Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
LILY
“Idon’t know if that’s sweet or psycho.” I point my thumb out the diner window to where Killian is walking by.
“Don’t be mean.” Teddy gives a playful smirk. “He can be both. My man is multi-pheasanted.”
“He’s a flock of birds?”
“What?” Her expression turns perplexed, not putting together that she really meant multifaceted.
“I could see that. He’s definitely multi-pheasanted.” I roll with it, cause why not? I’m not the grammar police, that’s for fucking sure.
Teddy flips open the menu like we haven’t been eating here at least once a week and she doesn’t order the same thing every time.
The food at Willow’s Diner is pretty good, even if the place is a little worn down. The vinyl booths have a few cracks in them. The patterns on the plates are fading. My dad would have said this is the kind of place that would make a good cheeseburger. He’s not wrong.
I place my phone face-down on the table, still sending texts to M even though I told him I’d text him later. I really don’t know how to feel about this, but I keep texting. It’s nice to have someone to talk to. Someone that wants to genuinely get to know me. Not just get information to control me.
“I still can’t believe you suggested meeting him,” Teddy says, playing with the edge of the menu where the plastic is peeling up. “You’ve only known him a few days.” She’s like the pot calling the kettle black over there. Ms. I went on a road trip across the country with a complete stranger.
Is there a timeline for such things? I know I’ve heard the sex on the third date thing, but don’t people connect on these apps and meet the next day?
“I unsuggested it immediately.” While having an inner panic attack.
“You panicked and threw your phone across the room.” She lifts her menu to snicker behind it.
I did. It landed in my laundry basket, which was humiliating and also kind of impressive.
“He said he’d meet me any day. Like that.” I snap my fingers. “No hesitation.”
“Red flag.”
Oh. That’s bad? Shit. Hey, what the hell does Teddy know?
She’s never dated in her life. Killian showed up and never left her side.
Even now he’s walking up and down the street like a bodyguard because it’s girls’ night.
I have to admit it’s pretty funny seeing his version of pouting.
I told him to come in, that I didn’t care, but Teddy wasn’t having it.
“Or... green flag? Don’t we want a man who knows what they want?”
Teddy lowers her menu. “If you want to do this, we need to make a plan, and I’ll show you how to use my Taser.”
“You don’t know how to use your Taser!” I laugh, but I already know what she’s thinking.
I can imagine myself on a date while Teddy sits three tables away, wearing a giant hat and sunglasses trying to look inconspicuous.
Okay, maybe not the giant hat. A crown. It would be her version of being sneaky with a giant Russian man who grunts more than he talks. That won’t draw attention at all.
If this little town didn’t know Teddy and Killian were together, the cops would have been called, thinking he was out there casing the place. Being subtle isn’t a skill set either of them have.
The server comes by and takes our orders, and I find myself picking at the napkin again, shredding the edge into thin strips.
I’ve been thinking about something for a little while now, and when I was messaging with M, it really stuck in my mind, probably because we were talking about our dads.
I hadn’t asked him about his mom because I didn’t know how to answer about my own.
“I’ve been looking for my mom,” I say suddenly. Tossing that shit right on the table. I’ve been keeping it to myself in case it was one of those fleeting things.
Teddy’s head snaps up. “Your what?” She heard me.
“Egg donor? Or whatever she was or, well, is. You know my birth certificate says ‘unknown’ on it for the mother?”
“Really? Never seen that before, but I haven’t been inspecting people’s birth certificates.” Yeah, me neither. “She just like dropped you off at your dad’s, right? He didn’t even know she was pregnant.”
I nod. “I guess a one-night stand? Which sounds kind of right because I’ve never known my dad to date, so he was celibate.”
“Or doing it on the side, little horndog.”
“Horndog?” I laugh. “Where do you come up with this shit?”
Teddy shrugs. “Grams used that one a lot.” Of course she did.
“I’ve only poked around, but I’m not finding much.”
“We could hire a private eye,” Teddy suggests. “Or—”
“We’re not being the private eyes.” I cut that off before it can start. We’re still on probation over the library incident.
“I have the coats for it.” She looks so disappointed by my refusal, but I know without a doubt that it would be a disaster.
“And it’s summer.”
“Fine,” she huffs. “Then, what?”
“Oh, what about those ancestry things you can take?”
“Yes! That’s brilliant. I’m going to have Killian pop into the pharmacy. I bet they have them. Then we can mail it while we’re still in town.”
“You’re not wasting any time, are you?”
Teddy clicks away on her phone before setting it back down. “Well, it seems my best friend has been thinking about this for a bit, so time was already wasted.”
“I was only thinking about it.”
Teddy’s face grows serious. “Are you doing this because you feel like the odd man out?”
“You’d never treat me that way.” We stop speaking when the server drops off our appetizer, fried cheese sticks.
“I didn’t say that; I asked if you felt that way.”
“I don’t feel grounded, you know?”
“You’re still grieving. Don’t be rushing it.”
“He died a few years ago.”
“I meant Tristan, which I’m sure dug up inner feelings about your dad. Tristan is the one person in your life that knew your dad. He was your last connection to him. So it makes sense that you would be feeling this way.”
“Shit.” I look out the window and take a few deep breaths. “You know, I feel guilty about messaging this guy. So fucking stupid,” I growl the last part, pissed at myself. “We weren’t even a thing. I don’t even know if he ever saw me that way.”
“He knew.”
I snap my head back toward her. “Why do you say that?”
“Wait, you really don’t think he knew?”
“It might make it worse if he knew,” I groan, slipping down farther into my side of the booth, making the vinyl stick to my thighs.
“I think he was into you too, so...”
“What the hell, Teddy Bear!” I press my lips together and glance around. “Sorry,” I say to the mom a few tables over with a couple of kids. Hell isn’t that bad. I could have said a lot worse.
“You have better eyes than I do. The man would make you have meals with him and then avoid you. He’s dealing with some inner shit there.
I’m sure he’s all, ‘Oh, by her daddy wanting me to keep her safe, I can’t touch his little girl, oh my.
’” She puts the back of her hand to her forehead and pretends to faint, scandalized. “He almost kissed you.”
“I was wondering if I made that up in my head.”
“Well, you can’t make up the flip-out over your gaming system and then the wrestling match that ensued.”
“So what I’m hearing is yes, I should feel bad over these texts.”
“What? Don’t put words in my mouth.” She shoves a fried cheese stick there, however. I do the same. “If he didn’t make a move, that’s on him. And you’re only talking to this person. You could end up friends. Just roll with it. You’re getting your feet wet. You’re not doing anything wrong.”
“Roll with it.” Can I do that?
“What if you find something you don’t like about your mom?” Shit, I hadn’t thought of that. “I know a hitman. Bet I can get you a good deal.”
I burst into laughter. The server swings by, dropping off the rest of our food. My phone buzzes against the table, and I flip it over without thinking.
M: Still eating? Or did you pass out from starvation? I’ll come save you. I know I failed with the library, but I can handle this one.
I smile despite everything. He’s easy. M is easy in a way that nothing else in my life has ever been. Teddy’s right: I’m only talking to this person. I can stop at any time.
Me: Still eating. Talking about deep stuff. Life, moms, and existence.
M: Heavy for a weekday.
Me: Every day is heavy lately.
M: Tell me something light. Favorite terrible movie.
I type back, letting the conversation pull me away from the one lingering in my mind...from the question of what I’m looking for and whether I really want to find it.