Chapter 19
Brodie had mixed feelings about taking Audrey to a speed dating event.
One side of the argument he had in his head was a worry that Bernie was indeed cooking up something to try to end their relationship.
The other side assured him that he was showing Bernie that she couldn’t do anything to upset the chemistry between him and Audrey.
“Well, here we are,” he said when he found a place to park out at the far end of the bar’s gravel lot. “Do we want to run or go inside?”
“Go inside and prove to Miz Bernie that not even a dozen men are going to make me throw you out to the curb,” Audrey answered and leaned over and kissed Brodie on the cheek. “We are going to leave this shindig together.”
“You’ve had the same thoughts I did?” he asked.
“Yep, I did, and you better not let one of those hussies in there split us up,” she teased as she opened the door and stepped out of the truck.
“Hey, you are supposed to wait for me to do that,” Brodie said.
“I’ve got my big-girl, sassy panties on tonight. I’ve got things to prove to your aunt,” she told him.
He hurried around the truck and took her hand in his. “What color are those sassy britches?”
“Red,” she answered without hesitation. “That’s the color for battle.”
“We’ll win this one, darlin’,” he said as they entered the foyer together.
Bernie met them right inside the door. “Welcome to the speed dating event of the year,” she said, and handed Audrey a name tag with Number Five written on it.
“What’s this for?” Audrey asked.
“You will see that number on the table where you will sit. You’ll find a pad and paper to take notes on or to use to write numbers down should any young man impress you enough to get his information for your phone,” Bernie explained.
“How many tables are there?” Audrey asked.
“Twelve,” Bernie answered. “The hour will go by quick with five minutes allotted to each guy.”
“I’ve never been to one of these. Are there any rules for me?” Brodie asked. “Do I get a number?”
“You are number thirteen,” Bernie said as she peeled the back off a name tag and slapped it on his chest. “You can’t visit one table more than twice.
That’s the only rule you have to follow.
Here is your notebook. Use it to write down names and numbers, if the lady at the table wants to give them to you, for later use. ”
Brodie glanced around the dance floor, where twelve card tables had been set up in a semicircle with two chairs at each one.
“A bell will ring at the end of five minutes, and you’ll have thirty seconds to move,” Bernie went on.
“There are more guys than women, and y’all will line up at the bar and have until straight up six o’clock to check out the women that you want to get to know.
Looks like we’ve got more coming in now, so take your seat Audrey, and Brodie, your brothers are waiting for you. ”
Brodie kissed Audrey on the forehead and said, “I will be your number twelve because the lucky guy who gets the last dance goes home with the lady.”
“What happens if some good-lookin’ feller slips in ahead of you and sits down in the chair?” Audrey teased.
“I’ll just have to challenge him to a duel,” Brodie said, and headed toward the bar.
Audrey followed his line of sight to the table where she was supposed to be seated, and there was Linda Massey sitting at table number four. “Sweet Jesus!” she gasped.
Brodie whipped around to see what had happened and saw that she was looking at Linda Massey at table number four and Wanette was taking her place at number six. That put Audrey right in the middle of them.
Brodie hurried back over to her side and whispered, “Do you want to fake sickness?”
“Who says I’d be faking?” Audrey asked. “But no, I’ve taken care of those two before, so I know I can do it. If things get too rough, I’ll just wipe up the bar floor with them and send them crawling outside whimpering. Do you think that Miz Bernie did this on purpose?”
Brodie gave her a sideways hug. “No, because she was handing out the numbers on a first come basis.”
“Then I do not like the Universe, or Fate, and Jesus and I might even have a long talk before this evening is over,” Audrey declared as she started that way.
***
Linda gave her a dirty look when she sat down. “If you start anything, I will finish it this time,” she snapped.
“Did you bring a pig with you?” Wanette asked.
“Not tonight, but I know where to find Pansy if you want to pet her,” Audrey answered. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I like speed dating, and I’m still looking for the right man to take to California with me,” Wanette answered.
Audrey gave her a curt nod and turned to Linda. “What are you doing here?”
“I might ask you the same thing since everyone in the county knows that you and Brodie are dating,” Linda replied.
“His Aunt Bernie needed a few extras,” Audrey replied. “But you can bet your muddy butt, I’m the one that will be going home with him.”
Wanette tucked a strand of red hair back behind her ear. “You can have him and his pig. He will not be getting my phone number. Not even Brodie Callahan can make my little heart flutter after that incident in the café. That stupid pig ruined an expensive shirt and embarrassed me at the same time.”
Audrey turned to Linda.
“Don’t look at me. I don’t want him, either,” she barked. “If he thinks he can come crawling back to me after cheating on me, then he’s got cow patties for brains. And one more thing, if he cheated on someone like me, he will cheat on a mousy person like you.”
Wanette spoke up from the other side. “She’s got a point there, and you’ve got to consider that a man with a pig for a pet isn’t much of a catch and you aren’t the prettiest woman in the room. I’m wearing that crown.”
Linda whipped her hair over her shoulder. “I beg your pardon!”
Before the two women started something that would have Audrey ducking under the table, Bernie whistled shrilly into a microphone.
“This event is about to kick off in one minute. Everyone heard the rules at the door when they picked up their numbers. Ladies are seated. Guys have had time to look around.”
Suddenly, Audrey felt like a prize cow at a barn auction. She wouldn’t have been at all surprised if Bernie had started the bidding in a fast-talking auctioneer’s voice.
“When I ring this bell, you guys can find a seat and visit the lady of your choice for five minutes. When the bell rings again, you’ll have time to move to another chair. Then it’s like the shampoo commercial—wash, rinse, repeat. The countdown begins now. Ten…”
Everyone clapped like she had just delivered the winner of an Oscar.
“Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four…” she stopped for a breath.
“Three, two, one, go!” she said and rang the bell.
A tall, lanky red-haired man beat Brodie’s time and sat down at Audrey’s table first. “Hello, I’m Denison Walker. I’m from Gainesville, and I’m a lawyer. You are definitely my number one choice for the evening.”
Audrey hoped that Wanette and Linda heard him say that.
Too mousy for Brodie, my ass, she thought.
“What do you do for a living?” Denison asked.
If that’s your best line, I wouldn’t even hire you to represent me for tossing trash out my window, Audrey thought.
“I’m a farmer,” she said. “I have several hundred acres of corn and sunflowers up near Spanish Fort. I live with my ninety-year-old aunt, who is bossy and mean as a rattlesnake when she doesn’t get her way, and I think she might be the devil’s sister. ”
“What do you like to do for fun? When you aren’t doing whatever farmers do,” he asked.
“I like to go visit my neighbor. He’s got this cute little pot-bellied pig.
We go for walks with her. I don’t have a picture on my phone, or I could show it to you.
Her name is Pansy. She has to stay in a pen because she rooted up my aunt’s flower bed.
She was ready to grab her shotgun and shoot the poor little thing, but I shooed Pansy back over to her own land. What do you like to do for fun?”
Surely that will send this lawyer running for the hills, Audrey thought.
Watching Denison’s face turn pale told Audrey this could very well be more fun than she thought possible.
“I like to read, to work on my model train collection, and cook,” he answered, but he was already scanning the room looking for the next woman. Only a minute had gone by, and he still had to sit there for four more. So far, Audrey would give him a solid C minus for at least trying.
***
Brodie was surprised to see so many men at the event. He quickly figured out if he was a little slow when the last bell rang, some other guy would beat him to the chairs. When Bernie announced the last chance of the evening, he hurried over and got ready to sit down across the table from Audrey.
Another man beat him to the chair and smiled at Audrey. Brodie heard him say that he loved farming and had a pot-bellied pig at his place he would love to show her.
Brodie smiled and blew a kiss toward her.
She pretended to catch it and put it in her shirt pocket.
“Hey”—Knox interrupted the moment—“I got two numbers and plan to call one of them. That should make Aunt Bernie happy. I noticed that you didn’t sit down a single time. That surprises me. What happened?”
“I moved too slow,” Brodie answered. “How did Tripp do?”
“Strange enough, the women loved him. He’s got a whole notepad full of numbers that he says he’s going to burn as soon as he gets home—but me and you are both in trouble if we mention it to Aunt Bernie,” Knox said with a chuckle. “He wants her to think that he’s going to call several of them.”
Audrey left her table and motioned to Brodie that she was going to the ladies’ room. He nodded and turned back to Knox. “Are y’all sticking around for a couple of beers?”
“Yep, want to join us?” Knox asked.
“Nope. I could hear rain on the roof, so please tell Audrey I’m going to bring the truck up to the door, so she doesn’t get wet,” Brodie said.
“Will do, and y’all have a wonderful evening,” Knox told him.
“It’s always great when I get to spend it with Audrey.” Brodie grinned and waved. “Looks like there’s a line at the ladies’ room, but she should be out soon.”
“No problem,” Knox assured him. “I’ll make sure she gets the message.”
The gray skies guaranteed that the rain would be coming down for a while.
He jogged out to his vehicle, drove it right up to the door, left the engine running, and got out.
He peeked inside the doors to see how far Audrey had moved up the line.
She saw him and held up two fingers. Brodie took that to mean there were two people ahead of her.
Before he could even nod, Bernie caught him and asked if he would take a couple of tables out to her vehicle.
When he finished that, he headed outside to stand under the porch roof, and noticed that Audrey was standing right in front of him.
He took a couple of steps and slipped his arms around her waist, pulled her back to his chest, and sunk his face in her hair.
Audrey must have changed shampoo because that night it didn’t smell like it usually did.
He was about to say something when the lady whipped around, wrapped her arms around his neck, and planted a kiss on his lips that tasted like cigarette smoke and whiskey.
He didn’t remember seeing Audrey drink anything but water from the bottle on her table during the event, and she dang sure didn’t smoke.
Then the whole world seemed to crack like an earthquake had struck north Texas.
One minute he was kissing a woman he thought was his girlfriend.
The next an arm was wrapped tightly around his and someone spun him around.
He was shocked to see Audrey standing there, but even more so when she slapped him soundly across his face.
“What…how…” he jerked his head from one woman to the other. “Good Lord! Let me explain.”
“I don’t need you to explain what my eyes saw. I guess Linda Massey is right. Once a cheater, always a cheater,” she said, and stormed back into the bar.
Stunned, Brodie looked down at the dark-haired woman who had kissed him.
She had a big smile on her face and said, “Darlin’, I don’t remember you being at my table, but that was a helluva good kiss.
Let’s bypass all the formalities and go to my hotel room.
My name is Valerie and honey, not one of the men I talked to tonight made my heart feel like it does now. What is your name?”
“My name is Taken ,” he muttered, and went back into the bar. He scanned the whole place but couldn’t find Audrey. A line of ladies still waited in the foyer to get into the restroom, and she wasn’t among them.
“Are you looking for Audrey?” Bo asked from the other side of the bar.
Brodie nodded.
Bo wiped down the counter and set two beers out for Tripp and Knox. “She came through here about a minute ago looking like she was about to burst into flames. Did y’all have a fight or something?”
“I’m not sure.” He explained what had happened.
“Hey.” Maverick waved as he came out of the storeroom with a bottle of wine in his hand. “Audrey just left with Gladys. They went out the back door. What happened?”
“You tell him,” Brodie said and hurried outside.
The rain had gotten serious by the time he made it to Audrey’s place. He jumped out of his truck as soon as he parked and jogged up onto the porch. He knocked and the door immediately swung open. Hettie stood on the other side with a look meant to kill him.
“You’ve got two minutes to get off this farm,” she said through gritted teeth. “I told Audrey you were no good from the beginning, but she had to go and find out herself. She don’t want to see you ever again, so take your sorry ass home and never show your face here again.”
Brodie crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not leaving until I talk to her and explain what happened.”
“Tell her more lies? I don’t think so.” Hettie slammed the door in his face.
“I meant it,” Brodie said, and sat down on the porch swing to wait—in the pouring-down rain.