Chapter 3
“I may start going to church in Nocona,” Hettie declared as she got into Audrey’s pickup truck. “And that means you’ll have to go with me, or else let me drive the old work truck. Or maybe when Walter gets home, he will take me to whatever church he goes to in Nocona.”
“You are not driving any vehicle,” Audrey declared.
“Then I guess after today, we’ll be going to another church,” Hettie said.
“Are you going to let Bernie run you out of your town?” Audrey asked.
“It’s all in how you look at it and how you study it,” Hettie answered.
“When I go to the church that I’ve gone to my whole life, I go in with a bad spirit, and I leave with an even uglier one.
Sunday services are supposed to make us happy and full of peace when we walk out the doors.
I’m not feeling that anymore, so maybe if I go to another place, I won’t be grouchy for hours afterward. ”
Audrey backed out of the driveway and drove to the end of the dirt road, then turned north toward Spanish Fort. “Here all this time I thought you were in a bad mood because you didn’t have a whiskey sour to drink during services.”
“Who says I don’t?” Hettie pulled a flask out of her big, black purse.
“What…when…how…” Audrey stammered.
“If Bernie ain’t there, I don’t use it. If she is, then I make a trip to the ladies’ room about halfway through the sermon.
Most of the time, I’m sitting on the pew trying to figure out ways to do justifiable homicide anyway, so all that stuff about loving your neighbor is hittin’ a brick wall.
Everyone understands that an old woman has a bladder the size of a thimble and doesn’t even bat an eye when I shuffle off to the bathroom.
But don’t worry, darlin’, I also keep these,” she dug around in her purse and brought out a small bag of hard peppermint candy.
Audrey drove to the end of the road and turned left.
The church was only a block down the road and the parking lot had already filled up.
She finally found a spot and was busy lining up her truck between the yellow lines when Brodie pulled in beside her.
He and his two brothers got out and, without so much as a nod her way, headed toward the church.
“You are welcome to help me get to the ladies’ room if things get too rough in there,” Hettie whispered. “A little sip of whiskey isn’t as big of a sin as—”
Audrey butted in before Hettie could finish. “I might take you up on that.”
“Anytime,” Hettie grinned. “We’ll sit here for a minute. As long as that man’s legs are, he’ll make it inside in just a minute or two.”
“Okay,” Audrey said with a nod, and stared at his strut and the way he filled out his jeans. A vision popped into her head of Brodie with only a towel slung around his hips. Her pulse kicked up a notch, and her breath came out in short bursts.
“Too bad Brodie is shirttail kin to Bernie,” Hettie said as she opened the truck door. “He’s one fine-looking feller.”
“Forbidden fruit,” Audrey muttered as she got out of the truck and looped her arm in Hettie’s.
“What was that?” Hettie asked.
“Nothing,” Audrey answered.
“Do you need a little nip before we go inside?” Hettie asked.
Audrey considered the idea seriously but finally shook her head. “Those people are not going to drive either one of us to drinking.”
Hettie chuckled and turned up the flask. “Speak for yourself.”
A credenza covered most of the wall on the left side of the foyer with an arrangement of pastel-colored silk flowers in a white basket.
After Easter, Bernie would likely change the centerpiece to a vase of red roses for Mother’s Day.
The ladies’ room door was beyond that. A coatrack and a blue velvet wingback chair were on the other side of the men’s bathroom door.
“I used to be in charge of fixin’ them flowers up for the holidays or seasons, and then Bernie told Parker she could take care of them,” Hettie growled.
“Why did he do that?” Audrey asked.
“The family out there at the Paradise have lots of silk flowers they’ve used for weddings and their Christmas event, so it would save the church money,” Hettie answered.
“If you wanted the job, you should have offered to buy the flowers yourself,” Audrey told her.
Hettie sat down in one of the chairs. “Parker is all about saving money so we can give more to the three missionaries the church supports. Bernie used the flowers to get her toe in the door, and now she’s on the cookbook and the quilting committees.
I bet she didn’t even go to services up there in Oklahoma. I need to rest a minute.”
Audrey glanced through the double doors that were open wide into the sanctuary. “We’ll have trouble finding a seat if you rest very long. Looks like we’ve got a full house this morning.”
Hettie got up with a long sigh. “Folks ain’t here for a spiritual lesson. They’re here to be able to talk about the tornado before and after services. Or to give thanks that the tornado didn’t tear up their houses, like it did the Callahans’.”
“So, you’ve learned that Brodie’s place was the only one that got wiped out?” Audrey asked as she looped her arm into Hettie’s and led her down the long center aisle.
“Yep, and he’s here to offer up gratitude that his orchards and gardens didn’t get hit.
Tornadoes are good about just taking whatever they want and leaving the rest behind.
One time I saw a convenience store with no outside walls left, but those little lightweight boxes of pudding and full bottles of wine were still sitting on the shelves,” Hettie said.
“Sweet Lord!” Audrey gasped.
“What?” Hettie whispered.
“Come right in and have a seat,” the preacher said loudly. “Looks like we are a little crowded today, but there’s room for two beside the Callahan brothers. I bet they saved them just for you ladies.”
Hettie stood to one side and motioned for Audrey to go before her. “I need to sit on the end because I’m definitely going to need to escape,” she said out the corner of her mouth, “and I don’t want to crawl over you.”
“But…” Audrey started to argue.
Hettie nodded toward her left. Audrey saw that they would be sitting right in front of another whole row of the Paradise family, complete with Bernie.
And more families were in the two pews behind them.
She had a choice—walk out of church when Parker was already behind the lectern or else spend a miserable half hour sitting beside Brodie.
The latter won, and she eased down beside her enemy.
She kept her eyes straight ahead, but there was no denying that sparks were dancing around the church like happy little Easter bunnies.
Of all the men in the entire state of Texas, why did she have an attraction to Brodie.
Life wasn’t fair. It was a four-letter word worse than any curse word in the dictionary.
And she was definitely taking a bathroom break with her Aunt Hettie in the middle of the sermon.
***
“You kind of got stuck between a rock and a hard place, didn’t you?” Knox whispered at the dinner table that afternoon.
“More like between a boulder and the back forty of hell,” Brodie answered.
“Which one was I?” Knox asked with a chuckle.
“You were the boulder because you wouldn’t scoot down an inch so I wouldn’t have to literally rub shoulders with Audrey,” Brodie told him.
“I guess that means she was hell?” Knox continued to chuckle.
“Yep,” Brodie agreed.
“Can you believe that Hettie sat with our family?” Bernie said from the other end of the table.
“I can believe that they didn’t have a choice unless they wanted to stand at the back or sit on the floor in the center aisle,” Mary Jane answered. “I’m sure they didn’t want to be recognized when they came into the sanctuary after everyone had sat down and gotten quiet.”
“Aunt Bernie, I’ve got a question. Why haven’t you tried to hook Brodie up with Audrey?” Remy asked.
“I’d rather eat dirt,” Bernie snapped, and pointed her finger at Remy and then whipped it around to aim it at Brodie.
“This is not reverse psychology talking to you. Audrey Tucker is the only woman in the whole state of Texas that I forbid you to get involved with. If you did, I would have to be nice to Hettie, and there will be snow cone stands and air-conditioning in the devil’s back forty before I do that.
” She dropped her hand and glared at Knox and Tripp.
“That goes for both of you, too. Audrey is off-limits to all of you.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Knox said. “She’s got too much fire for me anyway.”
Brodie shoved a fork full of mashed potatoes in his mouth, so he didn’t have to answer Bernie. The devil really would install air-conditioning before Brodie Callahan let anyone tell him who he could or could not date. Aunt Bernie did not hold that privilege in the palm of her bony little hand.
“Hey, all you guys,” Remy raised his voice to get everyone’s attention. “I thought maybe since it’s a nice sunny day and it’s supposed to rain tomorrow that all us menfolk could get together this afternoon and clean up Brodie’s property.”
God bless you, Remy Baxter, Brodie thought.
“That’s a great idea,” Joe Clay said. “With all of us working, we might get it finished by dark. I’ll hitch up the flatbed, and we can dump all the junk we pick up in the landfill on the back side of the Paradise property.
There’s a deep gully back there that I’ve been trying to get filled in for a couple of years now. ”
“I could bring my cattle trailer,” Remy offered.
“Thank you all so much,” Brodie said.
“And us sisters can have an afternoon with Mama and Aunt Bernie at the mall in Wichita Falls,” Ursula said. “We need to shop for Easter dresses.”
“And a ‘my first Easter’ outfit for Clayton,” Endora added.