Chapter 20
LEONARDO
My ankles felt heavy, nerves tingling over my skin as I finally cleared the brush to get a direct shot of the playground beyond.
And god, what a sight.
Austin sat on a park bench, his head tilted down to the ground, focused on the soccer ball being kicked between both feet.
His attention was elsewhere, but mine was solely on him. With only a glance, I knew the paternity test had been unnecessary; Austin was me, a perfect mirror image of my younger self, forty years prior.
I was speechless, my eyesight blurring for a brief second before I wiped the tears away. He was flesh and bone. My flesh and bone. Utterly real… No one could blame me for what happened next.
A broken sob was building in my chest—one I had to kill. I didn’t want to scare the poor boy at our first meeting. He’d never want to see me again.
Thinking fast, I smothered that emotion down. So far down that my body rejected the sudden pivot, causing me to break out in an overdramatic coughing fit.
That’s when I was struck with the piercing gaze of stormy grey eyes so like my own—except his were coated in concern, which only made the wheezing worse.
I bent over out of necessity, hands on my knees, trying to gain control of myself, but that’s when the coughing became aggressive to the point of dry retching. Fucking hell, if this is the way I die, I’ll be so pissed.
“Oh, shit,” Austin said, rushing over before he proceeded to whack me on the back. It wasn’t his fault, he was just trying to help, and it would have been effective if he weren’t hitting the base of my lower spine. I could feel my bones cracking under his thumping fist. Is he definitely eleven?
After a few more beats and some long, deep breaths, I managed to correct myself and straighten upwards.
“Sorry about that,” I croaked, my voice hoarse but stable.
“Ahh, should I get my Mum? She’s a nurse.”
“I’m fine,” I said, giving a faint smile in reassurance. He didn’t look convinced, but managed to placate me with a nod anyway.
Now that he was so close, there was no denying the stark resemblance. And Austin was coming to the same realisation, it seemed. His probing stare ran up and down my frame, clocking my features, noting the similarities and differences.
I cleared my throat and held out what I hoped was a steady hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Austin.”
His mouth twitched in the corner as he studied my offering. Then, after what felt like forever, he finally slipped his smaller palm into mine and grasped on tightly. “Yeah, I guess it is… Ah, I don’t know what to call you?”
“You can call me whatever you want. But for now, Leo will do.”
“Nice to meet you, Leo.”
Then, as if the sun had broken free from an overcast cloud, Austin’s smile soon cracked into a wide grin, filling me with so much warmth, I never wanted to be without it again.
We sat side by side on the park bench, staring off into the distance as we tried to navigate the stilted in-between.
“Mum said you didn’t know about me?”
“That’s right. I’m sorry I missed your childhood, Austin. I’m sorry I haven’t been a part of your life thus far. But I’m here now, and I’d love to stay and get to know you, if that’s okay?”
“I guess so.” He bit into his lip, nervousness painting his features.
“But?”
Austin’s brows perked high as his eyes swung to mine, searching.
“You can be honest with me, Austin.”
“I just don’t want to hurt Dad’s feelings—ah, I mean Owen, my dad.”
I shook my head, placing a palm over his crown, his hair silky against my skin. “I have no intention of replacing your dad. All I want is to spend time with you and hopefully become a part of your life, in whatever way you want me to.”
“Oh. That’s okay, I guess.”
The lapping of distant water filled the empty space words could not. I was content to sit beside him, to hear about his wants and seek out his interests. Whatever he sought from our relationship, I was willing to give.
He soon became uncomfortable with the silence, wringing his hands together in his lap.
“Why don’t you tell me about yourself, Austin?”
“Like what?”
“Anything. I want to know everything.”
Then, after a hesitant beat, he gradually opened up his world to me.
I found myself laughing, teasing and coaxing for more information.
He told me about his siblings, and I showed him photos of my daughters, his half sisters.
And when the conversation naturally tapered off, my boy then turned to me with a bright expression and a cheeky side smirk.
“You any good at soccer?”
“Only the best,” I said with a wink. I’d never played a day in my life.
Austin jolted upwards, the ball spinning between his hands. “Come on, then. Let’s see what you got.”
Alright, son, let’s see what I’ve got.
Whose stupid idea was it to agree to this? Oh, that’s right. Mine.
I thought I was playing well. But I soon realised Austin had been going easy on me.
With a quick kick here and a feint there, I was on the ground, squealing like a little bitch, holding onto my ankle.
Maybe I was exaggerating a bit since my lungs were stuttering from the lack of oxygen. Either way, I needed a break, physical exercise suddenly at the top of my priority list.
Austin, on the other hand, had hardly broken a sweat, worry holding him tense and on edge.
I sat upright—no need to scare the boy. “I’m okay. Get me some water, please.”
Austin passed over his water bottle, then slumped to the ground, giving me the side-eye.
“You’ve never played soccer before, have you?”
I chuckled. “I’m more of a football fan, specifically the East Coast Cyclones. Which was also a plus for moving to the city.”
Austin huffed, falling onto his back in the grass. “Damn. Not another one. My uncles are bad enough.”
“Uncles?”
“My Uncle Liam and Uncle Ethan. They’re crazy about football. Don’t shut up about it.”
“Hmm. Maybe I’ll meet them one day—”
“Sheesh, I didn’t realise how late it is,” Austin exclaimed, head turning towards the lake.
During our afternoon of impromptu sport, I hadn’t noticed the sky transitioning into a burnt orange glow. Sunset was upon us, and our time together was coming to a close.
A sudden desperation took me over. I didn’t want to leave, loath to give up a single second with him.
“We’d better go before Mum comes charging in.”
I hummed, trying to tap down the disappointment. “Can you help me up?”
“Is your ankle still sore?”
“Yeah,” I lied. My ankle was perfectly fine. But I unashamedly used the excuse to be able to hold him close. I had zero regret.
I hoisted myself up as Austin grabbed my arm to hook around his shoulders. He guided me down the path, careful not to jostle me in my—fake—injured state.
As he concentrated on the pavement ahead, my focus remained on him.
My boy was beautiful, intelligent and caring. I had to meet up with him again. There was no alternative I could accept.
As we came into view of the parking lot, Alexis vaulted out of her car, rushing over to us.
“Shit, Leo. Are you okay?”
“More than okay.”
She took in my chuffed smile and the stable posture, managing to clock my game plan in two seconds flat.
“He’s okay, Austin. Let him go.”
“You sure?”
I finally relented. “Yes, bud. I’m okay.”
He held on a few more moments before releasing me. Now, with nothing left to do, he turned red, fidgeting and averting his gaze.
I took the opportunity to address Alexis. “You’ve done a phenomenal job in raising Austin. I would love to visit again, if that’s okay with you?” I finished, directing the question to both.
Austin lit up, giving a vigorous nod. “I’d like that.”
With a brief and slightly awkward farewell, I reluctantly followed through with one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, and turned my back on my very own heart.
Once I was in my car, I lowered the windows and mindlessly played around with the console. I was biding time, wanting to savour every last second of his presence, waiting for them to drive away from me.
However, that soon became a rookie error, as I could hear their conversation carrying over the carpark as they prepared to leave.
“How are you, baby boy? Did you enjoy meeting Leo?” Alexis asked.
“Yeah, it was cool… But Mum, you didn’t tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“He’s old.”
I slumped back in the driver’s seat, equally amused and humiliated. Alexis definitely exuded the former as she broke out into carefree laughter, quickly followed by an irritated grunt from Austin. “Hey, what was that for?”
“Don’t be rude, Austin.”
“I’m not trying to be mean, Mum. But… he nearly died. Twice! He said he was a doctor,” he finished, rather accusingly.
“He is.”
“Well, he must be lying because what doctor doesn’t know left from right?”
“Huh?”
“His limp kept changing foots, Mum!”
The soft chime of her amusement was the last thing I heard as they drove away, my raucous chortle following close behind, chasing them into the night.