Day 23
Sidney
I should say yes. I should get out of this house, and remind myself what it feels like to be a person who doesn’t spend all of her time with her nemesis.
We eat breakfasts together, swim and run together, do dishes every night.
Less than twenty-four hours ago, I willingly sat in a trunk with him for close to five hours.
It’s very possible that my brain is being subjected to something like Stockholm syndrome.
A million years from now I’ll be telling my grandkids about this: And then, I made my captor pancakes.
With chocolate chips, because that was his favorite.
And they’ll say, Grammi, what was wrong with you?
I don’t even know how I’d answer that. What is wrong with me?
Captive or not, the idea of hanging out with Caleb doesn’t interest me after last night. I do feel like seeing someone who isn’t Asher, but it’s not Caleb. I shoot him a quick, Sorry, I’m busy text.
I meet Kara at River Depot at eight o’clock, after her shift. They have the best ice cream in a twenty-minute drive, and she’s assured me that Caleb isn’t working. A boy-free ice cream trip is exactly what I need right now.
“So about the party,” Kara says, her eyes looking up from the giant cup of ice cream we’re hunched over. It’s her dinner, but I have my own spoon, and I’m dedicated to excavating every piece of cookie out of this cup. Kara lets me because she’s the best.
“The party you begged me to go to and then basically bailed on?”
“The party you went to with Asher.”
“The party I drove to with Asher. I was going with you.” I stab the spoon back into the quickly disappearing mountain of cookies ’n’ cream.
Kara holds on to the wooden bench and leans back, like she’s trying to stretch.
I don’t know how she stands around all day on the concrete and doesn’t want to cut her feet off.
She tips her head back up and angles her head at me.
“Okay.” One corner of her mouth tips up into the faintest hint of a smile.
“Okay, what?”
She shrugs. “Okay, it sounds like you’re not ready to talk about it.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay.”
I point my spoon at her face. There’s something weird about it, like she wants to smile but won’t let herself. “I don’t like your attitude.”
She finally smiles. “I don’t have one.”
There’s a long stretch of silence as we finish the ice cream, scraping at the sides with our spoons as the trickle of the river fills the air.
River Depot is quiet at night, once the docks are closed for the day.
It’s just us and a few other groups and families eating ice cream on the dock overlooking the river.
A few kids are sitting by the gas fireplace on the deck one level up.
Kara flicks my arm with her pink-nailed finger and bites her lip.
Words come out of her in a rush. “But things were weird with you and Ash at the party, right? You know, if you two are…” She waves her spoon in the air and her eyebrows will blend right into her hairline if they stretch up much farther.
“Are what?”
“I don’t know. Who can know anything with the two of you.
” She looks at me like I’m a puzzle she’ll solve if she gets me at just the right angle.
Like she has too many middle pieces, and if she could just find a corner piece, she’d be happy.
“You hate each other, you obsess over each other. And now you’re being freakishly nice to each other? ”
We go to the movies together. I keep the words in my head, where they belong. “Asher and I aren’t … anything.”
“Okay, it’s just that at the party, it seemed like—”
I cut her off with my spoon pointed at her like I’ll stab her with it at any moment. I haven’t completely ruled it out. “There’s no thing with me and Asher. I can be nice to someone without it being a thing.”
“Even Asher?”
“Especially Asher.” I hate how high and defensive my voice has gotten.
“And you’re … sure he feels the same?” She chews on her lip for a second. “Because I’ve always suspected that underneath all the pranks and asshat-ery … he’s actually kind of in love with you.” The last words are barely audible over the sound of the river.
I drop the spoon into the empty bowl. A tiny, maniacal laugh escapes my throat.
“What would ever make you think that?” If I didn’t know she’d just been at work for eight hours, I’d think she was drunk.
Or maybe she is. Maybe she keeps a tiny flask on her key chain or something.
There is just no other excuse for saying something so ridiculous.
Kara shakes her head. “I don’t know. Forget I said anything. It was stupid. You two are making me stupid.”
It’s maybe the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
“So you’re positive there’s nothing going on there.”
“So positive.” I pick up the spoon nervously and drop it back into the little white puddle. “I seriously can’t believe you’re making me say this.”
“Okay.” Kara raises her hands in surrender. “But for the record, if there was something there…” She catches my eye and words race out of her. “Which there isn’t. But if there was … that would be okay.”
All I can do is nod.