Chapter 24
A dam was about to get in his car when I managed to catch up with him in the almost empty parking lot.
He looked at me with an impassive face and asked, ‘What’s up, Cruella?’
‘Can you do me a favour?’
‘You have the cheek to ask me for a favour after breaking my heart?’
‘Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic? Ahh, forget it.’ I waved a hand at him and walked away.
‘Come on – what do you want?’ he called after me. ‘But just so you know, I’m running low on cash if you’re after my bank card again.’
I got my car key out of my bag and called back, ‘It’s not about that – never mind.’
‘What is it then?’ he shouted across the car park. ‘Come on, Evelyn.’
At the exact same moment I worked up the courage to walk back to him, the door to our office building swung open, and Joel, Dean, and Katie came out carrying their laptop bags, chatting loudly; they were the last to leave work for the day.
I quickly turned back towards my car, as if fidgeting with my key, then took my time placing my laptop bag in the boot. Meanwhile, from the corner of my eye, I watched Adam, who seemed to understand my predicament. He too had unlocked his car and sat behind the steering wheel, leaving the door open.
Katie said goodbye to the others and started towards Adam, but he got his mobile out of his pocket and held it against his ear, closing the car door. This prompted her to make a sour face and just wave goodbye to him.
Once she’d driven away, he put down the phone and rolled down his window. I quickly headed back to him, and he looked up at me from his seat, not even bothering to get out. For the first time, I felt awkward about towering over a man.
‘So what do you want?’ he asked.
I hesitated before replying, ‘My parents are here to see my sister and her new baby…’
‘Aaand?’
‘They want the adults to go out for a quiet dinner in the city.’ No matter how much Mum and Dad must have adored the two little ones, I couldn’t imagine their visit to Guildford the other day having lasted more than a few hours.
‘And? What has that got to do with me?’
I’d never felt more embarrassed but pulled myself together and continued regardless. ‘I can’t do it alone.’
He was trying hard to hide his surprise and keep a straight face. ‘You want me to be your date?’ His question sounded more like a statement as he slowly processed the information.
‘I just need someone to be there to stop me from punching my father when he starts lecturing me about how my sister is successfully married with children while I’ll die a spinster.’
Adam appeared deep in thought for a minute, rubbing his thumb against his jaw. ‘Alright,’ he said, ‘I’ll do it, but what if I feel the sudden urge to punch him?’
‘Forget it,’ I told him, turning to leave. ‘I knew it was a bad idea—’
But I heard a car door open, and the next second, his hand was on my shoulder, forcing me to turn back and face him.
‘Slow down; it was just a joke. Don’t worry – no one will punch anyone,’ he said. ‘I’d be honoured to meet your parents.’
‘Just don’t forget you’re not coming as my boyfriend.’
His forehead creased. ‘Then how are you planning to introduce me exactly?’ he asked then added, ‘Here’s Adam, my colleague, whom I once kidnapped and took to Wales on a crazy night out and had sex with and almost had a baby with?’
‘That was all out of context and not even in the correct order.’
‘So what role am I to play?’
I thought for a minute. ‘Okay, you’ll be the pretend boyfriend: we work for the same company but don’t work together. No need to mention sex and babies.’
‘Hmm,’ he said, scratching his jaw again, ‘I’d be surprised if babies weren’t the main topic, considering your sister’s just given birth… which means sex will be a theme. Also, if you’re my girlfriend, introducing me to your parents will make them think we’re serious. Having sex before marriage is quite acceptable in the twenty-first century… unless you’re, like, a Mormon, but personally I think no one should buy the goods before tasting them.’
‘You’re disgusting.’
How could I even consider putting him in front of my parents?
‘It’s the truth. How can two people get married before making sure they fit together in bed? It’s like a key and a lock: only the right one can open it.’
I was about to argue there could be multiple copies of the same key out there, but in the end, I decided to keep my opinion to myself. Instead, I told him, ‘Sex and physical attraction aren’t everything in a relationship.’
He burst into laughter. ‘Oh, Evelyn, like you’re such a relationship expert. Do you really believe that? If someone is beautiful on the inside, they still have to look good enough on the outside for another person to notice.’
‘You’re shallow.’
‘I’m not… Okay, maybe I am, but it’s the truth – if one can’t look after and respect their own body, how do they expect someone else to respect that body? You can try to be nicey nice about it, but the reality is: looks do matter. Then, to maintain the interest, bed performance comes into play. You know, on a one-to-ten scale… Some things, of course, can be improved, but one knows when it’s a waste of time to keep trying. ’
I quickly translated the gibberish he was talking and asked, ‘Are you saying you were rating my sexual performance?’
‘May-be,’ he said, looking up and putting his hands in his pockets, then he started whistling.
‘Tell me then: one to ten, how would you rate me?’
Adam pretended not to hear me, so I repeated the question. He then cleared his throat before replying, ‘Seven.’
‘Is that good?’
‘Can be improved but not hopeless.’
‘Thanks. So what am I doing wrong?’
He seemed hesitant about giving me an answer but spoke at last. ‘I’d say you’re too controlling; you just can’t let go and be spontaneous. You seriously need to learn to relax.’
‘Six.’
He was blinking hard at me. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘You should be – that’s my number for you,’ I said, folding my arms.
‘ Six ? That’s ridiculous. You’re just upset about your score; that’s why you’re giving me a low number.’
‘Why would I be upset?’ I asked. ‘You told me seven was a good score.’
‘No, you asked if it was good, and I said it could be improved.’
‘Are you not even interested why only six?’
‘No, because I’m not a six – I’m at least a solid eight with most women.’
‘Is that what they tell you?’
‘I don’t usually discuss scores with women,’ he replied, pressing his lips tight and crossing his arms.
‘Then how do you know?’
Adam laughed nervously. ‘Oh I know; believe me.’
‘Really? Then here’s some news for you: I faked it.’
His eyes widened in horror. ‘You – did – not!’
‘Oh, I did.’
‘I don’t believe that for a second, but if you did, that’s not my fault. ’
‘Is that so?’ I asked calmly. ‘Whose fault would it be then?’
‘Yours – because you can’t relax. You must be thinking about work even in bed, creating diagrams and Excel charts in your head while your partner tries his best to please you. It’s really not healthy.’
‘FYI, I know how to relax and have had orgasms before.’
He scoffed. ‘What by your own hand or Mr Rabbit? That doesn’t count.’
‘With men… other men … if you must know,’ I said, pulling the zip higher on my jacket.
‘When?’ he asked, laughing bitterly. ‘You don’t even have a life outside the office.’
‘I do have a life!’ Why did everyone keep telling me I didn’t have a life? I was becoming fed up trying to justify myself.
‘Then maybe we should test it again just to see whether things still work down there…’
Now it was me who couldn’t stop blinking. ‘Excuse me? Test what?’
‘You know… do another trial run to see what needs fixing,’ he said, moving his gaze just below my waistline.
‘I’m not a car and have no desire to sleep with you again.’
‘Oh, you’ve put on the poker face again,’ he said. ‘But I know you want it – I can see it in your eyes.’
‘You’re delusional…’
‘Still want the favour?’
I was on the edge of losing my cool with him. ‘You’re blackmailing me to sleep with you again just so you’ll play my date?’ Incredible .
‘That’s not what I said,’ he protested.
‘Well, that’s how it sounded.’
‘No, I just changed the topic.’
‘Really?’ I asked dubiously.
‘Really.’
I was desperate enough to tell him, ‘Yes, but no sex.’
‘When?’
‘Never. ’
He gave an exasperated sigh. ‘I meant, when is dinner?’
‘Oh, tomorrow night.’
‘Thank you for the advance notice,’ he mocked.
I shrugged. ‘Sorry, but it took me a while to decide whom to ask…’
‘Like you have so many options out there,’ he said with a condescending smile. ‘Did David not volunteer by the way?’
‘I don’t think his pregnant fiancée would have approved…’
‘Oh, yeah, I heard about that,’ he said in an excited tone. (I suspected his source was Jenny.) ‘Sorry, Evelyn, it must have been extremely hard for you to learn that the object of your affection had been hiding a skeleton in the cupboard.’
‘Fuck you,’ I mouthed then added louder, ‘Besides, she’s not that thin.’
Adam let out a cynical laugh. ‘Oh my God, was that meant to be a joke?’ he asked. ‘Or is dry humour part of your denial process?’
‘What denial process?’
‘That you were ever attracted to him.’
‘I’ve never denied that,’ I said, adding, ‘And you must have known about her all along. Surely you guys must have these manly chats about us women while playing golf with the subcontractors? Who the flavour of the month is in the office and so forth…’
He grimaced. ‘I don’t play golf, and “flavour of the month”? Come on.’
‘My guess is Katie.’
‘ Katie ?’ he echoed, astounded. ‘Nah, she’s too obvious and tries too hard. Too much make-up, too short a skirt, and too much on display – some things are best left to the imagination… She’s not that pretty anyway. But you could wear a skirt sometimes; you’ve got great legs.’
‘I prefer to do well because of my skills, not my looks. So thanks, but no thanks.’
‘I’m not saying you’re not brilliant at your job, but do you honestly think your fast-tracked development is only down to your surveying skills? How many female commercial managers under thirty have you seen in construction?’
‘What are you insinuating? That I’ve been promoted because I’m a woman?’
I couldn’t get my head around the fact that according to him, I was the one belittling everyone, yet he had no issues doing the same to me. Again, it seemed the same rules didn’t apply to all. Can men and women ever be truly equal?
‘Nooo,’ he said, ‘but it surely looks good on the company figures when it comes to being diverse.’
‘What about you then?’
‘What about me?’
‘You’re probably not a great site manager either and were only hired to boost the stats. You know, being half Irish and half Korean…’
He gave me a pompous smile. ‘No, I was hired because I’m that good. Also, just for the record, I never said you were bad at your job. I actually said you were brilliant, but you can’t deny being a female can come in handy sometimes.’
‘How do you know?’
‘How do I know what?’
‘That you were hired because of your skills and not your racial background?’
He resumed that annoying grin and said, ‘Because I met the other candidate on the day of my interview.’
‘And?’
‘He was mixed race too – but also transgender.’
Feeling like I was about to explode, I closed my eyes for a few seconds to try and compose myself. When I opened them, I was still met with his arrogant expression. ‘You are so…’
‘Let me help; the word you’re looking for is “right”.’
‘No, I was going to say exhausting.’
‘So what time am I to pick you up tomorrow?’ he asked.
‘Best if we go to your place after work and get changed there – dinner is at half seven in the city, at the hotel where my parents are staying,’ I said then looked at my watch. ‘I’ve got to dash now and find something to wear. Thanks for wasting my time talking rubbish again.’
His expression softened. ‘Darling, it’s called flirting. Perhaps you missed the part where I commented on your legs.’
‘I didn’t miss it but chose to ignore it. Anyway, see you tomorrow and… thanks .’
He saluted, closed his car door, and let me drive away first.