chapter 25 #3
The light was off under Lilly’s door. She didn’t know where Julian and Charlotte were. She’d left them sitting on the deck
an hour ago, hoping that if she broke up the party they’d go to bed. She could no longer see them from her window, but she
hadn’t heard them come in.
After closing her door again, she went into the bathroom so her voice wouldn’t carry beyond her room and sat on the closed
lid of the toilet as she dialed Ben’s number.
“Hey, what’s up?” he said as soon as he answered.
“I’d like to talk to you about something,” she replied.
“I gathered that from your text. I don’t think you’ve ever sent me such an ominous message. Now I’m nervous. Have you made
a decision about what you want for your future?”
She drew a deep breath. “Yes.”
He remained silent for a moment. Then he said, “Does the future you see include me? Because your last text suggested it did.”
No longer able to sit still, she jumped up and began to pace in the small room, the tile cool under her bare feet. “It definitely
includes you. It also includes children—or a child.”
“What?”
She hurried to curtail his expectations. “Before you get too excited, let me explain.”
“I’m listening,” he said cautiously.
Was he hopeful? Skeptical? She couldn’t tell . . . “What if we take Lilly?”
His earlier emotions had been hard to read—cautious, hopeful, also a little worried?—but now she could feel his shock through
the phone. “Charlotte’s sister? You want to finish raising her?”
“Hear me out,” she said, rubbing her free hand on her thigh. “She’s a truly wonderful girl—very sensitive and kind. She’s
been hurt and is afraid to trust, to truly grab on and connect for fear of being let down again, but she’s incredibly smart.
I can already see her growing and changing and coming out of her shell. It’s all happening right before my eyes. With consistent
love and care, I think she’ll be able to overcome the trauma she’s experienced in her young life.”
“I’m glad she’s doing so well. Truly. But . . . Lilly’s twelve.”
“So? What does that mean?”
“You really want to start with a child who’s on the cusp of becoming a teenager? You’ve heard how hard they can be, right?
For someone who doesn’t want kids, that’s like . . . like jumping right into the fire.”
“Something can be hard and still be worth it.”
“True . . .”
“She needs us, Ben. And it would be the perfect solution for Charlotte.”
“Have you talked to Charlotte about it?”
“Of course not. I felt it was only right to approach you first. We have to be in this together.”
“But you didn’t even want Charlotte to finish raising Lilly. You thought it might ruin her life. And now you want to do it?”
“I want us to do it. To give her a home.”
“That’s a huge commitment. Is this the path you really want to take?”
Squeezing her eyes closed, she dropped her head back. Maybe she should’ve thought this over a little longer. It did seem impulsive;
she hadn’t known Lilly very long. But someone had to take her, and this solution seemed ideal for everyone—especially if it
would make Ben happy.
“It is.” She knew it was fast, but surprisingly, the certainty felt solid in her bones.
After another moment of shocked silence, he said, “Wow. A twelve-year-old.”
“If you knew her, you wouldn’t even hesitate.” When he started to laugh, she gripped the phone tighter. Was this where he
was going to tell her she was too late? That he preferred Adele and her five-year-old son, after all?
She knew that was unlikely, but her jealousy suggested it all the same. “What is it?”
“If you already love her that much, I’m sure I will, too.”
Relief, excitement and terror filled Sloane in equal parts. “Is that a yes?”
“That’s a yes—provided Charlotte agrees and Lilly, too, of course. Do you think they will?”
“I have no idea.” She knew Lilly had spent more time with her than with anyone else. She knew they got along well and enjoyed
each other. She knew she’d do her best to make sure Lilly had everything she could possibly need.
But Steve was offering her a good home, too—one that included Old Blue. And Sloane had seen the way she looked at Charlotte, as if she admired Charlotte more than anyone else on earth. What if Charlotte made her the same offer?
“If they agree, would you be happy?” she asked. “Happy enough to stay with me?”
His voice softened. “Babe, I could never leave you.”
“Not even for Adele and her adorable little boy?”
“Stop it,” he said. “I’ve already told you that. I couldn’t leave you for anyone.”
Tears stung her eyes. “I don’t want to feel as though you’re settling for less than you really want.”
“You’re what I want,” he reiterated. “That’s what I’ve decided since you left. And if I get to be a father to Lilly, too, that’s
just . . . all the better.”
Sloane sank back onto the closed lid of the toilet. Would he regret making this commitment? Wish for more later? She had no
way of knowing, but they loved each other enough to continue to try to make their marriage work. “You’re going to adore her.
And she’s going to adore you.”
“Wow,” he said. “It’s hard to wrap my mind around this. I never expected it. Would you just . . . bring her home with you
or what?”
“I think so. Why not?”
“That would be okay with me. Let me know if I need to get the spare room ready.”
Sloane imagined decorating Lilly’s room, getting her back into school and helping her do homework. The responsibility of raising
a child—the risk of screwing that up—was a little frightening. It had always frightened her.
But the love she already felt for Ben and for Lilly made her willing to try.