Chapter 14 #2
Damage control. That’s what this was. As much as it already pained him. He couldn’t continue to grow this relationship with her. He had to slow it down—big time.
Because the moment he’d read that email, the moment he saw the words, the vision he’d been building in his mind crumbled .
We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.
Tessa. Miami. The life that he wanted.
Gone.
The chance to start over. The chance to finally stop waiting—at thirty-five, no less—for his chance to start over with someone and finally imagine a future of his own. The chance to leave Mia and his past firmly in his rear-view mirror.
How had he staked so much on this one possibility? One such far-flung, miniscule chance?
Because now? He had no plan. No backup. No future he could offer Tessa. Everything was in limbo again. Just when he thought he’d known which direction to head.
Because what else was he supposed to do? Keep pretending like everything was fine? Let her believe this was going somewhere when he didn’t know where he’d be in six months—or a year? When he didn’t know how long it might take him to get a position back in the States?
He didn’t even know if his current position was safe, now that he’d blown it by breaking the charter’s rules against dating passengers, which was the other thing making him slightly sick to his stomach tonight. Had he blown it this week? For himself and his crew?
And even if he could find another job back in Florida—and it could take months longer than he’d thought—how could he expect Tessa to wait for him? Mia hadn’t been able to wait, and he’d dated her for years . They’d been engaged, for crying out loud .
No, he couldn’t do that to Tessa. Couldn’t give her false hope. Couldn’t give himself false hope.
But he also couldn’t break it off here. Not when she was still on this boat, not when she had two days left in what was supposed to be her dream vacation. Where she’d have to see him twenty-four hours a day. That kind of tension would be horrible—for both of them.
So he’d pull back. Slowly.
Skip the lingering gazes they’d become so accustomed to exchanging. Avoid the captivating conversation across the table but still be friendly with her. Cut their deck time short. Or maybe this should be their last night together on deck?
He sighed. There was no good option here. No right answer.
He wanted nothing more than to be close to her. To kiss her. To talk with her until the stars faded into the sunrise, no matter how much time they had left together. To tell her she’d changed things for him, that he thought she might’ve been the one.
But it wouldn’t be fair to her. And it wasn’t smart. He had to think about what was best—for both of them, in the long run.
He flexed his fingers and shut the door to his cabin behind him. Then he collapsed on the bed, eyes closing.
And no, he couldn’t risk this job. Not when his current contract was all he had.
Besides, Jules had seen them this week. Hadn’t she? Maybe.
And Malik. He knew. Russ had come right out and admitted it, so sure he’d been that his employment options were wide open.
He’d been risking their jobs as well as his own if he was asking them to be loyal friends and keep their mouths shut, and he knew it. Because if this relationship continued, one of them would be forced to report him just so they wouldn’t be fired along with him. That was just how it worked.
If he had a certain future with Tessa, he would’ve told them both to go ahead and report him when this charter was over. He’d have taken the blame for all of it, and they would’ve had nothing to worry about.
But that ship—no pun intended—had sailed. He couldn’t continue to kid himself about a future with a woman he’d known for all of six days. Especially when the woman he’d known and held so close to his heart for so many years—so long ago—could’ve done what she’d done to him.
How could he expect Tessa to wait for him when he had no set date to return to the States?
If he’d learned anything about being a boat captain, it was that the women they loved back home didn’t wait around for a man at sea.
Life was too short, and loneliness, too hard to bear.
He just couldn’t take another woman ditching him for someone close to home while he waited it out here, patiently loyal, for her.
And no, he couldn’t continue to put his crew—or himself—at risk, for something that would never be.
He flipped over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his heart heavy .
That look on Tessa’s face. The confusion. The hurt. And this was just the beginning.
He hated himself for it.
But was it worse than putting his whole heart into something—into someone—and risk having it torn to shreds in a few months’ time? The way Mia had done to him?
No, this was the only way. Lie low. Protect Tessa from the truth until it wouldn’t hurt her so much. Protect them all from the mess he’d made. Wave goodbye to her on Sunday and pretend they’d never met. And then try to convince himself he’d be fine.