Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
TRISTAN
Ilet out a low groan, my body more relaxed than ever. Fuck, how long have I been asleep? As consciousness fully returns to me, I know everything is wrong—or is it? The bed is too safe and warm. The smell of vanilla is all around me. Even the light peeking in feels wrong.
The shadows on the curtains are different.
The sun doesn’t rise on this side. I move my hand, reaching for the weapon I keep under my pillow, but I don’t get far.
My hand brushes against the curve of a woman’s hip.
Not just any woman. There has only ever been one that I’ve shared a bed with, even if she has no idea.
Lily. My Lily.
My eyes snap open. And there she is, awake, propped up on one elbow, watching me with an expression I can’t read. I lost all control last night. I was out of my mind with my need for her.
The sheet is bunched up around her waist, and she’s back in my old gray college shirt, the fabric twisted, one shoulder bare. Her hair is tangled all around her. Always so beautiful.
“Tristan.” My name leaves her lips, full of sleep. I don’t make a sound. I’m still trying to think of my next move, but I can’t. My mind is replaying last night on repeat. The way she felt against me and how our bodies fit and moved perfectly together.
I slept. Fucking actually slept for the first time in a long time.
“You were holding on to me,” she says quietly.
“All night. I tried to get up once, and you pulled me back.” Even in my sleep, I can’t let her go.
She’s coded into every part of me now. There is no me without her.
I’ve slipped further into obsession. Am I my own father now?
Lily would never want me if I were that man.
Last night in the haze of sleep and passion, she let me have her. Kissed me back and demanded more.
“How long have you been awake?” I ask.
“A while.” She doesn’t look away. “You were sleeping so hard. I didn’t want to wake you.”
The subtext hangs between us, her unspoken words. I could have left.
But she didn’t. Lily is here and not trying to get away from me. If anything, she appears concerned. “You’ve lost weight.” How the hell do I respond to that? Out of everything she could be saying right now, that’s where she goes?
“I know we’re fighting or whatever, but I still care about you, Tristan. It’s not a lot of weight, but some. You’re not taking care of yourself.” She raises her brows, pulling them together. “It isn’t like you.”
This is the other side of Lily. I have always said Lily has a hard exterior but inside she’s all sweet softness, wanting to care and fuss over the people she loves. Watching her with Teddy over the past few months has made that even clearer.
Teddy might have helped in the escape plan, but Lily is the guide, the steady, more rational-minded one. I can’t even be upset with Teddy because she’s a good friend to Lily. Someone she can trust and count on.
“You’re worried about me?” I question. I know she’s right. I’m a well-organized, regimented person. There is routine and structure, but slowly over time, Lily has chipped away at that. Oddly, her chaos can be soothing. How? Not a fucking clue but still the truth, nonetheless.
“Someone has to,” she says, and the edge in her voice tells me she’s still angry.
“Are you pissed because I’m not taking care of myself or because I’m here?”
To my surprise, she reaches out and runs her fingers through my short hair.
“I don’t know what I am, Tristan.” Her hand drops, and I miss her fingers instantly.
I know it goes far beyond missing human contact because I never have.
Years ago, I could stay locked away in my office for days with no outside contact besides my assistant bringing me food.
“You looked... peaceful. When you were asleep. I didn’t know you could look like that. ”
I’m not sure what to do with this. It’s almost like she’s seeing me in a different light.
All the walls and guards are down around me.
No stiffness to keep her at arm’s length.
How the hell did I go this long without having her?
That’s a miracle in itself. If there is an afterlife, I’m going to throttle Victor.
Did he really think I stood a chance against her? Even he didn’t.
“You could have run,” I say. It comes out rough, accusatory, like I’m angry she stayed.
“And where would I go?” she asks, rolling her eyes at me. “You’d track me down.”
“I would.” I don’t deny it. Why at this point? The veil has fully dropped, and I’m sure she now sees that my having her locked away wasn’t fully about keeping her safe. No, it was keeping her to myself. I didn’t want to share her with anyone.
That’s how it was for years because I didn’t know how to deal with all of it, and in the end, I hurt the one person I’ve cared the most for in my life. I held on so tightly she ran from me.
“Well, I’m glad you’re being honest.” She huffs a breath and tries to get up. I hook my arm around her, holding her in place. “Tristan—” She tries to sound annoyed, but I catch the hitch in her voice at the end.
“I want that to sink in, Lily.” I don’t mean it as a threat, but it lands that way. Her breath catches. “Anywhere you go, any door you try, I’ll make sure I’m always on the other side.”
“I don’t know what to do with that,” she tells me.
“I don’t know what to do with it either, but I’m not fighting it anymore. It’s been two months of pure hell since you left.”
“You’re so confusing.” Her brows pull together, and she goes back to trying to read my expression.
“Trust me, I’m fully aware. I’m pissing myself off.”
“Hey now, that’s my job.” A small joke slips through. “Can I get up so that we can maybe talk?”
“What is it that we’re doing now?”
“It’s hard to think with you wrapped around me.”
“Good. We’ll both be honest then.”
“Okay, if we’re going to be honest, let’s go then. How long have you been here?”
“Since you left.” I’ll answer what I can, but I’m not telling her anything that could hurt her. I need more information about her father and everything else.
“And you were sneaking in here. Messing with my things. Taking my stuff! I freaking knew it,” she mutters, her nose scrunching. “Housekeeper my ass.”
“My turn. You missed me?”
“Tristan…” Her lips purse, and I want to kiss her, but I always do. “I think it’s clear I’ve wanted more with you, but you weren’t capable of it.”
“Lily, I didn’t know. I mean, when you were a little younger, sure I thought you had a crush. That it would pass. Then everything got hostile.”
“Hostile?” She snorts a small laugh.
“So you still want me.”
“Fuck off,” she quips, but there’s no power behind it.
“Or I could fuck you.” I grab her hips and yank her body down the bed, coming over top of her. Lily sucks in a deep breath.
“We’re not doing that again. I’m in my right mind now.”
“You weren’t in your right mind when I ate your pussy?”
“Tristan!” she hisses at me, her cheeks turning pink. When did she get shy all of a sudden? It’s fucking adorable.
“You’re saying you didn’t want it?” I loom over her, knowing her answer could rip my whole world apart, and she has no clue. Lily thinks I have all the power, that I keep her captive; that goes both ways, but I’m a willing captive.
“I didn’t say that. Just because something is nice doesn’t mean—”
“Nice.” Damn.
“Fine, what do you want me to say, orgasmic?”
“You want me to say it was fine?” Those purple pools of hers narrow on me.
“That was my first time, as you know, so I don’t have someone to compare it to, but it’s nice to know you can.” She pushes on my chest; I don’t move. “Tristan,” Lily hisses.
“Are you getting jealous?” That catches me off guard. The hell does she have to be jealous of? I’m the one who sees how fuckers look at her when she goes out. I am contemplating killing five people already from Willow’s Creek.
“You’re dead,” she growls and then snaps her teeth at me.
“You’re a violent little thing.” When her lips purse, I know I’ve gone too far, so I rein it in. “I don’t have shit to compare it to either.”
Those lush lips of hers go from pressed together tightly to dropping open in shock.
“Lily Pad!” is shouted before a banging on the door. “What’s up? It’s getting late.”
I hear the door push open. “How many times do I—” Teddy cuts off. I can’t see her, my attention still on Lily, who is beneath me. “Whoa, holy crap!” Teddy gasps. “And I don’t even have my Taser. He’s the jerkface that broke it! Stomped on it with his shiny giant shoes.”
“Out,” I growl, not bothering to look over at her. I don’t want this moment to end with Lily, but I know it is. The reality of what is outside of this bed is slipping back in.
Teddy doesn’t go anywhere, ignoring me. “Lily Pad? Are you okay in there? Or under there?”
“Yeah, I’m fine; just give us a second.”
“Us?” Teddy’s voice cracks higher. I caught that one too.
“Teddy—”
“All right, all right, I got it, but ah, so do I like tell Roland it’s three for breakfast or four?”
“Three.”
“Four.” We both say it at the same time. If she thinks I’m going anywhere, she’s crazier than I am.
“Well, I’ll go see about that, or yeah. Okay, right.” She sounds flustered, but a second later, I hear the door click back closed.
“Let me up.” When Lily pushes me this time, I move, rolling off her and to the side. Lily sits up, hair wild, sheet clutched to her chest.
“Not leaving,” I let her know, putting my hands behind my head. She rolls her eyes, already shifting toward the edge of the bed, holding the sheet to her body. I want to pull it away so I can see more of her.
“Fine, then get dressed,” she orders. “You need to eat anyway.” She stands, heading toward the bathroom. I lift up on my elbows and watch her go, but not before I get the last word.
“Come back to bed and I’ll eat plenty.”
She flips me off, not bothering to glance back.
I plop back onto the bed. Fuck, I’ve missed her and that brattiness of hers too.