Chapter 16
Huxley
After dinner, we all settle in the living room; Maddie and Lara share the two-seater couch while I get comfy in the giant bubble chair. Somehow, I’ve managed to refrain from talking about Oliver. But I’m about to burst.
“Alright, Huxley,” Lara says, “before you explode over there, tell us everything.”
I grin stupidly. “I don’t know where to start. Well, since I last updated you... Hang on, what was my last update?”
“You went to his place on Sunday, and it got a little hot and heavy. He asked you out on a date. Which is tomorrow. Did I miss anything?” Maddie stares at me with her eyebrows lifted.
“You most certainly did. We’ve kissed multiple times at school this week.”
“At school?” Lara asks, her eyes widening. “How did you manage that?”
“In his office, the supply room, the staff toilets…” I say with a smug grin.
Maddie frowns. “Ah…so what happened to you being worried you would end up his great big gay experiment? What changed?”
“I’m still anxious about it,” I admit. “But he’s so nice and sweet and romantic and, honestly, if you met him, you’d understand. Plus, he’s so fucking hot.”
“Yes, we know he’s hot. We’re lesbians, not blind,” Lara says.
Maddie puts on what I call her mothering face. “Hux, just follow your heart. I can see you’re smitten. And if everything goes well on your date tomorrow, then maybe we can meet him soon. We could all go on a double date.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” I pause, hesitant to bring up what I really want to talk about.
“I’m kind of getting nervous about the date.
Like, what if we go further and he doesn’t like it?
I mean, I know Oliver thinks he’s into it, but it’s just a fantasy right now.
What if the reality doesn’t live up to his expectations? ”
Maddie leans forward, clasping her hands together.
“Based on what you’ve told us, Oliver is very into this.
He’s continued to pursue you, kissing you, wanting to date you.
As a gay man, you know that most men just want to fuck without strings.
But he clearly wants more. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. ”
Lara jumps in, “Unless Oliver ends up being a bottom.”
Maddie playfully slaps her girlfriend on the thigh. “You’ve seen photos of the guy, he’s no bottom.”
“I don’t think we can assume that. Hux, back me up on this. A guy can be masc and still a bottom, right? Or at least vers.”
Maddie looks at Lara like she’s stupid. God, I love these two. I don’t say a word, enjoying this too much.
“Well…I guess he can,” Maddie concedes.
“So again, I say, what if Oliver’s a bottom? Not sure what two bottoms are going to do with each other.”
“I can top, you know,” I interject.
They look at me, matching faces screwed up in confusion. “Only if you’re forced to,” they say in perfect sync.
“Oh my God, you two have been together too long.”
I honestly don’t mind Maddie and Lara talking about my sex life—we’ve been best friends for so long, and I’ve definitely subjected them to way too much information over the years. But, to put an end to the argument, I announce, “Oliver’s a top.”
“What?” Lara says.
“Why didn’t you just say that in the beginning,” Maddie adds.
Lara narrows her eyes. “But hang on, how do you know that for sure?”
My face flushes instantly. “Well…we may have kinda had phone sex, and he blurted out his fantasy. So, no problem with compatibility. Although, I guess he doesn’t really know without experience.”
Lara’s mouth drops open. “Huxley Jonathan Sinclair! Oh my God, you did that on the phone before you’ve even been on a date?”
I blush a brighter shade of red. “I did. We did.”
Maddie shrugs. “Men,” she says. “They have a one-track mind and no shame. Please tell me were embarrassed the next day.”
“Yeah, I was. And so was Oliver. But we talked about it. It just happened; it wasn’t like we planned it.”
“Huxley, do I need to buy you condoms for your date tomorrow?” Lara asks, putting on her best schoolteacher voice.
“I think he’s gonna need a lotta lube, too,” Maddie adds, laughing.
I roll my eyes. These two!
As the waiter shows us to our table, I can’t help but wonder if Oliver chose this restaurant because it’s far enough away that we’re unlikely to run into anyone we know.
But maybe I’m over-analysing it and being negative, because the restaurant is beautiful.
It’s both upmarket and romantic. The tables are lit with candles, the décor luxurious, and classical music plays softly in the background.
It is undoubtedly expensive and more than a graduate teacher’s wage can afford.
I push the negative thoughts aside, because no one has ever taken me on a date like this before.
Now, Oliver looks hot in sportswear, but Oliver in a suit is fucking fire. “You look amazing,” I say once we’ve ordered.
“Thanks, you don’t look so bad yourself.” He grins. “Did you have a nice time with Lara and Maddie last night?”
“Yeah, I did. They really wanna meet you.”
Oliver looks surprised. “They already know about me?”
Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t have spoken about Oliver without his permission. I kinda outed him.
“I’m sorry,” I say, scrunching my nose. “I really shouldn’t have told them about us. But they’re lesbians, so they get it. They won’t tell anyone, I promise.”
Oliver smiles. “It’s okay. It means you’re thinking about me.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “If you trust them, then that’s good enough for me. I would love to meet them, too.”
“Have you told anyone about me yet? Or about yourself?”
Oliver’s cheeks pinken as his eyes drop to the table.
“I’ve had quite a lot of conversations about you with Koa.
I think he enjoyed watching me panic in the beginning, but he’s the best friend I could ever ask for.
I hope you meet him one day. But since we’re confessing, you don’t mind that I showed him a couple of photos of you from your Insta, do you? ”
“Oh you did, did you? And what did he say?”
Oliver’s cheeks blush a deeper shade of pink. “He said you were cute. Cos you are.”
Now it’s my turn to blush. Oliver rubs his thumb across the back of my hand and our eyes lock. Do they have the heating on in here or something? “What about family?” I ask, trying to distract myself.
“I know my mum will be okay, and I’ll let her know soon. It’s how my brother will react that concerns me. He’s never been kind to Koa. There’s no other way to say it—he’s homophobic.”
My heart sinks. I hate the thought of Oliver being on bad terms with his brother. “Hopefully he’ll come around once he gets used to it. Do you have any other siblings? What about your dad?” Oliver hums low, and I fear I’ve touched on a nerve.
“No other siblings. And my dad isn’t around. Hasn’t been since I was little. Tell me about your family and how they reacted to you being gay.”
The waiter appears with our meals, and we pull apart. The food looks and smells divine, and we both dig in before resuming the conversation.
“Let’s see,” I say, after a few mouthfuls.
“I’m an only child, which I love and hate at the same time.
My parents are still happily married. I knew I was gay for about two years before I had the courage to come out to them.
I was sixteen by then. Turns out, I need not have worried.
They were like, oh we knew, it was obvious. ”
Oliver chuckles. “That’s so great. It must have felt good to be so easily accepted. Koa’s parents weren’t like that, still aren’t, and I think that’s why he loves my mum so much.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say. “Looking back now, I wish I’d told my parents about the bullying when I was a teenager, and some of the other stuff I was going through. I think they would have been supportive.”
Oliver nods. “It’s hard to talk to your parents at that age. It can be such a lonely time.” He pauses over another mouthful, but I can tell he wants to say more.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” he finally says once he’s swallowed. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But when you said you’d been someone’s experiment, what exactly did you mean?”
Placing my knife and fork down, I take a sip of wine before answering.
It’s hard for me to talk about Zac, but I want to tell Oliver.
I want him to understand my fears. “His name was Zac. I met him at school when I was in year nine. I was fourteen and he was sixteen. We were together, in secret, for two years. He had two girlfriends during that time. We only got together when he wanted, and he pretended that he didn’t know me in public.
When he broke up with me, he told me he wasn’t gay. ”
“Jesus, Huxley. That’s fucked. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You don’t deserve that. Did you…um…were you…”
“Sleeping with him?” I fill in.
“Yeah, is it okay if I ask that? You were so young and he was older.”
“Yeah. At first it was just me… How shall I say this? Servicing him with my hand or my mouth. But, by fifteen, I let him fuck me whenever he wanted, and I still hate myself for that.”
I take a deep breath before I continue. “Look. Oliver, you should know that all the bullying in school and the Zac thing really affected my mental health. I struggled with depression for quite a while. And anxiety is something I still struggle with.” I take a few gulps of wine, worried I’m oversharing.
Sooner or later, I’ll need to tell Oliver I'm on the spectrum, but I’m not sure I’m ready to share just yet.
Oliver takes my hand again, squeezing it tightly.
“Thank you for telling me. It really helps me to understand. I never wanna make you feel that way. I want us to date and see where this goes. And you need to tell me if it’s causing you anxiety.
Or if anything is stressing you out. Okay? I wanna help.”
How is this man real? “It’s been a lot, starting at Brighton,” I say. “But I’m slowly relaxing as I get to know everyone and learn all the school processes.”
“I’m glad. And don’t be too hard on yourself. Starting a new job is stressful.”
We end up ordering two desserts and sharing them. The conversation flows effortlessly. Oliver makes me laugh with all his stories about uni and going on student placements while completing his education degree.
“Speaking of uni,” I say, “you know how you told me you kissed a guy at a party once. Were there ever any other signs that you might have been bi?”
Oliver hums, pursing his lips. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. And…I guess now is as good a time as any to confess. There were actually two guys.”
My mouth drops open as I gasp. “Like, at the same time?”
“Oh God, no! I mean two separate guys on two separate occasions. And before you ask, yes, I was pissed both times. Shamefully drunk, in fact. I’ve always thought I liked certain guys because they were cool, and I wanted to be like them.
But maybe what I really wanted was to be with them.
I guess what I’m saying is: I think there were signs, but I pushed them aside.
Koa was my best friend, and gay, and I wasn’t attracted to him, so I figured there was no way I was gay.
” I’m relieved to hear Oliver say he’s not attracted to Koa.
Especially after seeing photos of him. I honestly can’t imagine anyone not finding him attractive. “What was different this time?” I ask.
Oliver studies my face, his gaze flitting between my eyes and mouth, a sweet smile spreading across his face. “You, Huxley Sinclair. You are what made the difference. With you, I can’t deny it.”
Oliver’s words steal my breath. “You have no idea how much I wanna kiss you right now.”
“I wanna kiss you every time I lay my eyes on you.”
Swoon! For someone who told me he was never good at English, he sure has a way with words. “You wanna get outta here?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
On the walk back to Oliver’s car, we discuss our options—which we narrow down to catching a movie or a stroll on the beach. I imagine us walking hand in hand under the moonlight, gentle waves nipping at our feet.
But, then again, a week of stolen kisses and teasing touches has left me horny. What I really want to do is take things back to my place so we can have some privacy.
“Hey Hux, let’s take a photo. We need one to remember our first date.”
Oliver pulls out his phone, and we move in close while he snaps a few shots. On the last one, Oliver kisses my cheek.
“Let me take some too.” I pull my phone out and open the camera. My plan is to do exactly what Oliver did, but this time I’ll kiss him on the cheek. But we both turn our heads at the same time and kiss on the lips.
There are people passing by, but Oliver doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leads me back into a shop doorway, cups my face in his hands and kisses me stupid. The store is closed, and we are bathed in shadows, but I’ve never felt more seen.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” Oliver says, beaming down at me.
“Me too. Why don’t we skip the movie or the beach?”
Oliver raises one eyebrow. “You sure?”
“Definitely. I have a bottle of wine at home, and we’d have some privacy.”
“I like the way you think.” Oliver takes my hand and threads out fingers together.