Chapter 28
T here was a big commotion in the kitchen when I entered to grab my lunch. Dean and Ardas were arguing, aggressively pushing each other. A few others were watching the scene but quickly left when they saw me.
‘I already told you it wasn’t me,’ cried Dean. ‘It was Selena.’
‘But you must have put it there,’ shouted Ardas.
I debated whether to get involved, but as a manager, I had no other choice. So I approached them and asked, ‘What’s going on, guys?’ I couldn’t believe this silliness was still happening – David should have sorted them out a long time ago.
They both looked at me then back at each other, unable to decide who should present the issue. At least their silent exchange suggested they agreed on one thing: it wasn’t an easy task.
‘Somehow, Ardas’s mobile ended up on Selena’s desk. She thought it was hers and tried to put her PIN in. But she tried it too many times and wiped the phone’s memory.’
Adam’s voice came from the corner. I only just noticed him sitting on the sofa. He was scrolling on his mobile and didn’t even raise his head. ‘Ardas called IT, but they couldn’t do anything about it; all his messages and contacts are gone,’ he said, finally lifting his head and locking eyes with me, adding, ‘Guys, can you please take this elsewhere? Can’t you see you’re upsetting the lady?’
There was some bitterness in his look, which made me quiver inside. He was still resentful about how our last sexual encounter had ended a few weeks ago.
I turned back to the other two site managers. ‘Wasn’t the cleaner here earlier today? Maybe it was an accident; she might have just misplaced it after wiping the desks. ’
It seemed a likely explanation as Selena’s desk faced Ardas’s. It was unlucky that everyone’s work phone was the same model and make, and not many bothered to personalise the screen, let alone the ringtone (like Adam).
‘You think so?’ Ardas asked, finally letting go of Dean’s hi-vis jacket. The hesitation in his voice told me he hadn’t considered it before but realised it was possible.
‘Yes. And even if it wasn’t an accident, I’m sure whoever did it didn’t expect the phone’s memory to be wiped or that IT wouldn’t be able to fix the issue,’ I continued.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Adam sliding his phone into his pocket and rising from the sofa. Then I heard the door to the lobby open and shut.
Once it seemed I’d managed to contain the situation in the kitchen, I went back upstairs. At the same time, following Adam’s example, the Lithuanian site manager and his TLO nemesis left for site.
*
After the incident between Dean and Ardas, I was so focused on work that I didn’t hear David calling for me. I only realised he was trying to get my attention when he’d stepped out of his office to repeat the request. He asked me to close the door behind me then took his seat, indicating towards my old chair for me to sit.
‘Is this going to take long?’ I asked, but he shook his head. ‘Then I’d rather stand.’
‘Are you sure? Okay.’ He gave me a severe look and took a deep breath before speaking again. ‘I wanted to make you aware that some serious allegations have been made.’
‘ Allegations ? About me ?’ No matter how much Adam seemed to resent me, I was sure he wouldn’t have played this dirty. However, I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d have upset so much that they’d run to report me.
‘No, about a male colleague,’ said David. ‘Someone from HR will have to investigate. I just wanted to give you a heads-up as they might want to speak to you.’
‘What allegations are we talking about? Bullying? Harassment?’
He looked down and sideways, then loosened his tie and cleared his throat before replying, ‘They’re of a sexual nature… A female colleague has made a complaint.’
‘Is it about Morris?’ I asked, smiling nervously. ‘He’s a ladies’ man but utterly harmless.’ I knew he only hugged women whom he was positive were receptive to his behaviour. And it wasn’t like he was going around touching anyone up.
‘It’s not Morris.’
‘Then who is it? It must be someone from this office…’ I could discount Jordan – he was gay – and, of course, it couldn’t be David himself. ‘Is it someone from my team?’ I asked, though I couldn’t picture my polite and quiet boys acting unprofessionally with anyone.
‘It’s your friend: Adam.’
My jaw dropped. ‘ Adam ? That can’t be.’
‘As I said, these were serious allegations.’
‘Who reported him? It was Katie, wasn’t it?’
‘I can’t tell you.’
There was no point pushing David to reveal the culprit. Being well aware of how workplace investigations were conducted and how confidentially the relevant information was to be handled, I was surprised he’d shared even this much with me.
‘Does he know?’
‘He’ll know soon enough,’ he said. ‘HR will contact him if they haven’t already. But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say a word to him.’
‘You should know Katie has had her eyes on him for a while… I’ve witnessed it myself, but Adam has kept fobbing her off. She must be seeking revenge in her sick way.’
‘I don’t need to know that, and it’s not for me to investigate this case and draw a conclusion.’
‘But surely you can’t believe that Adam would be capable of doing something like this? He’s not the type. If a woman says no to him, he doesn’t force himself on them.’ At least not like this . Although he could be a right pain in the ass, I could never call his sexual advances towards me unwelcome or unreciprocated.
‘It’s not for me to decide,’ David said, turning to his laptop.
‘Adam did nothing wrong!’
‘I think we’re finished.’
‘You’re right,’ I said. ‘We are.’
I marched out of his room, trying hard to refrain from slamming the door behind me, but I failed. It sounded like even the small Georgian-wired glass unit cracked in the door panel as the door crashed back into the frame. I didn’t look behind to check.
The noise made everyone tense in their seats, but no one dared to raise their heads or make a comment. However, I expected my sudden burst of anger to be discussed later when I wasn’t about but couldn’t care less – I couldn’t stand injustice.
Sitting back in front of my laptop, I felt the urge to call Adam to see whether HR had been in touch with him. I wanted to make sure he was doing okay. But before I pressed his name in my contact list, I stopped. I didn’t want anyone to overhear the conversation, thus indirectly starting rumours about him or being the one to break the news to him in case they hadn’t called him.
My mobile was still in my hand when the door to the landing opened. Selena entered, followed by Katie, both women carrying a steaming mug. They had resident packs under their arms and hi-vis jackets on, which made it clear they’d just returned from their daily site visits. I felt like walking up to Katie and punching her in the face. But I just put on a pleasant face and said hello to them instead.
She held my gaze for a second; her eyes flickered. She then dropped her head, placed her files on her desk, and opened her laptop.
*
When Adam hadn’t returned to the office at half four, I decided to drive to his flat and check up on him. Again, no one was brave enough to say anything to me about finishing early – probably for the first time during my career at Brooks O’Grady.
The traffic seemed worse than usual, and the minutes spent in the car kept dragging on. Drumming on the wheel, I wondered whether I should dial Adam’s number and announce my visit. I wanted to hear his voice and tell him everything was going to be okay. That I’d do anything to fix this for him and make sure Katie would suffer for what she’d done.
When I got to his place, I had to cruise around the neighbourhood several times before I found a parking spot. I power-walked back to his apartment building and pressed the door entry button to number fourteen multiple times. I started to think he wasn’t home, and I’d made the journey in haste. However, Adam did answer on the last ring but sounded in such low spirits that I wanted to rush upstairs and throw my arms around him.
While climbing the stairs, two steps at a time, I kept reminding myself that this meeting must remain professional; that I’d only come to enquire about his welfare. Not that I expected anything to happen. Last time, Adam had made it perfectly clear he didn’t want a causal relationship with me.
‘Does everyone know already?’ he asked, his head down as he led me inside his flat.
‘Nah, just me.’
‘Who told you?’
‘David.’
I followed him into the living room. He sat on the sofa, and I did the same.
‘Aren’t you going to ask whether it’s true?’
‘I know it’s not,’ I replied with an encouraging smile.
‘That means a lot to me, thanks.’
‘So how are you holding up?’
‘Not great,’ he said. ‘I’m currently suspended until the investigation is closed. They call it “working from home”, but how a site manager can work from home is beyond me… How am I supposed to carry out my end-of-day checks and get any works signed off? Via someone’s phone camera? Rubbish!’
Sitting right next to him, my common sense was out the window already. I wanted to pull him close and hold him, but fighting the urge hard, I only asked, ‘Did they say how long it was going to take?’
‘A couple of weeks or so, but they couldn’t say for sure.’
‘Don’t worry – she’ll get fired for this. She can’t make such accusations without any basis.’
‘Clearly she can,’ he said with a sad smile. ‘But I wonder what evidence they expect… It’s not a rape allegation; there won’t be any semen or other forensic evidence left behind. It’s not like CSI .’
‘What?’
‘Never mind – I forgot you don’t watch much TV.’
‘Tell me – what is Katie claiming exactly?’
He sighed, looking even more miserable and said, ‘That one day when we were the last ones to leave the office, I grabbed her and tried to have my way with her in the car park. Of course, she kicked me off and fled.’
‘You never stay after five.’
‘I have a few times, when David gave me some extra work with the excuse that it’s good for my progression .’ We said the last part together and laughed. ‘I think he’s piling the work on me because of you,’ Adam added. ‘He must be jealous.’
I pretended not to have heard the last bit and asked, ‘Is it only her word against yours then?’
‘Yeah, typical “she said, he said” story. So unless there are some hidden cameras in the car park with last week’s recording, who do you think they’ll believe? I’m fucked. I’ll lose my job, and who would hire me after that? This will follow me everywhere.’
I forced a smile again. ‘You’ll be fine.’
‘Thanks, but I can’t see how.’
‘Would it make you feel better if I stayed for a bit? Maybe we could watch that Matrix sequel? ’
He hesitated but then said, rising from the sofa, ‘Okay… Do you want some dinner? I can quickly make something.’
‘Don’t worry; I’ll sort it.’
‘Are you sure?’ he asked, unable to hide his shock.
I nodded.
‘Well, you know where everything is in the kitchen,’ he said. ‘Is it okay if I go and have a quick bath? I feel filthy after today. As if I were a real sex offender.’
‘Don’t be so melodramatic. But if it makes you feel better, just go.’
Half an hour later, Adam returned wearing his usual casual home look: a sleeveless black top and grey joggers, his hair still wet. He had a couple of red marks on his chin where he’d cut himself shaving.
I quickly looked away before he noticed I’d been staring at him.
‘Did I hear the bell?’ he asked.
‘Yes. I ordered pizza.’
He seemed disappointed. ‘When you offered to sort dinner, I thought you’d make something – I was looking forward to trying your cooking,’ he said, putting the DVD in the player. ‘I guess next time then.’
‘There won’t be a next time.’
‘You keep saying that, but there’s always a next time.’
When we finished the pizza, halfway through the film, he put his hand on mine. I swallowed hard but didn’t move, keeping my eyes on the screen. Then, a few minutes later, the room was covered in darkness.
‘What happened?’ I asked.
‘It’s the fuse box,’ he explained. ‘It does that sometimes. I’ll just need to switch the circuit back on.’
I sighed. ‘I told you: films and I are cursed.’
‘I didn’t think you were superstitious.’
‘It’s not superstition if it’s based on facts and precedent,’ I noted. ‘Aren’t you going to turn it back on then?’
Seconds passed, and he still didn’t answer, but I could hear his breathing getting louder as he moved closer until he was only inches from my face. His grip on my hand became stronger. After finding my lips in the dark, he forced them open with his tongue.
My heart started to race, and I pulled his head closer with my free hand. When our lips finally parted, he spoke softly. ‘I love you.’
We sat in the dark for another long minute, with those last three words still hanging over our heads and echoing in my ears.
‘You see, this is the part where you say something. Something like you love me too.’
But I was silent. My mind, for once, felt completely empty, as if I’d been brainwashed. My tongue got all tied up and wouldn’t move.
‘Evelyn, are you there? Of course you’re there. Can you please say something?’
Another minute had gone by before I heard him get up, and not long after that, the TV screen and the reading lamp in the corner were back on.
Seconds later, he returned to the lounge, sat back on the sofa, cast one disappointed and angry look at me, then fixed his eyes on the screen.
Finally my daze wore off, and I found my voice.
‘Adam…’ I started, reaching out to grab his hand, but he pulled it away, pressing himself against the armrest at the other end.
‘It’s okay,’ he said in a cold voice. ‘The moment is gone now. Let’s just watch the film.’
But I was watching him instead, and my heart felt so heavy.
‘Adam, can we please talk? Like adults.’
He turned towards me. ‘About what?’ he snapped. ‘How I’ve just made a fool out of myself? Again ?’
He wasn’t a fool. But I was beginning to feel like I was.
‘I’m not sure what game you’re playing, but you’re truly the Wicked Witch of the West. You used your charm on me again then left me out in the cold.’ He nervously rubbed his forehead and added, ‘Come on, Evelyn – you’ve always known how I feel about you. I don’t understand why you’re shocked now I’ve finally said it out loud. It’s not like I’d been hiding it from you… or from anyone.’ He sounded hysterical, and his eyes lacked any light, as if his soul had been shattered.
The weight on my chest felt even heavier, and I wanted to touch his face and comfort him, but I just couldn’t move – I was chained to the sofa.
‘Tell me, why did you come here today, Evelyn?’ he asked. ‘You rushed here from work, didn’t you? Because it wasn’t even half five when you appeared, and I know for a fact the door-to-door journey takes more than thirty minutes from the office, even on a good day!’ He paused and let out a sigh. ‘I thought this was a sign… that you were finally ready… for us .’
The air in the room felt dry, and I licked my lips. ‘I just wanted to make sure you were okay after what happened,’ I said in a voice that was alien to me. It was frightening that I didn’t believe my own words anymore.
‘Why? What does it matter to you if you feel nothing for me? Tell me, what is it you’re looking for? You keep saying you want us to be friends, but you don’t want that, do you? For Christ’s sake, just take a look at yourself – you don’t even know how to be friends with anyone; hence, you have none. And don’t even bullshit me about friends making love like we did… I may be a fool, but I’m not an idiot. So please stop lying and tell me why you’re here. Because that is the million-pound question. Please say it – I have to know.’
I pitied Adam. He didn’t realise, but he couldn’t have meant that he loved me. No man had ever told me that, not even my father. In fact, the only two people who’d ever said that to me were my mother and sister. And even from them, I took it with a pinch of salt.
My longest romantic relationship happened during my university studies, but John and I had never got to the stage of saying the L word. He broke it off with me after less than a year, saying, although he cared for me deeply, he didn’t think we clicked or would ever click. Perhaps it was something to do with that lock-and-key theory Adam had talked about.
After that break-up, strangely, I wasn’t heartbroken but relieved that I finally had more time to focus on my studies without any distractions. But how could I admit this to Adam? That I could never hold on to a man for more than ten months – my average was more like seven weeks – and that I’d felt no remorse when my partners had said goodbye to me one by one? It would just further prove to him that something was wrong with me.
But, like John, sooner or later, Adam would realise that I was indeed unlovable.
For most of my adult life, I’d been doing just fine on my own, being so used to not being wanted… Why did Adam have to come along and upset my solitude?
Out of breath, I felt a sudden pang in my chest, as if I was nearing a heart attack. ‘I can’t do this,’ I said, and finally regaining control over my body, I picked up my bag and bolted for the exit.
‘Yes, run off. Again,’ he shouted after me. ‘But we both know you’re not running away from me, just yourself.’
When I got to my car, panting from the sprint, I tore the door open. My hands were shaking as I tried to start the engine. Angrily, I threw the car key on the floor then grabbed the wheel and muttered, ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’
And at last, the tears started to come.