Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
Late July, almost two months later
A s Kyle took a bow alongside his fellow bandmates, he realized that his heart and head felt lighter than they ever had. Probably for the first time in his life, he felt a euphoria unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
Better than heroine. Better than sex.
Well, maybe not quite—but pretty fuckin’ close.
Despite the sweat clinging to his brow, the ache in his fingertips, and the knots in his stomach that were finally starting to relax, he couldn’t have felt better. If Tequilaville was this much better than The Apothecary, the rinky-dink bar in Charlotte where they always played as house band, what the hell would a place like The Black Sheep in Colorado Springs feel like?
But time for celebrating was over. They had to clear the stage for the next act, a band named Impending Cataclysm, and then Kyle planned to have a beer.
Or several.
While the five of them worked together to quickly remove their equipment from the stage, Kyle tried to envision the future. If this all worked out, there would be a point someday when they would have a road crew doing this part for them—and, meanwhile, they’d be showering or starting to party with their fans. He could hardly wait to start traveling the U.S. and abroad, seeing the world for the first time. While his mother had done her best keeping her kids fed with a roof over their head, they hadn’t ventured much out of Charlotte. Once a year, they’d go to a family reunion in Oklahoma, and sometimes they’d go to Denver for various adventures—but that was about it.
And ever since Kyle had started working with a therapist, he’d been focusing on his goals. She’d encouraged him to look to the future. Although she’d said he needed to work on his past and honor it, he shouldn’t dwell on it. There was nothing he could change about what had already happened, but he could use that information to be a better person.
He’d started with Hayley. Their romantic relationship had been rocky for some time, but it had become contentious after Liam’s death. It was as if they’d become enemies living under the same roof, but Kyle could see now that a lot of what happened had been fueled by his anger, frustration, bitterness, and grief—and Hayley had been the closest target. So he’d begun by making amends with the woman who’d been his first love…and gone from there.
Things still weren’t good with his mother, but he hoped that time would help. He was coming to the realization, though, that things would never be the same between them—and she might never forgive him.
That was something that was hard to accept…but he knew he must.
Why the hell was his brain going there when, just minutes earlier, he’d been riding high?
But that was the way his brain had always been—it was as if he couldn’t allow himself to be happy.
Taking a deep breath, he placed his guitar case in the trunk of his car and headed back to the alley where they’d been loading Wolf’s truck. Their lead guitarist had recently bought a removable shell for the back so the band could load all their equipment without worrying if it would be damaged by the weather or stolen by some enterprising thief.
By the time they headed back inside, Kyle was ready for that beer.
He and his therapist had talked some about drinking and smoking. To prove a point, Kyle quit vaping cold turkey the day they had that conversation. It hadn’t been easy the first couple of days, but he proved to himself he could do it.
And, as much as Kyle loved alcohol, he could go several days in between—and he didn’t feel an overwhelming desire for the next one…not like he had with heroin. The need for that drug had been all-consuming and relentless—and now, with a clear head, he knew that had he continued using, he would have joined Liam.
Sometimes, he wished he had—or that he’d been the one to overdose.
It was more than simple survivor’s guilt. It was recognizing that Liam had so much more to give the world than Kyle did. It was a horrible truth, a heavy weight, and something he hadn’t told a soul, not even his therapist, partly because he knew anyone he told would try to make him feel better, saying empty words in an effort to soothe his grief. It didn’t matter that Liam was an adult who “knew what he was getting into.” So did Kyle but it was addiction, not just an annoying habit. And if Kyle had been awake or paying attention, he could have saved his brother.
Fuck.
He really did need some distraction tonight. Although he was starting to feel better overall, especially when it came to relationships with his bandmates, he had to fight against thinking about Liam. Even over a year later, it felt fresh in so many ways—and all the talking in the rehab facility, the journaling, pouring out his heart to his therapist could only do so much.
Sometimes, distraction was key.
As the five bandmates made their way out from backstage, Impending Cataclysm was tuning their guitars, getting ready to perform. There was still a cluster of bodies around the lit-up bar area, but Kyle could be patient. Just being around this many people energized him.
These were his people—and, even if they didn’t know him, even if they couldn’t see inside his soul, they knew him. There was something about metalheads that bonded them together. Sure, there were plenty of assholes and posers, but the majority were good people who loved how the music spoke to them. Kyle had felt it even more since being on stage as opposed to the audience.
The five band members seemed to go in different directions, but Kyle was on a mission. As he maneuvered through the crowd, a guy with a neck tattoo said, “Man, you guys rocked the house!”
“Thanks, man.”
“I’ll see you guys if you come back.”
“We’re planning on it.” Just comments like those helped lighten Kyle’s mental state, but he still had one more thought: Wish you were here, Lee.
He took a spot behind two younger women engaged in frenetic conversation that he couldn’t hear over the crowd. It was then that the lead singer of the band now onstage said, “Silver City, you know we love playing our hometown. You will always be our favorite crowd. Don’t forget it!”
The crowd erupted before the band started playing. One of the girls in front of him turned to look at the band but, as she was shifting her gaze back to her friend, her eyes paused on Kyle. Although she raised her voice, it was hard to hear her over the amp across the room. “Hey! You’re from the last band, right?”
This was distraction…just what he needed. One side of his mouth curled up in a smile. “Yeah. Name’s Kyle Horton.”
“I’m Julie—and this is Sabrina.”
They were almost like twins. Blonde and bubbly with too much makeup—but he liked it. Another memory briefly flashed through his brain, one of the first times Hayley had caked on her makeup. He’d barely been able to contain himself.
Older now, his ability to control himself was much better—but that didn’t mean his dick didn’t lust for beautiful women. And ever since he and Hayley had split last year, he’d been playing the field. Since they’d started playing shows at The Apothecary again, it was way easier. His job at Burger King put him in contact with plenty of young women, but there were a lot of high school girls who worked there too—and they were too young. Since getting the job as shift lead, he’d decided it would be best to not date anyone at work anymore.
Although that meant that his hookups usually only happened on the weekend, he was okay with it.
And he was thinking he might have that shit locked and loaded for this weekend already.
But he had to ask an important question first. “Where are your boyfriends?”
The woman named Julie giggled. “We don’t have boyfriends.”
Sabrina’s face, however, told a different story. For his part, Kyle simply raised an eyebrow, assessing their willingness to go further. He didn’t give a shit if they cheated on their boyfriends—he just didn’t want to get the shit beaten out of him if he got caught.
And nowadays being onstage regularly could potentially make him a target.
Sabrina, though, wasn’t coughing up any information. Or so Kyle thought.
She didn’t plan to say anything until, apparently, her conscious got the best of her. “Well, technically…”
Jerking her head to the side, Julie glared at her friend. “I don’t consider two dates to mean boyfriend .”
Although Kyle heard the words, the music made it hard to hear the tone of her voice—and, before he could ask another question, one of the bartenders shouted at them, asking what they wanted to drink.
Kyle took that as his cue. As much as he loved the idea of two girls at a time, he didn’t want to get the shit beaten out of him by two furious guys who thought they were these girls’ boyfriends, regardless of what the women thought. And even though the devil on his shoulder asked where those guys were if they were so important, he knew there would be plenty of unattached girls here tonight without any strings attached.
Hoping he was being subtle enough, he made his way down the bar a bit, just enough to put a little distance between him and the girls. They were definitely on the prowl, again something that wouldn’t ordinarily bother him, and maybe they could be his plan B.
For now, he needed to keep looking.
He was a few feet away, still behind people, but the place was packed. He knew, though, that if the girls wanted to find him, they wouldn’t have a problem. Kyle’s height made it almost impossible to hide behind other people. As he stood there waiting as patiently as possible, he caught the bartender helping the girls looking over at him.
Until that moment, he’d barely noticed her.
And what the hell was she thinking?
Although she didn’t avert her eyes as if she’d been caught, she did shift her gaze to mixing a drink. But Kyle couldn’t stop looking now. He assessed her, wondering what he’d seen in her eyes.
Probably nothing.
But he wondered if maybe she would be his object of pursuit tonight.
She was intriguing. If there had ever been a woman he would describe as having elfin features, it was her. From his vantage point, she looked very thin, with delicate wrists and high cheekbones. Even though her shoulder-length brown hair covered her ears, it didn’t alter the illusion that she was some sort of ethereal creature. Under the bar lights, her ivory skin seemed almost translucent—as if he would get closer and be able to see inside.
Just examining her made something stir inside him. A woman like that would need protecting.
“What’ll ya have?” The thirty-something brunette, the other female bartender serving the thirsty crowd, caught his attention.
By now, though, he’d decided he wanted to have the other woman pour his drink. So he lied. “I don’t know yet.”
Damn. He’d moved too far down the bar.
Her face took on the appearance of disgust. “Suit yourself.” Quickly, she turned her attention to another guy, one who looked like he played football for a living, and asked, “You?”
When the other bartender finished the cheating girls’ drinks, they didn’t look hard for Kyle. Instead, they made their way back to the stage—and Kyle took that as his cue to take a couple of steps back in that direction.
Then a few more.
As he watched the woman work, he noticed a couple of things: one, that she seemed to be a little flustered but trying to keep her cool; and, two, that made her even cuter. The way one of her brows turned down and the moment when she bit her lip made her more adorable than she would probably want to hear.
After paying for a mug of beer, a guy sitting at a stool turned and stood. He said to Kyle, “Hey—great job up there tonight! I think you guys are my new favorite band.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” He shook the man’s hand. “We play at The Apothecary in Charlotte every Saturday night.”
“I’ve never been there before.”
“It’s an interesting place. I recommend coming out at least once.” Grinning, Kyle wished he could lower his voice, but he risked not being heard over the music. “The drinks are cheaper there.”
“Good to know.” The guy stuck out his hand again. “I’m gonna go watch these other guys now.”
Kyle gave the guy a chin nod and smiled. So far, Impending Cataclysm was pretty damn good. They had a heavier sound than Intent to Murder, bordering on death metal. The more he heard from them, the more he wanted to hear. Intent had written heavier songs since Liam’s death, but Kyle figured they couldn’t get much heavier with Hayley as their lead vocalist.
And he was okay with that. He’d enjoyed the hell out of creating music again, especially over the past few months.
The empty stool in front of him, Kyle decided to take it. Initially, he’d just planned to get a beer and sit somewhere else, but with this intriguing woman in front of him, he decided to take a load off for a bit. The manager of the place had said they could have all the free soda they wanted, but Kyle was in the mood for something just a little stronger.
When her gaze met Kyle’s, he was struck by her deep emerald eyes. From a distance, he’d only noticed their almond shape but, up close, the hue was striking. “What can I get for you?” she asked.
She was gorgeous—and if he wanted anything to happen with her, he knew he had to play it cool. A woman this stunning probably got as many offers as she took breaths in an hour.
Still, he couldn’t help himself. “Your number.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “That’s original.” And she was impatient. “Is that all?”
That he wasn’t used to. Ever since the band had started playing in public, he’d had girls’ eyes on him, assuring him that he was good looking enough. But he’d been with Hayley and so it wasn’t until recently that he’d been open to other women’s advances. Lately, he’d taken a few up on it—but he wasn’t ready for a relationship. It was something he’d done poorly—and, with the help of his therapist, he hoped to be a better partner for someone in the future.
But, here and now, he was getting the first fast and hard rebuff he could remember. There was no real recovery to focus on; instead, he had to at least give her an order so he could have her attention for a little longer. The problem was that he hadn’t had anything specific in mind—just a beer. And he also knew, after spending so damn much time with Wolf, his fellow guitarist and sometimes-bartender at The Apothecary, that draft beer was usually less expensive.
That gave him a chance for a few more seconds with this woman. “What do you have on tap?”
If the question frustrated her, she wasn’t showing it. “Coors, Coors Light, Blue Moon, Bud, Bud Light, Pabst Blue Ribbon, um…a Sierra Nevada IPA, Miller, and Guinness. If you’re looking for something else, we probably have it in a bottle or can.”
As much as he wanted to, he wasn’t going to ask how much it cost. He was making better money now that he had a leadership position at Burger King and someday this band would be making money they could keep, rather than putting it back into marketing and stuff. With this lovely young woman, he wasn’t going to worry about the money.
But he did want more of her time.
“Which would you recommend?”
Now she appeared frustrated. That left brow of hers curled down again in the cutest way. “I don’t know. I don’t like beer.”
“Which one sells better?”
“I don’t know. Bud Light, I guess.”
“Sold.”
Her expression softened as she nodded and moved down the bar for a moment. The taps were located near the middle of that space and she quickly slid a mug underneath a tap and pulled the handle. Tilting the mug, she let the amber liquid pour slowly against the side, keeping the foam to a minimum. Although she was doing an expert job from what Kyle could see, she was a lot slower than the other female bartender next to her, the one who’d initially tried to take Kyle’s order. That woman started filling a mug after Kyle’s bartender and finished before.
Maybe his bartender was new at this.
If so, she was going to get better fast. With a crowd like this, Kyle figured it was either sink or swim.
When she set it in front of him, she asked, “Anything else?”
“I’m still waiting for your number.” He wasn’t sure where this surge of confidence was coming from—but he knew it had to do with all the women who’d shown interest over the past few months. And, after giving up heroin, he’d filled out again so he looked way healthier than he had.
For a second, she looked like she was going to smile—but it quickly disappeared. “If I had a dollar for every guy who asked—”
Throwing a twenty-dollar bill on the bar, he asked, “Will that cover it?”
“For my number or the beer?”
Maybe she was flirting. Kyle couldn’t quite tell—but he was going to keep talking based on that theory. “Both.”
“You don’t have enough for that.” Snatching up the bill, she punched a couple of numbers on the handheld device in front of her and then opened a drawer.
After a few seconds, she put several bills on the counter. Kyle removed the ones and left the ten-dollar bill. “That’s for you.” He knew it was an overgenerous tip, but for some reason he wanted to impress her. “How much for the number?”
Her face softened but she still refused to smile. “Why don’t you come back later when it’s not so crowded and I don’t have to shout at you? Then maybe we can negotiate.”
Holy fuck. Had it really worked?
Kyle couldn’t help but grin. “You got a deal.”