Chapter 5
GAbrIELLA
The room was dark, and the atmosphere was tense as we laid side by side on the foreign king-sized bed. Although I could sense his warmth next to me, it was like a whole ocean roared between us.
After Leonardo had cleaned and dressed my wounds, he offered to book another room or sleep on the couch, and I refused. I didn’t want to be alone. His presence was a subtle balm that made the sharp knife in my back a little less painful.
I stared up at the ceiling, one hand clutching my necklace as my thoughts spun out of control. To know Leonardo was the one who had found and bought the heirloom was just another stab that added to the rest.
Nico had manipulated both of us and robbed precious time from me without regret or remorse. I couldn’t even fathom the thought of how different my life would have been if he hadn’t twisted the narrative so many years earlier.
Now, all our precious moments, our whole relationship, was in question. God, I have been married to this psychopath for thirteen years, and I have never seen the signs. What a fool.
Quiet tears tracked down my temples as all-consuming pain ripped through me in repetitive waves. Make it stop. Please make it stop.
I was shutting down—mentally, physically, emotionally. A potent numbness was creeping over me as I felt myself drifting further into the void, my body and mind working overtime to protect me from further harm.
How will I recover from this? Will I ever be able to?
“Tell me what you need, Ella. I can’t stand seeing you like this,” Leonardo said, his voice strained. He dared not touch me, and I appreciated the consideration.
“Leo, I have so many questions. Will you tell me everything from your perspective? Will you tell me the truth?”
“I don’t know if this is the right time to talk about it, Ella. You’ve already been through so much tonight—”
“Please, Leo. I need to know. All the facts. Every single facet. So I can try to find my way through these decrepit half-truths and lies. I’m lost, so utterly lost. And I can’t make sense of it all if I don’t know everything.”
My speech cut off as a small whimper managed to crawl up my throat.
“He’s been lying to me for so long, Leo.
Please, don’t lie to me too. I won’t force you to tell me the truth, but if you don’t, I have to leave.
I can’t deal with any more secrets. It’s tearing me up inside.
I can feel it,” I said, pressing a hard palm to my abdomen.
“Like the countless unknowns are slowly poisoning my soul… I can feel it.”
Leonardo remained still as he contemplated my request. Then, after a few long minutes, he relinquished his story.
“From the very first moment I met you, I fell in love.”
Once upon a time, that statement would have meant something to me. Instead, I felt anesthetised, as if it held no substance, like it were meaningless.
“When you started dating Nico, I was heartbroken. But there was nothing more important to me than our little family. I was willing to put my wants aside to have both of you remain in my life, even as friends.”
“That must have hurt,” I whispered.
“At times, yes. But I loved you enough to stay away. And I loved him enough to never admit my feelings.”
“I worried for you, Leo. You never settled for anyone.”
“Because they weren’t you.”
He wasn’t embellishing. I could hear the genuineness in his tone and the straightforward approach of his delivery. He was talking as if he weren’t professing an affliction that had tortured him for nearly twenty years. And that made me sad.
“Is that why you had those girls?”
He faltered for the first time that night, his tone dripping in humiliation. “I never meant for you to find out, Ella. And I’d hate to make you uncomfortable—”
“I don’t feel uncomfortable.” Because I don’t feel anything. I’m dead inside.
Leonardo sighed before powering on. “Yes. I chose those women because they had similar features to you. I knew I’d never have you in this lifetime, not just physically, but in any romantic capacity. So, I settled for the fantasy. Fuck, now that I’m saying this out loud, it sounds disgusting.”
He shifted further away on the bed. The move was minute, but held the implication of a wide, gaping chasm. “I’m so sorry I objectified you like that, Ella. I have no excuse, and I’m ashamed of myself. It should have never happened.”
“Don’t be sorry. Yeah, it’s kind of weird, but I appreciate your honesty. I would like to be honest in return. Is that okay?”
“Of course.”
“I… Although I loved you once, that was a long time ago. When I gave up on the thought of us, I fully shut that door. I wanted to commit to Nico in all ways, and I did that when I chose him as my life partner. I’m telling you this because I don’t want to give you hope when there is none—”
“Shit, Ella. Is that what you think of me? I would never force myself on you or expect anything to come out of this. First and foremost, I am your friend. And will remain so for as long as you’ll have me.
Darling, let me be clear. There are no expectations.
Ever. I will be here for you in whatever way you need me. ”
I hadn’t realised a full torrent of water was leaking from my eyes. “Can I—Can I hold your hand, Leo?”
He didn’t even reply, simply reaching out and intertwining his fingers with mine. It was our only form of contact, but with that singular touch, he managed to tether me back to earth—a solid anchor that stopped me from completely floating away.
My speech stumbled as I choked on a sob. “I’m sorry for what he stole, Leo. I’m sorry we didn’t get our chance.”
“I’m sorry too.”
“We would have been great together, you know. I would have loved you truly, openly, passionately. We would have had the cutest babies, our lives filled with joy and happiness. I would have given you all of me.”
“I know, Ella. I know.”
Then I crumbled.
For me. For him. For all we had lost.
I was broken.