Epilogue
May
Ellis
One way I know I am nothing like my mother is the amount I worry. Eleanor couldn’t care less if I did my homework or had hobbies as long as I was her perfectly poised daughter. Now, me? I care about everything, almost too much. Today I think all that worrying is going to give me an embolism.
That’s because today is Jack’s big day, his first real hockey game against a real team and not just his friends from the rink or sparring with the guys. My baby boy is going to lace blades to his feet and fight off a bunch of other kids for a little piece of rubber and I just have to watch. If someone takes the puck I can’t yell at them. If he gets into a fight I can’t jump the glass and fight it for him. If he loses, well there is nothing I can do to make that better, I just have to tell him that we all lose sometimes and to try again next time. And then I have to let him do it again next week. I think it might send me into an early grave.
“Jack, do you have everything?” I yell up at him but, to be fair, I have yelled basically everything today. I’m too on edge to talk at a regular volume.
“Of course I do Mum, can we go now?” For the first time I think ever he is the first one ready to leave. Liam is still getting Charlotte ready and instead of Jack lagging behind half asleep he is stood at the door with his kit bag over his shoulder.
“Don’t worry bud, we’re leaving,” Liam says coming around the corner with Charlotte strapped to his large chest.
She is getting bigger every day and as much as I love watching her baby personality grow, I hate that she isn’t my little tiny baby any more. No, she is pulling herself up and standing for a few seconds unsupported and I just know the walking is going to come in the next few weeks.
Liam says she is so strong because of his genes and she is so smart because of mine; she babbles a few words here and there but I am in denial for now.
“You need to breathe Sunshine.” Liam takes me in his arms and Charlotte huffs between us. Jack is out the door and putting his bag in the back of the car, I get that he is excited but a little part of me hopes we have magically run out of fuel.
“How are you so calm?” I ask, I really mean it, too. If he has some alcohol on him I would gladly take a swig if it would calm my nerves.
“I am freaking out, but we need him to know he’s got this, if we show him how worried we are then he will get in his head and who knows what will happen if he isn’t focused?” He still has his arm over my shoulder but I look up at him with my eyes wide before slapping his shoulder.
“That isn’t helping.” I needed him to tell me Jack is a prodigy and that no one is going to touch him. It’s not true, but I would still like to hear it. Jack is a great player but he’s only been on skates for a year, and playing hockey casually for a few months he isn’t exactly ready for the NHL. No matter how great his coach is.
“I’m sorry, I’ll be right there if that helps.” He leads me to the car and unclips Charlotte, knowing I need a little baby cuddle to calm my thumping heart.
“It will have to do. Come on sweet girl.” I fasten Charlotte into her seat and leave a light kiss on her head. “Your brother and daddy are going to be the death of me. You will have contactless hobbies, won’t you baby girl?” I coo at her.
The boys overhear me and laugh knowing they will be buying her skates as soon as her legs are strong enough to lift them. Damn hockey players.
Soon we are on our way and Jack insists Liam puts his pre-game playlist on, I don’t think he is ready for the amount of Nineties boyband music he is about to be exposed to. Liam has a very specific taste in music: cheesy.
Jack starts singing along though, to my surprise. Hearing my two favourite guys belting out Backstreet Boys does a lot to calm me actually, seeing Jack so relaxed just enjoying the music puts me at ease. Charlotte giggles as Jack sings for her, pulling crazy faces and dancing just for her entertainment and I can’t help but sing along.
By the time we pull into the rink, Backstreet Boys has switched to NSYNC as well as some One Direction, much to my shock – I didn’t know Liam knew any songs recorded after the Nineties. Still we are all singing at the top of our lungs dancing in our chairs, so fair to say Jack is probably at least a little warmed up.
Liam is on one knee in front of Jack with one skate resting on his thigh. I can see that with every piece of kit Jack has put on he has gotten more and more in the zone and the skates seem to be the final part of that.
Everyone has looked at us since we got here – well, looked at Liam at least. He has ignored every glance though, taking time to make sure Jack is as ready as he can be. I have taken a leaf out of his book and have buried my scared emotions as far down as I can, though I still feel one misstep away from crumbling.
“I can’t be the only one thinking this is unfair!” Some man from the opposing team whisper yells at his wife a few people over from us.
“John leave it!” she admonishes.
“No! That kid is being helped by a professional athlete! He shouldn’t be allowed to help.” Liam is doing a great job at pretending not to hear him, me not so much – I also hope Jack is too focused to listen. If I didn’t have Charlotte strapped to my chest I think I would already be over there giving him a piece of my mind.
“That’s his son.” The man’s wife tries again, and honestly I appreciate the fact it only seems to be him that has a problem.
Everyone around them takes small steps away as I glare at the man. “I don’t care! I am going to talk to the referees.” Then he is off towards the ice but when I go to follow him, to make sure Jack is not punished for this man’s pride, Liam wraps his hand around my calf.
“Leave it Sunshine. Jack’s skills will speak for themselves, he’s a natural and some random man won’t ruin this for him will it, bud?” I can see a vein bulging in Liam’s forehead so at least I know he is as mad as me, but he is doing a lot better at keeping it under wraps.
“No way! I’ve got this.” Jack stands up ready to go, fastening his helmet and sliding on his gloves before placing a kiss on Charlotte’s head; he says it gives him luck. Hockey players and their superstitions.
Liam leads me over to where Anders, Edge and Lyndsey said they would wait for us. The rest of the team wanted to come, hell even Felix wanted to be here to support his biggest fan, but we thought it would be best to do it in shifts.
A few different people will come each game so we don’t overwhelm the other kids. As we approach the seats, we see Lyndsey and Anders huddled together looking very serious. I pull Liam back so we don’t interrupt them, and definitely not to eavesdrop – at least that’s what I convince myself.
“I am not talking about this here.” Lyndsey looks angrier than I have ever seen her, not even mean customers get her like this.
“Well darlin’, we’re gonna have to talk about it soon.” His hand is holding her elbow but she pulls it free.
“Don’t darlin ’ me! No one can know.” She is shaking her head and he sighs, almost pleading.
“Lyndsey, you’re my wife, people are going to find out.”
I’m sorry, I think I must have misheard him.
“What!” Liam yells, alerting them to our presence.
“Nice going, Cowboy.” Lyndsey huffs before walking away from us all, avoiding eye contact.
“Lyndsey, wait…” Anders yells after her. I want to follow her, but if Jack looks up and sees I’m not there he would be so disappointed, instead I give Anders my best mother stare before he nods getting ready to follow after her.
“I’m sorry, I think we might miss the game. I’ll call you later,” he tells us, jogging after Lyndsey. His wife apparently.
Silently we walk over to the stands where Edge is looking incredibly uncomfortable alone surrounded by a bunch of hockey mums. When he sees us he perks up more than I have ever seen him.
“Edge, you owe me fifty bucks!” Liam yells.
“They slept together?” Edge asks, shocked.
“More than that,” Liam sounds awestruck. “They’re married !” Liam tells him sliding into the chair next to him. I would say I’m shocked they bet money on Anders and Lyndsey, but honestly we all knew it would happen eventually.
I think a part of this might be our fault. We just had to have a joint bachelor-bachelorette event in Vegas. We should have guessed someone would end up married. I would think it would be us, not the team captain, but Vegas will be Vegas, I guess.
The kids are all stretching on the ice while Liam and Jay argue over whether the team’s coach is good enough for Jack – I know Liam wants to start coaching the team but when he approached the head coach he was told there were no openings. I was shocked they shot down an ex-NHL player but I agree it would have been unfair to sack someone just because Liam turned up. He will just have to wait until next season and try his luck again then. I have heard through the grapevine (the other gossiping hockey mums) that the head coach is wanting to retire, so I’m sure Liam will be down there with them next year. I’m distracted from their argument, watching my son glide around the ice so calm and serene, it steals my breath just like it does every time I see how natural he is on the ice.
I am glad he found something he loves, even if it does mean I am constantly on edge because of it. When the ref blows his whistle they all skate into their positions. It is kind of strange to see so many tiny people just as focused as the Spears are when they are seconds away from the puck drop. Liam pulls me into his side kissing my temple as the whistle blows and they are off.
Everything might be scary, it might feel like it will never work out, but in Liam’s arms I think we can deal with it. I know Lyndsey and Anders will deal with their problems too, we’ll help them. Lyndsey might not have meant to marry Anders but she will learn, just like I did, that you become a part of this family whether you want to or not.
It is the best family I could have asked for.
Because it is all mine.