Day 27
Sidney
Today felt a lot like the last few weeks, but it also felt entirely different.
And not in any kind of obvious, over-the-top way.
It was more like a change of context. Like I saw everything Asher did in a different light.
He made me pancakes this morning. Technically, he made all of us pancakes, but I knew they were really for me.
And not just because mine were the only ones with chocolate chips.
It was like everything he said was directed at me, as if we were having a private conversation, even while surrounded by our parents.
“Did everyone have fun last night?” Asher says as we’re all sitting around the table, cutting into our pancakes.
I’m not sure why he’s been begging me for pancakes, when his are just as good.
Our parents tell us about the wine tasting room they went to after dinner, about the dessert wine that put them all in bed early.
I wonder if anyone noticed that Asher and I barely had anything separating us this morning. That his knee was touching mine under the table. I’m not sure if it was the first time, but it certainly felt like it.
When I ask Asher if we should tell our parents about us, he says no, and I agree. No sense in getting their hopes up when we’re only four dates away from ruin. But when Asher asks me to go with him to Trevor’s house, I say yes. Maybe a little too quickly.
Asher
I met Trevor a few summers ago, at a party at his mom’s house. His sister was throwing it, and I found Trevor in their dining room, setting up this elaborate game, even as a party began to rise up around him.
Trev’s house is tall and white, and sits on one of the country roads outside of the main downtown area.
When we pull into the driveway, Sidney seems nervous, her hands twisting in her lap, then pulling at strands of her hair.
They’ve been moving in a constant loop—lap, hair, twist, pull, lap—since we got in the car.
“Are you nervous to be going to this, or nervous to be going with me?”
“Yes,” she says, and we both laugh. She pushes her door open and steps out before I have to threaten to drag her, which seemed like a possibility. As we step up to the front door, we’re standing side by side. Sidney stops short at the door and looks at me. “This is the same house.”
I nod.
She looks down at my shirt and laughs. “Are you sentimental or something?”
I shrug. “It’s possible.”
She turns away, but her cheeks are burning red as I turn the doorknob and push her in with a hand on her lower back. My shirt is right, swimmers absolutely do it better.
We’re in the corner of the basement again, except now it’s quiet instead of buzzing with people. Everyone is in the same chairs, but the game board is completely different. It’s clean, a brand-new game ready to go.
“We’re playing the same game again?” Sidney asks.
“Yeah, but it won’t be the same. All it takes is one changed decision, and the whole game is different. You can play this game over and over, and it won’t ever turn out the same.”
An hour into our game, Sidney is crushing it.
We were forbidden from playing together, but her chair is pulled up close to mine anyway.
She’s perched up on her chair again, her legs tucked under her.
Every time I strike one of her territories she softly punches my leg.
But after she does it, her hand stays there.
Her palm is pressed into my thigh, and at first, it feels sort of rigid against me like she didn’t realize she did it, but soon she uses it to leverage herself up as she stretches to look across the board.
Her hand relaxes, her fingers begin to tap and flutter against me.
At one point, I swear she’s tracing a message against my leg.
I keep trying to make it out, but all I accomplish is Trevor mocking me when I space out and don’t realize my turn has come.
“Do we need a hand check?” Trevor teases.
Sid lifts her hands, and I expect they’ll go back to her lap, but her left hand returns to its spot on my leg.
Knowing Sidney, it’s probably there to spite Trevor.
I keep waiting for her to move it, but I think maybe she’s committed to playing tonight’s game one-handed.
And that’s a challenge I am fully on board with.
Sidney
The last time I played a board game with Lindsay I was drunk.
It’s different being sober, and I’m quiet.
With her, at least. I don’t know what to talk about.
Unlike Trevor and Hannah, Lindsay knows me.
She knows Asher and me together, what we’ve been all these years.
Without the alcohol to loosen me up, I’m thinking way too hard about what I can say to her that won’t be weird.
Thankfully, watching Trevor and Hannah has distracted me.
“Are those two—” I wave a casual finger toward Trevor and Hannah, who are angled toward each other, talking about something that probably isn’t game-related if the look on Trevor’s face is any indication.
Hannah’s thick bangs cover one eye, and she pushes them back behind her ear.
“—together?” I whisper the last word like it’s dirty.
Asher is turning his head to my ear as Trevor says, “Yeah. Why, you interested?” His face is serious, and Hannah looks like she might hit him.
I don’t know what to say. But then Trevor laughs, and Hannah follows.
Asher warned me in the car that mellow drunk Trevor is not the norm, and I guess he’s right. Trevor seems like a total goofball.
“I think you traumatized her.” Hannah pokes him in the arm with her elbow. “Say sorry.”
“Sorry I traumatized you.” Trevor rubs the spot on his arm as if Hannah jabbed him with a hot poker, not her dainty elbow. “I would have thought Asher had done that years ago.”
At this, I laugh. Trevor is funny. And clearly he’s not clueless about my history with Asher. I’m curious just how close the two of them are, so I ask, “Did you know this is our first date?” I see the surprise register not just on Trevor’s face, but on everyone’s. “He brought me to your basement.”
The girls look personally affronted, and Trevor is just shaking his head, like maybe he’s going to get to see the Sidney and Asher Show he’s heard so much about.
Hannah is muttering “Oh come on, Ash” when he throws his hands up in the air.
Lindsay looks surprised, but in a different way somehow, and I’m not sure what to make of it.
“Hey now.” Asher’s voice is amused, not angry. “I did not bring Sidney on a basement-date.” The surprise on my face seems to be mirrored on his. “You thought I brought you on a basement-date?”
I let my eyes wander around the room as if to say, Look where we are.
We’re in a basement. We’re on a date. This is a basement-date.
But I don’t, because I was just joking, and I have no problem with Asher bringing me here.
More like I was nervous talking to his friends for the first time (sober) and picking on Asher is my go-to stress reliever.
Asher sets his hand on my knee, and it’s a lot like when a kitten jumps on your lap.
You’re really excited they want to play, but also, you know they have tiny, needle-like nails ready to stab you at any moment, and you can’t fully relax.
Everything inside me goes taut. Is this what it felt like when I did it to him?
He tips his head toward me as he says, “This isn’t a date, Sid.
When I take you on a date, you’ll know it.
” He glances over at Trevor. “And this nerd definitely won’t be there. ”
Not a date. I was only teasing Asher, I don’t actually want to get into the details of our situation at a table full of his friends, so I just smile at him and say, “If you say so.”
He gives me a smug smile right back. “I do say so.”
Asher and I are still looking at each other when Lindsay clears her throat.
“Honestly, I can’t believe it took this long.
” The words aren’t unkind, but she immediately picks up a game piece.
Our little chat is over. She’s been quiet most of the night, too, but now her eyes dart to me.
Lindsay insisted no partners when we started tonight.
I can’t help but wonder if she has a problem with anyone being partners, or just me.
With Asher. I think of the way she looked at me at the party.
Even tipsy I could register the jealousy there.
Or maybe it was just shock. I’m not sure which is worse.
Was she irritated that he was holding my hand or just surprised that he would?
We weren’t even together then. We’re not together now, my brain says.
But my brain isn’t the one in control when I take my hand off of Asher’s leg and put it up on his shoulder, right where she can see it.
We’ve been playing for hours, and it feels weird that I might leave here soon without having said a word to Lindsay.
Probably no one else notices, but I won’t let myself be that girl.
I finally work up the nerve to ask her something I’ve always wondered about.
“So what’s up with the yard sculptures?” I flick a card across my fingertips, over and over, trying to rein in my nervous energy.
Lindsay shrugs. “My mom’s nuts about those things.
She knows where each and every one of them is.
” I think about the time Edith spent in my bedroom and wonder if Nadine really did notice her missing.
“When people come over for the first time she always takes them around the yard like it’s a tour.
” She rolls her eyes. “They’re like her adopted children. ”
That seems like an exaggeration, and my face must say the same because Lindsay looks at me and raises her brows. “Seriously. I broke one when I was a kid, back when they were at our old house, and she lost it. I was grounded for a week. Total accident.”