Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
JACQUELINE
“Where are you from?” I asked, panting on his chest. I needed a breather, but sitting here in awkward silence didn’t feel normal.
“London,” Leo replied, “You?” He rested a hand behind his head, flexing his bicep in a way that made me want to lick it.
“Here,” I sighed, snuggling into his chest, “Orange County has always been my home.”
“That sounds…” Leo inhaled a deep breath, making my head rise and fall with his chest, “Wonderful.”
“It is,” I grinned.
* * *
I finally got a new battery for my car, but after two weeks of no issue, my car died again. Something was wrong with the car itself, not the battery. But the mechanic was busy, and couldn’t troubleshoot for me in a timely manner, which brought me back to a situation I wasn’t ready for but had to deal with again anyway.
Me: Can I ride with you to work again?
Leo: Sure, but Mary has my bike. So we need to take my car this time.
I blinked at his message.
Me: You have a car?
Leo: With a reliable battery and everything.
Me: And you never felt the need to offer that as an option when I was terrified to ride your bike?
Leo: To be clear, you never asked. You suggested riding the bike, and I obliged.
Me: Leo.
Leo: Jacqueline.
Me: Why are you like this?
Leo: Is that any way to talk to your charming coworker? The one who is willing to carpool your grumpy self to work?
Me: ??
Me: Thank you.
Me: Going forward, let’s assume I want to ride in your car whenever we carpool.
Leo: I look forward to your warm and friendly companionship during the ride.
Leo: ??
Me: ??
Leo: ??
Me: ??
Leo: ??????????
Me: ??
Leo: Wait.
Leo: What does that mean?
Leo: Did you mean to send that one?
Leo: Jacqueline.
Leo: Leaving now, be there in five.
* * *
Part of me wondered if I was becoming friends with Leo Turner.
Another part of me wondered if we were destined to have some sort of camaraderie between us. I fought against it often. But I realized that when you have firsthand knowledge of what someone feels like, thrusting inside of you and grunting out expletives about how good you made them feel, you’re bound to develop a causal relationship faster than expected.
The following week of carpooling made our (maybe) friendship grow.
I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t immediately thrilled when he asked what music I preferred one Wednesday afternoon. I was ready to annoy him with it. But no, Leo surprised me.
As soon as the music started playing, he turned it up.
“I think Mary is the only one who knows this,” Leo announced on the way home from work, “But after she showed this one to me as kids, it became one of my favorites.”
My eyes widened, double-checking the title to make sure my ears weren’t deceiving me.
“Every Time We Touch” by Cascada was blasting out of his car speakers.
“Really?” I asked with a laugh.
“Of course,” Leo rolled the windows down and turned the music up some more, “It’s brilliant.” A car with two women, who both looked like they were driving home from a long day of work, pulled up next to us, before he started fist pumping and singing along with the lyrics, serenading them.
They laughed and rolled their windows down, singing along with the old pop song just as enthusiastically before we had to drive away.
I was laughing, a sound that made him turn his head to wink at me before continuing his performance to the cars around us. I slumped in my chair, covering my face with my hands. I was torn. I was fully embarrassed, but also loved listening to my music this loud and this proudly.
Later the next day, when Leo sent a group text asking about lunch, I surprised everyone by responding.
Leo: Who wants tacos?
Brandon: I’m good.
Mary: Jamie and I are getting sandwiches.
Signe: Zaid and I have leftovers.
Nicole: I’m good.
Part of me wondered where Nicole had been lately. She had taken a few days off work unexpectedly, and when she did come in, she didn’t linger or socialize with everyone.
I sat there, watching everyone turn his invitation down, when I rattled off a response before I talked myself out of it.
Me: I could go for tacos.
Leo: I have a feeling you’re joining me out of pity because everyone else refused, but I’m going to take it.
Mary: LOL
Things were going well. Nobody was walking on eggshells around me, and Leo acted like he and I never bickered at all. When we pulled up to the taco joint a few blocks away from the office, I could feel the ache in my cheeks from laughing at Leo during the ride over.
He was still enjoying my playlist.
“Oi!” I heard him shout with a hand cupped to his mouth. I didn’t jump at his raised voice, but my heart did as I quickly looked around to see who he was yelling at. A person with short brown hair turned right as they were leaving the taco shop, and then their lips pulled back into a wide grin.
“Oi, look oo we ‘ave ‘ere!” The person repeated in the thickest, most cockney British accent I had ever heard. It was very similar to Leo’s accent but hilariously exaggerated. I laughed as Leo and I approached. Leo chuckled too, clapping hands with them and doing a weird half hug, half back pat, half handshake thing that men usually did with each other. I wasn’t sure this person was a man, though.
“T, this is my coworker, Jacqueline.” Leo introduced the two of us, and even though the person was wearing joggers and an athletic long-sleeved shirt, the moment their dark blue eyes landed on me, I could feel the confidence they exuded.
I studied them for a moment, feeling their hand wrap around mine as we shook, still slightly confused.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Taylor,” after releasing my hand and shoving theirs in their pockets, they added, “They/them.”
Oh, thank god they made it easy for me , “Jacqueline. She/her.”
“Are you leaving? Want to join us?” Leo asked, nodding his head towards the entrance. Part of me appreciated how he attempted to add a third person to this lunch. We hadn’t ever eaten lunch with just the two of us before, and I wasn’t too nervous about it, but I wouldn’t hate having a third-person buffer.
“I’d love to, but I already ate and I have a client in thirty minutes,” Taylor responded.
“What do you do?” I was curious about what involved “clients” but allowed them to wear the equivalent of sweatpants to work. Then I winced, wondering if that was appropriate of me to ask seconds after introducing ourselves, “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t,” Taylor lifted a hand to brush their hair off their forehead, making it look perfectly casually styled, “I’m an occupational therapist.”
“For children with special needs,” Leo added.
I winced, thinking of Violet’s daughter, “That sounds like a stressful job.” I was not a kid person. I panicked whenever I was around kids, even Zaid’s nephew. And he was the most well-behaved kid I knew. But I still didn’t feel comfortable around kids.
There wasn’t a single maternal bone in my body, which was probably for the best.
Taylor shrugged, “It has its moments. The kids throw tantrums sometimes. But it’s flexible and I love it. Plus my coworkers are all wonderful.”
“That’s good,” I glanced between the two of them, “…How do you know Leo?”
Taylor grinned, “He’s on my rugby team.”
I raised my eyebrows before giving Leo an impressed look, “You play rugby?”
“Don’t look too surprised,” Leo held both of his arms up, flexing his biceps with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle, “How do you think this happens?”
I snorted, something that Taylor laughed at as their gaze bounced between the two of us, “Are you coming to the game this weekend?”
I blinked, thinking that they were directing the question at Leo, but Leo dropped his arms and let surprise flicker across his expression before I realized it was for me. I turned back to Taylor, “Oh, I wasn’t invited.”
Taylor gave Leo an unimpressed look before stepping forward and murmuring to me, as if sharing a secret, “I’m inviting you right now.”
I blushed, their face was much closer to mine, and I instinctively stepped closer to Leo to avoid breathing in theirs. They watched me move out of their space, but they seemed relaxed, their eyes were focused on Leo as I responded, “Oh—I, I don’t know if I should.”
“You can if you want.” Leo lifted a hand and plopped it on my shoulder. It wasn’t flirtatious or sexual to any degree, but for some reason, his large palm on my shoulder relaxed me. I glanced up at him and gave a nervous smile.
“I’ll check my calendar.”
“I hope to see you there. Maybe Leo here will play better with a pretty woman like yourself cheering him on.” Taylor winked, and then saluted the two of us before sauntering off down the street.
“Jesus,” Leo grumbled, removing his hand from my shoulder and continuing to the front door, “and they think I’m the flirt.”
I shrugged, “It’s nice to know I still got it.”
Leo gave me a once over as he held the door open for me, but clamped his mouth shut as I walked past him. It was noisy, and the taco joint had a large bar centered in the middle of the farthest wall. The two of us naturally wandered over there instead of taking a table, and it wasn’t until we both took places on barstools that I realized how familiar this was.
If Leo was getting flashbacks to how we met like I was, he wasn’t showing it.
We had just received chips and salsa from the bartender when my name was spoken behind me.
I froze, recognizing the voice immediately.
I took a second to blink away my surprise and sudden jolt of fear, before I turned around to face the man who demanded my attention.
Vincent.
My ex-boyfriend.
The man I once lived under the same roof with.
Vincent, who wore me down until I was a shell of a person. Changing every aspect of my life to cater to his fragile ego and manipulative personality.
I tried my best to look relaxed, but I wasn’t. I was panicking.
“Long time no see.” Vincent grinned. His eyes scanned my body as I stayed perched on the barstool. It felt repulsive. He shaved most of his blonde hair off, looking almost bald. His receding hairline must have gotten the best of him, but his hazel eyes still glinted with that look that used to make me panic. It was a look designed to put me on edge, to challenge me. To get me to try to read his mind.
Basically, Vincent looked awful.
Like he hadn’t been sleeping well for a long time.
Dark circles sunk underneath his eyes.
I was able to take all that in, but it only took about three seconds for me to remember Mariam’s words.
You don’t owe him anything .
So I just stared.
I didn’t reply. I didn’t acknowledge him with more than my eyes.
I remembered that I had a tortilla chip in my hand and munched on it, waiting for him to do anything else besides ruin my day.
He lifted an eyebrow at my silence, “That’s all I get?”
I frowned, before getting an idea for no other reason than because I was a petty woman, “…I’m sorry, who are you?”
Vincent chuckled, “Really? That’s how you’re going to play this?”
I shrugged, glancing to the side and feeling a wave of mortification at the sight of Leo, turned in his barstool, with his icy blue eyes watching the back and forth between me and my ex.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” I felt like my heart was going to race out of my chest though. I didn’t want to stay here. I wanted to run. As calmly as I could, I brushed off my hands from the salty chip crumbs, and stood from my stool to tell Leo, “I’m going to head back to the office.”
Something shifted in him, though it was subtle and I didn’t have enough time to focus on what it was. But as soon as I turned to step away from the bar and make it towards the exit, Vincent widened his stance in an attempt to block my path.
“I see you’re still the same cold bitch you’ve always been.” Vincent almost rolled his eyes, but he caught himself, narrowing them at me. Eager to see my reaction, my wince when his words cut through me like they always did. Excited to see that almost three years after I left him, he could still get in my head.
I sucked in a sharp breath of shock because while his words hit me like they used to, I was also surprised at how everything my therapist predicted about him came to fruition. Vincent still felt powerful putting women down. He still went out of his way to “win” arguments, even if he wasn’t actually in one.
He still didn’t even like me.
His words proved that he never actually did.
I felt something icy and cold sink in my chest under his scrutiny. A terrible, heart-wrenching confirmation that this man did waste my time. There was no alternate reality where he saw me as someone he liked or respected.
I was too caught up in my spiral, still frowning at Vincent as his eyes flared, getting his fill on how his words broke me at that moment. I almost missed the warm body positioning itself beside me, if it wasn’t for that cockney accent snapping me back into the present.
“Nah, mate,” Leo’s voice was dangerously low, a tone I’d never heard him use before. It gave me chills, “Speak to me how you spoke to her.” I thought I remembered Zaid mentioning how Leo was six-five, which was a solid ten inches taller than my five feet and seven inches in height. Watching Leo square his shoulders, resting his large palm on my lower back as he stared at my ex-boyfriend, I could have sworn he was the tallest man in the world.
Vincent narrowed his eyes up at my coworker, running his fist across his nose in a nervous tick I recognized as fear, “I wasn’t talking to you—”
“I don’t care,” Leo dropped his hold on my back, stepping forward so that half of his body was in front of me, shielding me from my ex, “You’re a grown man. You don’t talk to women like that.” He lifted a fist and pounded his chest with emphasis, “You want to talk like that? Talk to me. Not her. Never her.”
Vincent lowered his eyes, his jaw clenched as he huffed out through his nostrils in anger and humiliation, before his hazel eyes lifted and met mine.
I felt my heart jump into my throat, and it took every muscle I had in my body not to flinch under his stare.
Leo wasn’t having it. He stepped forward abruptly, making Vincent retreat once as he blocked me from his view.
“You don’t look at her,” Leo’s tone was enough to imply the threat behind his words, “You don’t speak to her. You look at me, or you speak to me. Those are your options.”
Vincent glared up at Leo, before swiping his nose once with his thumb and sniffing, stubbornness squaring his shoulders. I felt my heart drop in fear for Leo at that moment. Vincent wasn’t ever truly violent with me, but he made it clear that it was just because I was a woman. I had seen him be violent in a bar one previous time, with another man.
I didn’t want Leo to end up like that man.
“Leo—”
“And who the fuck are you? Telling me how to talk to her. I’ll talk to her however I fucking please.” I cringed and panicked at Vincent’s choice of words.
He hadn’t changed
He’d never change.
I wasted so much time on him.
Years of my life spent attempting to make something work with him when it wouldn’t. He would be the same, selfish, prideful, immature asshole until the day he died. I fell victim to the sunk-cost fallacy, the more time I spent trying to make it work, the more time I ended up wasting. Frustrated that I wasn’t happy with him, no matter how hard I tried. Determined to make all those years of pain and anxiety worth it.
“Leave,” Leo replied. I gasped, no, no, no .
Vincent sneered before he balled his hand into a fist and pulled back.
No, no, no!
Before Vincent’s hand could strike, Leo’s left hand came up and palmed his punch, preventing the contact to his face that my ex aimed for. I swore time slowed in those seconds. Watching the surprise on Vincent’s face as Leo’s long fingers flexed over his meaty fist. Seeing Leo’s hand perfectly engulf the entirety of Vincent’s. How Vincent was shaking and Leo…wasn’t.
I was holding my breath, watching Vincent’s eyebrows slowly rise in fear as I saw Leo’s head lower towards him. Still holding his fist in one hand. When he tried to pull out of Leo’s grip, he couldn’t.
“I wish I was a better man than this,” Leo’s voice was lethal, and I widened my eyes when in a blink, Leo’s right fist pulled back and snapped across Vincent’s face.
Right when my hands came up to cover my mouth in shock, Vincent dropped to the ground.
He groaned, but he stayed down.
A small cut started to bleed across his cheekbone, and his eyes were unable to stay open as he struggled to orient himself.
“Jacqueline,” Leo’s voice was by my ear as I stared wide-eyed at Vincent on the ground.
This man, who I feared for so long. Too long.
He was just…on the ground.
Vincent looked so small down there, at our feet, his hand slowly coming up to rub at his cheek. Pulling his fingertips back enough to see the blood. He was upset about it, but still unable to sit up from his disorientation.
“Jacqueline,” Leo’s voice was paired with his hands on my biceps this time, “We need to go.”
I glanced up, seeing the bartender stalking over and pointing to the back exit of the bar, nodding at Leo and me in farewell as he pulled out his phone to dial someone.
“Okay,” I nodded, though my feet felt heavy.
“Can I help you?” Leo asked.
I just nodded, unable to take my eyes off of Vincent.
Even when he managed to finally look up at me, I didn’t feel this crippling panic I used to. This desperate need to win his approval. For him to love me.
No, instead, I released a surprised laugh of disbelief, covering my hands over my mouth again to hide my hysterical grin as Leo used his grip to tug me out of the bar.
I felt weightless as he pulled me out of the building, into the cool day. The sound of him pulling his keys out seemed louder than normal, as did his car beeping to indicate it was unlocked.
Leo just punched Vincent in the face.
Leo Turner just punched my ex-boyfriend in the face.
…You don’t look at her, you don’t talk to her…
“Jacqueline,” Leo murmured with a hand on my lower back. He had opened the passenger side door for me, but I just stood there. My brain was trying to make sense of what had happened, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to escalate things.”
I turned to look up at him, blinking.
His blue eyes filled my vision. I was hyper-aware of the dark lashes that surrounded them. The pinch between his dark eyebrows as he studied me, concern on his face.
“You…” I breathed the word, unsure what I was trying to say.
“I’m so sorry, but we should really go—” Leo was cut off, my lips trapping any words in his mouth before they could escape. I was clutching his shirt in my fists, pulling him down while also stretching up on my toes, because he was so stupid tall. I released a little sigh in the back of my throat at the feel of his warm and smooth lips against mine, feeling just as I remembered, but also somehow better.
I released one fist from his shirt and slid my palm up his chest, towards his shoulder, before I realized something.
Leo wasn’t kissing me back.
He wasn’t moving at all.
He simply stood there while I kissed him.
I froze, my lips parting so I could gasp my humiliation at the realization. Our top lips lingered against each other for a second, before I opened my eyes in a panic and pulled my hands off of him as if he burned me.
Leo’s eyes were wide and his dark eyebrows were up, his cheeks had a faint flush and his lips were a little pinker. His dark pupils were expanded.
I stood there, looking between his lips and eyes in horror over what I had just done.
My mouth opened.
Then, my lips closed, I even went as far as to curl them between my teeth. As if I could hide the evidence of what I just did from him.
Leo blinked at me, his chest rising on a deep inhale while his eyes dropped to my mouth.
“Come back,” he whispered. Suddenly, one of his hands slammed on the roof of his car behind me. The other cupped the back of my neck. My mouth parted in shock just in time for his smooth lips to meet mine again, but as soon as I felt that familiar warmth of his kiss, I responded.
My blood was pumping, my heart was pounding, and I moaned in his mouth when my hands found the bare skin of his neck. I tangled my fingers in his dark hair, holding him to me just in case he changed his mind too soon.
Leo took control.
Just like I asked him to all those months ago.
It was as if he remembered what I needed.
He encouraged my lips to part for him, not wasting a moment before his tongue was tangling with mine. I almost couldn’t keep up, but when his hand left the roof of the car to snare his arm around my waist, pulling me flush against the front of his body, I felt my knees buckle.
Leo shifted us, and then my back and butt hit the closed door to the backseat. The passenger side door that he had opened for me moments ago was now forgotten as he towered over me, his hand tilting my head back so he could reach my lips.
I went to lift my leg, but my skirt restricted my movements, so I settled for hooking my calf around his.
In response, I swallowed his groan.
I couldn’t get close enough to him.
“Relax for me, love,” Leo murmured against my lips.
A piece of myself thawed at his words.
I dropped my leg, but Leo made up for that loss of contact by pressing me almost completely against his car. His hardness against all my softness. Even though my toes were on the ground, it felt like I was being held up against the car by the front of his body. Leo’s kisses slowed, but their intensity grew.
At the beginning of this kiss, I was meeting him halfway. I was matching his energy, and I wanted to be an equal participant. Now, trapped between his body and his car, I surrendered to him.
I slid one of my hands out of his hair and snuck it underneath the collar of his t-shirt, feeling the hard warm skin of his shoulders.
Leo kissed me leisurely, and I simply held on so he could take his time. What was a frenzy seconds ago was now savored. It was as if he and I had nowhere else to be. Time didn’t exist here, our lips reuniting after too long.
I felt a buzz against my hip, and I tried to clench my thighs together to shield myself from it.
We broke the kiss, and it was obscene. The feel of both of our wet tongues sliding back where they belonged, the extra kiss Leo gave my top lip with his damp ones, and the glazed look in his eyes as he pulled away enough to reach one of his hands into his pocket.
He frowned at his phone screen before saying, “It’s Zaid.”
For some reason, that made me flinch. His words made all the blood rushing in my veins suddenly halt. My heart jumped, and I released my hold on him to cover my mouth with both hands in shock.
Leo immediately noticed my reaction, leaning back and standing taller, as he pocketed his cell, “Jacqueline?”
“I’m sorry,” I shook my head once, and I saw something flicker over Leo’s face as I spoke behind my hands, “I shouldn’t have—we shouldn’t—” his stare pinned me, his mouth snapped shut and a muscle popped in his cheek.
“It’s all right,” Leo backed away a step, no longer caging me in against his car, “It’s okay.”
“No,” I shook my head, stepping to the side and sitting in the passenger seat, my feet still on the asphalt as I rubbed at my temples, “No, no I shouldn’t have—oh my god—the reports I need to fill—”
“Jacquline,” Leo crouched down, “You’re okay. We didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I—that was so inappropriate of me.”
“I didn’t exactly push you away,” Leo murmured.
“I shouldn’t have initiated. This can’t happen. We can’t—” I stopped myself and shook my head, and silence filled the space between us. I couldn’t look him in the eye, my tongue was just in his mouth. He was just lazily sucking on it. I lifted a hand to trace my lips, but dropped it back in my lap, hiding my lips from him again between my teeth.
Leo stayed crouched in front of me, letting me stare at his black boots before he hummed in agreement and finally stood.
“You’re right,” he didn’t sound positive about it, “We shouldn’t have crossed that line.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“Don’t fucking apologize,” Leo pinched the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes closed and faced the ground, “Just, don’t.”
I snapped my mouth shut, sitting up straighter in my seat and nodding my head even when he wasn’t looking at me.
Leo shook his head once, before sighing and walking around to the driver’s side door of the car. I took the moment to wipe my lips with the back of my hand before folding my legs into the car and shutting myself in. In silence, Leo sat at the wheel and started the car.
We didn’t speak a word the entire ride back to the office.
It was tense, so tense I could feel my hands shaking a bit. At one moment, I snuck a glance over at the brooding Leo, only to find that his gaze was studying my trembling fingers. I immediately folded them under my thighs, desperate to calm my nerves.
Running into Vincent, and then making out with Leo in the parking lot, was not on my to-do list for the day. My nervous system was shot.
Leo parked his car silently, not even waiting for me to unbuckle my own seat belt before throwing his door open and stepping out. We walked together into the building but didn’t say anything at all. Everyone knew we went to lunch; it wasn’t a big deal. Nobody reacted to the two of us entering the office together, silent.
Employees did notice Leo, though.
Because Leo was scowling.
I probably looked upset too, but I knew my resting bitch face was a thing already. Our coworkers were used to me looking upset, even when I wasn’t.
A scowling Leo was rare, though. And various employees steered clear of him until he shut himself in his office. I didn’t hesitate to follow suit and locked myself in mine.
I felt my heart racing still.
Pressing a hand to my chest, as if that ever worked to help slow it down, I plopped down on the floor behind my closed door. I didn’t want anyone to see me at my desk like this. Flushed. Anxious.
I should have gone to the sensory room.
But I was here, so it would have to do.
I didn’t think I could make it to my desk to get my earbuds, so I slid my phone out of my skirt pocket and quietly turned on my soothing playlist. String instruments accompanied soft piano keys, and I set my timer.
I would freak out over kissing Leo Turner for fifteen minutes.
And not a minute more.