15. the inevitable
the inevitable
OTHELLO
No availability. Not until tomorrow.
The conversation at the front desk replays in my head as I make my way back to my suite.
When I woke up, I headed downstairs to speak with Sabrina, the manager from the night before.
I wanted to see if Marley’s room was finally ready.
After everything that had gone wrong since she arrived, I figured getting her settled into her own space was the least I could do.
She deserved at least one thing going according to plan.
But unfortunately, the room is still not available.
The guest occupying the room had extended their stay, and with the resort fully booked, there was nowhere else to move her.
Which means Marley is still stuck with me. I can understand why she would be so upset, but I can’t deny that I don’t mind it.
At all.
Her staying here with me makes this all worthwhile, because Lord knows I didn’t want to be here until I saw her.
If it meant taking the couch just to make sure Marley was comfortable, I’d do it without hesitation.
Because the truth is, I don’t like seeing her upset.
And the thought of her spending this trip stressed or uncomfortable doesn’t sit right with me, especially when this is supposed to be her time to unwind.
And especially when I’m part of the reason she can’t unwind.
I’ve been thinking all morning about how I could have prevented last night’s events.
I contemplated all the things I should’ve said, how I should’ve pulled back.
But I can’t lie and say that a piece of me was kind of glad that I did that.
And I know that sounds selfish, but it meant more time with her.
Marley was in my dreams last night and in my thoughts when I woke up this morning. I woke up feeling heavy with guilt. I also woke up with a crick in my neck from sleeping on that little ass couch. But the weight of what I’ve done affected me more.
The vibration of my phone tears through my thoughts, and I pull it out of my pocket. Before I made a stop at the front desk, I’d been in the gym getting my daily workout in. I look down at my screen and see I have a text from Aven.
AVEN: So did they have to build the plane before they flew you out to Maui???
I let out a soft laugh and shake my head.
OTHELLO: i’m free.
It’s not even seconds later before Aven calls my phone.
“Dude, what the fuck? I thought you were going to call me when you landed.”
“Sorry, it’s been chaotic.”
“In Hawaii? That’s like the land of paradise. What could be chaotic there? Did they lose your luggage?”
Aven is talking fast. Something she always does. And at this moment, I can picture her pacing in her office, wearing her favorite platform loafers and tossing that globe-shaped stress ball from one hand to the other.
“No, nothing like that. What’s up?” I didn’t feel like giving her all the details, and I probably never would. Aven and I had a professional relationship, so I never told her anything personal about my life.
“Okay, so I finished reading the manuscript.”
“And?” I ask.
“And, it’s powerful,” she says carefully. “Your voice is strong. The poems hit hard. But right now, the collection leans heavy. Anyone reading this is going to walk away thinking anger is the only note you’re playing.”
“That was the headspace I was in. I always write from the heart. You know this.”
“I do. And keep doing that. Just…give me something happy and more gentle. You need to show your readers you have range. Also, I need more pages. Soon. Editors are already asking what you're working on next, and I don't want to lose momentum.”
“I got you.”
“Enjoy Hawaii,” she says, her tone softening. “Let that place inspire you. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
“Good. Talk to you soon,” Aven hangs up without a goodbye, and I finally make it to my floor. Stepping out of the elevator, I see Carina standing in front of my door, cradling what looks like a gift basket. My eyes widen in surprise, and my first thought is how the hell did she find my room?
“How did you—”
“Relax,” Carina states stonily. “I’m not stalking you. My parents booked the rooms. I know where everyone is staying. Duh.”
She rolls her eyes.
Of course.
My shoulders relax. Then I wonder where Marley is and how long Carina has been here.
“How long have you been standing out here?”
“I just got here. Was about to knock, but you showed up. I came to drop this off.”
She extends the basket to me, and reluctantly, I take it, glancing over everything inside. A folded card, flowers, chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, peanut butter cookies, pineapple gummies, and a stainless steel cup engraved with Gavin and Carina’s initials.
“The itinerary for this week's activities is in here, along with some goodies. Your favorite cookie is still peanut butter, right?”
My answer is a tight-lipped smile. I pull out the clear-wrapped cookies, tied with a lavender ribbon.
“Thanks for dropping this by,” I tell her, holding up the basket.
“Of course.”
I unlock my door, and I’m about to walk into my suite when Carina pulls on the hem of my shirt.
“Hey…wait.”
She takes a deep breath, like she needs to admit something, but what could she possibly say that would be worse than what I already found out on my own three years ago?
“I know it was hard for you to come here. But we’re happy you came.”
“Yeah. No problem.”
Her expression shifts, and she rolls her neck. “Well, you don’t have to be so excited about it,” she frowns at my sarcasm.
I shrug. “What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing,” she says, shaking her head. “Actually, you know what, keep giving everyone the silent treatment. That might be better than dealing with your stank ass attitude all week. And let me remind you this week is not about you. So don’t even think about ruining my wedding.”
I take a deep breath. “Are you done?”
“No, I’m not done,” she quips. “I understand you don’t want to be here. But you came. So, you can stop acting like you’re serving a prison sentence, or something. No one forced you to be here.”
“You’re right. Nobody forced me. Which is why you should probably appreciate that I came at all.”
Carina recoils, and her head jerks back as if she’s been slapped.
A thought seems to cross her mind, and then her expression softens.
The fight leaves her face almost immediately, replaced by a look I want to call remorse.
But I can’t remember the last time this woman has shown anyone that sentiment.
Not even me. Not even after she cheated on me.
I haven’t thought about her and the past in a long time, but the memory of everything I’d done a good job of suppressing rushes back.
I was at Mimi’s house. She was curled up on the couch, a book in her lap with the entertainment news playing in the background. She always loved hearing what celebrities wore to award shows and galas.
“How can you read with the television up that loud?” I called out to her.
“No idea,” she cackled. “But quiet makes my nerves bad. I gotta have some background noise.”
I laughed and shook my head.
The introduction of the news segment seemed to blare from the TV even louder as if trying to catch our attention.
Two reporters sat next to each other talking and joking about the ensembles they adored on the red carpet before the woman reporter said, “Let’s move on to other news. Because in a surprising turn of events, Carina Sterling is stepping out with a new man.”
Carina’s name drew both Mimi and my attention to the TV screen. A thumbnail of my girlfriend was in the corner, smiling brightly.
“And this time it's someone who isn’t in her usual circle. This is a guy no one can place. He’s not in the industry…”
My heart dropped to my feet. I remember thinking that our secret was out.
I waited for a picture of the two of us to appear.
Something to show that what I wanted to keep under wraps was now exposed for the world to see.
Maybe a still shot of us on one of our overseas trips.
Something private turned public. But the image filling the screen felt like a dagger to the chest.
I’ll never forget how loud Mimi gasped or the sound her hardback book made when it slipped from her hand and dropped to the floor. The picture wasn't of me at all. It was of Gavin. His name was splashed across the headline beneath the photo, smiling like he'd won the lottery.
Gavin and Carina were pictured holding one another. Her hands were around his neck, with his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. The look in their eyes was enough to make me sick. Like two people in love. Like that moment captured in time was not the first time.
I shook my head.
Mimi looked at me, sadness in her eyes. “This is a joke, O. You can’t believe everything you see.”
But nothing about it screamed prank.
My aunt consoled me. Beckoned me into her arms. Hugged me tight and spoke words of encouragement that fell on deaf ears. I was too stunned to feel. Too shocked to say or do anything, so I let my aunt hold me.
“I can’t believe this,” she hollered. “Hand me my phone. I’m going to talk some sense into that boy.”
I shook my head. “No, Auntie. I’ll call him.”
I pulled back from her arms, clearing my throat as I looked back at the television.
The reporters were still going on about Carina and her ever-evolving love life.
The image was still there. A thumbnail in the corner now, but it was still plain as day.
An image that will forever be burned in my memory.
I stepped outside. I remember the air outside was warm, but it did nothing to ease the chill I was feeling. I pulled my phone from my pocket, stared at Gavin’s name in my favorites. My thumb hovered over it for a long while before I pressed call.
It took him forever to answer. And I could imagine him staring at my name across his screen, realizing the jig was up, and there was nothing he could do to talk his way out of what he’d been keeping from me.
“O, what’s up?” he asked casually.
Cautiously.
“You tell me,” I asked.
A long silence followed. Then Gavin sighed. “I'm guessing you know.”
“Yeah. I know.” I was surprised by how calm I sounded.
“I was going to call you.”
“When?” I cut in. “After the next headline? Or after the wedding announcement?”
I could hear him cursing under his breath.
“How long?” I asked.
“A few months.”
A few months.
I can’t remember what was said after that. But I know there was no apology. Just Gavin going on about how it started and why. I just remember staring out into the darkness after that call ended, trying to make sense of how two people I loved could betray me like that.
Carina called moments later. But I sent her to voicemail. She called again. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb.
Sometimes the best response is silence.
And I gave them years of it. Until now. Now, after all that time, Carina stands here in front of me. Something I never thought would happen because I’d done my absolute best to avoid it.
“Why didn’t you answer my calls back then? I wanted to explain,” she says.
“What could you explain? Nothing you said was going to change how I felt.”
She settles into this truth, her eyes avoiding mine.
“You told people about us.” It’s not a question; it’s a statement. I could tell by her friends’ faces that they knew all about me. And if they knew, everyone else in that wedding party probably knew.
“I did.”
“What did you tell them happened between us? Did you tell them the truth about how we broke up?” I ask her. Because, Lord knows, Carina will always tell a story that makes her look good.
She drops her head, and that’s enough of an answer for me.
I scoff. “You know what, I don’t even care. Typical.”
“I didn’t go too far off the script,” she huffs, finding her voice again. “You were avoiding me. A lot! Your work was more important.”
To this I say nothing. It was an argument that stayed on repeat back in the day. And I would give Carina the same excuse each and every time.
Deadlines.
Schedules.
Book tours.
Meetings.
I’m not going through this again, because what’s the point?
Carina shakes her head, as if she gives up.
“I just want us to get along this week,” she says earnestly. “Please. I appreciate you being here. I…” she sighs. “I’m sorry. I know this is a lot for you.”
My eyebrow raises. An apology? From Carina Sterling. I’m amazed.
“I feel like such a bitch,” she sighs. “I’ve just been so stressed with this wedding.”
Her confession and apology chip away at some of the resentment I've carried all these years. Maybe I am being a bit much. But I had my reasons.
“I mean, this is a little over the top compared to what you said you’ve always wanted. What happened to the courthouse wedding in LA and then the trip to Europe after?”
She gazes at me. “You remember that?”
“I do.”
We'd had that conversation years ago over takeout and a bottle of cheap wine while watching coverage of yet another multimillion-dollar celebrity wedding.
Carina had spent almost an hour ranting about celebrity weddings and how ridiculous they were.
According to her, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a single day was insanity.
“Well, when you have a mother like mine, a simple wedding just won’t cut it.”
“True. A simple wedding never stood a chance with Collette.”
Carina snickers.
“No, it doesn’t.” A bright, sincere smile graces her face, and she suddenly looks content. “I meant it when I said I was sorry, Ozzy. Truly and deeply. I hate that it happened that way. But there was no denying the inevitable.”
I understand clearly what she means. Although it doesn’t excuse what happened and how. She is right. There was no escaping it. Whatever she and Gavin have was always going to lead them here.
The apology she gave sinks in, settling slowly within me, almost like a hug. And maybe that was all I needed.
A look of understanding passes between us, and Carina smiles before walking away. Something that had always felt unfinished and unresolved has finally happened, loosening its grip on me.
Closure.