40
J aney goes driving about, desperately searching for her daughter in the town, more worried with every second that passes.
She can see people looking at her, in her familiar red Kia.
She is used to being the ear lady, to being liked, stalwart member of the choir and the book group once she’d started picking herself up from the divorce.
Part of the town; at the Christmas Fayres, the Easter egg hunts.
Now it is unsettling when people look, and wave, or don’t.
What are they thinking? Are they thinking, there’s that Janey with the daughter who thought she’s too good . . . you know what she did?
Would Essie be with Dwight? Janey screws up her face.
She can’t bear it. She will have to see him at some point.
There was nobody at the buildings next door to the house, nobody working.
She doesn’t know where Dwight lives, but she could try the End of the World .
. . but what would she say? And would she even get to say it before Shelby punches her in the face?
She goes everywhere else, everywhere she can think of. The harbour, the walks, the forest. Looking for Essie, staring at her phone, calling, calling, calling.
Eventually, almost without realising it, she finds herself right at the very edge of town, outside Lowell’s. Essie wouldn’t be back here, would she? Hiding out? Of course not.
She’s about to turn round, when Lowell sees the car and comes out into the garden.
‘It’s been a very busy day, with one thing and another,’ he says to her.
‘Is Essie here?’ she says, desperate, and he shakes his head, then, when she bursts into tears, he pulls her towards him and hugs her tightly.
Even in the depths of her misery and pain she takes comfort, so much comfort from his broad presence, his reassuring arms, the pencil-sharpening scent of his sweater. Part of her wants to stay there forever. But she can’t.
‘I’ve lost her,’ she says, trying not to sob.
Then Lowell says the best thing he possibly could.
‘I know where she is.’
*
He leads her inside. Verity looks up and smiles to see her. ‘Essie’s mum!’
‘I’m Janey, too,’ says Janey, but she smiles back at her as she signs it. ‘Has she been here?’
Verity nods and beams. ‘She came to say goodbye and talk to Daddy. When is she coming back?’
Janey looks at Lowell, wiping her eyes, confused. ‘She came back here?’
He nods.
‘Is she in trouble?’ signs Verity.
Janey starts to sign ‘no’ but then realises she has no idea if that is true or not. This is trouble, alright.
‘I don’t know,’ she manages finally. ‘I just want to talk to her.’
‘Nobody is allowed to be mean to Essie,’ signs Verity. ‘She’s the best.’
Janey lifts her hands then drops them again. Then she raises them again. ‘I believe she is too.’
Lowell shuffles his feet a little. Then he tells her. And then she goes ballistic.