Chapter Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Eight
Hudson
If it weren’t for graduation, I wouldn’t have bothered getting out of bed today.
After Hadley caught Cullen and me goofing off in my bedroom a few days ago, I haven’t been able to do more than get up to take a piss.
I shut down, and Cullen knew instantly that my mind had gone dark.
He stayed with me until he had to leave, but before he did, he made me promise to check in, even if it was just a thumbs-up emoji.
I had to force myself to get dressed today, then tried to sneak out before anyone could stop me, but Mom caught me just as I got to the front door. My parents insisted Hadley and I play nice so they could get pictures of us together in our caps and gowns.
Hadley kept making snide little jabs, like mocking how many honor cords I earned, and how I sucked off Principal Ward to win Valedictorian.
I know I earned it. But she has no clue what it took to get here, or why I tried so hard in the first place. If I told her now, she’d just see it as me angling for pity, and that’s the last thing I want.
So I silently took the abuse.
As soon as my parents got a few pictures, I hightailed it out of there.
I’ve been sitting in the school parking lot for a few minutes, just trying to calm my nerves.
I pat my pockets for my speech and exhale when I feel the folded paper in my back pocket.
Thank God I’m obsessive enough to have written it earlier this week.
It’ll at least have positive affirmations instead of the doom and gloom I’d write today, thanks to my depression poking me with a stick.
Hadley’s words are still echoing, helping that darkness bloom.
But it’s more than that. My anxiety’s been through the roof ever since my stalker called.
They’ve not tried to contact me since, and you’d think I’d be relieved he’s gone quiet, but the silence just makes it worse.
It feels like the calm before something catastrophic.
When I see Cullen walking across the parking lot, I honk to get his attention and jump out of my Bronco. I hurry over to him and throw my arms around his neck. The second I touch him, everything inside me clenches and unravels all at once. I didn’t even know how bad I needed him until right now.
We’ve not seen each other since he left my house that night, opting to skip the last few days of school since they weren’t mandatory for seniors.
Cull tried to skip too, so he could keep me company, but I didn’t want him to see me like that again.
I told him I was tired and planned to sleep, which wasn’t a lie.
I did sleep. A lot. Just in between the crying spells and a couple of panic attacks.
“Hey, baby. How are you today? Ready to give your speech?” He pulls me in tight, like he knows I need the pressure. His evergreen cologne hits me, settling me a little. Not as much as I hoped, but it helps.
“I’m a little nervous, but otherwise, I’m good.” He grabs my hand, walking us towards the gym.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better. And don’t be nervous. Just picture me naked. That should help.” He waggles his eyebrows, making me snort.
“I don’t need an erection while I’m standing in front of a few hundred people, Cull, but thanks for the advice.”
“Eh, this ugly gown would cover it up.”
I roll my eyes. He’s not wrong, but still.
We enter the gym hand in hand and head toward the check-in table. We give our names so they can check us as present, then go over to where Archer and Matt are joking around.
Once all the seniors have arrived and the admin gives us last-minute instructions, I give Cullen a kiss before heading to the stage.
Being Valedictorian kind of sucks. I don’t get to sit with my friends, but at least I can look out and see Cullen’s handsome face in the front row.
He catches my eye and winks, my nerves settling as I take my seat beside Blair, the Salutatorian. She gives me a nervous smile before looking back toward the crowd.
I pull my speech from my pocket and skim over it while Principal Ward welcomes everyone and gives a few pleasant remarks. I’m so focused on the words that I don’t even hear him call my name. Blair nudges my arm, nodding toward the podium.
I exhale and stand, walking to the wooden lectern. I smooth the page against the sloped surface, glancing up at the crowd.
My parents are beaming. My grandparents wave from their spot beside them, and I smile back. Then my eyes find Cullen’s, and everything else fades. He’s holding his hands in the shape of a heart, grinning that devastating grin. He mouths, “I’m proud of you”, giving me the confidence to begin.
“Good morning, everyone. I’d like to start by thanking Principal Ward and the administrative staff for bestowing this honor on me. I take great pride in this accomplishment, and I hope my words resonate with you today.”
I thank parents, teachers, and community leaders for their support throughout the years.
I thank my friends for their loyalty, and, to her surprise, I thank Hadley.
The shocked look on her face when I call her my partner in crime from childhood, and credit her as a constant positive presence in my life, is priceless.
I also ask her to forgive me for not always being the brother she deserved.
That part wasn’t in the original speech, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
I segue into encouraging words about never giving up, and always looking for the light in the darkness. I talk about leaning on the people who love us when we need support, about how falling down is inevitable, and how getting back up is where our character is formed.
Just as I’m about to wrap things up, I catch movement near the back of the gym. Two police officers step inside and position themselves by the doors, eyes trained straight ahead—on me. I assume they’re here to watch someone get their diploma, so I push forward with my speech.
“Never forget how strong you truly are. Our brains like to lie to us and tell us we can’t do things or that we’re weak.
But our hearts are where our courage truly lives.
Listen to your heart. It will never lead you astray.
It may lead you to your next job opportunity or a new group of friends.
It may lead you to the person who changes everything. ”
I glance at Cullen. He’s beaming with pride and love, and I have to look away before I lose my composure.
“Don’t be afraid to say yes to that thing that scares you. It may lead you to your forever. I’d like to end with this quote from the great Maya Angelou: ‘Success is loving life and daring to live it.’
“Dare to live your life. Live it the way you want, without the world telling you what they think you should do. Love hard. Forgive dumb mistakes. Embrace change. Embrace failure. But always stand back up. Thank you and congratulations.”
The gym erupts in applause, people rising to their feet, and a sharp whistle pierces through the noise. It’s my dad, fingers in his mouth, proudly embarrassing me. My mom’s swiping under her eyes, a bright smile on her face. And Cullen, he blows me a kiss and yells, “That’s my boyfriend!”
I blush all the way to the tips of my ears and hurry back to my seat, already counting down the minutes until I can kiss him stupid.
The band kicks into the graduation march, signaling the start of the diploma procession. I try to focus, but I notice the two officers have crept closer to the stage. Their eyes haven’t left me once, and that sense of foreboding I felt earlier slams back into me full force.
I tell myself it could be nothing. They could be here for any number of reasons.
But it doesn’t stop my heart from pounding.
My thoughts are interrupted when Cullen’s name is called. He crosses the stage, shakes Principal Ward’s hand, and accepts his diploma with a smile. As he passes me, he winks, and I can’t help but grin. Fuck, I love him.
A few more names are called, then I hear, “Hadley Grace Daniels.”
She saunters across the stage, takes her diploma, and walks right past me without a glance. I let out a small sigh of disappointment. I thought maybe the speech would reach her, but I should’ve known better.
“Hudson Grey Daniels.”
I snap to attention, then walk across the stage, shake Principal Ward’s hand, and accept my diploma. I turn to return to my seat, only to be stopped by the two officers blocking my way.
My heart stutters.
The music stops, and the hair on the back of my neck rises. Everyone’s attention shifts to the two cops blocking the way back to my seat.
“Hudson Daniels?” the shorter of the two asks.
“Yes,” I say, voice tight with apprehension.
The taller cop grabs my forearm while the shorter one takes my diploma. The tall one, Johnston, as his name tag reads, spins me around and pulls my arms behind my back. Gasps ripple through the crowd, and my vision starts to tunnel. I can feel a panic attack taking root.
What is happening?
Principal Ward rushes over, trying to intervene. “What is the meaning of this? Hudson is one of our best students. There must be some mistake!”
The officer ignores him, tightening the cold metal cuffs around my wrists. My pulse spikes, the bite of steel making this real.
I snap my head toward the crowd when I hear yelling, and see Cullen rushing toward me, my parents not far behind.
Cull reaches me first.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Let him go!” He tries to grab me, but Johnston yanks me back, causing the cuffs to dig into my skin.
My parents are right behind him. Hadley stands just off to the side, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
“That’s my son, and I demand you tell me why he’s being arrested in the middle of his graduation ceremony!” my dad snaps.
“You’re lucky we let him get his diploma at all,” the shorter cop sneers.
Who pissed in his cornflakes?
“Who pissed in your cornflakes?” Cullen bites back. I would laugh that our brains are in sync, but I’m too busy fighting off this fucking anxiety that's bubbling in my gut.
“Cullen, keep your mouth shut.” His dad appears beside him, gripping his shoulder. Cullen’s face is murderous. He’s clenching and unclenching his fists like he’s seconds from swinging.
“You’ve yet to answer me,” Dad barks. “Why the hell is my son being arrested?”
The short cop smirks, clearly enjoying this. “Your precious son here has a warrant out for his arrest in Buncombe County. The sheriff there can explain the charges. I’m not at liberty to say more.”
The taller cop sighs, clearly annoyed. “Give it a rest, Shufflebottom.”
Shufflebottom? I glance at the badge. Sure enough, it’s right there, etched in fake gold. I’d be bitter too if I were short, ugly, and named Shufflebottom.
Johnston turns to my dad, his voice more subdued. “Sir, your son has been accused of rape. You can follow us to the station. If we get there in time, he may get to see the judge for bail.”
The group explodes in a wave of angry, horrified chatter, but all I can hear is that one word.
Rape.
Who would accuse me of that? And in that county of all places?
“Who?” I croak.
Johnston’s eyes soften, apologetic. “That I cannot say.”
I’m pulled away before anyone else can react. I feel every pair of eyes on me, but I don’t dare look up. One of the officers is reading me my rights, but the words blur. My mind is seconds from breaking, and I’m doing my damned best not to let it show.
“Hudson, do not utter a word until we get there,” Dad calls from behind me. “I’m calling Eli. We’ll be right behind you. We know you didn’t do anything. You hear me?”
Uncle Eli. Thank God my dad’s older brother is a defense attorney.
I nod numbly as I’m led out the back gym doors and into the parking lot, where there is a cruiser waiting on the curb. The taller cop helps me duck into the back seat, then slams the door. I sit ramrod straight, too scared to even blink.
I’m gonna throw up.
A muffled voice calls my name, it’s panicked and angry.
I glance out the window just as the car pulls away. Cullen’s running after us, but his dad grabs the back of his graduation gown and yanks him to a stop.
The last thing I see is Cullen falling to the ground, landing hard on his ass with his hands covering his face.
That’s the final straw.
My breathing turns shallow, and my chest heaves. I can’t even cry. There’s no air left for it.
“You alright, kid?” Johnston asks, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. He sees what’s happening. “Shit. He’s going to pass out.”
Then a sharp pain explodes across my face just as everything goes dark.