Chapter 30
I t was almost December, and weeks had gone by without a word from Adam. I had a terrible feeling I’d never see him again. Then, one morning, he finally appeared in the office but only to pack up his things. Katie was out on site at the time – I suspected David had arranged it so. As his files belonged to the company, he only had a small plastic bag to take home containing a tape measure, a pack of Mars bars, and an Arsenal mug.
After packing up, he said goodbye to everyone, one by one, starting with Ardas. As they shook hands, I saw the Lithuanian site manager’s eyes tear up, and he pulled Adam into an awkward side hug.
Jenny and Selena were next, and even gave Adam kisses on both cheeks as if to show a middle finger to Katie and her sexual harassment claims. I supposed everyone had learned about the details of the investigation by now.
After my interview with HR, I was sent a transcript of my statement to print, sign, and scan back to them; I was then to shred the physical copy. I wondered how many of my colleagues had read it, as it had taken me a while to realise I’d left the printed page in the scanner. Of course there were other ways to find out about the case; for example, if Jenny had been interviewed too, it wouldn’t have taken long for word to get around…
It seemed Adam was leaving me for last. Or perhaps he planned to skip me entirely. Had he wanted to ignore me, I’d have understood. He’d opened up to me, and I’d pushed him off the cliff edge again. If he truly loved me, that fall must have been the hardest one yet .
I didn’t want to wait around to see which theory would prove correct, so I quietly left for the car park to get some air.
I was still outside when Adam exited the building.
He walked right past me, and I watched him put the orange plastic bag in his boot. It appeared he’d chosen option two: pretend I didn’t exist.
Just as he was about to get in his car, he turned to look at me, his eyes pausing on me as if he’d only just noticed I was there. Then he walked back to me, his hands in his pockets, and, barely glancing at me, said, ‘I just wanted to thank you for what you did… but it was very, very silly of you. What if you’d been caught? You could have lost your job.’ His words of concern contradicted his stone-cold tone.
‘I don’t know what you mean…’
‘Come on, Evelyn – it was back in September when we saw your parents. You lied for me during an official investigation.’
‘I gambled – you kept saying I’d be good at playing poker, so I put my skills to the test. It wasn’t like a police investigation; I hadn’t sworn on the Bible to tell the whole truth. So what? I bent it a little. Besides, it doesn’t change the fact that you were innocent.’ I’d acted on impulse without considering the potential repercussions of my deed, but he didn’t need to know that.
‘There’s one thing I still don’t understand,’ he said. ‘You could have made up anything, yet you decided to bring up the dinner with your parents? And you even told them we were involved ?’ His mask started to slip, and the emotions were back in his voice; he sounded almost hopeful. I’d been wrong about Adam; he was the worst actor ever and couldn’t keep the charade up for more than five minutes.
‘I find lies work better if they have an element of truth. They sound more convincing, and one is less likely to contradict themselves.’
‘Well, you’re certainly good at fooling people…’
His comment hurt me, but I supposed he was right. ‘But didn’t they clear you?’ I asked, confused.
‘They kinda did. ’
‘ Kinda ? And what happens to Katie now? She’s still here, you know.’
He shrugged. ‘As I understand nothing.’
At first, I thought there was something wrong with my hearing. ‘ Nothing ?’ I echoed, squinting. ‘Are you saying she can just go around reporting people without a valid basis or any evidence?’
‘They said it’s not that simple. It looks like she talked her way out of it. She must have made up something about how I’d been making her feel intimidated for a while and that she’d been forced to come up with a lie to be taken seriously… or she may have blamed it on her poor mental health as a get-out-of-jail-free card… or something along those lines.’
My fists clenched. ‘Katie should be fired for making up things like that. She’s the one who should have been suspended, not you. How can you be so calm about this?’
‘It’s weird, isn’t it,’ he said with a weak smile. ‘Normally, you’re the level-headed of the two of us.’
‘I’m just appalled that something like this can happen at the workplace… and I don’t understand why you’re not upset—’
‘Because I don’t care anymore. I’ve done a lot of thinking recently… The world isn’t a fair place, and it’ll never be.’
‘So what was the exact outcome of the investigation?’
‘Since they couldn’t decide whether there was any truth in what Katie was saying, they thought it was better if we worked on different contracts from now on. They offered me a transfer to a project in East London.’
‘Is that where you’re going? I thought I saw you hand in your laptop and phone to David.’ I knew my question was in vain, but I asked it anyway. If he were to stay with Brooks O’Grady, he’d have been allowed to keep them.
‘No, I thought it was time to try something different. My lease agreement is coming to an end soon anyway.’
My throat tightened. ‘ You’re leaving London ?’
‘I’m flying back home in a few weeks; I have some things to sort first. ’
‘Why don’t you stay in England?’
He looked at me with pleading eyes. ‘Evelyn, you know perfectly well why, but you’re always making me spell it out for you: because I can never have the one thing I want here, and I’m sick and tired of waiting around for a miracle. You see, my nan was wrong: sometimes patience and perseverance don’t lead to anything but heartache.’
‘What if I said I wanted you to stay?’
‘Then say something to make me stay.’
‘Stay,’ I whispered.
‘We both know I need a bit more than that.’
‘Adam, you know I like you… but I’m not one for big emotional declarations.’
‘You’re now trying to negotiate on love? Is that your best and final offer? “Like”?’ He let out a bitter laugh, running his fingers through his hair. ‘Evelyn, I’ve been suffering in silence for over a year. I’ve confessed my love to you, and after all we’ve been through, all you can say is you like me ?’ He uttered the last three words with pure disgust.
‘I fell in love with you the first time I saw you,’ he continued. ‘I remember stepping into that office, and you’d just come out of your little cave to talk to Jordan about an invoice not being paid on time. Then you walked up to Joel and told him off for not getting some works signed off already. You were wearing that grey pinstripe suit of yours, and even with those ugly chopsticks in your hair, you looked incredible. I thought, My God, she’s really something . I quickly realised you didn’t leave that cave too often, and I couldn’t wait to do something wrong and upset you just so you’d have a reason to talk to me.
‘But you assigned Jake to deal with me, and poor lad, he had enough on his plate already. I didn’t want to make his life harder. Instead I worked my ass off, so you didn’t speak to me at all for the first few weeks. At every staff meeting, I watched you drool over David, hoping that you’d notice me one day. Then came the Christmas party, and you asked me to go to Cardiff with you. I was surprised you even knew my name .
‘Then it turned out you had no idea what had happened that night, and I saw my chance, so I asked you on a date. Well, sort of. It almost killed me when you said you didn’t want to go out with me again until July. I knew you’d have just laughed at me, or I’d have scared you off if I’d told you there and then how I felt about you. But I hoped, with time, you’d realise it and perhaps feel something too.
‘I was over the moon when David asked me to cover for him in Manchester, but I was also worried that if you learned he wasn’t going, you’d bail. But there you were, and something was finally happening between us… You have no idea how hard it was for me to move to another room, but I didn’t want to rush things… Then, a few weeks later, out of the blue, you jumped on me at my place. I thought that night had meant something to you too, but boy was I wrong!’
‘Why are you making this so hard for me?’
‘I’m making it hard for you ? I am ?’ he cried. ‘For a while, I thought things had improved… you introduced me to your family, and you seemed to loosen up at work… and with David finally out of the picture, I thought we were making real progress. But with you, it’s always one step forward, two steps back, right? It’s like Groundhog Day ; I feel trapped in a time loop. We’re now back to where we were six months ago when you ran off after we had sex the first time. And you’re still on the run.’ He took a long inhale and added, ‘I seriously wish you could get over your daddy issues.’
‘I don’t have daddy issues,’ I said. ‘Why am I even listening to this?’ I muttered to myself, inching towards the office entrance.
‘You see! This is exactly what you’re always doing! You retreat into your shell whenever you’re told something you don’t like,’ he said. ‘Yes, you have major daddy issues. I’m not saying issues directly with your father but because of him. You’ve been trying so hard to prove yourself to him that you’re now unable to accept help from anyone. You’ve become this very independent woman, and God forbid you rely on anyone else !
‘But you’ve taken things too far, and now you’re unable to develop meaningful and trusting relationships because you’re so afraid to seem vulnerable. That’s why you don’t want to be in love. Because you think being in love equals being weak.’
In my head, a sentence kept repeating like a broken record: all good things must come to an end … Even if Adam meant something more to me than a friend, that didn’t matter. There wasn’t one truly happy couple I knew or one that had stayed together in the long run. My parents and my sister were prime examples of how all romantic relationships turned sour eventually. I didn’t want to join the club.
Adam deserved someone who could give him what he was looking for: someone as sensitive as he was, someone who could return his feelings and give him the promise of a happy tomorrow together.
But that wasn’t me. I felt selfish for wasting his time, even if I’d never planned on it. I’d never meant for him to fall for me. However, I wasn’t entirely innocent, as I couldn’t deny ignoring the signs.
I took a deep breath and said, ‘I’m going back upstairs now. Bye, Adam. I wish you all the best wherever you end up.’
‘ Aaand here we go again,’ he exclaimed with another burst of hysterical laughter. ‘You’re running away. I was right: history forever repeats itself.’