her floor. Stella opened the door to her flat and turned on the light. Benedict followed her in and put her bag and the ill-gotten flowers on the table. He paused, close to her. Stella didn’t know what she wanted more: to cry, to kiss him or to shove him out of the door and never see him again. Instead, she did nothing, but merely stood there, looking at the floor.
‘Well, if that’s everything,’ he said, ‘I’d best be off.’
‘Yes, you’d best. Thanks for the lift.’
‘It’s nothing. Thanks for everything you did for Daniel’s birthday. You really made his day.’
Stella did not raise her head. Her eyes were stinging with tears and she couldn’t bear to look at him. Benedict leant forwards and tried to kiss her on the cheek, but the contact was more than she could stand and she pulled away so his lips brushed only the air next to her face.
‘Bye, Benedict,’ she said with her back to him.
‘Goodbye, Stella.’
Without another word, he walked to the door, clicking it shut behind him. Stella couldn’t believe that he’d actually gone. Quickly, she turned out the light and peered down at the street to where his stupid little yellow car was waiting for him. A few moments later, Benedict walked out of the building and got into his car without so much as a glance up at her window, then drove off in the wrong direction. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. No point crying over him. He’d gone for good, and just as well.